A Past to Forget
by Mercaba
Summary: Before being called back to Tokyo3 Shinji's life was something nobody had expected, planned, or wanted.
1. Chapter 1

HELLO PEOPLE!

This is my first attempt at a fan fiction so hope you like it. It'll be a bit dark but don't worry to much. Welcome to my world of Evangelion!

"Spoken"

'Thought'

--setting location—

--The Start--

Things Left Unknown

Chapter One

Having lived with her new ward for about three weeks now Misato Katsuragi was fairly used to the boy's, Shinji, activity. He'd wake up, make her breakfast, get her cloths ready, and a bevy of other chores that they were supposed to share. She didn't mind having him do all the work she wasn't a morning person anyway.

What did bother her was his lack of confidence. 'I'm tired of all his moping around and being depressed. Hell I don't even know why he didn't leave the other day.' A shiver of fear shook her body as she sat at the table where not fifteen minutes ago the topic of her mental dialogue had just pushed himself away from and left for school. 'I don't want him to go now.'

Truthfully she had taken him in as a way of shooting up the ranks, but now she kind of liked the boy. The only problem she didn't think about was how she was to relieve herself of certain 'problems' that life presented each human with on certain occasions.

'God I thought he'd never leave today.' The purple haired woman thought as she finished her can of beer and headed to the bathroom for a nice long soak. Ever since Shinji moved in with her, Misato had been to nervous to relieve her pent up frustrations and the itch just kept growing. 'If he were to hear me or God forbid see me fingering myself in the bathroom I don't know what I'd do.' But for some reason the thought of his young eyes on her made her start to tingle a bit more, grabbing her work attire Misato had enough fuel in her libido to make a run and headed to the bath.

"I'll just have to leave a note for him to clean the tub afterwards," She said softly as the idea of being caught still lingered heavily in her mind.

---Tokyo-3 School---

Not having much confidence in himself, Shinji counted his failure to leave Tokyo-3 to his own inabilities. 'I don't know why but I don't want to go back to live with Sensei.' The real reason that Shinji didn't want to go back was that living with Misato hadn't been bad, compared to living with his teacher and his wife living with Misato was paradise.

"Hey Shinji, glad to see you back in school again," Touji shouted from the doorway as he strode in and over to Shinji's desk. Though the side of his face still hurt a little from where Shinji hit him, Touji was glad the shy boy was back. "Now don't look to happy to see me either."

Doing his best to try and replicate the larger boy's enthusiasm, Shinji smiled and waved meekly. "Hello Touji-san, are you doing well today?" He hated feeling awkward like this, but Shinji just couldn't relax around strangers that well, even if they called themselves his friends.

Waving Kensuke over, Touji turned back to Shinji, "Drop the 'san' stuff, were buds now! And as buds we have a favor to ask you." Touji stopped and waited for Kensuke to get over and pull his camcorder out.

Shinji was well versed in people asking favors. He was asked to do 'favors' all his life ever since his father abandoned him. So he took it as a part of life, it wasn't a question of willingness to comply it was a question of ability. "Ok, what is it?"

Smiling Kensuke put his camera into focus over Shinji's face. Looking around for any would be spies, the speckled boy whispered, "Can you take a picture of that lovely lady that you're living with?" Pushing his glasses up slowly as the inched their way down his nose, Kensuke and Touji held their breaths.

'How did they know I was living with Misato?' Shinji questioned mentally before he had to ask. "How do you know I live with her?" Squirming a bit under the camera's gaze, Shinji just hoped they didn't really want this of him.

Kensuke nudged Touji's side, "This big dork was worried about you when you stopped coming to class so we made a visit and saw her there." Zooming in closer, Kensuke could feel Shinji getting more nervous and that's what they needed for the boy to submit to their demands. 'A little grease makes the wheels move easier.'

"She your mom or something?" Touji asked in a confused tone, "I mean why is she living with you and all?" Try as he might Touji couldn't think of a reason the older beautiful woman would live with a fourteen year old.

The word 'mom' striking a very sever emotional cord in the young boy Shinji's head dropped a bit. "No she isn't my mother. She's my commanding officer and I live with her for supervision reasons."

Nodding their heads in unison, "Makes sense," Kensuke said, "So will you do it?" Using his free hand, Kensuke handed a small camera out towards Shinji. They couldn't help it but their hormones were really messing with their minds.

Looking back and forth between Touji and Kensuke's hopeful faces, Shinji wilted. 'I don't want to lose my first friends.' Taking the camera into his hands Shinji hoped that they just wanted a simple picture. "Isn't this wrong of us to do?"

"With a body like hers it would be wrong for you NOT to take pictures of it man!" Touji exclaimed as the thought of getting photos of the woman danced in his mind. "The hotter the better you understand?"

Kensuke shushed his friend as he noticed a few people starting to pay attention to their conversation. "Just get a few good shots is all we ask man. We'll even cu…" Kensuke cut himself off. 'I doubt he'd agree to this if he knew we were going to sell them.'

Luckily for the two boys, Shinji had already delved into his inner mind to reassess the events that just happened. 'Can I do that to Misato-san…no but I'll humor them for now.' Shinji couldn't do it to the woman that had never asked anything personal of him, not yet anyway. 'Misato will one day though, just like _she_ always did,' Shinji thought a little darkly.

---Geo-Front---

With her morning finger bath still fresh in her mind, Misato walked with a little extra perk in her step. Strolling into the command bridge, "Hello Rits-chan! How are ya doing this morning?" Misato called out.

From over her mug of coffee, the blond doctor sighed, "Looks like somebody's in a good mood this morning." A few thoughts passed in the Ritsuko's mind, most of them involved Misato, beer, and one lucky unknown man. "Any reason?"

Blushing softly as she recalled what did create her good mood, Misato poured herself a cup of coffee. "Not really, just Shinji left earlier today so…" Misato stopped and checked the bridge crew for snoopers. "I was finally able to relax."

An eyebrow raising Ritsuko pressed her questions, "You can't relax when he's home? Something about the shy boy bothers you?" Setting her cup down on the console Ritsuko gave her friend her full attention "You want to ditch him already?"

Times like this Misato wished her friend wasn't such a prude, "I mean I was able to get a little satisfaction this morning. With him around I'm too nervous. Hate to have him see that. And no I don't want to 'ditch' him already."

Her eyes widening into saucers Ritsuko almost sprayed her drink on the computer. "You're indecent! What the hell are you telling me this stuff for?" Ritsuko just couldn't figure Misato out sometimes. 'Why does she have to be so candid about this stuff?'

Following Ritsuko's outburst, Misato could feel her cheeks redden in embarrassment. "Shit Ritsuko, don't bust a gasket its not like I said anything THAT bad." All she said was that she masturbated, not that she fucked Gendo, now that would have been bad.

Shaking her head clear of the fallout that Misato's statement implied, "Maybe we should take Shinji out of your care. He doesn't need your sick impulses ruining his life. What if he ever DID see you?"

'It'd turn me on apparently,' Misato thought back to earlier that morning where the fear of being seen acted as one hell of an aphrodisiac. "Don't worry so much about it Ritsuko. He's a teenager I'm sure he's not so 'innocent' as you think he is. I'm sure he'd just nosebleed a little and run off apologizing."

Knowing full well that most teenagers Shinji's age start experimenting with their bodies Ritsuko couldn't refute Misato, but that didn't mean she had to life it. "Just don't press your luck ok. Shinji's personality is fairly unique, I'd have to have you fuck his mind up because you're perverted."

Suddenly feeling unwelcome in Ritsuko's company, Misato opted to check out the other stations and leave Ritsuko to her now cold coffee. 'Bitch saying I'm perverted. I'm just acting as God intended for me.' But try as she might, Misato couldn't overlook the feeling of slight wetness on her leg as she thought about the possibilities again. 'Maybe I am a little…'

---Katsuragi/Ikari apartment---

With supper finished as well as his homework, Shinji sat in front of the television. 'Without Misato here, this place is quite.' He thought as his hand ran the length of Pen-Pen's head. The penguin seemed to like having the spot between his eyes pet so Shinji did it. Absently Shinji's eyes wafted downward to the coffee table where Kensuke's camera sat

Could he really do what they wanted of him? He could take a few innocent pictures and be done with it. Pen-Pen warked as if reminding Shinji to keep his hands moving. Smiling at the bird, Shinji continued his activity and returned his attention to the television.

'I said I would do it so I guess I'll need to,' Shinji sighed in defeat. He was always defeated. When he failed in his lessons before, and was beat, he failed when he talked to other students at his old school and was reprimanded, he failed when Mizuho came to him he failed. Old memories and feelings started to swarm in his mind and the urge to cry of reasons unknown to him hit him, he was thankful the door opened and broke his revelry.

"Shin-chan you home?" Misato called out, hoping to be greeted by silence. Over and over again at work she replayed her morning and it made her more anxious for some more private time. 'God I hate feeling like this sometimes.' Her regret increased a few seconds later when she received her answer.

"Supper is ready and on the table Misato-san," Shinji's voice hailed from the living room. Misato's face sagged for a moment as she was denied her ability of action. Heading to the spotless kitchen, something that she was incapable of cleaning, Misato found her dinner waiting.

'Then again living with him is the greatest thing, I don't need to cook, clean, or any of the other chores. Like having my own little maid,' Misato thought with a chuckle. "Thanks Shinji, so how was school? She said as she removed the plastic wrap from her plate.

Heading into the dining area from the living room, Shinji sat at the table. "Things are nice." He had to admit. "Teacher seems to really like talking about second-impact and times before it." He looked up to see Misato looking at him, but something seemed off, "Do I have something on my face?"

Caught staring at the boy, Misato waved it off, "Just thinking about work is all," Misato lied. She'd been thinking about him. 'What do you think of living here? Do you mind doing all this work for nothing in exchange?' Impaling the last bit of fish, Misato pushed her plate away only to see Shinji stand, grab the empty plates and head to the sink. 'Its like a reflex for him.'

Filling the sink up with water, Shinji gently yet skillfully removed all the caked on food and grime from the plates. "How was work today?" he asked offhanded as he set another plate to dry.

Watching the boy from behind, Misato again thought about what lead Shinji to this state in life. "Same shit different day," Misato said with a smile. Resting her chin on her extended hands, Misato felt up for a little teasing. "So Shinji how are you're classmates treating you?"

Having not really spoken to many of them, Shinji relied on his only positive experience, that being Touji and Kensuke. "Fine I guess, Touji and Kensuke apologized for going out doing the last battle and things are going better." Reaching for a towel, Shinji started drying the remaining plates.

Cooing softly, "I meant the girls Shinji, any young filly catch your attention?" Misato couldn't help but smile as she saw Shinji's back stiffen minutely at the question. 'He's just to shy.'

Shinji hadn't paid attention to the girls in his class, 'why would they want to talk to me anyway?' he thought. Putting the plates in their proper place, Shinji turned to see Misato's lingering gaze, a gaze he had come to know and understand, pushing his fears down deeper into his subconscious he replied, "I haven't really talked to them."

Smiling a bit broader, "Well you'll have to make time someday, I'd like to have a few more people around the dinner table." Stretching out after he supper finally settled in her belly. "Think I'll watch some television then turn in for the night, these long hour shifts really suck. Thanks for the meal, great as usual."

Blushing at the compliment, Shinji simply said, "What I'm here for." Walking into the living room followed leisurely by Misato, Shinji grabbed the camera without her noticing. "Not much on so I think I'll turn in a bit early myself tonight."

Thanking God for the news Misato waved to Shinji as he disappeared into his room, 'Man, I can't get this thought out of my head!' Misato kept repeating in her mind as she sank into the couch. Her eyes watched the television but her mind was calculating how long it took for a boy Shinji's age to fall asleep. She normally wasn't this active but for some reason her body was aching for some release. 'Think I'll do it in my room this time, he might have to go to the bathroom during the night.'

Watching late night talk shows, Misato could feel her anxiety building with every minute, part of her thought it would be nice to leave the door open. 'What if I woke him and he came to see what it was?' Her mind played out a few scenarios before another part of her mind cried. 'Are you listening to yourself? This is a child you're talking about? Do you want to corrupt him?' Yes she felt bad thinking about Shinji in that light, but she was human and when humans are exposed to hormones they often don't think straight. 'It could build his self-confidence a lot, and hell with his job he's hardly a child anymore. He's more mature than my last few boy friends.'

Shaking the thoughts away, Misato stealth fully walked over to Shinji's door. Taking a quick peek inside she found the boy lying on his bed. 'Good he's asleep, I'll just have to be quiet.' Dashing to her room Misato momentarily cursed her humanity that forced such urges on her body.

Opting to shut the door after all, Misato stopped and looked down at herself. 'Now that I can do it…why am I hesitating?' Normally when she'd had the urge before it was in with the room, off with the panties, and then she was up to her knuckles for a few minutes, feel the electric pulse of an orgasm, if she was lucky enough, then after a quick clean up go to bed.

'Shit the desire is here but not the material,' Misato thought as she laid down on her futon. She needed something to jump-start the engine or she'd just lay frustrated on the bed. Thinking of Kaji had long ago stopped working for her, neither had remembering the last time she'd lain with man like that. Thinking back to the morning though, her memories of the fear kicked in and her engine started.

Slipping into her sleeping attire that consisted of set of baggy flannel pants and a large t-shirt, Misato flipped the light off and lied back down. Her left hand snaked its way down her stomach and stopped inches above her maidenhood. 'Why do I still feel bad doing this, I'm a grown woman dammit!' But old memories die-hard and despite knowing that almost every human pleasures themselves on occasion her hand hesitated.

A creak from outside her door caught her attention, 'Maybe Shinji's heading to the bathroom and is going to check on me?' The thought added fuel to her fire and after a few seconds of silence her hand made the remaining distance and her finger started rubbing her clitoris lightly, sparks of pleasure would up her back as she continued her menstruations. Her right hand moving to her breast, she started to pull and flick at her nipple through the light garment.

As her hands moved, so did her enjoyment, her finger stopped being content merely rubbing herself, and descended deeper into her maidenhood. Her mind clouded with the experience, she'd stopped trying to remain quiet and her moans started filling the apartment.

--Shinji's Room—

After he heard Misato shut his door, Shinji sat on his bed thinking. With the camera in his hand he had come up with his plan. 'I'll just take a picture of her sleeping and give it to them. That's all the asked really.' He still felt bad about doing it, but he didn't want to lose his friends either.

'But if she finds out won't she be mad?' his conscious told him. He couldn't deny that concept. 'But it's just a harmless picture, why would she be mad?' The camera sitting in his had seamed to be gaining weight as it sat in his hands. 'She hasn't asked us to fulfill our other obligations, and you want to betray her?'

Tears started forming in Shinji's eyes. 'True she hasn't asked that of me, but I don't want to be alone anymore, I like having friends.' Swallowing hard, Shinji stood up and camera in hand headed out of room. 'I have to go to the bathroom,' he thought as he started walking. Hearing an odd sound from Misato's room he made a sidetrack to her door.

Listening for a few moments at her doorframe, he contemplated calling out to her. Whispering to himself, "I wouldn't want to wake her if she is asleep." Heading to the privy, Shinji relieved himself and looked at his reflection in the mirror. 'Mizuho was right. Nobody could love a person like me. I'm just good for doing my duty.' The harsh words of his teacher's wife reverberated in his head as he looked at the camera sitting by the sink.

Building his courage and reminding himself that it was only a picture of Misato sleeping, she shouldn't get to mad if she found out. 'She is very beautiful to,' Shinji had to admit as he shut off the light in the bathroom and quietly walked towards Misato's room. 'What is that sound?' he thought as he approached the door, 'She must talk in her sleep.' He thought as he noticed the light was out and only soft murmurings could be heard.

His fingers gripped the shoji door lightly and he softly and quietly drew back the door. As he tried to adjust his eyes to the dimmer light in Misato's room his eyes could make out the shape of what he thought was Misato, who was now on her knees with her right arm against her chest, her fingers working vigorously on the folds of her maidenhood trying to find release.

As he realized what she was doing, Shinji dropped the camera, which landed with a deafening crash on the ground. Time froze as Misato's head shot towards the door and her face paled as she saw Shinji staring at her, not just at her but in her actions she'd positioned herself with her head away from the door so Shinji saw her sacred place fully and unabashed. 'Oh God he IS seeing me!'

Misato was frozen in place as she felt Shinji's eyes boring down on her, all she could do was slowly move her hand away from herself and weakly mutter, "Sh…inji?" Now Misato had many possible scenarios for what could happen next. She could picture him freaking out, having a nosebleed, or even fainting. She didn't expect what actually happened.

If Misato could have seen his face clearly she'd have seen a look of sadness, Shinji was defeated again. Walking the few feet over to Misato's futon, Shinji dropped to his knees and before Misato could react slide his tongue softly into the folds of her vagina. Moving slowly around the folds of flesh and pecking softly at Misato's clitoris.

As the waves of pleasure began flooding Misato's mind she tried to stop it. "Shinji…what are you…" was all she could get out before her body took over and her mind shut down.

All the while Shinji's sense of sadness grew. 'Mizuho was right, nobody could see me as a person. I'm just a commodity to be used by people when the need me.' Continuing his menstruations Shinji was aware that Misato's arms gave way and her face was now implanted in her pillow. Adding a little more pressure as he was often instructed, Shinji's tongue batted at the slightly bulging clitoris of his commanding officer.

She had never expected such a possible response from Shinji. The shy boy was doing things with his tongue that Kaji hadn't been able to do, but how was that possible. If she had been in her right mind, she'd have stopped him, questioned him, but at the moment all she could do was moan softly into her pillow as another wave of sure bliss shot her body.

Shinji wanted to cry, he'd thought things had changed for him, that he'd escaped the worse of his duties. Misato didn't seem to want him to do such things before, never asked him to, or even ventured that it was expected but now…now things seemed to change. Raising his finger to the lower edge of Misato's vagina, he inserted his index finger slowly in time with his licking.

Misato was about to go over the edge, yes self-pleasure was one thing, but to have another do it for you, and do it well shot her through the gears to fast. Her whole body tensed as she flushed Shinji's face with her excitement leaving the poor boy dirty just as he always felt. So content was Misato that after her climax, she fell asleep and didn't wake till morning.

Shinji doing what he thought was his duty, cleaned her up, dressed her, and put her back in her futon before cleaning himself off and heading back to bed. He climbed into his futon and stared at the ceiling. 'I was a fool to think I'd not have to keep working. Mizuho was right again, I am a failure.' Turning on his side, Shinji didn't know that while his body fell asleep he cried silent tears into his pillow.

--Akagi apartment –

Not having the liberty to leave as early as Misato, Ritsuko had just gotten off work as the clock chimed one a.m. Not ready for sleep, the blond doctor took her cup of warm milk to her small living room and turned on the twenty-four hour news station for a recap of the day's events.

'I can't believe Misato talking about doing that while Shinji could be around,' Ritsuko thought with a hint of disgust. Turning up the volume and taking a drink of her milk, she hoped it'd calm her enough to get some sleep soon. "She'll probably warp the poor kid's mind if we don't watch her."

Listening to the television Ritsuko was slightly shocked when the newscaster repeated a story from earlier in the day. "In a shocking development, a teacher named Mizuho Kamazaki, wife of Kei Kamazaki, was found guilty today to sexual assault on a child. Mizuho had been found trying to seduce a fourteen-year-old student of hers. At this time it is unknown whether this is her first act of sexual assault, but it has ended her ten year teaching career, on a lighter note…'

Ritsuko turned the television off. "What some people will do for a little fix," she headed to her bed and got in still in her work cloths. "Wonder if that was the first time that woman did something like that?" Ritsuko said aloud before falling to sleep, not knowing that said woman had been one of Shinji's guardians for most of his life.

--Katsuragi/Ikari apartment next morning –

Finding herself in bed alone, Misato thought she'd just had the strangest dream of her life. 'Damn Ritsuko for making me think weird things about Shinji.' The Captain dressed herself for her normal morning routine and went to greet the boy she'd just had one of the steamiest dreams about.

Finding Shinji cooking breakfast, Misato couldn't help but laugh softly, 'yeah that's a real sex machine right there.' The pink apron he was wearing didn't really mesh with Misato's supposed dream.

Hearing Misato take her seat, Shinji knew better than to ever say anything about the previous night, he'd learned his lesson the hard way as it cost him one of his back teeth the last time he'd mentioned things. "Good morning Misato-san sleep well?"

'Is he upset about something?' Misato wondered as she could hear a bit of fear in the boy's voice. "Had one of the best nights sleep ever Shinji. Could stand for a lot more of um."

Sighing Shinji thought he understood what she meant. "I'll get you're your beer Misato-san." She thanked him and watched as he handed her the beer a bit timidly.

Silently Shinji ate his food then cleaned the place before he left, never saying anything. After he left Misato sat at the table as Pen-Pen waded into the room. Talking to the bird, "I have no idea what I did last night, but I must have done a number on myself to have a dream like that." Smiling at the bird that now was eating his meal. Misato was ready for another day of work, opening the garbage can to throw her can away, Misato stopped.

"What is this camera doing in the trash?" to that Pen-Pen didn't answer and Misato's blood chilled

--end chapter—

Author Notes

Well it's the premise I guess. Hope you guys enjoyed this. Again my first fic so don't be to harsh with me ok?

And thank Zen-chan for pre-reading for me!!!

Reviews are very welcome.


	2. Chapter 2

Hello all you readers out there!

Just want to let you all know that I don't own this show or any of the characters in it. Just borrowing them for a little story that I hope you like. Reviews and comments are welcome just try to keep criticism constructive.

Again this is going to be a little dark so I hope you bear that in mind when you chose to read it. That being said…

'Thoughts'

"Speech"

--0--

A Past to Forget

Chapter 2

--Nerv--

Doing what she thought best, Misato tried her best to shake off the suspicions about the previous night. 'There is no chance that Shinji actually did that. Maybe his friends lent him that camera, he dropped it and that's why it was in the trash.' It was easier to believe that than think Shinji very successfully ate her out. But the thought was there and all thought lead to suspicion, and finally lead to Misato being in a very grumpy mood.

"Good morning sunshine, not so chipper today I see," Ritsuko chided her friend as she Misato walked over to her station. Over her cup of coffee that morning, Ritsuko realized she been rude in her actions the previous day. "Sorry about jumping off the handle like that at you. It's just been awhile since we lived together and I forgot how you are with some things."

Not in a very forgiving mood, as it was Ritsuko's dialogue that sent the thought of Shinji in her mind, hence creating her dream. Flipping through a report, "Yeah, sorry I thought you were a bitch too." Misato's curt comment was quickly mirrored with a scowl on the doctor's face. Looking up from the repair report of Unit-00, Misato noticed, "Sorry, sorry, just having an odd day that's all."

With Maya training an updating the Magi herself, Ritsuko had a bit of off time and seeing how Misato looked like she needed to talk. "Anything you want to talk about? I promise not to wig out like yesterday." Ritsuko liked having Misato as a friend, when the woman was happy. An upset Misato was a terrible thing to be around, in Ritsuko's opinion.

Nodding her head in the direction of her office, Misato started walking. "Maybe you can help. But I don't really want this to be common knowledge ok?" Opening her door and letting Ritsuko in before shutting it behind her, Misato took her seat at her cluttered desk. "Now don't jump to any conclusions here ok, but do you remember what we were talking about yesterday?"

Brushing some dried ramen off the spare chair, Ritsuko nodded. "You were talking about how having Shinji at your place made it difficult to 'relax.'" Using Misato's coined term for the action seemed to fit. Remembering how Misato was more open about such things now, Ritsuko wasn't as shocked. "What about it? Do you think you'd like him to stay someplace else?"

Shaking off that question, Misato started to rearrange the paperwork on her desk. Being embarrassed to admit she had a wet dream about her ward was hard. "Will you promise not to laugh about this, or think any deeper about what I'm going to say?" Grabbing a pen and holding it like a weapon, Misato was dead serious.

Watching Misato acting skittish was uncommon for Ritsuko, and she found it cute. Trying not to laugh, "I promise I won't laugh at you Misato, now tell big sister what's wrong." Her face split in two with a wide smile as she started laughing, the look on Misato's face at the sister comment had been too priceless. After a few minutes of laughing, Ritsuko calmed, "Sorry, but the look on your face was just perfect."

With serious doubts now about talking to Ritsuko, Misato started slowly. "Well thanks to your odd comments about Shinji yesterday I had a dream." Realizing that Ritsuko wasn't putting two and two together, Misato further elaborated. "About him and me," still seeing the blank face on her friend Misato sighed in defeat, "_together_."

Having it so blatantly spelled out for her, Ritsuko gasped momentarily and blushed. "I guess that's normal. I mean dreams are dreams we can't really control them." Ritsuko had many odd dreams herself, so she wasn't one to call the police on Misato for it. "What's got you so riled up about this dream?"

Now to the point of the matter, Misato had been thinking why the supposed dream affected her as it had. "In it Shinji was way more experienced than any fourteen year old could possible be." Reclining in her chair, Misato looked at the stern face of her friend, "That got me thinking about his past. Ritsuko, what DO we know about Shinji's past?"

With a soft 'ah' Ritsuko realized what Misato's problem was, or so she thought. "You're worried about how you have a ward who's past is totally blank to you." It was a sensible worry, to care for somebody it helps to know what lead them to their current position in life. "I could have a background check done on him. Makoto's got nothing to do, it'd be ready by the end of the day."

Smiling for the first time since she found the discarded camera, "Thanks Ritsu, I bet that'll help a lot." Truthfully Misato didn't know, but at this point Misato didn't know what to do. "And thanks for not getting weird on me."

Never one to let Misato slide by without a good ribbing, "Don't worry Misato, I won't tell the commander you're having dirty thoughts about his son. This'll just be between us." Dodging the flying folder, Ritsuko made her escape and back to work leaving a snarling Misato.

-Tokyo 3 High school-

Sitting at his desk, Shinji could see the defeated looks on his friends' faces. "Sorry guys but the camera broke before I could take a picture." It wasn't a lie so Shinji only felt a little guilty about saying it. The other boys misconstrued the look of depression on his face from the act he performed with Misato as remorse for the failed task they asked of him.

Waving it off, Kensuke wasn't detoured. "That's what I get for giving you a disposable anyway. They're junk. I'll get you one of my better ones soon ok?" With how badly Shinji seemed to have taken the botched photo, Kensuke had no doubt he'd try again for them.

Grabbing Shinji around the neck firmly but not painfully, Touji tried to encourage his friend. "Don't worry about it man! They'll be other chances. So don't look so beat up about it." Seeing Hikari standing up, the boys realized class was about to start so they headed to their respective chairs leaving Shinji alone with his thoughts.

'Maybe it was a one time thing, maybe it won't happen again, I hate having to do it,' Shinji thought. He had his romantic notions about love and sex, but as per his upbringing he'd been privy to one and not the other. His head slowly descended to desktop as fatigue crawled from his late nights activity. 'And if it wasn't a one time thing, remember what Mizuho told me, its just like washing the laundry or cleaning the floor. It's a chore that I have to do.'

It didn't make him feel any better about it though. He wished he could have been like the other kids and not have to pay his way through life. That he didn't have to bend to the whim of his caregiver's beck and calls or be thrown out on the street as an ungrateful whelp. 'I wish I didn't feel so useless.'

A chime from his computer broke his internal monologue. Looking at the screen through his blurry eyes, Shinji saw it was an instant message. As the craze that he was a pilot died, Shinji rarely got messages from anybody other than Touji or Kensuke. Doing his best to open the message without calling attention to himself, 'Whose it from?'

Reading the very few lines of text that simply stated, '_If you are ill, go to the infirmary as it could impair your piloting ability_.' Shinji was right to assume it was from his compatriot Ayanami Rei. The lack of any real emotion to the line and the fact that it was work related reminded Shinji that Rei didn't care for him as a person either. 'She only sees me as a pilot too. If I wasn't a pilot she'd not have sent that.'

Regardless of how he felt Rei thought of him, Shinji replied kindly saying he was just tired from not sleeping and not to worry. Reading Shinji's message, Rei shrugged and continued to look out the window. Besides the fact that Shinji was the commander's son, she knew nothing about him, and since she wasn't ordered to learn of him she didn't.

The remainder of the school day passed quickly and without incident. The trio ate their lunch together with Kensuke egging Touji on about how the class representative was looking at him during class. "You must have pissed her off good Touji!" Kensuke chided as he dodged flying scraps from Touji's plate.

The duo asked Shinji if he wanted to head to the arcade with them after school, but having chores to do, Shinji declined. 'I have to do my duty before I can think of anything else.' He told them that if he finished soon enough he'd catch up with them. With no possible argument the two boys left their friend at the school gates.

-Ikari/Katsuragi Residence-

Walking into the apartment, Shinji noticed one thing very quickly. The answering machine was flashing meaning they had a message. Taking his shoes off and laying his satchel on the nearby table, the boy hit the button as he headed to his room to find a pair of duty cloths to where as he cleaned.

Pulling the dirt covered t-shirt over his head Shinji heard that Ritsuko was planning to come over with Misato after work for supper. Knowing that meant he had to cook more, he instantly checked to amount of food stock for the meal. Finding the supplies low, 'Guess I'll have to head to the market before I start cooking.'

Opting to put the market run and cooking aside for after his cleaning binge, Shinji headed into Misato's room. Gathering the soiled sheets and underclothes he headed to the washroom on the ground floor and started the machine. 'I'll dust and mop and put them in the dryer on my way out,' he reasoned as he re-ascended the stairs to the apartment.

Complying with not only his designated chores, but Misato's as well, Shinji soon cleaned the entirety of the apartment. 'She said she wanted to split the chores, but I hoped that by doing them all she'd spare me the others.' His thoughts back to his life before Misato intruded into his mind as he wiped the windows. 'Its not nearly as large as a burden as it had been back then.'

With nothing else left to do but put the bedding in the dryer and prepare dinner, Shinji changed back into his school uniform and headed downstairs. Putting the damp material in the nearest available dryer, Shinji headed towards the market street.

Opting for the closest store, as he didn't want to walk to far with the supplies he needed, Shinji found himself in a medium sized grocery store. 'Curry should be good for supper, Ritsuko-san likes it as does Misato,' Shinji thought as he grabbed the needed ingredients. As he headed towards the long line at the counter, Shinji noticed somebody her recognized. "Hello Class Representative," he said formally.

Her foot that was tapping in impatience halted as her name, or rather her position was called. Turning around Hikari's eyes brightened a bit, "Ikari-kun, I didn't expect to see you here." Hikari didn't know Shinji very well, and that saddened her a trifle. Being a slightly open person, Hikari was pained to see someone with the constant gloom that Shinji had. "Doing your part to help around the house?"

Not being well acquainted with talking to girls, especially girls he thought were attractive, Shinji was nervous. "Just had to get supplies for supper tonight, your-yourself?" Feeling the urge to say he forgot something and run back into the market, Shinji fought with his inner demons. 'I don't want her to pity me and act like she wants to talk to me.'

Holding up a bottle of vegetable oil, "My younger sister knocked the last of our oil out so I needed to get more." Hikari was surprised to see Shinji she had never saw the boy outside of class since he arrived. Stepping further down the line as people finished, she thought of more things to ask the quiet boy. "So are you doing the cooking tonight?" She couldn't help but think, 'that was a really stupid question, why can't I just talk normally?'

With one slow nod, "I do all the cooking, Misato-san isn't proficient at all in the kitchen." Shinji didn't mind cooking either, it gave him something to throw his mind into to avoid thinking about things he rather wouldn't. "Do you…live near here?"

"No, I take the bus here, they have the best prices," the pigtailed girl admitted as she gave the casher her bottle of oil. "And you can relax Ikari-kun, I'm not going to reprimand you or anything, don't be so formal." She wanted to laugh at how nervous Shinji was just standing by her. 'He must be really afraid of authority figures, I guess that's what one can expect from him working in the military and all.'

Blushing at her comments, Shinji tried to relax as she asked, but just talking to her was hard. He knew that at any moment he was likely to mess up and offend her, or embarrass himself. "Sorry, have…have a good night," he muttered out as she received her change and walked further down the line as he placed his basket before the cashier.

"No need to be sorry Ikari-kun, take care," with a wave the freckled girl left the store. Handing the cashier the required money and taking his change, Shinji headed back to his apartment. Thinking of how nice a life it would be to have a normal life. 'I wonder if things were different a girl like that could like me?' Forcing such thoughts out of his mind, Shinji knew better that to become wishful or hopeful. Life wasn't a fairy tale, there wasn't any chance of change as he could see.

-Ikari/Katsuragi Apartment-

With supper simmering and Misato and Ritsuko about twenty minutes away from showing up, Shinji opted to spend his remaining time finishing his homework. He wasn't the smartest person but he was able to get the work done easily enough. As he put the last of the work into a folder he heard the front door open. "Shinji-kun we're home. Supper ready?"

"Misato, shouldn't you at least ask how he is before you order him around? You might give him a complex," Ritsuko chastised her friend as they put their shoes next to Shinji's and entered the apartment. 'I hope she isn't like this all the time around him.'

True to form however, Shinji was already making his way to the kitchen. "I'll have it on the table in a few minutes. Ritsuko-san is their anything in particular you want to drink?" Shinji asked as he poured Misato's bear into an ice filled glass. Hearing Ritsuko's request for tea, Shinji set filled the kettle and placed it on a burner. Filling three plates with the curry he returned to the table. "Hope you don't mind curry."

Wafting the smell of the dish under her nose, Ritsuko smiled in acceptance. "I was wise to come when it was Shinji's turn to cook. Now don't go spoiling Misato now ok?" She ended by taking a bite of the entrée provided. Marveling at the taste, "You're something of a chef here Shinji-kun."

Pouring the curry into a waiting cup of ramen, Misato stirred the two dishes together. "Only way to get a decent curry flavored ramen," her choice of meals didn't quite mesh with the other two as they looked away in mild disgust. "Did you get to the chores like I asked you to?"

Nibbling at his own plate of food, "I just put the bedding back in your room before you got here." Noticing the folder on the table had his name on it. "Did I do something wrong?" his fearful yet timid voice squeaked.

Following Shinji's line of site Ritsuko saw the folder, "Oh this? It was just something Misato asked for. Makoto said it took him longer for some reason to gather some of the files." The doctor slid the folder across the table into Misato's waiting hands. "It should help you in your life here Shinji. That is if you want to stay."

"What did you just say?" Misato and Shinji voiced in unison. Misato was outraged to have Ritsuko suggest Shinji might want to leave her. She knew she didn't want him, no couldn't have him leave her now. 'He…he's important to me now.' Just how important Misato couldn't discern, parts of her were starting to change in her regards to the boy. Shinji was horrified, by leaving Misato's he thought Ritsuko meant to send him back to the Kamazaki residence.

Waving her chopsticks in admonishment, "I just don't want him to get a warped mind from living with you Misato. Its nice to have him cook and do some," knowing what Misato did the other day Ritsuko was mildly nauseated to know she had the boy clean here bedding, "chores. But you can't make him do all of them."

Taking the empty can of beer from the table, Shinji smiled softly and stood up, "It doesn't bother me Akagi-san. The work here is a lot better than my old house." With a sigh of relief that Ritsuko wasn't actually intending to force him out, Shinji went to get Misato another beer.

Looking slightly confused Ritsuko whispered to Misato, "Did that strike you as odd?" Something about what Shinji said and how he said it just seemed off to Ritsuko. 'From what Misato says the boy acts like a slave, how can this be better?'

Waving the folder in front of Ritsuko's face, "That's what this is for. I'm going to check and see what type of family he was staying with." Trying to deny the oddness of Shinji's comment, Misato just thought Shinji thought it was better living with her because he thought she was better looking. 'At least I hope that's what he meant by it.'

Returning with Misato's second beer, Shinji gathered the plates from the table. "Can I get you anything else Akagi-san?" The witty doctor was somewhat of a blessing for Shinji. She wasn't too much of a teaser, she was very attractive, and she didn't ask him anything. Hence he asked her out of respect.

Thinking a moment, Ritsuko felt a minute pain in her thigh, 'Rei's card!' In her rush to Makoto to get Misato her background check she had forgotten to give Rei her new card. Taking the offending plastic card from her pocket and handing it to Shinji. "If you could find some time to get that to Rei before your tests tomorrow night that would be great."

Holding Rei's card, Shinji noticed her face. 'She looks almost as depressed as me in this photo.' Looking at the flat expression in the picture Shinji wondered what brought her to her point in life did she have to work for her right to live as well? He hoped not, he wouldn't wish his life on another soul.

"Earth to Shinji, come in Shinji!" Misato chirped as she watched Shinji staring blankly at the card in his hand. Feeling oddly jealous at how much attention the boy paid a photo, "Shinji it's just a picture, don't freak out about it."

Snapped from his revelry, "I'm sorry Misato-san, it was just her photo. She looks sad." Sliding the card in his pocket so he wouldn't forget it, he hurried off into the kitchen to start washing the dishes.

"Wow Misato, I thought you were going to bite his head off. Maybe he has a little thing for Rei. Working with her and all it wouldn't be uncommon," Ritsuko said offhandedly as she finished her tea. Misato's features lightened and the two shared small talk as Shinji did the work he thought he was required to. As the clock chimed eight, "Well I best be going. Shinji," Ritsuko called into the living room where the boy had changed location to, "don't forget to give her that card."

Shinji said he wouldn't and bid the doctor good night. Feeling in a lot better mood with a full stomach, and her worries about her dream quelled, Misato pushed away from the table, "Think I'll take a bath, what about you Shinji?"

The tired boys mind was fraught with problems. Hoping that the previous day was a one time event, Shinji wasn't taking chances. "I'm a little tired from all those chores so I think I'll watch some more television then turn in."

"Well if you turn in before I get out good night," Misato said as she gathered her bathing materials from her room and headed for the bathroom. Taking a leisurely bath, and enjoying the fact that her libido hadn't once made itself known since the other day, Misato was greeted with at silent apartment when she got out.

"Guess he went to bed early," grabbing his formal background check, Misato wondered why Nerv hadn't kept an up to date recounting on him. 'Guess the commander didn't give a rats ass about him until we needed him, poor kid.' Turning on the news for some white noise to help her concentrate Misato started reading.

Finding nothing out of the ordinary, Misato was surprised to know that Shinji's old guardians were teachers. One was a junior high teacher and the other a music instructor. 'Guess that explains how he learned the cello.' As she read more she was starting to wonder where Shinji actually got his proficiency with cooking and cleaning though.

'Things seem totally on the up and up, so why is he so housebroken?' Taking her eyes off the file to take a sip of her beer, the can fell from her hands as she read the TV screen. 'Oh God no…' Before her eyes, Misato saw the body of Shinji's old guardian being put into a cop car after her speedy trial was over. 'He…Shinji lived with that woman for how many years?'

Misato's eyes flew to the wall that separated her from Shinji's sleeping body. 'What did that woman do to you Shinji?' She didn't know but she was damn sure she was going to find out. 'How the FUCK could that rat bastard of a father of his NOT check up on him or the family he shoved his only son with?' Misato sickly knew the answer though, Gendo didn't care about Shinji until he had a purpose for him, if Gendo didn't call for Shinji to pilot he would still be with that child molester.

Tears started forming in Misato's eyes as she tried not to wonder what had befallen the sweet child in the other room. Then another bolt of cold hit her, 'Did he…did he really come into my room last night?'

-End Chapter-

And we have plot forming! I told you it was going to be a dark story. But I hope you keep reading it and enjoy it. It's a little small on the size meter but I didn't want to start the next few scenes because the chapter would have gotten to large.

Hope you review for me 


	3. Chapter 3

Hi again everybody that actually reads both my work and the author notes, just wanted to say thanks for reading and I hope you both enjoy and review my little piece of fiction here.

Just a reminder that the subject matter is a bit darker than most as it deals with same mature topics. Hence the rating.

"Dialogue"

'Thoughts'

A Past To Forget

Chapter 3 Discovery

Having an actual good night sleep did Shinji a world of good. What was even better for him was he had a day off school with only two tasks to do that day. One was he had to deliver Rei's card, and the second was be on standby for the reactivation test of Unit-00. Even though he had the day off of school, he woke at the same time and prepared a decent meal for his provider. As he put the food on plates and began setting the table, "Misato-san you'll be late if you sleep much longer."

After the startling revelation of who Shinji's past guardians were, Misato didn't know how to proceed. 'What if they didn't do anything to him? What if this was just a new thing for that woman…I need to talk to Ritsuko before I do anything.' Leaning her head against her door, the already tired woman dreaded opening the door. Hearing Shinji's rather chipper call, one of the few times she heard him overly happy, Misato pushed herself out of her room and towards the table.

Her eyes' darting across the table Misato was almost speechless. "Shinji-kun you didn't have to cook for me you know. Today's a day off for you, you could have slept in." Pleased as she was to not have to fend for herself that morning, the boy's act did more to cast a shadow of doubt on how calm his past was. She wanted to just ask him right then and there about his old guardians but her throat wouldn't cooperate, what came out was. "So what do you have planned today then?"

Sitting across from her and eating his own breakfast, "I thought I'd try to get ahead on my homework. I'll head to Ayanami's just before the test so she'll likely be home." He didn't want to bother Touji or Kensuke with his temporary presence before he had to run to Nerv so he chose not to make plans with them.

Quickly inhaling her meal, more to avoid the now obvious pain in Shinji's eyes than to avoid being late for her shift, Misato stared at the plate. "I could give you a little money, you could see a movie or something. No need to stay home all day is there?" The idea of him staying at the apartment all day was just to depressing for her.

Taking his half eaten plate, and Misato's empty one, to the sink Shinji's response was, "I wouldn't want to impose on you Misato-san. I don't want to fall behind." Once out of Misato's sight, Shinji's hand fell upon his heart. Whenever he received money before, even when it was said to be a gift, he had to work for it. 'If I don't take it, I won't have to pay for it,' he reasoned.

With Shinji out of sight, Misato headed to her room to change. 'I'll talk to Ritsuko about how to handle this once I get there…she'll have to have some idea on what we can do to find out.' Taking a few bills out of her wallet, Misato headed back into the dining area. "I insist Shinji," setting the money on the table, "go see a movie then whatever you want." A small smile fell into place as she saw Shinji round the corner to see her off at the door. "Its an order so no back talk."

The door shut before Shinji could even utter a word of protest. Looking at the empty corridor, he didn't know what to expect. Heading back into the apartment he took the money into his hand and deposited it in his pocket. 'I guess I don't have a choice.' Like always he didn't have a choice and that's what hurt the most.

-Nerv Command Bridge-

Misato didn't so much as ask Ritsuko to follow her into her office as much as she pointed at the blond doctor and then to her door. The entire drive to Nerv and her walk to the bridge, Misato's mind had been replaying scenes in her mind. Continually reviewing memories for evidence that might prove that something had happened to Shinji. The evidence didn't look good. 'His low self-esteem, house brokenness, even the look in his eyes just keep screaming that something had to have happened.'

She couldn't believe somebody would willfully abuse that sweet child in any sort of way, but Misato couldn't fight the facts. So by the time Ritsuko was in sight, Misato was near the brink of tears. 'God how do I even ask Ritsuko about this without breaking down.' Shinji had wormed his way so quickly into her heart that Misato wanted to see that Kamazaki woman just so she could literally beat the shit out of her.

Following Misato's unspoken request, Ritsuko shut the door to the office as she entered. Giving Misato a small smile, "Did big sis have another dream about sleeping with her little brother?" Laughing at her own joke, Ritsuko was unprepared for the response it got. Misato, who was not seated at her desk, crumpled into her arms sobbing. "Misato it was just a joke…what's wrong?"

Trying her best to control her tears, Misato was not very receptive to sex jokes involving Shinji at the moment. Lifting her tear streamed face and glaring harshly at Ritsuko, Misato saw the look of shock on her friends face. 'She didn't mean it that way, but after I tell her then how will she look?' Misato's mind thought darkly. With her tears slowly drying on the cuff of her jacket, Misato was ready to try again. "Anymore smart ass comments you want to get out of your system before I speak?"

Holding her hands out before her in defense, Ritsuko's face was apologetic, "Sorry Misato, it was just so reminiscent of the other day I thought…well I just couldn't help myself." The doctor's shock over seeing her usually bright and happy friend have a break down was still in the stages of wearing off. "I'm sorry, what is this all about?"

Giving Ritsuko one last apprising glace before judging her friend sincere, "Have you been watching the news lately?" Ritsuko said that she had seen a few late night recaps of events. "Hear anything about a teacher being arrested for trying to seduce a minor?" Playing the detective gave Misato the ability to gauge how much she needed to divulge to her friend and how much was already known.

"I saw a little on the news a few days ago, some teacher out in Yokohama was suspected, what's this have to do with anything?" Ritsuko asked with a small coldness growing in her chest. She knew Misato wouldn't be asking questions like this unless it lead somewhere and if her hunch was right, she wasn't going to like the destination.

Misato held out the background check that she had reviewed of Shinji. "Does the name look familiar?" Pointing out the names of Shinji's last guardians to the doctor, Misato felt a sick satisfaction as Ritsuko's face drained of color. "He was living with that woman since he was three!"

Bile rose quickly in Ritsuko's throat and she grabbed for Misato's waste can. A few wretches and one empty stomach later, Ritsuko felt numb. "Have you asked him about this yet? Have you told the commander about it?" So many problems could come from this knowledge. The idea that one of the pilots needed to defend humanity had been molested for over ten years and nobody realized it until it was to late was beyond bad news for Nerv if it went public.

Her head shaking slowly, Misato said that she hadn't brought the subject up to Shinji yet. Misato said she wanted to get opinions on how to bring it up to Shinji. "I can't just go up to him and say 'Hey Shinji did your last guardian fuck the shit out of you while you were living her' now can I?" A darker part of Misato had wanted to say 'Did you come in my room and eat me out Shinji?' but that part stayed silent.

Breathing deeply, Ritsuko felt a wave of revulsion hit her. 'The commander would have known of this if he cared.' But Ritsuko knew the commander only cared about the project, even when he was with her all he thought about was the project. Collecting herself Ritsuko took Misato's hand in hers trying to calm her friend who appeared close to tears again. "Be subtle about it. After the tests and you two are at the apartment, order some take out or something and just be real subtle. No reason to hit him with it at once."

Squeezing Ritsuko's hand so hard it hurt the both of them, Misato just looked at Ritsuko with a look of desperation. "What if he says something did happen? What do I, we do then? What do we do if that fucking bitch did something to him?"

Pulling frantically at her hand, Ritsuko was afraid Misato was about to break one of her fingers. "We'll cross that bridge when we get to it. Nerv has some psychiatric care available maybe we can get Shinji into some program?" It was a lie and Ritsuko knew it. If Shinji had problems like that the Nerv doctors were only trained in the basics of therapy and couldn't help him. Nerv didn't have unlimited funds and the doctors that Shinji would need to see wouldn't be on the payroll…or be available for such a client as Shinji. It was to high a security risk.

Almost sensing Ritsuko's thoughts, Misato let her friend's hand go almost in revulsion. "I'll talk to him after we get home," the words were cold and empty, much like Misato felt at the moment. Shinji wasn't her child but she was damn sure she was closer to a parent to him now than his father was so she had to be there for him.

-Tokyo-3 Shopping district-

The sun and light breeze felt wonderful against Shinji's skin as he walked the crowded pavement. It seemed that all those not working that day had chosen to do what he had, and that was to peruse the shops and stores of the shopping district. Seeing couples holding hands, children walking with parents, and just a generally happy environment filled Shinji with an intense jealousy. 'I wish I could be like them, they all seem so happy. They have people who care for them, and they are free to do what they want.'

His hands shoved deeply into his pockets, Shinji looked up at the noonday sun and silently cursed fate for the life it had given him. Shinji's fingers crunched the bills in his pocket absently as he clenched his fist. 'But I have to make the most of what I can.' Heading to the theatre where he once spent a restless nights sleep, Shinji saw a familiar sight. "Hokari-san, hello again."

Hikari's hand, which was about to slap her little sister Nozomi, stopped in mid-flight as she heard her name. "S…Shinji-kun, we meet again. Not stalking me are you?" Hikari joked as turned away from her sister who continued to look at movie posters.

His cheeks bursting into flame, Shinji waved his hands, "No no…just going to see a movie is all." His eyes switching between Hikari and the girl who looked two or three years younger than her, "Are you…?"

Following Shinji's gaze to her sister Hikari understood the almost unvoiced question, "Yup, she's the oil spiller. My little sister Nozomi. She insisted to see a movie today, and dad won't let her go alone yet so I get stuck with her." The exasperated look on Hikari's face faded as she witnessed something on Shinji's face she hadn't seen, a smile.

"It must be nice having a family," Shinji said softly, Hikari almost thought she heard sadness in it. Shaking off the momentary bout of depression, Shinji turned back to Hikari. "Well I'll leave you two to…"

By now the younger sister had noticed her elders absence and returned. "Hikari! You're supposed to help me pick a movie not hit on boys!" Nozomi stomped her foot to accentuate her point. Grabbing Hikari's hand and dragging the now blushing girl with her to the wall of posters, Nozomi was adamant that they pick a good movie.

Suppressing a chuckle that came from the forlorn look on Hikari's face, Shinji followed the two girls over to the wall he had to choose a movie as well. Finding one that looked interesting enough, a horror movie, Shinji started to walk towards the ticket counter before being stopped again. "So what are you going to go see Shinji-kun?"

Looking back at the smiling face of Hikari, Shinji pointed at the poster of his choice. "Nothing else seems that interesting," he admitted. Much to Shinji's surprise he found talking to Hikari a little easier this time with Nozomi there. 'If it were just her I'd never be able to talk.' Truthfully, talking to Hikari even with an audience was hard.

Cringing away from the poster, "Bit to scary for me, but I hope you like it." Hearing Nozomi squeal in delight at finally finding a movie she wanted to see, Hikari's face went lax. "No! No Nozomi I'm not seeing it! I hate scary movies!"

Rushing up to Hikari and grabbing on her hand, "Come on! Dad said you had to go to the movie I wanted to! And this'll give you a chance to talk to your boyfriend," Nozomi winked at Hikari in a very non-subtle way, leaving Hikari and Shinji in states of shock.

Undeterred by her elder sister's protests, Nozomi soon bought two tickets to the movie and joined a very nervous Shinji Ikari in the theatre. Apologizing for her sister's behavior and comments, Hikari hoped Shinji wouldn't be offended. Whispering to Shinji who now sat at her side, at her insistence, "She can be a real pain if she doesn't get what she wants."

With the lights darkening and a pretty girl at his side, Shinji's nerves were very high. "Th…that's alright, sorry if I got you dragged into this," he stuttered quietly. Folding his arms on his lap, Shinji wasn't taking any chances of offending Hikari or her sister. But as nervous and fidgety as he felt, he also felt good. 'I'm glad I took Misato's advice, even if it's a one time thing.'

The movie was far from being the best one any of them saw. Nozomi's shriek, and the occasional one from Hikari more often frightened Shinji than the movie itself. After the film ended, Hikari again apologized to Shinji for the intrusion, and for latching on to him during the more chilling moments of the movie, he had no qualms with her about it. Shinji's heart had leapt into his throat after Hikari shied into his chest during one particularly gruesome scene.

"Well we better get headed back home, Pipsqueak here has some homework to catch up on," Hikari pulled on her sister's hand into emphasize her point. "It was nice running into you again Shinji-kun, see you Monday." Waving to the boy as he gave his farewell, the sisters headed off down the street, Nozomi mercilessly teasing her elder sister about here 'date.'

A soft smile still etched on Shinji's features, he ventured he could head to Rei's a bit early and deliver the card. 'Today's been rather nice, better than I could have expected.' Sure it was all coincidental, but it was fun none-the-less. Checking the small note he carried with Rei's address on it, Shinji made his way towards the more dilapidated section of Tokyo-3.

-Ayanami Residence-

One of the few things Shinji first noticed as he climbed the decrepit stairway that lead up to Rei's apartment was the droning sound of machinery in the distance. While most people would have felt disgusted with the state of decay the apartment had, Shinji felt his respect for Rei growing. 'She's facing hardships on her own. She isn't being forced into acts she doesn't wish to in order to life comfortably.'

Nearing Rei's door and seeing the overflow of old mail, Shinji felt kinship for Rei in that moment. She had had a hard life as well, but while he subjected his body to the whims of caretakers she faced it head on and although she lived in squalor, she had more honor than he thought he had. "Ayanami-san? Are you home?" Shinji called to the door after a few raps upon it greeted him with silence.

Checking his watch, Shinji doubted that if Rei wasn't home, that she wouldn't at least stop at her apartment before heading to Nerv, it was to early in his eyes. A shaky hand tried the handle to the door and found it gave way to his push. 'She doesn't lock her door?' A fear for her safety built in his chest, 'what if something happened to her and that's why she didn't answer the door?'

Walking into Rei's apartment, fueled by his fear for her well being, Shinji took off his shoes despite the filth that covered the ground. Seeing old food cartons, medicine packages, and old bloody bandages littered on the floor the boy wondered at what cost Rei's self reliance had on her. "Ayanami-san, are you ok?" His soft voice echoed in the small room accompanied only by the continued droning of machinery.

Deeper in Rei's room, Shinji found the small metal frame that held Rei's bed. The blood stained sheets and pillowcase followed by the smell of stale blood nearly sent Shinji into a gag. Pushing his feeling of revulsion down, he looked around the room for the best place to leave the card where Rei would readily see it. 'Are those…' Shinji's thought trailed as he found a pair of glasses with broken frames on a counter hosting more medicine.

Setting the card next to a beaker of water and taking the glasses in his hand, memories, although faded with time, of his father filtered into his mind. Grief and bitterness soon followed the memories as he gazed at the cracked frames in his hands. 'He left me to those people. He would rather me work to survive than help me. He must hate me.'

From her position in the bathroom, Rei watched as Shinji held her only cherished possession in his hands. 'Why is he here?' Rei wondered momentarily as she continued to dry her body. 'He appears to be in an agitated state, he could break them.' With the glasses in possible peril, Rei headed towards the boy clad only in her towel and droplets of water.

It was the sound of water hitting the ground that drew Shinji's attention away from the fragile object in his hand. His first reaction to seeing Rei walking towards him nude was turn around quickly. "I'm sorry! I called out but you didn't respond. I…I dropped your new card off." Shinji's heart was beating so fast he could feel it in his ears. Memories of Mizuho flashed in his mind causing his body to lose all its warmth.

A small scowl creased Rei's forehead as Shinji turned his back on her. She saw the new card on her counter as his words sank in, but what was important was getting the glasses back. Standing behind Shinji, Rei grabbed him by the shoulder and forced him to turn around. Had Rei known Shinji's past, she'd have known this was often how most of the pain in Shinji's heart began. 'Why are his eyes closed?' Rei thought as she went for the glasses. Pulling at Shinji's hand suddenly Rei lost her balance to the water that had begun to pool at her feet.

Shinji's mind had done what it did in the past it shut down. He had been so conditioned that his body could react on its own sparing his mind the horrors of the abuse. When Rei's body fell, she instinctively grabbed onto Shinji's arm to prevent her fall. It didn't work as she pulled the prone boy down with her. Her head swam as the blow to the skull dulled her thought process momentarily. 'At least the glasses are safe,' she managed to think feeling the glass in her hand.

Kneeling over Rei's body, his hand covering Rei's left breast, Shinji's body reacted as Mizuho had conditioned him too. Slowly and with great care and gentleness, Shinji started to massage the flesh his hand enclosed. His eyes still clenched shut he hardly felt anything at all. Rei however was quick to recover from her injury as a new sensation filled her body. Now sex wasn't something Rei was ignorant on, she knew of the process but what she didn't know was what feelings it generated, the sensations.

While Shinji increased his efforts in his ministrations, Rei felt her first real sexual experience. Her cheeks burning crimson she muttered almost to soft to hear, "Will you stop?" While she enjoyed the touch greatly, Rei had to be at Nerv for her tests, and she couldn't be late for them.

Brought back to reality by the minute tones Rei spoke, Shinji's eyes burst open and he realized what he had done. Jumping off Rei's body and running towards the door, "I'm so sorry Ayanami…I'm so sorry." He never heard a reply, he didn't wait for a reply, he had ran from the room leaving Rei still in shock.

From what she had read, seen, and believed Rei was perplexed by Shinji's actions. 'I was lead to believe that only occurred when men and women shared a bond, does Ikari wish such a bond with me?' Getting off the dirty floor, Rei started to don her clothing for the walk to Nerv. Ghost memories of the touch that he just visited upon her body fresh in her mind. 'That was most pleasant,' was the overriding thought in Rei's mind.

Trying her best to let the moment pass away into the deeper recesses of her mind, Rei found she couldn't. Part of her wondered why Shinji had done such a thing, another part was telling her to forget it as it wasn't work related, and yet another part was wondering if such a thing could happen again.

-Nerv-

Panting and sweating, Shinji sat at the benches outside of the Nerv gate. Disbelief was etched into his being. 'How could I have done that? I didn't want do, she didn't want to…but it was an accident!' His racing heartbeat didn't agree with him. His feeling of self-loathing rose high in his mind calling him a pervert and attempted rapist. 'She didn't have to go through that and I almost forced it upon her…how can I face her again?'

A few employees saw Shinji but paid him no mind, very few of the Nerv personnel actually knew what Shinji looked like so all those who saw him believed he was just a child waiting for his parent to get off shift. Shinji didn't mind, he didn't even notice their comings and goings he wanted to be alone. His solitude didn't last forever though. "Ikari-kun you will be late for the activation test if you stay here."

With his head firmly clenched in his hands and facing his legs, Shinji's heart about burst after he heard the words. Why was she talking to him, why didn't she report him, why did so many bad things happen to him? Pulling himself off of the bench, Shinji couldn't believe Rei was not only talking to him, but looking at him as if nothing happened. "Ayanami-san…I'm…" he couldn't finish as Rei headed off towards the card readers.

Following her at a distance, Shinji was apprehensive of getting to close. The need to make amends burnt within him. "Ayanami-san, about earlier. I'm sorry. I didn't intend…to do that." Shame dragged on Shinji's chin, pulling his head downwards forcing him to look at the stairs of the escalator. Tears threatened to break free, "I didn't want to offend you."

Her own mind working on the encounter and what Shinji was saying, Rei was further perplexed. "You have nothing to be sorry for. I was not offended." It was quite the opposite Rei was intrigued. It wasn't the small act that Shinji had done, but the idea behind it that affected Rei. 'Is he ashamed because we are not lovers and sees the act as dirty? Or maybe he feels shame as he believes I felt wronged by it.' So deep in thought was she, that Rei didn't hear Shinji's first question. "Could you repeat yourself?"

Still unable to look up at Rei, "I heard you're going to test with Unit-00 again today. Are you afraid?" His experiences within Eva had given him nothing but fear, but Rei was different than him. He saw her as stronger.

Turning on the balls of her feat, Rei gazed upon the fallen hair that covered Shinji's face. "You are Commander Ikari's son are you not? Surely you have confidence in him." The commander had given Rei all that she was, her life, her home, and her purpose. With no reason to doubt his words, Rei had no reason to fear.

Shinji didn't have Rei's belief in his father. Hearing the questions filled Shinji again with a bitterness that seemed intent to haunt him until he either succumbed to it or died. "I wish I did. He abandoned me to a life of servitude though. He hates me and thus abandoned me…I don't know him well enough to have confidence in him." Knowing his father left him to the fate that he did, Shinji felt such rejection from the man that the idea of confidence hurt his heart. 'He knew what awaited me by leaving me with no means to provide for myself, what else but hate could do that.'

Seeing the glistening form of tears growing on Shinji's face, Rei couldn't think of words to say. The commander's choices apparently had caused this boy great pain, but he had never caused her pain. Much needed to be learned before she knew how to act. Rei's silence continued all through the trip to the changing rooms and even during the successful test. 'I must talk to the commander about this, surely he will know what I should do.'

-Ikari/Katsuragi Residence-

"So what movie did you go to see?" Misato asked as she kicked off her shoes and tossed her flight jacket on the waiting hook. Her feeling of nervousness grew with each passing moment. She had called the delivery place on the way home so the food would arrive shortly. 'Then I have to ask him, find out about what happened.'

Pleasantly surprised that he didn't have to cook that night, Shinji found his place on the couch waiting for him. "It was just a horror movie, it was pretty good, oh and I left your change on the counter." It wasn't his money to keep so he had left it for her. Turning on the television, Shinji helped Pen-Pen climb up next to him. Scratching the bird's beak, "How did the tests really turn out?"

Taking her customary place on the couch as well, "You could have kept the change you know." Part of her mind reminded her that it was possible that he didn't know he could have kept the few bills. "Lets not talk about work right now anyway. So was it any good? Run into any friends?" She hoped he had friends.

A smidgen of pink rose to the surface as Shinji remembered his time with Hikari, "It was kinda cheesy but not bad. And I ran into a…friend." Whether Hikari truly was a friend Shinji debated, but if it kept Misato from asking any more questions about it then he'd let it slide.

Shinji's attempt at avoiding the subject failed though. "Was this friend a…girl?" The smile that Misato had was close to wicked. She loved teasing Shinji about girls, but her efforts were more to calm her own building dread than lighten Shinji's spirits. "It was wasn't it, that blush tells me all Shinji." Suddenly pouncing on Shinji and tickling his ribs Misato was rewarded with a few laughs before the door chimed.

With a small smile still on his face, Shinji whipped away a tear that formed from laughing too much. 'She can be odd at times but Misato is so much better than…and I can hope it was a one time thing.' Heading off to the door before Misato could react, "I'll get it, you left the money by the door right?" Misato said that she had and turned back to the T.V. the fake smile on her face only partially a real lie.

The two ate their food while Misato continued to tease Shinji about his 'girlfriend.' He asked how work had been and how Ritsuko was. Generally the two just enjoyed the conversation that is until the food was gone. Watching Shinji gather the waste and head to the kitchen, Misato opted to start low and build, "Shinji, why do you always react so quickly to chores, I mean I should be helping out too."

Dumping the few remains in the garbage, "Its just expected isn't it? I mean you provide for me so I need to earn my keep." Wasn't that obvious Shinji thought, he'd been told that it was expected of him ever since he could remember?

Misato called Shinji back into the kitchen and asked him to sit. "Shinji we need to talk about a few things ok?" Seeing him nod his head, and a fearful look begin to find its home on his face, Misato continued. "Shinji this is going to sound odd but…when you lived with the Kamazaki's did anything happen that you thought was odd?"

A lot of what happened Shinji felt terrible about, but nothing odd, it was all expected of him. He had to pay for what was given to him, if he didn't he'd be kicked out and forced to live on the streets. "Nothing odd happened Misato, I just did what was expected of me."

Now Misato didn't know whether to be appalled or sickened by that comment. "Shinji, did Mizuho ever…" Misato wrapped her hand around her throat as the words seemed to grow and take physical form in her throat. "Did Mrs. Kamazaki ever touch you or have you touch her in a way that made you feel dirty or inappropriate? And remember I'm a superior officer so you can't lie to me."

Misato knew her answer the moment she spoke. Shinji's whole body seemed to convulse and shiver. His body seemed to cry out in disgust and pain as tears began streaming down his face. "I'm sorry Misato-san I don't want to have to do that again. I'll do everything, all the chores without you even asking…just don't make me do that again I'll do anything!"

Her heart cried at that moment, here Shinji thought Misato was asking him this because he thought she was expecting it from him. 'He thinks that I want him to…that its all apart of his living here…oh God Shinji.' Within moments Misato had wrapped Shinji in her arms and held him as he sobbed into her chest begging her not to ask it of him. All she could do was rock him gently and repeatidly say that she'd never ask for that.

In her mind Misato knew that what she had believed was a dream was reality. That the sick perverted woman that Shinji had lived with had warped his mind so much over the years and led him to believe that he HAD to do such things. 'Shinji, dear sweet Shinji we'll make it through this. I'll be here for you…nobody will hurt you like this again.'

In her arms, Shinji just cried and hoped that the words Misato whispered in his ears were true he needed them to be.

-End-

Told you it was dark. And now the plot is firmly set. Hope you found this a good read and I hope I didn't offend anybody with my portrayal of things. Child molestation is a very sick and wrong thing and I don't want any of you to think I think it's a laughing matter.

Hope you continue to read this.


	4. Chapter 4

Hello everybody. Been a little while since I last updated, but school is not something that can be neglected. Glad you like story so far and I hope you keep reading it.

"Spoken"

'Thoughts'

0

A Past to Forget

Chapter 4

It was strange. Knowing that what had befallen him wasn't what was truly supposed to happen. Shinji had a hard time accepting the fact that all his life since his father abandoned him he had been laid too. That what he thought was expected of him was in fact not true, but a gross abuse. Whether Misato was right or not, Shinji didn't care. He felt better knowing that she'd never ask him to defile himself to please her.

A week after Misato had asked him about his life at the Kamazaki's had passed and not an instance of her even hinting at her wanting Shinji to perform had calmed him greatly. Easing back into his desk, Shinji's face didn't show the joy he felt. Touji and Kensuke talked about their plans for the upcoming weekend while he just watched the filling classroom. 'Maybe things are getting better,' Shinji hoped as Hikari rounded the corner and entered the room.

"So what about you Shin-man, any plans this weekend?" Touji asked as he grabbed the distracted boy in a weak strangle hold. Not being as dense as most people belief, Touji had noticed a small change in Shinji's demeanor over the past week. Something about Shinji just seemed less dead to the jock. 'Whatever happened to him must have been good.'

Spying on a few of the more attractive girls walking through the door, Kensuke's tone denoted his sparse attention. "Want to hit the arcade with us on Saturday? I hear they're getting a new simulator." Always one to jump at the chance to pilot anything, sadly never an Eva he thought, Kensuke hoped his friends would gladly join him in a round of mock battles.

Finally prying Touji's arm off his neck, Shinji inhaled deeply. Misato had insisted he spend some more time with his friends that it'd help him to relax. Something Misato knew the boy needed to do more than anything. "Unless something with Nerv comes up I'd be glad to." As the last word left his lips, Shinji's heart stopped and his breath drew short and shallow. Rei had walked into the room. Silent and stoic as ever, Shinji couldn't take his eyes off her. He'd befouled her, had no doubt upset her, and yet she said it wasn't of consequence. But it was to him to Shinji it went beyond a small touch.

"I know Ayanami's a babe and all, but she has no personality man," Touji quipped as he followed Shinji's lingering gaze. Most of the boys loved Rei's body, but the lack of emotion or pleasant personality kept them at bay. "Earth to Shin-man, stop gawking at her."

Kensuke started laughing as Shinji's face blossomed into a rosy blush. "If you're so hung up on her, why not talk to her. That'll kill any feelings you got for her. Real ice queen." Kensuke spoke from personal experience and not just second hand gossip. Upon Rei's first week in school a few years ago, the be-speckled boy had tried to ask her out. It didn't go well, and it killed all positive feelings Kensuke had for the girl. 'Damn frigid bitch didn't even tell me why, just 'no'.'

Shaking his head slowly, Shinji turned away from Rei and back to his friends. "It's not like that. I guess, I guess I respect her a lot." Finding his friends faces an amusing mix of confusion and humor Shinji correctly assumed they didn't follow. "She's so independent. I wish I could be."

Not knowing or not caring enough about Rei, the two stooges shrugged. Neither of the two knew anything about Rei's past or her living conditions, or Shinji's for that matter. Frankly after she had stopped being the topic of romantic conquest she was degraded to being nothing but another girl to ogle and think about as they felt the urge and headed to the bathroom to flush it down the toilet after a few minutes of crude imagery. Many girls in the class were demeaned that way by the many dateless boys. It was Touji that broke the silence, "Whatever man, just don't get your hopes up about her or anything. Seen to many better looking guys than you, sorry to say, try and strike out."

His sense of respect for Rei wasn't phased at all. They could have told Shinji that Rei bitch slapped a baby for crying and it wouldn't have tarnished his view at the moment. 'She's stronger than me. Better than me. I wish I didn't need people either.' But Shinji, as much as he didn't want to accept it, needed others and needed love, craved it more than anything. "I don't see her like that guys, I really don't."

Kensuke was about to say it didn't matter, when Rei's eyes darted quickly over to them, settled on Shinji for a moment, lingered, and then fell back to the window. The three boys sat dumbstruck. "What the hell was that?" Kensuke asked amazed and a smidgen jealous of the young Ikari getting even so much as a quick gaze by the object he hand long ago sought.

"I…don't know," Shinji managed to squeak out, as his heart seemed about to burst. His mind suggested the idea that Rei was still upset with him for his fall on her, his heart however laughed at him and in that moment where their eyes met, Shinji fell deeply into Rei's ruby eyes and was lost.

Nerv-

"So how are things going now?" Ritsuko asked, again in Misato's office. The small room had become a safe haven to discus problems that the two women thought were to important to chance being heard. It was in that office where Misato, albeit reluctantly, confessed what had lead her to questioning Shinji's past. Ritsuko was shocked and concerned to learn that Shinji had so diligently performed sexual maneuvers on Misato, and successfully she had to add. 'His father can't even get me to climax, not that he cares about my needs though.'

Feeling the warmth of her coffee emanating from the cup her fingers were wrapped around, Misato sought answers from the surface of the drink. "Slow going. But I guess thinking that just realizing the problem would fix it," she said sadly. A small part of her had hoped that magically the problem would have fixed itself just by accepting that it had happened. But life isn't like that, and Misato had to accept the fact that the road to recovery was going to be a long and hard one.

Drinking her own coffee, and handing Misato the latest test scores, Ritsuko's face was not without some joy. "Well he's made a marked improvement from the last test. Whatever you're doing it IS working Misato. Don't give up on him." Though it was Misato actively tending to Shinji, Ritsuko now felt as much responsible for Shinji as Misato. It was her plans that Misato was using, as Ritsuko was adamant that Shinji couldn't see a normal psychiatrist. The risks of exposure were to high, and even the knowledge that a pilot needed therapy could have sent the public into a panic.

A slight rap on the door diverted each woman's attention. "Come in," Misato responded to the sound. Hoping it was just Makoto or even Fuyutsuki wanting a report or to inform her of Unit-00's final prep work being completed. It was neither man, Maya Ibuki timidly walked into the room and shut the door behind her. "Ibuki-kun, what do you need? Ritsuko and I were kind of in the middle of something."

Whatever argument Misato was making to force the young technician out of the room evaporated when the girl managed to speak. "I know." The senior officers didn't need any further words to know 'what' Maya had come to realize. What they did need to know was how she found out. Seeing her superiors looking at her with the 'go on' faces on, Maya informed them of how she came to into the information.

"Makoto had me bypass the security walls protecting Ikari-kun's history, and then a news report I saw that night brought it all together." Maya was sad to learn the truth about Shinji. She even thought the boy was cute, and he wasn't THAT much younger than she was, not that she was actively thinking that, too much. Misato and Ritsuko let out a collective sigh of relief as Maya's revelation had proved that no information leak as yet present.

"I guess we can't expect this to have remained between the two, three of us," Misato admitted reluctantly. Things had a manner of happening that nobody could predict. And it was only a matter of time before somebody had to tell the Commander, if he cared was what kept them for telling the man already. They didn't know how they'd react if the man didn't react at all. "You'll be expected to keep this information confidential Ibuki-kun, understood?"

Nodding and saluting Misato, Maya said she would not tell anybody. Her young face falling into a perplexed frown, "What are you doing now though?" What could they really do anyway? Be nice to him to an extent, but to go to far out of their way for him would only cause more problems. They couldn't coddle him it wouldn't solve anything.

A knowing smile was on Ritsuko's lips as she saw the glimmer of sadness in the girl's eyes. "Don't treat him any differently. He's not glass, and he's already been told that nothing like that will happen again. I doubt he wants people to know that he was molested, Lord knows I wouldn't." A shudder went down her body as the doctor remembered her last night with Gendo, no Ritsuko defiantly didn't want others to know that she WAS in a sense being molested only hers was voluntarily.

A sense of pride started to fill the room, they would go on as if nothing happened. They would support Shinji if he needed it, but they wouldn't smother him, nor would they treat him like a baby. "We can't let our lives be overwhelmed by this either. It's a tragedy that it happened yes, but we have to be strong, all of us Shinji included, and move on," Misato said boldly as she stood up from behind her desk.

Ritsuko nodded and agreed with Misato. They all had to be strong and put the past behind them. Maya thought for a moment that the two women sounded cold and uncaring, but she didn't say anything, it wasn't her place. An image of the young pilot being forced upon by greedy sick hands, depraved acts of lust forced upon one so young, Maya couldn't see how the women in the room expected him to just move on. 'I'll try talking to him,' Maya thought but before she could act on her impulse, the Angel siren started to scream.

Hospital-

She didn't know why she was standing at Shinji's bedside. Rei had only been told to inform Shinji upon waking about the battle plan for the next angel. She would do her job, but why was she staring at him as he slept. 'He's crying in his sleep,' Rei's mind marked and stored in her mind for future use. Pulling the notepad that had all the data for the mission in it, Rei re-read it.

Shinji was a conundrum for the young female pilot. 'Why did he touch me? Why did he apologize? Why did he make such comments about the commander?' The last question was the most telling. Sitting herself down in one of the few chairs in the room, Rei put the farce of reading aside and set fully into the task of trying to analyze her fellow pilot. When Rei had questioned Gendo about Shinji's past, the man answered that it wasn't relevant and that she shouldn't be concerned with it. But how could she not, all of the commanders actions had relevance to her, and his past wasn't excused.

Looking at Shinji's sleeping body, Rei's hand slowly moved up to her breast and held it their for a moment, reflecting. As her palm made contact a faint reddening occurred on her cheeks that she couldn't fight off. 'Why?' Not having a logical explanation for the events was what caused them to continually replay in Rei's mind, and a very small part of her mind that wondered if such could happen again. Lowering her hand back down to her lap, Rei noticed the signs of waking on Shinji's face.

Upon opening his eyes, Shinji could only see red. The setting sun's light splashed across the room bathing everything in a red haze. Had his body not felt so sensitive and irritated he would have basked in its loveliness. It only took a few moments before his mind recalled what had lead him to the hospital again, then fear took over. Shooting up into a seated position his eyes darting around the room for somebody to tell him what had happened, if the angel was destroyed, Shinji found Rei looking at him passively as ever. "Ayanami?"

Nodding in acknowledgement, Rei stood up from her chair and reached for her notebook. "I am here to inform you about our next operation." Rei missed the sudden drop in Shinji's face. For a moment, just a brief moment, Shinji had hoped Rei was in his room because she was worried about him. While Shinji sat and listened Rei's peripheral vision was watching him, something about the boy intrigued her and she couldn't tell why. Ending her recounting of the upcoming battle, where she would act as his guardian.

Folding the notebook closed, Rei pushed the cart of food closer to Shinji's bedside. "I'm sorry," Shinji said simply as he looked away from the girl. "I've done nothing but apologize to you since I…I did that to you." Shame and disgust rose from the pits of Shinji's mind and sat upon him like weights. "It was wrong of me to."

"Why was it?" Rei asked honestly confused still. With him awake and with some time left, Rei could finally question him. Locking her gaze with his, Rei could see her confusion mirrored in Shinji's face. His sudden movement sending his sheet down his body, Rei's eyes saw something else. "Shouldn't you cover that?"

Lurching at the sheet and bundling it heavily over himself, Shinji's body drained of feeling. He was dead in his bed his hear about to burst from his chest as the blood thundered in his ears. "I'm sorry!" he said again, only weaker. He had shamed her again by exposing himself. If Misato was right about what he had suffered, than it was even more wrong of him to force such upon Rei.

As the tears slowly started to build in Shinji's eyes, Rei walked out of the room. Her time was up and she had to report to Misato for further details. Time would come for her to talk about her questions later. 'Captain Katsuragi might be able to assist me as well,' Rei figured as she headed to her destination.

Temporary Command Bridge-

Everything was finally coming together for the battle, and that was very uplifting for Misato. Rei seemed a little off when asked to pilot Unit-00 to acquire the shield and rifle for the battle, but Misato thought it was just pre-fight jitters, Rei hadn't had any real combat experience yet. The sun was setting and she had just been told Shinji was suited up and being moved over to Unit-01. "This damn thing won't stand a chance," Misato said aloud.

"Captain," Rei's voice was almost lost in the loud bustle of activity. With her part of the mission already taken care of, Rei was hopeful that she could gain clarity into the reactions Shinji was having. Misato was finishing her orders and yet she had yet to turn and see the blue haired girl. "Captain," Rei said again only this time loud enough for Misato to hear over the commotion.

Turning to the sound of her name, Misato was shocked that it was Rei. Surely Rei didn't need any clarification on the schedule. "Yes Rei, what is it?" Wiping at her forehead in as a nervous twitch, Misato could sense her apprehension growing as each moment passed. They had to be ready in time.

"Are you at present available to speak?" Rei's hand in salute returned to her side as she waited for the response. If Misato was available Rei would question her as much as possible, if not Rei would have to either wait or seek out another source. 'But she lives with Ikari-kun so she would have the most insight into her mannerisms.'

Needing a break more than she needed to talk to Rei, Misato used the girl as an excuse. Telling Shigeru to take over for a few minutes, Misato guided Rei to a quieter section of the temporary action post. "What do you need to talk to me about Rei?" Misato couldn't believe she was saying what she was. Rei never asked questions, wanted to speak, or even seemed to want anything, and when the oddity occurred that she did she would go to the Commander.

In her usual fashion, Rei stated plainly what was on her mind. She recounted Shinji's visit to her apartment to drop off her card, she told Misato about the fall, the odd commentary she heard, and finally Shinji's reaction to finding himself nude. "Why would he apologize for events that were not his fault?" Rei seemed to be asking herself even when it was directed at Misato.

With a lot to take in, Misato momentarily wished she'd told Rei to come back later. She didn't need to know about a grope session, even an unplanned one. And Rei's candidness about the whole event wasn't helping Misato to remain calm. 'What would it take to get a reaction from Rei, for Shinji to flash her willingly?' After a long breath, Misato answered. "Its just how he is. He probably felt bad for touching you inappropriately," Misato knew it went beyond that but kept silent on that. "As for at the hospital, it's not typical for people to show themselves to those they don't have feelings for."

Rei's head tilted slightly as she thought about Misato's comments. "So if he had feelings for me or I him it would have been different?" Knowing what she did about courtship, it made sense that if Shinji did have feelings for her that he would try to do such then.

'I want a drink so bad right now,' Misato prayed as she envisioned the after battle party where she would get very drunk. Anything was better than this conversation. "In a sense yes, but it has to be mutual Rei. You just don't show somebody yourself unless you're willing to accept the consequences." And Misato knew what those were, Kaji had done a lot of reminding her when they were together. 'Show a man your crotch and he'll follow you everywhere.'

Her questions answered, Rei saluted Misato again and left as silently as she arrived. She had much to think about again, but along a different route. 'According to Captain Katsuragi, it is possible that Ikari-kun has feelings for me.' It was the logical conclusion to his reactions. Shrugging off the feelings in her stomach, Rei reminded herself that she only owed the Commander, and nobody else, and he said emotions and feelings weren't needed. But that couldn't keep the heat from spreading in Rei's stomach as she thought about Shinji. 'This isn't acceptable.'

Gantry-

The city lights dimmed as the power was redirected, and the stars shined brilliantly for the two pilots. Sitting next to Unit-01 Shinji was worried. Sparing a moment to glance at Rei, Shinji knew that he might die, but before that he had to tell Rei something other than an apology. "Ayanami-san?"

Tearing her eyes away from the stars and into Shinji's tranquil blue eyes, Rei was momentarily reminded of her conversation with Misato. "Ikari-kun?" Almost sensing his apprehension, Rei didn't know why he was afraid, she was ordered to protect him, and she wouldn't fail.

Swallowing hard, Shinji forced his body to act as he wished. "I wanted to say, that I…I respect you a lot." His body trembling as the words seemed now to gush from his lips. "You're such a strong person. You live alone, nothing scares you, and you're just so much better than me. I just wanted to tell you…in case I die during this operation that I respect you."

As much as nothing startled Rei, she was rattled by Shinji's words. Nobody had ever said anything positive about her before, never. She wasn't any of the things Shinji had said, she was simply doing her purpose. "You embarrass me. I have nothing else than Eva, I am none of the things you say about me." Even as she spoke, Rei's heart seemed to burn. It was so sudden and unexpected that she was struck unprepared for it. "Its time we begin, and do not worry you will not die. I will protect you." Standing without looking back at Shinji, or hearing his feeble rebuttal, Rei cut him off, "Good bye."

Crash site-

Shinji didn't even feel the heat of the hatch as it scorched his hands and fingers. His all consuming thought was that Rei was trapped inside and might need his help. 'Don't be dead, you can't be dead,' was the repeating thought in his head as he forced his body beyond its normal capabilities to open the entry plug. She was to good to die so soon, and at his benefit.

The LCL flooded past his feet as the hatch opened and fell to the wayside. Leaning deeply into the semi-warm plug, Shinji saw Rei lying in her chair, eyes closed. "Ayanami! Ayanami wake up!" Shinji's frantic pleas echoed in the enclosed space. Climbing further into the plug, Shinji cradled Rei's body in his lap. Gently pulling her out of her seat and into the open night air. Resting her head in his lap, Shinji fanned her the best he could. LCL dribbled out of Rei's mouth as her lungs forced the liquid out of her body.

For an instant, Rei thought she was seeing the commander looking down at her, but something was wrong with his face. It was too compassionate, to caring to have been the commanders even at his best the man couldn't really show concern for others, especially for a tool that could be replaced. Her vision cleared and Rei saw her rescuer, "Ikari-kun," Rei's next comment was altered as a tear fell onto her face, "You are crying again. But you appear unhurt."

Using the hand not supporting Rei's head, Shinji wiped his eyes, "I'm just so happy you're alive. You deserve to live Ayanami-san." Shinji's face broke into a large smile as relief washed over him, he could hear the sounds of the approaching rescue team approaching.

'He is happy for me, he respects me, he cares about me,' Rei realized as she saw the smile on his face. "I am unsure as to how to respond," Rei vocalized as much to her own displeasure as she was sure was his. Watching Shinji shake his head and say if she was happy she should smile, Rei gladly did. Something about Shinji now seemed worthy of her attention. Before he was just a mild irritation, something in the back of her mind that didn't seem quite right, but now. Now she looked into his eyes with a smile on her face and started to wonder, wonder if what he had said about her was right, and wonder more about him.

When Misato reached to two pilots at the empty entry plug, she could have sworn she saw Rei smiling, as well as Shinji. If he was smiling, Misato was glad, he did it so rarely. If Rei was smiling at Shinji, than things might be changing faster than she thought. Feeling a small bout of jealousy sting her, Misato had to remind herself as she loaded to pilots into the waiting ambulance, that Shinji wasn't meant to be hers. He was to young and needed her to be more a sister than lover. 'It might be nothing between them though. Best not to think to deeply into it, yet.'

But Misato couldn't let it lay dormant in her mind Shinji was her responsibility. And she didn't know how deeply the years of abuse had affected him. If he had so easily moved from passive to being sexually active what would happen when/if he did get a girlfriend. Misato didn't want to think about that, not at the moment anyway. Time would answer that for her.

End Chapter-

Yup we have more layers forming, and no don't think that this is a Rei/Shinji story yet. A lot of things can form from a boy and a girl. Friendship, affection, maybe even love, but I won't say what will happen just yet. You'll have to keep reading for that.

Hope you liked this chapter and review.


	5. Chapter 5

Hello everybody!

Sorry for the delay in updating but my car died on me and its been hell going through the motions of getting it replaced. Sigh. Hope your all still enjoying this story and I hope to read more of your reviews. They help with the whole motivation thing, as for my small side project, that being the side stories for Zen-chan's odd little story, I'm working on those too.

"Spoken"

'Thoughts'

XX-Begin-XX

A Past to Forget

Chapter 5

XX-Nerv-XX

It felt nice to once again be back in her post on the command bridge, it felt a lot better than being in the belly of the out of control Jet Alone robot as well. "Can you believe the Commander threatened to commandeer me for my actions Ritsuko?" Fanning herself with folder containing the details of what the excuse for the Jet Alone malfunction was, Misato still hadn't recovered fully from her slight radiation exposure. "Its not like I made the thing freak out."

"No, but you also weren't responsible for it either," Ritsuko commented from over her shoulder. Unlike Misato, Ritsuko had to actually do work on the bridge, and not just order others around. Also knowing that Misato needlessly risked her life as the whole event was staged, Ritsuko wasn't too happy with Misato either. "You also put Unit-01 in jeopardy in your little bout of heroism, not to mention Shinji."

Laughing a bit from his consol, Makoto shook his head. "I can't believe you actually had him hand place you on that things back." Whether Misato was brave or stupid for her act nobody knew, but Makoto would sooner shoot himself in the foot than put himself on Misato's bad list. He idolized her far too much, and hoped that in time could worm his way into her heart. "Shinji-kun seemed a little rattled at the idea of it."

Telling Maya the last few checks to perform, Ritsuko walked to Misato's perch above the other bridge members. With a look at the back of Makoto's head to insure he was again back doing systems checks, Ritsuko leaned closer to Misato and lowered her voice. "Did you even stop to think what would have happened to Shinji had you died Misato? If you hadn't noticed lately he's depending on you for a lot now."

Taking her cooling beverage off from its resting place Misato shook her head. "No I didn't Ritsuko, I was thinking about all the other lives that could be lost had that thing had a melt down." And Shinji would have managed, she hoped. The weeks between the Fifth angel and the Jet Alone incident had been very confusing for Misato.

At times Shinji seemed to be making so much progress that Misato forgot he even had suffered in the past. Then at times, like her return after her short stay at the hospital for her reckless bravery, Shinji seemed very far from cured. Setting her cup back down, a small smile forced itself reluctantly on Misato's face. She knew she should have been worried at how fiercely Shinji hugged her upon her entering the apartment. She should have told him it wasn't acceptable for him to be so attached, but part of her wanted him to see her like that, to love her as he was starting too. 'Its like I really am his mother now.'

Putting the farce of being in total control back in place, Misato smirked at her friend. "If anything happened to me he'd get over it, or you'd take my place wouldn't you?" Ritsuko's face changed from worry to shock, then to an odd complacency that Misato didn't know if she liked. Something was to accepting in Ritsuko's face for her tastes. "Well it really doesn't matter now does it? I'm fine, he's fine, and Unit-00 is almost finished with its repairs. Things seem to be going much better."

Listening from her chair not to far from her superiors, Maya's head dropped sullenly. She had wanted to talk to the shy boy after learning of his past, to make a conscious effort to help him unlike Misato and Ritsuko. 'He looks so sad during his tests. Whatever those two are doing it can't be working. And what kind of guardian doesn't even try to consider how her actions would affect her ward.' Well Maya wasn't about to do the same as her elders. She'd talk to him for sure next time she had the chance. 'Maybe I'll invite him out to dinner or something. That might raise his spirits.'

XX-Tokyo-3 Junior High-XX

"I don't know man, I think he's getting sweat on her," Kensuke said as he finished drinking his can of soda. Touji continued to stare blatantly at their friend who was now on the other end of the room receiving help from Hikari. "I mean why else would he be over there talking to her during lunch?" Honestly Kensuke knew why Shinji was talking to Hikari, but it was more fun to irritate Touji. 'Dumb ass wouldn't know what to do if Hikari was taken by another guy.'

Nearly choking on his food, Touji tried his best not to get angry with Kensuke. "Maybe he just needs help with his school shit, he's been absent the last few days." Furrowing his eyebrows in a moment's irritation, Kensuke couldn't believe Touji had so quickly realized the truth. "And I think something is going on between him and Ice Chick." Touji said sparing Rei's empty desk a moments gaze.

Kensuke noticed Touji's sigh of relief when Hikari started to write on Shinji's homework sheet. Packing his empty lunch packages together, "What makes you think that frigged bitch would even spit on him if he was on fire?" Unconsciously Kensuke's grip tightened and he crushed the garbage in his hands. He had seen the small changes in how Shinji and Rei acted around each other, but he didn't want to accept it. But as much as he didn't want to believe it, he had to and that caused his jealousy to grow from a small spark to a flame.

Almost sensing Kensuke's want to be past the topic, Touji couldn't stop from repaying Kensuke's earlier agitation. "Well you see how she actually talks to him on occasion? Or how he looks at her more often?" Touji loved to irritate Kensuke with the whole Shinji and Rei concept. Touji remembered vividly Kensuke's devastated look when Rei turned him down without so much as a moment's hesitation. To Touji, Kensuke was a sad and actually pathetic guy, more so than Shinji. 'Probably why he hangs out with me, cause I don't judge him or anything, and why he tried to hit on Ayanami.' Tossing his empty lunch bags in the trash, Touji's face grinned. "And I remember you didn't think she was such a bitch when you asked to date her."

'Just like that ass to rub it in my face,' Kensuke thought as he continued to follow Shinji's movements. "I didn't know how creepy she was back then, trust me I wouldn't think of asking her out now." A total lie, but Kensuke hoped nobody knew how he still felt for the girl that jilted him. 'What makes him so special that gets her attention?'

Prepping his desk for the eventual return of classes, Touji looked at Kensuke with a small dabble of pity. "Good. She'd still turn you down." His own eyes falling onto the item of his own budding lust, Hikari, Touji hoped he wouldn't have to 'talk' to Shinji about the girl. "Whatever happened between Shin-man and Ayanami, it must have been something. You'd never stand a chance." Touji just hoped that whatever it was blossomed before Shinji took an interest in Hikari.

"Like you stand a chance with that guardian, Misato, of his." Kensuke said rolling his eyes. He'd lost count of the number of times Touji had went on rants on how beautiful Misato was, how perfect her breasts were, and how great it'd be to nail her. To Kensuke, Touji had as much chance at 'nailing Misato' as he did of becoming the next Minister of State. "Think we should ask about those pictures again?" he asked as Touji's eyes went foggy and glassy. As much as Kensuke didn't want to admit it, Misato did make great fodder for late night bathroom sessions.

The camera footage Kensuke got of the beautiful Katsuragi Misato had been great, but Touji had to admit a nice photo went a long way. "Couldn't hurt to ask him could it?" Touji let the other comment Kensuke made go right out of his head. Part of him knew it was pointless to pine after the older woman, but teenagers are often not very good receivers of wisdom. "Dude look at that!" Touji's finger shot to the doorway where Rei had just entered.

Her visit to the restroom complete, Rei headed back towards her chair where something caught her eye. 'Ikari is talking to Class Representative Hokari.' Normally such trivial matters didn't even register in the First Child's mind, but lately she had been more interested in the Third Child's behavior and actions. She questioned why he was talking to her, why he had sought her attention, and mostly why his actions even bothered her in the first place. She watched the two converse during her whole walk to her desk. Ever since the odd moment after she woke cradled in his lap, Rei couldn't go to long without thinking something along the lines of her fellow pilot, 'I am fortunate that I'll be allowed to converse with Captain Katsuragi in private today.'

Kensuke nearly growled in frustration as watched Rei. He knew ever curve of her body by now, ever blemish, ever nuance. 'Why does everything go so well for Shinji! He's a pilot, he lives with a babe, and now…now Ayanami is looking at him.' He wanted her to look at him that way. To feel her gaze on his body, more importantly he wanted to claim her as his own. Offhandedly to Touji, "What its just Ayanami, no big deal."

While Touji went on to tell Kensuke how big a deal it was, Shinji was ignorant to all of the other students in the classroom. Talking to Hikari had become a sparse thing as time moved on, and that saddened Shinji. Something about the chipper and positive attitude the girl had relaxed Shinji, gave him peace. "Thank you very much Hikari-san," Hikari was very strict that her friends not call her class rep, "I don't know how I'd have managed without your help."

Blushing slightly under such high praise, Hikari simply stated, "You knew most of it, you just weren't here for the rest." And that was the truth Shinji only missed a small lecture the previous day that had been the stem of all his problems with the work. Helping the meek boy pack his homework back together, Hikari smiled to herself. 'He's such an odd boy. Such small things make him happy, and he's so quick to thank others.' Bowing lightly to the girl, Shinji thanked her again and went to his desk leaving the young Hikari to start class again.

In her mind she hoped that part of the boy would rub off on Touji. Shinji was a very nice boy and all, but she'd had hopes of dating the jock since they had been in grade school. 'But maybe its time I either put up or shut up,' Hikari thought sadly about her old crush. The jock seemed to love ogling other women and really showed no major interest in her. A laugh escaped her lips as Touji locked Shinji in a headlock and Kensuke lightly jabbed him with a pencil. 'Nozomi really seemed to like Shinji too though…and she hates Touji.'

XX-Streets of Tokyo-3-XX

With the setting sun behind them, Shinji was still slightly nervous to be in Rei's presence, even for the walk to Nerv. He had said many potentially embarrassing things to her, yet for some reason, Rei actually seemed to not care. After their release from the hospital after the Fifth angel, she even seemed to open up to him a small degree. Yet through all that, Shinji couldn't face the girl without some degree of apprehension, she was everything he wished he could be. "Did…did everything go well for you today?"

Momentarily taking her eyes off the sidewalk, Rei looked into Shinji's eyes. "I had no problems." Such an odd question, Rei was wondering why Shinji even asked it. 'He was present for the majority of my time on campus, yet he asked.' Enjoying the silence they had fallen into, Rei felt no reason to speak. Basking in the warm yet soft light of the fading sun, the two felt a moment of kinship.

Falling behind Rei by a step, Shinji watched the girl walking almost gracefully forward. 'Why did I ask such a stupid question, why can't I talk normally around her?' He asked himself repeatedly as they walked closer to their destination. "What, what are you going to be tested for today?" A sensible question and one guaranteed to get him a more than few word response. It was work related after all.

"Unit-00 was to be repaired as of thirteen-hundred hours today. My purpose is to insure the repairs are complete and my sync ratio has not been affected." Rei's tone never denoted the queasy feeling building in her stomach. The more time she spent with the somber Third Child, the more she felt it, and the more it agitated her not knowing why. 'Afterward I will inquire the captain about these feelings.' Thinking more about Shinji as they neared their goal, a sudden question formed in Rei's mind. "Ikari-kun, previously you mentioned you lived a life of servitude, yet your record has no details of previous employment, what did you mean?"

Shinji's chest seemed to contract violently upon hearing Rei's words. His lungs almost unable to take in enough air to keep him alive as he puzzled over the fact Rei had taken the time to check his file. A moment of sheer panic followed where he was sure he would either run or faint from the sudden thunderous beating of his heart. Then it passed. Misato's words reverberated in his head, not to let anybody know, those who would need to be informed would be in due time by her or Ritsuko. "Misato-san said I wasn't supposed to talk about that, if you want to know…you can ask her."

With a nod, Rei was assuredly going to do so, the idea that his dossier was missing information was something she found disconcerting. "Another question if I may?" Rei asked, knowing that for some people questions were not something common or welcome, the Commander was such a man. Shinji nodded and said she could glad to not be the one attempting communication for once. "At my apartment you touched me, and on the deck before the previous mission you said words of praise. Do you have any reason for such? Are the two elements related?"

The blush and feeling of revulsion occurred instantly and in unison. Shinji was mortified by his actions yet his feelings of respect clashed. "At your apartment I tripped. What I did after was wrong. As for the words I said…I meant them. You're a very strong woman Ayanami-san, stronger than you give yourself credit for." Shinji's honesty lanced Rei's own cloud of self-doubt. Uncertain as to how to respond, Rei simply didn't. The blue haired girl walked the remaining distance in silent contemplation.

XX-Nerv Galley-XX

No matter how many reassurances or explanations, Shinji couldn't keep the idea that LCL had some ties to blood. The smell, the feel, and even the taste were too similar for his mind to separate the two fluids. That was why it was always such a good thing to be rid of it after the battery of tests ended. Luckily his test for the day was simple and he was free of the detestable liquid. 'I feel bad for Ayanami-san though, she has more to go.' Misato assured him that as soon as Ritsuko and she finished she'd be able to give him a lift home if he wanted to wait.

Feeling more tired than usual Shinji opted to wait for the ride. Heading to the vending machines for a quick snack and something cool to drink, Shinji dug in his pocket for his wallet. As he pulled it from his pocket a light voice chirped from over his shoulder. "Let me treat you."

"Ibuki-san," Shinji said a bit startled. He had seen the young computer tech a few times wandering Nerv and she often supervised his tests when Misato or Ritsuko had more pressing matters to attend to. "Its alright, I don't have much to spend my money on anyway," Shinji admitted sheepishly. The brown haired tech was another quandary for the timid boy. 'She's so nice to me for no reason.'

Sliding her card through the reader on the vending machine before Shinji could protest, Maya smiled openly at him. "I insist Shinji-kun, think of it as a bonus for all your hard work." Purchasing herself a drink as well, Maya herded the young boy to one of the many benches. "Waiting for Misato to drive you home? I could drop you off if you didn't want to wait."

Feeling his old self kicking in, Shinji instantly denied the request as politely as possible. The idea of getting something for free was still a hard concept for Shinji to accept, and spending time with attractive women was something that Shinji was terrified of. And he believed that one Maya Ibuki fit the attractive woman profile very well. "That's alright Ibuki-san, Misato should be free any moment now." Whether she was or not, Shinji didn't know, but he couldn't have Maya driving him.

Sipping her drink Maya eyed Shinji up questioningly. Was he being polite or did he not care for her? They didn't know each other that well so maybe he was afraid of her. 'Maybe its because of…' Maya's thoughts drifted down corridors of thought very close to the actual reason Shinji declined and it saddened here. "Well do you mind if I sit and talk to you until she does arrive? I'm on break and don't feel like hitting the rec-room."

Suddenly Shinji wasn't as thirsty as he was moments ago, his mouth completely dry. 'Why does she want to talk to me?' Nodding that if she wanted to stay she could, Shinji's rose-colored cheeks betrayed his attempt to remain emotionless. Maya drank deeply to keep herself from chuckling at the reaction. "Thank you for the drink."

'You don't seem to be drinking it though,' Maya thought sadly. How could her seniors not see that this boy needed something to cope with his pain? Did they think that merely time and best wishes would remedy the problems he had? 'Well I'm going to try.' Patting the bench next to her, Maya spoke softly, "You can sit by me if you want Shinji-kun, I won't bite and it'll make talking easier." With him sitting on the opposite edge of the bench it was hard to speak to the boy without everybody remotely nearby hearing.

Inching slowly closer to the woman, Shinji wondered if she was in reality playing a cruel trick on him. Misato wasn't the only person Shinji reasoned that might want to play mean little tricks regarding his shyness on him. "So how…how was your day Ibuki-san?" Looking at the clock hanging on they wall Shinji prayed Misato would arrive to spare not only himself but also Maya from the uncomfortable conversation.

"You can call me Maya, Shinji. I'd like to be your friend. Would that be ok with you?" Maya felt a little odd talking to Shinji like this. Was she being to forward with him? She hoped not, she truly did want to befriend the boy. She was going to be working with him for a long time, and her life actually depended on his ability to stay strong. "And my day so far has been fairly boring. Yours?"

Gradually easing out of his fear, Shinji and Maya started talking more openly and less programmed. The young tech felt like an older version of Hikari to Shinji as the conversation lengthened. She was open yet reserved, energetic yet polite, and she was very cute. 'But she's probably doing this because Misato ordered her to. Trying to get me to have more friends without them knowing why. I should feel bad for her.' No woman could ever love him, Shinji realized, as he grew older. Mizuho was right about that. 'Even though Mizuho lied about my needed to serve her, she was right about one thing. I'm dirty, used, befouled. And no woman would ever want to subject herself to that. If Maya knew the truth she'd never talk to me like this.'

But she did know, and that was why she was talking to him. Despite her best intentions, Maya could only make the boy smile twice as she talked to him. As her break neared its end. "Well Shinji-kun it's been nice chatting with you. If you ever feel bored you know where to find me." Maya stood up and took Shinji's now empty can from his hands.

"It was nice speaking with you Maya-san, I hope your shift goes well." Shinji waved at Maya as she made her way down the hall. He wanted to feel good about the talk, and a part of him truly did, but a deeper part could tell that had his life not been what it was, such a woman would never talk to him. 'I'll have to ask Misato not to force pitying me on other people.'

Entering the bridge, Maya swore under her breath. She had hoped for much more of herself. 'I can't believe I was so nervous talking to a fourteen year old. But I couldn't help myself.' Shigeru gave the young woman an odd look as she slammed her palms down on her consol, then went back to his own work. 'I'll have to try again later, but all in all I think that went well.'

XX-Testing Room-XX

As Rei's tests neared completion, Misato and Ritsuko found themselves discussing something they had dreaded for a long time. "So who's going to tell him?" Misato asked as she watched the First Child begin to wake from her semi-meditated state. "I really don't want to."

Neither did Ritsuko, but the Commander had to be informed. Shinji was his son after all and had a right to know, whether he cared or not. "I have to give him the test results from today's runs. I could tell him if you're so afraid of him." Ritsuko just hoped that whatever relationship she had with the man would spare her from any potential negative reactions. 'And if I left Misato to do it, it'd never happen.'

The tension on Misato's face evaporated instantaneously. She was terrified of the Commanders reaction, or lack there of. Patting Ritsuko on the back, Misato felt the need to payback her friend. "In that case I'm buying next time we go out. You deserve it." Internally both women knew Ritsuko deserved a lot more than a few drinks in compensation for dropping such a bombshell.

"Captain Katsuragi, may I converse with you again?" Rei asked as she stood dripping LCL next to her. Rei's tests ended while Misato was trying not to think of her offer as a bribe and Rei had felt the desire for answers overwhelm her want to remove the dripping liquid. Memories of the last time Rei had made such a request, Misato could feel her jaw tightening and her stomach start to fidget.

Her own eyebrow raised, Ritsuko excused herself from the group and gathered up the test results. "I'll see the Commander now, tell you about it later. Have a nice chat," Ritsuko ended with a smile that seemed fake even for Misato's tastes. Ritsuko couldn't stand Rei, even in the slightest. Looking at the pale girl reminded the doctor that the man she loved, the man she let do deplorable things to her held such a thing above her.

Leading Rei to a more private area of Nerv, Misato wanted some privacy more for her own safety than for Rei's. 'She has the uncanny ability to say the most odd comments without flinching.' Standing on the gantry by the now blue Unit-00, Misato leaned heavily on the railing. "What did you need to talk about this time Rei?"

"Ikari-kun's past. I asked him earlier today as to what form of employment he had that wasn't listed in his dossier, he directed me to you." Why he would do such a thing had played heavily on Rei's mind. She guessed it could have been considered classified and that was why it wasn't listed. Her own file was very similar. Was he something else the Commander was working on?

The question of whether to jump off the gantry herself or throw Rei over was the first thing that entered Misato's mind. 'I don't want to have this discussion now!' Ritsuko had informed Misato that as Shinji was a pilot, all current and future pilots should eventually be told. They had to know about something that could affect them in battle. "Can I ask why you want to know this Rei?" Misato stalled, knowing that whatever reason Rei had, she couldn't escape telling the girl about Shinji's past.

What followed next Misato wouldn't have believed had they not been in a climate controlled building, a minute amount of crimson spread across Rei's cheeks. "He is a comrade, I will need to depend upon him." It was true but not the whole truth, and Misato knew it. Anybody that spent a good amount of time with Rei could tell the girl was hiding something. Misato wasn't enjoying the direction the signs the conversation where headed.

It felt odd questioning Rei's integrity, she was nothing but the perfect soldier, but Misato had no choice. "Is that the only reason Rei, or is their something else that you're not telling me?" The deepening of the rose color answered Misato more than Rei's words did. 'She's interested in Shinji. Either as a friend, lover, or maybe something else I don't know which, but she is interested in him.'

"He has said…things to me," Rei felt uncertain as to how to continue. She never spoke about herself to others, or even cared to discus such matters before, but they were infringing on her other tasks now. "He presents a conundrum that I wish to understand to prevent future internal debate." Also his comments had cast a shadow of doubt on the Commanders actions, and that had to be remedied immediately.

Sighing heavily, Misato couldn't stall anymore. She had rehearsed how she would say this information to whoever was deemed necessary to tell, but it didn't make it any easier. "This information is strictly confidential, understood?" Misato waited for Rei to nod and agree. "Ok then. In his past, Shinji was placed in the home of an unknown child molester. The exact details of what happened are unknown, but we do know some events occurred and the woman mentally conditioned Shinji-kun to believe that he was expected to perform certain tasks, when he wasn't. Any questions?"

It was a heavily watered down version of the truth, but it was enough for Rei to start forming her own connections and understandings. "So his behavior has been modified by these events?" Misato said that it had done far more than modify his behavior, but refused to go into further detail. "Thank you captain, my questions are answered." Saluting Misato, Rei turned and left. When Rei was out of sight, Misato instantly left Nerv for the closest bar, and drank herself into oblivion.

Rei on the other hand had much to think of. 'The Commanders actions lead to the abuse of Ikari-kun.' The Commander had made a mistake according to Misato. And Rei's newfound knowledge cast Shinji's words in a new light. He had meant them, every last one of them. Rei had doubted the sincerity of Shinji's statements, as she thought she held no such values in her. But now, she could sense that even if she didn't truly have them, to Shinji she did. And that thought made her feel warm inside. 'I will speak to Ikari-kun again, I believe that he is…' Rei's thoughts became confusing. She didn't know why she truly wished to speak to Shinji again, only that she wanted to, and a small part of her, unknown to her higher consciousness wanted to hear him say words of praise about her again, wanted it desperately.

XX-Commanders Office-XX

Finding the test results to be satisfactory, Gendo dropped the pages on his desk and adjusted his slipping glasses. "Is their anything else Doctor Akagi?" He questioned as usually after the doctor had finished with her business she left, unless he had insisted she stay for other matters. Usually much to Ritsuko's bitter liking. But today she seemed, apprehensive, like something was bothering her but she couldn't get the nerve to say it. "I have other matters to attend to so if you have something else to say I recommend you do so."

Getting her body to react was harder than she thought. For a moment she wondered if she shouldn't put of the task as Misato had done. But looking at the chiseled face of the man she loved so dear, Ritsuko couldn't show weakness he loathed it. "Sir, Captain Katsuragi has come into some knowledge about your son that you may wish to know."

Gendo didn't care much for his son that much is true, but he was the boy's father, and a father regardless of how distant can sense some things. His confidant Fuyutsuki walked closer to the desk as well. "What has she learned about the Third Child that is pertinent beyond the testing?" Ritsuko's face dropped at the title Gendo used to refer to his son rather than use his name.

Clearing her throat, Ritsuko chose to bite the bullet and just say inform them bluntly. Over the next ten minutes Ritsuko filled the two men of the events they learned of, the mental state of the Third Child, and the coarse of action they were taking regarding it. "And so far it seems to be working Sir." As her speech ended, Ritsuko hoped for something, anything to show Gendo cared. Not so much for Shinji's sake, but her own. If the man cared so little for his son what actual hope did she have of ever receiving the man's love herself.

Ritsuko received no such relief. "You are dismissed," was all Gendo said until Ritsuko slowly exited his office. With the door closed, Gendo took his glasses off and rubbed the small space between his eyes with his hand. "Sensei did you know anything about this?"

Shocked at the news, Kozo simply shook his head. Kozo knew Gendo had shipped Shinji off to spare the boy the pain of his father's future work, and to have a life his mother would have preferred. They had no reason to expect anything else, so had spent no time insuring the boys safety. "What will you do?"

Gendo took the news in stride, as if he had learned a piece of property he had been burglarized. "Bring the husband in for questioning. As the facts prove that his piloting ability hasn't suffered from the events we have nothing to concern ourselves with." Kozo just looked at Gendo blankly for a few moments, turned, and went to fulfill his orders. If Gendo cared about the facts or not nobody knew save Gendo himself, and he wasn't going to let anybody know.

XX-End Chapter-XX

Well its taking on more layers now isn't it? Next chapter I'll be brining in a certain Red Haired girl that many of you know and love/hate. Hope this chapter was to your liking and I hope you give me some feedback as well

Bye!


	6. Chapter 6

Hello people!

I know it's been a little while since my last update, but I have a good reason. School can be a real hard place to be at times. Especially when you have a lot of end of term projects to complete. But its done, school's out and I'm back to writing! I hope you enjoy this chapter and continue to read/support my writing endeavors.

"Spoken"

'Thoughts'

XX-Begin-XX

Chapter – 6

XX-Over the Pacific Ocean – XX

The droning sound of the VTOL's engines normally were the most annoying thing Misato heard in a given day. Unfortunately for the woman, Shinji's two friends seemed to find the challenge of being even more annoying a simple one to overcome. 'How is he even friends with two boys like these?' Misato wondered as she saw the larger one, Touji if her memory served her well, gawking at her and smiling dumbly, and the small one, Kensuke she thought, recording everything and anything he could while providing a loud documentary of it all.

"You boys having fun back there?" Misato asked with a fake smile on her face, she had to at least try to appear and accept Shinji's friends. She knew he needed friends desperately, but again why did it have to be this type she wondered. 'I feel dirty just by having that one boy look at me,' Misato thought with a hint of disgust mixed with sadness for the boy. She knew she was attractive yes, but the overt lust pouring from Touji filled her stomach with unease and a little fear.

Pulling down hard on the rim of his new hat, Touji ran his fingers around the brim, "This is the greatest trip ever Misato-san!" Touji's bellow resounded in the tiny confines of the passenger compartment resulting in Shinji and Kensuke wincing in pain as their ears rang out in protest. Touji was on cloud nine ever since the moment Shinji timidly asked him if he wanted to go on the trip to acquire the Second Child. 'A date with Misato-san! I must have won some sort of lottery!' Touji thought as he allowed himself another quick look at Misato's curves, 'truly a great sight.'

Kensuke didn't even acknowledge the question as he continued to film the interior of the VTOL with a maniac's passion. Spotting the approaching convoy of battleships he almost dropped his camera. "It's the entire Pacific fleet!" he jubilantly cried as he pressed his lens to the window for a better angle. "Thanks so much Shin-man for this! I can never repay you for it!" the military geek said as he spared a few seconds to look at Shinji before turning back to the view before him. Kensuke's slow building jealousy of the meeker boy forgotten in the sea of his other obsession.

Misato wondered for a brief instant if the erection the smaller boy had was from the sight of the military convoy or if he was also sneaking peeks at her. Pushing the unpleasant knowledge that the two boys were excited into the deeper parts of her mind, Misato's eyes fell to Shinji as he sat looking seemingly bored out the window. 'What is on your mind Shinji-kun? Are you happy to be here like they are? Would you be like them if things had been different?' Misato wondered as she smiled and waved at the boy as he turned and locked eyes with her.

"Is all that necessary Misato-san? All for Unit-02 and it's pilot?" Shinji asked aloud, slightly confused at such drastic security measures for something that for all intensive purposes was the strongest fighting machine in the world. As for his thoughts about his friends' actions, Shinji didn't mind or realize them. He believed he was accepted by them, and wanted nothing more than that from life.

Misato had wondered exactly the same thing when she had saw the full extent of the fleet, but kept her mouth shut on the matter. Her answer was scripted for use whenever Nerv's policies were tried, "We can never assume we know how people will react to our presence, so its best to be prepared for the worst." The words seemed hollow as she spoke them. Something else was going on here, Misato was sure of that, but what it was she wasn't told of. "Well hope your ready to meet the new pilot because we're just about to start our decent."

Touji enthusiastically said he was ready for anything, and again Misato could feel the implications the young teenager had. Kensuke seemed about to burst with excitement and readiness. Shinji looked pensively out the window, something about getting a new pilot worried him. 'What if the new pilot is a lot better than me? Will they replace me? What if Misato chooses to get rid of me because I'm…' His mind didn't finish, as the idea of Misato tossing him out was his biggest fear, and even thinking about it made him want to cry.

XX-Over the Rainbow – XX

"Looks like our escort has arrived," Kaji said as he eyed the descending VTOL. Casting his eyes to the young woman next to him. "You know the Third Child is on that?" His smile never left his face, even when Asuka's own grin turned a tad feral. Kaji knew that to Asuka most things were a challenge, he was a challenge for Asuka as well, and one he hated to break to her she would never win. 'Katsuragi is here too, I wonder if Asuka even remembers her.'

Following the outline of the airship as it landed, Asuka could feel her anxiety growing with each passing second. She was the best pilot, trained since birth, and operator of the first Production designated Evangelion. But the Third Child was a wild card, was she better than that pilot? If she wasn't, could she become better than them? Her fears couldn't be shown or even given credence in Kaji's presence. "So what if the Third Child is here? I'm better than they are anyway."

Leaning over the steel beam that served as a handrail, Kaji rested his arms on the cold surface. "He did defeat two angels single handedly thought. The first was beaten without any training." He didn't know why he really said Shinji's past battles to Asuka. Part of him thought it was to insure she knew about him before she met him, but another darker deeper part just wanted to see the look of shock on her otherwise righteous and overconfident face.

Kaji got his wish as pure unbridled shock registered on Asuka's face. Her eyes widened and her jaw dropped. "That isn't possible!" was all Asuka could think of saying in response to Kaji's information. The anxiety in her stomach became of fire of self-doubt, something Asuka hated more than anything. She could feel it eating at her mind like an acid dripping on her brain. Kaji said that it was far more than possible, and that it was time to go meet them.

"I have a few things to do right now, but go and great our guests, Misato is among them so at least you'll know one of them," Kaji's tone was normal to Asuka' ears, but had Misato or Ritsuko heard him they would have known the truth. Fear was in Kaji's voice, hidden among the playfulness and lighthearted voice. Misato had done a great deal of hurt to Kaji's heart when she left him, and seeing her again was something Kaji wanted more than anything, but a lot could have happened in the years they had part. 'I'll watch her a little before I talk to her.'

A cold look crossed Asuka's eyes as she prepared herself to meet her rival. She had to be the best, would be the best, or she wouldn't survive. Her pride was what sustained her, pride in her abilities and pride in being the best, and she wasn't about to lose either. "I'll go greet them," before Kaji could leave Asuka pressed her lips to his cheek, "wish them luck for me." Kaji just watched her go, and when she was a few decks lower wiped his cheek. Kaji didn't care much for Asuka's affection but wouldn't crush her when she had a purpose.

XX-Helipad-XX

A few steps off of the VTOL and Shinji had never felt so good. While it didn't feel cramped while in the air, his joints hadn't cared for the inability to move for the duration of the flight. Stretching his limbs and moving freely felt heavenly. The fresh ocean air was also a rare treat for those living in the heavily polluted city. Watching Kensuke dancing around in front of him filming everything, and Touji chasing down his 'special hat' as the wind carried it, Shinji smiled. They were odd, but they were his friends. Turning back to see an embarrassed Misato, "Thank you for letting me bring them Misato-san."

The look of pure unadulterated sincerity on the boy's face made Misato momentarily forgot how the other boys were acting. "Its ok Shinji, you don't have to thank me." She said that knowing that if she had been given the option to replay the previous day, she wouldn't have mentioned it to Shinji. 'It would have been better if just he and I came.' Spotting a familiar tuft of red hair in the distance, Misato started guiding the two boys close at hand towards it the wind was guiding Touji just fine.

The feeling of obligation still dwelling in Shinji's mind, he tried thinking of ways to repay Misato for her kindness, but as his mind drew a blank, simply followed next to her as they headed further down along the ship. "Who is that?" Shinji asked as he saw Touji and a girl arguing at what seemed their destination.

"That would be the Second Child Shinji," Misato surpassed the smile that came from seeing Touji at the mercy of the girl she had meet in her past. 'I wonder if she's still a little hellion or if she finally mellowed out.' Coming to a stop right behind Touji, Misato smiled at the vibrant young woman, "Hello Asuka, it's been a long time. You've grown a lot since I last saw you." Misato missed the look of worry that momentarily crossed Shinji's face when she mentioned having known Asuka before.

The boorish pervert momentarily dismissed, Asuka's face beamed a bright smile. "Misato! It is you! And yes," Asuka stood as tall as she could and posed lightly, "I have grown a lot. I'm glad to see you again." Before Asuka could continue a small ocean breeze crested the hull of the ship and raised the young maiden's dress to dangerous heights. Sadly that meant in Asuka's mind justice needed to be meted out and she promptly slapped the two gawking boys, and the one that looked perpetually depressed.

For a brief instant, Misato was tempted to lash out at the offending woman and ask what the hell she was doing thankfully Touji preempted her. Misato knew for a fact that Shinji didn't care that Asuka had opted oddly enough to wear black panties, but Asuka had smacked him regardless. But as she watched Touji and Asuka argue about the 'viewing fee' and Touji's lack of senses as he flashed Asuka and then got a soundly good beating, Misato got a good idea. 'Maybe Asuka and Shinji would be good together. Shinji needs friends that are more mature and Asuka might be good for him.'

'The stupid perverted asshole!' Asuka fumed as her hand stung from the force she used to slap the ape before her. Already in a bad mood, Asuka dreaded her next question. "So which one of these…boys" the last word came out as if it were a contagious disease, "is the famous Third Child." A fearful eye turned to Touji as the palm print started to appear on his face, begging God, "not him I hope?"

Hoping to defuse Touji's growing rage, Misato pushed Shinji forward and closer to Asuka. "No, this is the Third Child, introduce yourself now," Misato said as happily as she could, hoping her tone could ease some of the tension growing between the teenagers. Surely somebody like Asuka, if the reports did the girl justice, could move past such things. 'Come on Shinji, be brave and move forward!' Misato didn't notice how she hadn't considered Shinji's opinion in the matter.

Bowing politely in front of Asuka, "Ikari Shinji, pleased to meet you," the timid boy said as well mannered and civil as he could. Seeing the exotic features the multi-national girl possessed Shinji was stricken with a heavy tongue. She was beautiful in a way the other girls wasn't she was different yet pleasing. And Shinji didn't know how to act around anybody he admired or was attracted to.

Looking at the almost frail looking boy, Asuka didn't know what to think. He was polite, but he was weak. He was timid yet was already battle tested and had beaten two angels alone. 'What is this boy?' Asuka didn't know but she was going to find out. As the look from Misato hardened slightly and the two other boys saw her hesitating for an answer she opted to state the most obvious fact she could think of. "Little on the boring side," she said in a drooling voice as she pivoted on the ball of her feet and headed down the deck.

"Who the hell does she think she is?" Touji spat out, the words dripping with venom and distaste. Fixing his hat, and adjusting his belt, Touji looked over at Kensuke as he filmed Asuka walking away. Over hearing the otaku's odd comment. "Who the hell would want her to order them around!" Huffing hardly and folding his arms to his chest, Touji reluctantly followed Shinji and Misato as they headed after Asuka to the mess hall. 'At least the view here is nice,' Touji thought as his eyes fixed on Misato's lower region as she walked, he noted how when she shifted her weight her ass shifted as well. 'Not everything is bad.'

XX-Mess Hall-XX

'This just fucking sucks,' Misato thought as she sat in the cramped and off smelling cafeteria aboard the 'Over the Rainbow.' 'Children to the left of me' Misato looked over at Kensuke who was still filming everything that looked remotely interesting to him. 'Children to the right of me,' Misato accurately guessed that Touji was trying to burn Asuka to cinders with his mind. But the worst was 'And children in front of me.'

Gazing adoringly across the table at Misato, Kaji tried his best to look as dashing as possible. "Katsuragi it's been way to long since we last talked." Something about how Kaji said the word 'talk' sent chills coursing down Misato's body. Kaji eyed up Shinji who was sitting quietly next to Misato and just watching everything. 'So that's the boy living with Misato the famous Third Child…lets play a little game.'

Taking a look over at Asuka, almost begging the girl to follow his line of thought, Kaji turned on Shinji. Kaji didn't like the idea of any man, even a fourteen year old, vying for his piece, and Misato was the best he had had, and part of him, unknown to his own higher mind cared for her. "So the famous Third Child, I hear your living with Katsuragi, is that right?" He knew it was a fact, but he needed Shinji to take the bait.

Misato just watched with a growing sense of hatred growing in her stomach. Kaji was up to something and they had only just met each other for the first time in years. 'What are you doing now?' Picking at her plate of food on the table. Misato spoke before Shinji could open his mouth, "I'm his superior officer and didn't want him to live alone. Something I'm sure you knew already."

'She lives with that runt?' Asuka thought as she watched her love talking so candidly with her old instructor. "Kaji-san why are we worried about what the boring Third Child does?" Why couldn't he be talking about her? Why couldn't he look at her the way she could see him stealing glances of Misato. But no, Kaji didn't even wait a moment before he calmly turned back to Shinji who seemed to want to hide under the table.

"Is she still a devil in the sack?" Kaji's voice betrayed none of the underlying dislike he had for the situation. The idea of Misato screwing a teenager was laughable but Misato was known for not always being the most rational of people. 'And she almost at times wants to have her reputation ruined.' The reaction from Shinji was preditable and set Kaji's mind at ease. The boy blushed stammered and said she snored a lot, Misato's reaction was however not expected.

The second the words that Kaji spoke registered in Misato's mind she saw red. Memories of Shinji's skillful ministrations, the knowledge of his past, and the ease of which Kaji had probably ruined Shinji's day by making HIM remember that sent her body into action. Jumping across the table and slamming her fist into Kaji's jaw before the spy could sense her moving, Misato allowed her momentum to carry her over the distance between her and the man and then slam him to the ground. "You ass! How could you even suggest such a thing?"

The stunned onlookers quickly broke free from their shock created paralysis and moved to restrain Misato. Asuka shoved the enraged woman off of Kaji while Shinji and Touji took an arm and tried to hold Misato down. "Misato-san, it was a joke, just a joke!" Shinji pleaded with his guardian to understand and stop her resisting. Sure the things Kaji had said did result in what Misato had thought, but Shinji didn't want the others to know it.

Laying on the ground, his face an amalgam of pain, Kaji didn't understand what had pissed Misato off so much about a simple little joke. 'At the most I thought she'd yell or throw her cup at me…not beat me.' With Asuka's assistance, Kaji got into a seated position just in time to watch Misato storm off alone down one of the many corridors. Looking over at the guilty looking young Ikari, "Do you know what's got her panties in a twist?"

Touji and Kensuke didn't say anything, they simply looked at Kaji looked at Misato's retreating form and walked after the woman. Shinji however wasn't fortunate enough to flee like the others. With Asuka and Kaji looking at him waiting answers, he had to say something. "She's been having a bad few days. She was in the hospital with radiation poisoning last week." It was a weak excuse, but the only thing Shinji could come up with in short notice to defend Misato's rashness.

Standing on two shaky legs, Kaji did his best to pass off his emasculation. "I forgot how strong her left hook was," he added a laugh to make it seem that his face didn't really hurt. "Well I guess this little meeting is over, it really was a pleasure to meet you Ikari-kun. Sorry that you two kids had to see this." Dusting his pants off, Kaji gently disengaged his arm from Asuka's and headed out of the room to have a smoke.

Asuka's arm trailed after Kaji as he walked away. 'Why the hell is Kaji being so nice to his kid? I'm better than him, my Eva is better, but everybody treats him like he's so damned superior!' They just didn't know how much better she was than him, but he would learn, yes the boy would have to be shown how much better she was than him. Taking Shinji's hand in hers. "Lets go Third Child, I have something to show you."

XX-Temporary Eva Hanger-XX

Standing triumphantly above her vessel of might, Asuka could see the look of admiration on Shinji's face. "This here is the pride of Nerv Germany! The first successful mass production Evangelion unit, Unit 02." Waving her arms in a show of flourish, Asuka could hardly contain the pride she had for her countries labor. "Its no wonder you were able to sync so well with your unit as it's inferior to the new standards."

The sheer power and pride in Asuka's voice was moving Shinji. 'She's so strong…her will…her determination! I…I'd never be so proud of things.' He looked at the new red Evangelion and tried to see it with Asuka's eyes. To see something to put his faith into and his strength, sadly he couldn't accomplish his task. "And you've been training since birth?" Shinji asked her hoping the admiration he could feel in his heart wasn't being conveyed in his words, she was to far above him to even take pity on him.

During their trek from the first battleship to the one hosting her Eva, Asuka had done more than brief Shinji on her training. She went into full detail about all that she could do and was trained in. Some would have thought it was her gloating, but each thing she told Shinji made him envy her more. "That's right, I'm fully qualified to pilot," her voice lost its power as a small tremor shook through the ship. 'An underwater depth charge?' She thought but then realized what it truly was.

Picking himself off of the ground that had accepted his falling body with uncaring arms, Shinji looked at Asuka confused. "What was that?" he asked having his own suspicion about the cause, but hoping he was wrong. 'If it's an angel, can we beat it out here?' Looking up again at Asuka, Shinji had to avert his eyes as the red-head neared the edge of the skull of Unit-02 and her position gave him an ample view if he had wanted it.

Jumping down to the gantry, Asuka had no idea that she had been presenting the boy with a view of her undergarments, no right now something better had presented itself than taking out her anger on a timid male. She had a chance to show Kaji that she was better than the famous Third Child. She'd pilot and win and then she'd be deemed the best. Taking Shinji's hand again, Asuka lead the boy down to a stairwell. "We're going to go fight it." Reaching into her bag, Asuka withdrew two plugsuits, "And you're going to be their to witness my triumph, put it on."

Something in Asuka's voice, the sheer power and authority it contained lanced Shinji's mind. It was like being in the bedroom with Mizuho again, and he was powerless to refute the girl. With a small nod Shinji grabbed the suit and instantly began shedding his cloths. "I'll be here waiting," was all he said as a blush crept up Asuka's face and she smacked him.

"Wait until I go down the stairs first pervert!" Asuka fumed as she shook her head in disgust as she walked further down the stairs. Stripping her own cloths off and pulling on the cool pliable material over her body, something odd appeared in her mind. 'He was kinda cute, and so quick to follow orders…' Smacking her cheeks lightly to get her mind back on track and banish thoughts of commanding the boy to her beck and call.

As the time passed and Asuka had still not appeared from her descent, Shinji slowly approached the stair well. "Asuka-san are you there?" Peeking his head around the corner, afraid that some accident had befallen the young woman, Shinji was greeted by two things. The first was a quick glimpse of Asuka's breasts the next was a shoe bouncing off his face. Holding his now slightly bleeding nose, Shinji cried out in pain as Asuka rushed up the stairs.

"You pervert!" Asuka yelled, but again couldn't quell the small part of her that was actually turned on by the quick show. Maybe he wasn't as timid as she thought, and he did call out for her before looking. 'I just didn't get the chance to respond before he acted…' Well she didn't have to apologize for the blow he did deserve it after all. "You got what you had coming to you for peeking, now hurry."

Again nodding to Asuka's authoritative command, Shinji didn't question her he followed orders as required. When the got to the entry plug he hoisted her up as ordered, when Misato later commanded them to concentrate on opening the angel's mouth he followed orders, and after they won he followed Asuka's last order. "I beat that thing didn't I Third Child, you just watched right?"

A shallow nod and a low yes mumbled out of his mouth as he helped her out of the plug and onto the deck. With a skip in her step Asuka went off to tell Kaji about how great she had been only to learn he had skipped out early. Shinji was greeted by laughs from his friends as his plug suit had augmented his appearance, but it was Misato that saw the changed look on his face.

'What the hell is that? He looks, looks so docile…' She didn't know why, but Misato didn't like the look on Shinji's face at all. Adding it up to simply post-battle nerves Misato let it go. Going over to Asuka to congratulate her on a very successful battle, Misato wondered if having Asuka move in was a good idea. 'She might help break Shinji out of his shell…' With a smile on her face, Misato thought about how nice it would be for the chores to be split three ways and that ended the debate, she'd take Asuka in as her ward as well if possible.

XX-end chapter-XX

And there you have it, Asuka is now a cast member! Hope I didn't make her OOC and if I did…I'll try to fix it in later chapters. Hope you'll review this for me and read my other stuff. Next on the docket is another chapter of my "What We Make of It" side stories…I have lot of fun writing those. Odd but funny stuff

Later people!


	7. Chapter 7

Yo people!

Sorry it took so long to update this story, but life has a way of messing with your plans. I'll try to keep updates coming in standard intervals but, nothing seems concrete right now with life so…please bare with me.

X-X

A Past To Forget

Chapter-7

XX-Tokyo-3 Junior High-XX

"I can't believe how quickly that bitch has worked her claws into the class!" Touji exclaimed as he sank furrowing into his desk. The students all came filing in for another day of learning and much like the previous week, countless other students had to come and try their luck with the exotic foreigner. "Why does everybody think her shit doesn't stink?"

Kensuke, who was recording the latest rejection encounter, turned to look at Touji while keeping his camera on the dejected upperclassmen. "They don't know how she is. They know she has bigger tits then most of the girls the other classes, she looks great, but then when they talk to her." He turned back to watch as Asuka stomped on the flowers the boy had presented her, huffed in the air, and walked back to Hikari's desk. "They learn that she isn't worth the effort."

"What do you think of her Shin-man, you have to live with her? Aside from seeing her in the shower and all it must be hell!" Touji asked the so far silent companion. Shinji seemed a little different since Asuka showed, both boys thought but didn't voice upon. Having a minute hope that Shinji wouldn't mind the camera trick again and getting pictures of both Misato and Asuka, they would sell very well, Touji watched as Shinji's eyes seemed to draw back from some unknown place and back to reality.

Shinji didn't know what he thought of Asuka. She moved in, kicked him out of the larger of the extra bedrooms, and when Misato wasn't around put her chores on him, but at sparse times she was nice to him, and that went a long way with him. Shinji had done chores before she showed up so didn't think much of it, but something in how Asuka ordered him around was filled him with horrific nostalgia, one he couldn't fight or even think of resisting. But all of this Shinji couldn't tell anybody. He couldn't tell Misato because she was so kind to him, and had brought Asuka in to help him, she'd told him as much, and he couldn't tell Touji or Kensuke because then he'd have to tell them of his past, and that he wanted less than anything. So his response was simply, "She's not that bad."

As he was about to laugh at his simple response, Kensuke's voice choked in his throat and died as he spotted Rei walking around the corner and into the room. 'She's looking at him again…him and not me. He gets to live with another beautiful woman and I still get nothing!' Part of Kensuke felt shame in his growing hatred of Shinji as he knew Shinji didn't cause any of it, but the dominant part of his mind, the part that cherished Rei like a porcelain figure of the most exquisite beauty, thought the shy boy was rubbing everything in his face. Masking his following of Rei's body to her chair as turning away from the now happily conversing Asuka, Kensuke spoke in tones that didn't match the words. "Maybe you're getting sweet on her."

Blushing softly Shinji denied that he thought anything about Asuka besides respect, she was the best pilot after all. "I think I just have a better insight into her character. I get to see the good and bad I guess." Shinji's defense of Asuka was weak, but neither of the other boys cared. Asuka could eat raw meat and not bathe for all they cared they only looked at her for her body not her mind. One thing did bother Shinji about Asuka's entrance into his life, she had cut him totally off from Hikari, and the bastion of relief the freckled girl had given him.

Across the room, Asuka huffed. She couldn't stand the low-grade males she was forced to put up with. None of them were mature enough for her tastes. No, none of them were Kaji. "How do you put up with these 'boys' Hikari?" The work 'boys' was said with the most distaste as possible, almost as if the word itself had demeaned her to say it. "Monkey-boy over there just won't stop staring at us."

Not liking how Asuka referred to the object of her crush, Hikari repeated her opinion of calling Touji 'Monkey-boy.' Hikari liked Asuka, the girl's outgoing personality, her sense of self, and enthusiasm had quickly won Hikari over into a sudden and strong friendship. "Asuka, they're not all bad guys you know. Maybe if you didn't turn them all down you'd learn that." The sheer number of love letters Asuka had received had sent Hikari into a small bout of depression and jealousy too. Sure she was new and very attractive, something Hikari would never think about herself, but the way Asuka responded to the letters was shocking.

A haughty laugh escaped Asuka's lips as Hikari's words stuck a cord in her. "Name one boy in this class that isn't a degenerate pervert?" Asuka waved her hand gesturing to all the gathering male populace of the classroom. Many of which had sent love letters to the girl professing their undying love to her, and much like Asuka thought had only one thing truly on their minds, and it wasn't love. 'Why can't guys stop thinking with their dicks for a change.'

Struck by being suddenly put on the spot, Hikari had to think quickly about one of the boys in the classroom, while she was tempted to say Touji, Hikari did know that the jock was a little on the randy side. Seeing Shinji seated by Touji however sent memories of the pleasant experience she had with the timid boy at the movies. "Shinji-kun isn't that bad," Hikari said rather confidently.

Asuka just rolled her eyes, Shinji wasn't a boy in her eyes wasn't even in the same category. "That wuss doesn't count as a man. He's more female than some of girls in this class." But part of Asuka liked that about him. He just took orders so well. Misato had felt compelled to not work around the house and give the chores to them. But all Asuka had to do was wait for Misato to get out sight, look at him, and say 'you're doing my chores' and that was it. And he made one hell of a good lunch. In the darker confines of her mind, questions started forming though, questions along the lines of how far she could press her demands on him before he'd finally say 'no' for once.

Slightly annoyed at Asuka's assault on the boy, Hikari shook her head. "Asuka he's nice, and he does break the mold you said all the boys fit into." Why she was defending Shinji, Hikari didn't know, maybe it was because she had seen so many of the other girls' say the same thing about him after the initial buzz had died. She had spent time with him though and knew he was better than they were giving him credit for. 'He always seems lost or sad…why doesn't he smile much?' Hikari thought as she gazed at Shinji from across the room.

Following her gaze Asuka saw Shinji handing Touji his homework to let the jock copy. "Geeze Hikari, you sound like you might actually like him." Asuka chided her friend knowing that the pigtailed girl couldn't possibly like Shinji. She couldn't like him because Asuka didn't want her too. Asuka couldn't tell why, but she just didn't want her friend to like the boy, it might change things, and Asuka liked how the current situation was.

Before the teacher entered the room, Hikari blushed fiercely and denied any sort of feelings for Shinji, much to Asuka's enjoyment. The boys watched confused as Asuka started laughing and Hikari stood to begin the daily ritual. Watching Shinji, Rei wondered when they could talk again, she had been busy in terminal dogma for the last few days and had yet to have what she deemed a decent conversation with him, something she found herself wanting to have.

X-Science Labs-X

His left arm secured around her waist, Kaji snaked his right higher on the blonde's chest right below her breast. Resting his head on her shoulder, Kaji breathed in the scent of one Ritsuko Akagi. He hated it. It was a medicine smell, one that reminded him of hospitals, morgues, and death. But she had answers, answers he wanted on many things so he'd bear it. "To leave such a beauty like you alone is a crime against all the men of Nerv," Kaji laced the words with so much sweetness that they were dripping with it.

Ritsuko knew of Kaji's past, and during college even spent more than one night in his bed, not that she ever told Misato. But now Ritsuko wasn't so wanting of the affection of others, blinded by the need to be loved, and feel it. She'd let Kaji feel her up, whisper sweet nothings in her ears trying to get not only into her panties, but into the Magi and her brain as well. She knew he'd get nothing from her, not anymore. Closing her eyes and leaning back into his arms to add to the act, "Why Kaji-kun how nice of you to visit me."

Removing the hand from her waist, Kaji casually put his palm to Ritsuko's cheek. "So what are you working on now that keeps you so alone?" The smell of tobacco and coffee assailed his senses, as Ritsuko's face was the sole thing he could see. His hand sank lower and his fingers were now under her chin almost cupping her face. 'Her roots are showing,' Kaji's mind almost laughed.

"Sync tests," Ritsuko admitted, not that such information could help the spy that Ritsuko knew Kaji was. She wanted to know how Asuka's influence as affecting Shinji, and with the numbers as they were, she might have an answer now. "And you might want to back away, we have company," Ritsuko smiled as Misato and Maya walked into view, Misato looking sickened, while Maya's innocence poured through and her face turned a deep crimson at the sight of her senior in a seeming loving embrace.

Seeing the woman he wanted to hold walking towards him with a very unpleasant scowl on, Kaji quickly disengaged from Ritsuko. "Hello Katsuragi, Ibuki-chan how are you two lovely ladies fairing today?" Kaji tried his best at downplaying his actions with Ritsuko, but from Maya's own apprehensive appearance, he was failing badly.

Disgust on her face, Misato gave Kaji a level icy stare. "I think the Commander needs to see you," the Captain said in a flat emotionless voice. It wasn't a lie as such the Commander had made it known that he needed to speak to Kaji, but that it wasn't of the most immediate importance. Though it did get rid of him and Misato wanted nothing but to have him away from her. As Kaji shrugged his shoulders, realizing the atmosphere in the room was against him he headed for the exit, stopped to try and give Misato a peck on the cheek on his way out only to be rewarded with a moderate slap to the cheek. When he was safely out of earshot, "Ass."

"Now now children calm down," Ritsuko chided her friend. Seeing Misato's reaction to Kaji was actually startling, she had figured that the two would be distant a little, but that Misato would eventually let the man back into her life and eventually her bed. Misato and Maya took up vacant chairs next to Ritsuko as she slid a few sheets of paper on a clipboard and handed it to Misato. "I think I was right when I yelled at you before."

"You yell at Katsuragi-san about something Sempai?" Maya who had forcibly joined Misato on the visit to Ritsuko's hadn't been privy too much of the other women's plotting and planning. "What about?"

Finding Maya's interest in matters concerning her ward to be slowly growing in annoyance, Misato's agitation was already peaked when Ritsuko brought up 'her bad choices.' Turning to Maya, "Ritsuko here thought it was a bad idea for me to have Asuka move in with me and Shinji. Thought it might have been a rash thing to do." Turning on Ritsuko now, "But they seem to get along fine! She might actually be helping him to cope with things."

Pointing to the numbers on the Sync-ratio report, "Not if these tests have anything to say about it. He's not improved nearly as much as he had been before she showed up." If he hadn't made any or had declined in his scores Ritsuko would have pulled the plug on the whole Asuka debate already. 'She's just so impulsive in her choices in things, what if Asuka's personality isn't good for him? What if his isn't good for her?' While Shinji was currently in a very bad mental state, Ritsuko couldn't focus solely on him, Asuka's past was anything but pleasant either.

Not being as well versed in reading the data as Ritsuko, and a lesser extent Maya, Misato couldn't see the problem. "He's making progress, something wrong with progress?" Misato's real question wasn't in the words themselves but how she said it. She was really questioning Ritsuko's judgment. 'They get along fine at the apartment when I'm there. She's polite to him, most of the time, and he doesn't do much to even stand in her way so what is the problem? Hell its only been one week.'

Watching her two superiors squabble and fuss over how one acted as compared to the other was finally beginning to try Maya's patience. There was a human life being used as a chess piece between two friends that should be helping each other instead of trying to find 'the best way' to solve a puzzle or game. 'Its not a game, and I don't think they realize that!' Maya thought hotly as she watched Ritsuko frown and try to tell Misato just how big a deal it was. 'Do they even realize how petty they seem? Ritsuko-sempai trying to prove she's right while Katsuragi-san defending on how she's right…fuck them.' Maya had enough. Standing up and walking out of the office without a word to either woman, Maya was going to try things her way now and let the children have their game. 'I'm not going to be like them, I'm going to actively try something.'

Back in the office, Misato let out a sigh of relief, glad that Maya was gone. "I think we better watch her…Shinji said she was being really nice to him. Even asked me to stop ordering people to be nice to him," the smile on Misato's face after thinking about that conversation was thin. She had actually thought about asking a few of the men to try to include Shinji a little more, then thought better of it. Shinji's not at the age where he'd really fit in with the tastes of the guys here. And she didn't want him to take up their bad habits, she didn't want to have to worry about a camera in the bathroom like they had found once at Nerv.

Following what she could of Maya's retreating form, Ritsuko just nodded. Maya was something of a conundrum to Ritsuko. Part of the scientist envied the innocence and positive feeling the young tech had, while another part of her hated the woman for it, and wished she too could be back in a time where she felt like that. "Maya won't do anything foolish. She's not something we really need worry about, we need to think about how Asuka and Shinji might affect each other." And thus the argument was revived anew.

X-Tokyo-3 Junior High-X

Walking out of the school and into the quad area before the gate, Shinji was flanked by his two friends. Touji was still rambling on how whipped Shinji was for making a lunch for 'the demon' and Kensuke was oddly silent. "So what do you guys have planned for the rest of the day?" Shinji asked knowing already that he had more tests at Nerv and was on his way there as he spoke.

Pointing at the gymnasium, "I'm going to go play some basketball, maybe hit the arcade later." Touji said unenthusiastically. It was nothing new for him to waste most of his time playing with the upperclassmen, hoping to be improving enough to have a future of it, but knowing secretly that such a hope was useless. Tossing a look at Kensuke, knowing Shinji's day was planned, as Asuka had made it a formal announcement during class. "You going to be there?"

Hoisting his camera into the air, "Not today, have a lot of footage to go over and some photos to pick up at the shop. You can come over later though, we can hit up a fighting game or something." Kensuke had hoped that Touji would say no, he had a lot more photos that he needed to develop personally that he had taken. Photos he didn't want others to see. From the corner of his eye, Kensuke caught sight of the two female pilots quickly heading their way. Asuka running with a smile on her face, a small one but it was their none-the-less and Rei walking peacefully behind her. As they approached Kensuke could see that Asuka aimed to brandish her bag against Shinji's head, he didn't say a word.

Seeing the idiot trio standing in her way, Asuka couldn't help but rush at them. While she intended to swap all three with a wide arc swing of her bag, as she neared she couldn't help but focus solely on Shinji. Brining her bag down on the back of his head and forcing him into a stumble, Asuka let out a short laugh followed by, "Come on Third-Child you're being to lazy! Get you ass in gear!" Her light tone let those around know it was in good fun, but Shinji's reaction to it wasn't taken lightly at all.

Rubbing the back of his head, Shinji just nodded, "Sorry I'll do better," a scripted response drilled into him for many past mistakes. Many times when he had failed in the new manner to which Mizuho had come to want to experience or play with. 'I'll do better' was something Shinji had said many times when he had failed to achieve the necessary level of completeness. "I'll talk to you guys later," was his parting words as he joined the other pilots and left.

Touji and Kensuke just shrugged and went their separate ways as well, both thinking Shinji's response was a little odd. Rei watched with a degree of displeasure at seeing the actions of the Second Child. In Rei's opinion, Asuka was overly self-confident and brazen. The German's manner of dealing with people was also starting to irritate her, Rei was used to ridicule based on her appearance, but Asuka's comments never ceased. 'Her past is much to blame, though I will not tolerate much more abuse of Ikari,' Rei thought as her pace slackened and she looked at Shinji talking to Asuka about what he was too make for lunch the next day. 'I wish to talk to him, I will need to find a time when she is not present.'

X-Galley-X

With the lingering smell of LCL still in his hair, Shinji picked and chose what little looked good to eat from the available selection. Asuka had shown both Rei and him up again with her superior abilities, not that it really bothered him. In the span of one week, it seemed that Asuka had not only became a natural sight at Nerv, but an expected force. 'I wish I could be as confident as she is,' he thought as he carried his meager food items to a vacant table and sat.

As the Sync test took only a small time, the vast majority of the galley was empty, only a few other techs where taking a small break while the rest waited for the halfway point in their shift to eat lunch. Shinji liked it best this way, just him and nobody else. He didn't have to worry about how he was supposed to behave, think of how he didn't fit in with them, or worry about how they'd feel knowing that their fate rested on the shoulders of a dirty and used wretch like him. 'But now with Asuka here…and Rei's unit almost back in working order they won't need me.'

The intercom chimed the hour for those not wearing watches. Shinji notices the few others in the room reluctantly got up and headed out of the room back to their positions. Now he was totally alone, looking at his tray he felt so happy knowing that nobody was in there with him that he started crying. Tears cascaded down his cheeks and fell into his uneaten food. 'I hate it! I'm…I'm so pathetic that being alone makes me happy…if they didn't need me to pilot…I'd…I'd rather be dead.' The idea of his own death shot through his mind like a bullet.

His whole life had been nothing but lies and abuse. He'd welcome death when it came to him, but he wouldn't put the ending of his suffering above the human race, he wasn't that self absorbed. Sure Misato was being a great help to him, but he could see how his existence could be a problem to her, and he didn't want to, couldn't be a problem to her. 'She means to much to me to ever want to do that,' he nodded to his own logic and wiped the few tears away from his eyes with his napkin.

Rounding the corner and entering the fairly decent green and white tiled room and finding Shinji sitting at one of the benches, Maya was about to make good on her vow. With her shift over for the day, she'd try and make Shinji's day better. Seeing the uneaten food on his tray, "Say Shinji-kun, this stuff isn't that good, want to go get something better to eat with me? My treat?" She wasn't expecting the sight she next received.

His solitude broken unexpectedly, Shinji's face darted to the energetic voice fearfully. His eyes still bright red from the tears he had shed, and the odd mix of content-ness and misery still on his face. "Ibu…Maya-san?" Shinji squeaked out. Misato had told him that she hadn't ordered Maya to talk to him, and that made things worse for him. A nice and attractive older woman talking to him and he didn't know what to do. Hoping she didn't notice his current state of appearance, but knew she couldn't help but see it. "What…are you doing here?"

Shinji was right, Maya could tell the instant he looked at her that he wasn't in a good mood, not even close to one. Wanting to console him but fearing being to forward or brash, Maya timidly put her hand on his shoulder, "You ok?" As the words left her mouth she wanted to slap herself. 'Of course he's not all right! He was crying! How stupid can I be?'

Nodding dumbly, "I'm fine, I think the LCL is irritating my eyes," he tried to lie, but it was a weak one and easily seen through. Looking away from the concerned face of Maya, whose own eyes wafted down after the failed attempt to hide his outbreak. "Thanks for the offer, but Misato-san said to wait here and I'm just…just having something to tide me over till I get home and cook." Which was true, Misato had asked if he'd mind covering her cooking duties that night as she wasn't in the mood to cook, Asuka quickly seconded as the one time Misato did cook, Asuka wouldn't have anything to do with it.

'Does she do anything around the house?' Maya wondered as she watched Shinji poke at his food on his plate. "You sure Shinji-kun? I'm sure Katsuragi-san wouldn't mind one night of fending for herself." Maya couldn't understand why, but she wanted more than anything now to get Shinji to do something against Misato. Nothing big, but how Misato seemed to be using Shinji was appalling.

Shinji smiled at that, "No she wouldn't mind, but Asuka would. She'd have to eat Misato's cooking and I don't think I'd hear the end of it." He'd cook for Misato and Asuka till the ends of the earth if needed, if he was allowed to stay. As long as he had to live he wanted to stay where he was, he felt safe there. "Maybe some other time?" Shinji liked talking to Maya, and the idea of her actually wanting to talk to him of her own volition was a blessing unto itself.

Taking a seat next to Shinji, but facing the other way on the bench, her legs away from the table. "I'll hold you to that one Shinji-kun, it's a date." Her use of the word date had a chain affect of causing both to blush a little, Shinji in embarrassment, and Maya in confusion. She hadn't meant it come out that way, yet it did. The pair talked of how school was for him, how work was for her, what Asuka was like at home, and what Maya's current book was.

It all ended when a crop of red-hair emerged from the doorway, "Yo! Third Children were going, get your stuff and get a move on!" The exuberant German said as she watched Shinji annoy the petit tech woman. 'Probably hitting on her,' a docile part of her said, yet Asuka could tell, even from her small exposure to Shinji, that such really wasn't likely. "Wonder girl was holding me up with odd questions and that's why it took so long." Asuka admitted as Shinji headed over to her. After wishing Maya a goodnight the pair left. Maya watched feeling something cold growing in her stomach. The quickness of Shinji's actions when Asuka gave them, maybe he wanted to get away from her, or maybe she was just looking to deeply at things that didn't need looking into.

X-Gendo's Office-X

"So what did he have to say about his wife's actions?" Gendo asked in a bored voice. Kozo had taken it unto himself to gather intelligence on the events at the Kamazaki home. Gendo didn't care as long as Shinji could pilot, and in fact the events served him as it gave Misato and Ritsuko something to throw themselves into allowing him to act with less need for caution.

Fuyutsuki had taken the charge of finding out what happened not for Gendo's sake, but for Yui's. He had loved the woman even after she had married Gendo and had her only child. "He said that he knew what has happening from the start. He and his new wife were having an affair and he didn't care what his wife did as long as the support checks kept coming." It sickened Fuyutsuki to think humans could be so cold. The husband had given a child to his wife to curb her sexual appetite while he went and fucked a childhood friend behind her back, and didn't say anything because he could get money out of it.

Gendo nodded, "Rei," he called out as he saw the young woman walking into his office, still garbed in her plug-suit. "You are aware of the events relating to the Third's past?" His gaze was looking at Rei but seeing Yui in her face. Many times he'd watch Rei and think of how closely the resembled each other, it sickened him. He wanted his wife back not some mutated copy. But for her to come back, he had to use what tools he had, and Rei was one of them.

Nodding to the question, "Yes sir, I was informed by Captain Katsuragi about the events leading to his arrival here." Rei began wondering why she had been called into the Commanders office. Usually it was only a pretense to get her to go to Terminal Dogma for more tests and procedures, yet he was asking him questions about her own knowledge. 'This has not happened before.'

"You are to keep your distance from him when you are not at Nerv. You will not inform anybody of his past as such information could be damaging to Nerv, is that understood?" Gendo had seen the changes in Rei's reactions to his son after the events of the Fifth angel. If he couldn't keep tight control over Rei she was useless.

Under the combined gaze of both Commander and Sub-commander, Rei had no choice but to comply. "I will do as commanded," was all she said and then she was dismissed. Leaving his office, Rei wondered what she was feeling. 'I feel hurt but my body shows no physical injury. Am I sad as I won't be allowed to see Ikari?' Turning and looking at the Commander's large oaken office doors, Rei wondered if she could actually follow the command she was given. Back inside the office, Kozo just looked at Gendo and asked himself why and how such a man could have gotten to such places and power, he had no answer.

And at the Katsuragi apartment, one Ikari Shinji made supper for his family, 'because its what is expected of me,' he thought as he poured the soup into the bowls and took them to the table.

X-End Chapter-X

Little more depressing I think, but its all in the name of story line. I hope you all enjoyed that and I want to really thank all of you for your great reviews! Zen-Chan thank you too for all the ideas and support! Till next chapter

BYE EVERYBODY


	8. Chapter 8

Hello out there in internet land, sorry I've been away for so long but life is like that I suppose. First and foremost I'd like to thank all of you for reviewing, it makes my writing seem to mean more. Secondly as of one review I feel it necessary to make one point clear. The names of the teacher and her husband, Kamazaki, was just borrowed from Onegai Teacher, the actual characters in my story are NOT those two, repeat I'm just using the names as it seemed to fit.

With that said, I'll begin with the next chapter

X-X

A Past to Forget

Chapter – 8

X-Apartment 404 –X

Stepping out of the shower onto the grimy soiled tiled floor of her bathroom, Ayanami Rei inhaled deeply. Two weeks she'd tried to fulfill the commander's degree not to seek out his son in any way, and still she felt the unexplained pain in her chest. 'I wish to see him, yet I have been ordered not to.' Why was she denied the right to see him, was he a threat to her? If so surely he would have been dealt with, commander's son or no. 'She is allowed to see him though,' Rei's eyes hardened as she reached for an only slightly dirty towel to clean herself with, the blooded ones lay on a pile in the corner.

Asuka Langley Souryu. Rei was starting to dislike the name greatly. Starting at her legs and working up, the young woman tried to dry as best as possible, and avoid touching certain areas as when she did the sensation oddly roused thoughts of Shinji. 'She is cruel to him and myself, yet she is allowed to be with him, why is that?' Discarding the damp towel, more a large rag, to the ground Rei picked up the pair of panties she had worn earlier that day and slide them back on, they were still the cleanest pair she owned. She followed with her bra and a large white button up t-shirt, had anybody ever seen it they'd have known was very similar to the boy's school shirt.

Moving to what she deemed her kitchen, actually only a small rusty metal table next to her nearly barren refrigerator, Rei prepared her evening meal. A glass of water, a bowl of lettuce, and two pieces of bread, all of which was came twice a month from section-2 by order of the commander. 'His actions regarding many things seem in hindsight to be flawed given my current knowledge.' It seemed a sacrilege to the young girl to think anything poorly of the man that gave her life, but rumors and hushed conversations between Ritsuko and Misato when nobody thought was around gave much credence to the thought.

The murky water in her small cup flowed down her thought leaving a small trail down her cheek as she finished her meal. Gathering the only plate and bowl she owned, Rei placed them back next to the refrigerator until she needed them again. As it had done on several occasions after lengthy thoughts about Shinji, the commander, and her life in general Rei's hand unconsciously trailed its way to her breast and came to a rest there. 'His touch…' was all Rei thought before making her way to her bed for sleep. All of her thoughts about him stemmed from that. As her mind fogged over with sleep a single clear thought stayed until she was lost to unconsciousness, 'I want to talk to him again.'

X-Katsuragi Apartment –x

Closing the door as quietly as possible, Misato prayed she didn't wake any potential sleepers with her late night homecoming. It wasn't that late really, a few minutes past midnight, but with school looming over her wards, she suspected both were already fast asleep. 'Late shifts suck,' Misato thought with a grimace as she pulled off her shoes and walked into the dimly light apartment. "Is that the television?" she asked herself as she rounded the small hallway into the living room. "Shinji, what are you still doing up?"

Getting up from his reclining position on the couch, Shinji sat on the edge of the cushion. "I couldn't sleep so I thought I'd watch some television and maybe that would…would make me tired." He couldn't well tell her that he was waiting for her to come home, to make her food, or get her something to drink, or some other way of hopefully staying her hand from forcing him out. 'Asuka said that…that Misato's thinking about it if I don't pull my weight around her more.'

That night, while Misato scanned reports and Rei studied, Asuka and Shinji had the apartment to themselves. Things started off well, Asuka spent the majority of the night talking on the phone to Hikari while Shinji did his and her homework and the chores. Partway though the phone conversation Asuka grew hungry and politely requested Shinji start supper earlier, and what he should make. He gladly obliged, a happy Asuka was much better than an angry one she was much nicer to him when she was happy. His subconscious was sickly reminded that Mizuho was exactly the same. When Mizuho was happy she rewarded Shinji with something that was almost like love, the love one has for a pet or the appreciation of an appliance.

It was the meal that had set Asuka off into a darker mood. 'I told you to make it hot, not mild!' She yelled, as the curry wasn't to her specifications. He of course apologized and tried to fix the remainder, but the damage was already done. When he put the second plate before her was when the German slipped, 'I swear that if you don't start doing what your told I'll agree with Misato in getting rid of you.' Misato had never said anything of the sort to Asuka, but the young woman had seen how Shinji reacted to the guardian's presence. It was a button that was very easy to push to get her little servant to dance for her. Fear of being abandoned by his savior for failure, Shinji was determined to appease both Misato and Asuka all the more.

Back in the present, Shinji got to his feat and headed to the kitchen, "Since I'm up would you like something to eat?" He asked this as he was already pulling out the remaining supper and a beer for her. He could have used the microwave to reheat it, but that wouldn't have been good enough, no not if he wanted to stay. Shinji pulled out a clean pot and started to re-warm the food the hard way.

After a long days work and with an empty belly, Misato gladly accepted Shinji's offer. Chugging the beer that the boy left on the table, she smiled as Shinji worked. 'Such a busy little bee,' the ice chinked in her glass as it melted and moved to a better setting in the glass. "So how was your day Shinji?" Misato noticed the drying plates in the sink as she asked him, 'seems Asuka did get around to washing the dishes after all.'

Pulling one of the dishes he had in fact cleaned back out of the sink, Shinji filled his guardian's plate and moved it to the table. Watching as Misato dug into the steaming dish, the boy leaned his back against the counter and smiled. "School was ok," it had been, and would have been better had he been able to speak to either Rei or Hikari, but such was not to be, "and I just did homework and watched television when I was home." No reason to tell Misato about the chores, it would make her upset that Asuka was too busy to do the chores. Yes Shinji was effortlessly slipping back into a life of servitude of a different sort, this time it was secret from everybody even himself.

Marveling at the taste of the curry and rice, Misato continued to eat in silence. Things were not perfect but moving towards it rapidly. 'I was so right to bring Asuka in, Shinji seems so much more calm now that she's here.' Downing the last of her beer, Misato looked up to see the boy already bringing her a second. "You don't have to watch me eat Shinji. I'll do my dish afterward, you go to sleep ok?"

Uncertain as to if he offended her, Shinji nodded listlessly, mumbled out a goodnight and walked akin to an automaton back to his room. Not bothering to change into sleeping cloths, he merely fell unto his bed and clutched for his SDAT player. Popping the numbs into his ears and turning the machine on, he hoped the soothing tones would lull him to sleep. They did but not immediately. For a period he lay on his bed, like a toy that was left on but not used. He turned to his side and gripped the player tight and prayed to whoever listened to worthless befouled boys that he not be forced away from what little happiness he knew.

He was awoken the next morning not to his own alarm clock, but to the angel siren.

X-Beach front-X

'It doesn't look that threatening' Asuka thought hoping to quell the uneasiness she felt. Seated in her unit, the sweat dissolving into the LCL the instant it came out of her pours, Asuka didn't had to be brave, had to face the beasts and win, or her carefully constructed life would crumble and fall around her like a crushed rose in the wind. Sparing Unit-01 a brief glimpse, Asuka listened as Misato gave orders for both of them to wait until the angel made its move, she was to play point while Shinji acted as back up. Perfect, she'd again get all the credit for the kill and she could continue as she had for so many years, in the sun.

"So…I just stay back and offer cover?" Shinji asked unsure as to whether he liked the idea or not. He'd be safe, but with Asuka in the lead it was just one step closer to being removed. 'If they replace me I guess it won't matter if I live anymore then,' the idea was sickeningly pleasing to him. As the response validated his question, Shinji willed Unit-01 to grip its weapon tighter as he prepared himself. 'Misato would be better if I was gone anyway, she'd not have to worry about me, or go out of her way for me.'

Letting out a fierce cry, Asuka charged the stationary enemy before the appointed time. In once fierce blow, Asuka effectively sliced her angelic opponent from its shoulder area down to just above its pelvis. The sound the blade made as it tore through the soft flesh and bone was wet and slopping, but to those involved, they didn't hear a thing. "See that Third-Child, battles should be simple and elegant," Asuka boasted as she righted her Unit and slammed the pole of her weapon into the water sending large waves cresting against the shoreline. She never saw the attack coming.

Shinji cried out in horror to warn the over confident Asuka that the angel was in fact far from dead. A revolting fascination came over him as he tried to push Asuka out of the way of the two forms that were born from her violence. The German only saw the rushing form or Unit-01 and then she felt herself being lifted into the air and then blankness. The force of the impact into the water knocking her unconscious, Shinji however wasn't so lucky. "Misato! What…what do I do?" he asked frantically over his comm. system.

The captain had no answers for him, nor did she have time to order his retreat before the twin angel beset him. Pain. Pain filled the troubled boys body as his opponents unleashed a fury of blows upon him and his Eva. As he looked at one angel, the other would slam its razor sharp claws into some part of him, tearing at his flesh. Finally after a sloppy and unsuccessful punch at the angel in front of him, the rear slammed on if its legs into his knee joint sending him to the ground where both angels fell on him and threw him roughly against the side of a mountain. At that point Misato had to relinquish command to the JSSDF who dropped an N2 mine. The resulting damage reshaped the map and caused massive blowback against Nerv.

X-Katsuragi Apartment-X

It pained Misato to think of where their hopeful salvation came from. But Kaji's plan was the only thing that seemed like it could work, given the timeline they had. She could still see the look of devastation on Shinji's face, and the look of shame on Asuka's as they were ridiculed by Sub-Commander Fuyutsuki only one day ago. The set up couldn't have been scripted any worse. The N2 mine hadn't killed the angel only wounded it, and it would repair itself, just as the Eva's were finished. There would be no time for errors so the children had to be ready. 'But some sort of dance attack, why does our future have to be decided by something so…antiquated?'

Pen-Pen had no answers for her, and Shinji who was setting up the training aids hadn't said a word since they arrived home the other day. "So what do we do now?" the boy asked, his voice slow and seemingly pained. His fear of abandonment grew as Misato's scowl deepened. 'I tried my best, I really did.'

Snapping out of her internal revelry, Misato tossed her ward a leotard, "You get dressed and you and Asuka start to practice. We can't afford to lose a single moment." Misato was vaguely aware that Shinji caught the material and shambled off to change. Her mind was drawn back to all the forms she had to fill out and the nagging fear that she was now in Kaji's debt, assuming they survived long enough for him to make a claim on it. Drawing her view back into focus, Misato was astonished in how Shinji had already set up the floor mats and the monitors. 'Asuka and I were supposed to help him, why didn't he ask?'

She knew why he didn't ask, and Misato vowed to have a talk with Shinji about his accepting of all the chores again. 'I know he still thinks he has to, but I have to keep telling him.' She would have spent more time with Shinji, to see how he was coping with things, how he was getting along with Asuka, and school but Kaji was around a lot more now, and he was what was on her mind most of the time. 'Where was he, what does that mean about us, is there even still an 'us?' Misato pondered as both Asuka and Shinji walked back from their respected rooms ready to start the training, Misato promptly started laughing at both of them.

A mean frown appeared on Asuka's face as she stormed onto her mat, "Don't laugh at us, you picked out these stupid outfits!" It was humiliating and deeming that she be forced to play dress up and dance for Misato. Had it not been Kaji's idea, Asuka wouldn't have thought about participating. Throwing her thumb over towards Shinji, "And why can't we get the First to do this with me and not him, he'll never be able to match my abilities." Mostly Asuka wanted Rei to be her partner because Shinji had lasted longer than she did and didn't wish to be shown up again, Rei was much easier to beat.

Shinji said nothing as he agreed with Asuka, she was stronger, faster, and more coordinated than he was. 'She's been trained for this, I haven't, maybe Ayanami should take my place,' he thought as his ego deflated. He could see Misato's mind considering Asuka point, see her agreeing to it, and see Rei standing where he was, with him nowhere to be seen. "She has a point Misato-san, Asuka's a lot more skilled than I am, as well as Ayanami."

With a wave of her head, Misato shook off the question. "Unit-00 is still out of commission so we can't have her pilot yet, and we haven't even started the training." She handed both teens a pair of headphones and a printout of the maneuvers that coincided with the music. "We have a week to practice, I'm sure you'll be able to do it." If the fear and uncertainty was in her voice, neither child commented on it. Both pilots looked at each other, and the training started.

X-Five days later-X

Standing outside the shared domicile, two boys and a girl rang the doorbell. Hikari looked at the two boys next to her. "Are you here to visit with Shinji-kun?" It was a dumb question, but Hikari didn't know what else to say. She really doubted that either would come to visit Asuka, and whenever she was around Touji, her mind seemed not to want to work properly.

Scratching at an irritation in his nose, Touji nodded. "We have to make sure that the devil doesn't kill him or anything." Seeing Misato was just an added benefit, plus the chance to, if provided a moment of privacy, steal something of hers, dirty underwear in the bathroom was his target, Touji wouldn't mind helping himself.

His trusty camcorder in hand, Kensuke hoped that he'd get some good footage of Shinji and Asuka together. Enough to ease he mind into thinking that Shinji would be more inclined to date the red head and not Rei. "Why are you here class-rep, I mean home visits aren't normally your specialty." He eyed Touji up and saw the subtle signs of worry on his face, "Are you here to see Shinji too?" Kensuke couldn't help himself from egging Touji.

Much to both boys shock a small blush crept onto Hikari's face. She hadn't spoken much with Shinji since Asuka's arrival, and that saddened her. She liked Shinji, not love but she felt something for him. Trying to regain control of her blush, "I'm here to see Asuka, not Shinji." Somehow she felt horrid about how vehemently she rebuked the claim she had come to see the shy boy, but if Touji got the wrong impression he might move on himself. 'But why do I feel like I've cheapened Shinji-kun, cast him aside.' Her thoughts were disrupted as the door opened and both Shinji and Asuka's heads popped out from behind the crack. Shinji's visage was under Asuka's and seemed that the girl was using him to hold up her weight.

"Hello?" they both asked in perfect unison. Touji and Kensuke reacted poorly, claiming Shinji betrayed them. Kensuke's reaction was a farce to keep Touji from saying anything. Shinji could do anything he wanted that kept him away from Rei; hell Kensuke would happily see Shinji in Misato's or even Hikari's arms than in Rei's. Touji be damned. Hikari questioned why exactly they were acting so strange, to which they replied. "Its part of the training, we have to do everything together to keep in sync with one another."

"Oh, we have company?" a voice called from behind, it was Misato accompanied, by order, by Rei. Hikari was shocked and disappointed in how quickly Touji seemed to forget anything that wasn't 'purple haired and big breasted,' in her opinion. Following the tandem pair into the apartment, a semi-party started from the combined fear and anxiety they all shared. Shinji and Asuka continued to practice as they all watched. Rei's eyes never left Shinji, and Kensuke's eyes never left her.

After watching the duo attempt the dance routine for the ninth time and fail as Asuka once again moved to quickly for Shinji to match, Touji laughed loudly. "Dude man you suck! I mean if we have to count on this we're as good as dead." The humor of Touji's words were lost on the others assembled due to the exact truth in them. Asuka's response was the fling the flimsy plastic headset at those seated before her.

"I know!" Asuka yelled, "this is hopeless, that idiot can never follow my pace!" Asuka's eyes narrowed in on Misato's accusingly. Standing up straight, Asuka swept her hand gesturing at Shinji who was now kneeling on the ground having fallen attempting to keep Asuka's pace. "Thank God you brought the favorite here to replace his sorry ass," as much as Asuka hated the albino girl for being such a suck up, it was better than lowering her standards and trying to match Shinji.

The smile on Misato's face wasn't one filled with humor or good will. Asuka's attitude was the source of much of the problems, and Misato had an answer for that, a little humbling. "Actually Asuka, Rei's here for another reason." Looking at the stoic pilot of Unit-00, "Rei if you would." Pointing at Asuka's mat, Misato ordered Rei to attempt the same manures.

Despite the queasiness in her stomach, or maybe because of them, Rei moved over to Asuka's training pad, offered a hand to assist Shinji back to his feat, and put the headset on. Rubbing his fingers together, mostly to get the soft feeling of Rei's skin out of his mind, Shinji could feel his throat clenching and his heart begin to race. 'I haven't spoken to Ayanami in such a long time, but now…' Banishing such thoughts from his mind, Shinji focused on the music as it started. Much to the amazement of those watching, and Asuka's growing anger, the pair although a little roughly, finished the entire dance with a passing score.

'She's making fun of me! Mocking me with how she stuck me with him to fail!' Asuka could see her own failures rising from the veil of lies she hid them behind. With each correctly timed hand gesture and foot placement she saw her replacements, those who vied for supremacy against her. It was the smirk on Misato's face and how simply the elder woman said she would have used Rei had Unit-00 been ready, a goad on Misato's part, that sent Asuka over the edge. "Fine if you want that bitch to take my place she can fucking have it!" Her words lying heavily in the air, a thick cloud waiting to wash down the rain of resentment, as Asuka ran from the room, the slamming of the door echoed in the now silent apartment.

'Shit, I hadn't anticipated that,' Misato chastised herself for going to far in her attempt to motivate Asuka. She watched the door, hoping that any second it would open and Asuka would walk back and demand another shot. Dimly Misato could hear Hikari, if she remembered the girl's name, asking Shinji to go after the fleeing girl, but then Rei spoke up as she pulled the earphones away from her head.

The soft monotone words lanced Misato's think fog of thoughts, "Captain Katsuragi should reclaim her as her words are the source of the Second's reaction." Being the first words other than, 'yes' Misato heard from Rei since she entered her apartment, Misato nodded dumbly to them and shambled out of the apartment after her other ward.

"I guess the parties over, sorry about yelling at you Shinji," Hikari said carefully to avoid any possible emotional hinting that could offend Touji. Gathering her few things she prodded the other two boys to do the same. Touji said he had to use the water closet and quickly ran Kensuke seemed more lethargic. 'Shinji seemed to take Asuka's abuse rather harshly, maybe he might like her?' Hikari mused with a twinge in her stomach she didn't know if it was happiness or regret. Something about Asuka's personality seemed at odds with the young Ikari's and Hikari wondered if a relationship between them would work or be lasting.

As Touji returned looking flushed but good, Kensuke turned to Rei, "Did…did you want us to walk you home, we could you know." Gazing deeply into Rei's red eyes, Kensuke pleaded with Kami to have her say yes. 'I could stare in her eyes all day and never get bored,' he thought as the cool gaze of Rei shifted, from his face to Shinji's. The cold nub of hatred began to grow again, as did the fear of what Rei would say next.

Without hesitation Rei's simple reply was, "No." She offered no reason, nothing other than the single word. Walking to Shinji, who was seated on his mat looking dejectedly at his feat, Rei had other things to do other than go home. 'I will be allowed to converse with him alone, now that Katsuragi has left to attend the Second child and it is not against the commander's order.'

"We'll see you tomorrow after the mission man, we have faith in ya," Touji said as he pushed Kensuke towards the door followed quickly by Hikari. Both Hikari and he could sense something was going on in Rei's mind that kept her behind, and Kensuke didn't like it at all. Casting the pair one last look, Touji was shocked to see Rei sitting down next to the depressed boy, 'hope she can do something about that. Damn red headed bitch must be making his life a living hell.' Shutting the door leaving the two pilots alone, Touji was also relieved that Hikari had followed after them. 'Hope ice queen makes her play soon, or I might have to…' Slipping his hands back into his pockets, Touji slid his fingers over his new possession, one of Misato's panties.

Back inside the apartment, Rei sat silently next to Shinji watching him slowly draw breath. 'Now that I can speak to him, I am unsure of what to say,' Rei thought angered by her own inability and lack of experience. Easily able to gage the sadness in Shinji, but attributing it to Asuka's words and not his own failing, Rei deliberated on how to proceed. So much she wanted to know, to ask, to understand but didn't know how to go about it.

Shinji was the first to break the silence, "you did great Ayanami-san, and it's a shame your unit is still under repairs and not mine." Just being near Rei was usually enough for Shinji to be uncomfortable, being alone with her made Shinji down right terrified. His vision of Rei was one of near idolization. She was stronger, smarting, more dependable, and generally a better person than he was and yet he had done things and said things to her. While he wondered why she had stayed, guessing it was due to Misato and not himself, "We wouldn't have to worry about the next mission if you were in my place."

Again his words lanced Rei's own inner doubts and cleared her mind. Blushing softly at the praise, "It is Pilot Souryu's inabilities prohibiting your successful maneuvering, not your own." That was easy for Rei to see, Asuka's need to be superior, to be the dominant one was plainly evident in her actions. "Ikari-kun, while I await Captain Katsuragi's return, may we discus a few matters?" Shinji was correct in his small belief that he heard fear in Rei's voice.

"Sure we can, it's been to long since we got a chance to talk, I've missed it. I'll make us some tea." Shinji gushed as he got to his feat and headed to the kitchen to fill the kettle and place it on the burner. Why would Rei want to talk to him, they actually hadn't spoken much before, yet Shinji did find himself missing the girl's presence. Dumping a small spoon of leaves into the warming water, Shinji turned to head back to the living room only to find Rei standing behind him.

Only a few feet away from him, Rei looked deeply into Shinji's eyes, seeking answers to her own internal questions in his eyes. Her body shuddered softly as memories again assailed her mind. "Ikari-kun, I wish to understand why your presence affects me. I wish to understand what it is I am feeling and why I seek your presence." Her voice, while still strong, was weakening. She felt odd, not quite herself as she admitted her intention. 'He may know what it is, as he is causing it,' she tried to rationalize.

Not having an easy time accepting Rei's questions, Shinji just looked at the girl. "I think we should sit down," he said finally as he pulled a chair out for Rei to sit in. A product of his low self-esteem, Shinji had immediately assumed the worst about Rei's comments. He did do a dreadful thing to her, and knowing Rei slightly better understood she had a small problem understanding her own emotions, Shinji was fully ready to tell Rei that she hated him. "I guess we should start with…what exactly my…presence does to affect you."

She now avoided looking at him; Rei was embarrassed by her behavior and was sure the commander would have greatly disapproved of it. Yet her body, one of a teenager, was still filled with hormones and emotion, despite all claims and attempts to the otherwise. "I find myself hard of breath, my heart rate increases, and my capillaries become aroused." As she finished said capillaries because aroused and a healthy blush spread across her face. "I have found myself wondering what you are doing, how your health is, and…" Rei's voice died in her throat unable to complete her vocalized thought. She wanted to say 'and if you would and I could touch one another again' but was incapable.

Shinji sat in awestruck silence before Rei. The whistling sound of the kettle bleared behind him and still he couldn't say anything. In absolute silence, he forced himself out of his chair and poured the tea into the cups, spilling a large dose of heated water on his hand but hadn't felt it. 'She sounds like…sounds like she might…li…like me?' It was such an alien thought that he couldn't accept it, surely another explanation was viable, more credible than Rei liking him.

Sipping her tea, "Have I said something that offended you?" She asked, apprehensive from Shinji's reaction to her words. 'Is it possible that my state is unwelcome or unwanted?' Yet how could it be, it was actually a good feeling she decided and she wished for more of it. Being denied all the simpler joys of life, Rei was not wanting to be freed of the first thing she had experienced that was a positive. 'I like it when he says positive things about me, I like knowing he is well, I like being in his presence.'

The growing pain in his hand drew Shinji's focus back to Rei. "No no no, I was just stunned to hear that Ayanami-san really. I'm actually shocked that you could enjoy being around me, I thought you might actually hate me." Shinji's admission was harder on him that he had thought. Rubbing the dull ache of his left hand with his right, Shinji continued to look absently at the table. "I'm not a good person, or one you should want to be around. You can do much better than me Ayanami-san."

Acting on instinct and not thought, Rei's palm slowly moved to Shinji's cheek and held steady. A very small smile on her face Rei said nothing, but her eyes spoke for her, she didn't understand why he said what he did. She just looked questioningly at Shinji and reveled in the heat radiating from his skin, it was hot yet soft, a duality of sensations for her unknowing mind. 'Why is he not a good person?'

Wanting to say something, but fearing how anything he said would come out, Shinji just closed his eyes and marveled in the texture of Rei's palm against his face. 'She's too good for me…I should tell her that's what she's feeling, revulsion. She would be revolted if she knew of how Mizuho used to touch me, to use me, and how she had me touch her.' Feeling much to dirty for anybody to touch him, Shinji gently pulled Rei's hand away from his face. "You deserve much better," Shinji mumbled as the pair heard the door open. Shinji was repulsed to know that Rei's hand had touched a place where many times the fluids of Mizuho had fallen as older woman had all but crushed his face against her sex.

X-Night before the mission-X

Almost the moment when Misato closed the door to take the still waiting Rei home, Asuka and Shinji had been training. During one of their brakes Asuka informed Shinji that she did it for her pride his response was to smile and say she didn't need to crush them to beat them. Misato never returned that night nor did she show up the next day either, it wouldn't have mattered Asuka was more of a driving force now than was needed.

Forcing Shinji to speed up his pace, and unconsciously slowing her own slightly to match his, the two trained nearly constantly. During that time, Asuka started noticing something about her partner, he wasn't as pathetic as she constantly said he was, 'he's actually kinda cute when he tries so hard.' She smiled at that thought when Shinji wasn't watching, and when she thought he did see her smile, disavowed it and pushed him harder. Night set and the sun rose and still the practiced, they had little time left.

"I think we have it," Asuka said confidently after viewing the report from their last run-through. Giving the now seated boy a thumbs up, Asuka smiled broadly at him this time, she was giving him the reward he didn't know he was receiving. "You're not that bad if somebody's got a fire under you," she said appreciatively. Tossing him one of the few remaining water bottles, Asuka was still pleasantly surprised by his improvement.

Draining the bottle to quench the aching thirst he had nurtured all day, Shinji nodded thankfully. "I'm doing my best Asuka-san, sorry that I'm still not as fast as you are." Having her ego tended too, Asuka blushed crimson and grabbed her bottle. Chugging the liquid as if it would vanish if she didn't take it all now, she needed to get away from Shinji. Watching the water level lower as Asuka consumed it all, Shinji was again awestruck by the sheer beauty the foreign girl possessed. The sweat glistening on her toned body from the overhead lighting, her way her hair fell partially over her shoulder, and even her posture. He found himself blushing and turning away from the girl.

"You'll never be as fast as me Third Child, but you're not bad," Asuka said with less than her usual fire. Dropping the empty plastic bottle to the dirty floor, the girl caught wind of something very unpleasant. All of that exercise and now bathing had left her with a very unappealing odor. "I think were done here, I'm going to take a shower," she commented as she headed to the bathroom. Shinji of course said nothing yet followed her movements.

As the water was heard through the door, Shinji fell over onto his back and sighed heavily. He had never felt as tired as he did at that moment. 'I need to make Asuka appreciate me being her or she'll get Misato to make me leave, I'd bring them both down,' he thought as he turned to his side. 'I guess nothings really changed has it…if I don't perform some how I'll be kicked out again…but at least I do feel better about myself.'

The water wasn't hot enough nor the pressure strong enough, but Asuka loved the shower none-the-less. It stole away her aches and pains and it soothed her tired mind. 'Why am I pushing him so hard, I know he's not on my level yet I keep pushing him.' Smacking her cheeks lightly Asuka tried to focus, she'd been losing it more and more often after she'd come to Tokyo-3, she had more competition for being the best, for being accepted. 'If I was like him I'd just be happy doing whatever anybody told me. I swear I could tell him to eat Pen-Pen's litter box gravel and he'd do it…' She envied Shinji for that, for being so easy to please. All one had to do was tell him to do something and complement him on completion. A wicked smile wormed its way on her face, "Lets test Mr. Humbles resolve shall we." Her joke set, Asuka prepared it and headed out to the living room where she correctly guessed she'd find Shinji.

Roused from his semi-dozing state, Shinji's eyes widened as Asuka nudged him with her foot. Dripping wet and holding a towel around her waist blocking out her midsection, Asuka leaned over him. "Say Shinji, Misato's not here again and I think you need a reward for all your hard work," Asuka cooed as she leaned over slightly, she had underwear on under the towel, but she'd get Shinji to crack and show what a true pervert he was.

Blushing hotly, Shinji turned over quickly and clenched his eyelids tightly closed, "Asuka quit playing around," he pleaded, old memories coming back from the deeper recesses of his mind where he had hoped they'd stay until death liberated him from his pain. 'Why is she doing this…why is she acting…this way.'

'Is he rejecting me? Does he think he's to good for me!' Not taking Shinji's reaction well Asuka was not to be detoured. "Third Child, I don't think you heard me properly. This is your reward and I'm going to give it to you. Look at me now!" Yelling her demand at the boy who had offended her, Asuka couldn't let it go. What had started out to be a joke had escalated to a battle of wills and Asuka wouldn't lose. 'He's not better than me! I'm to good for him! So I'm going to get what I want from him, he won't disobey me!' And oddly enough Asuka liked the term 'disobey' for Shinji's actions. He'd never contradicted her or even hinted at not doing what she told him, and she wasn't about to let him start now.

All his willpower told him not to turn, begged and pleaded for him not to move from his spot, but Shinji couldn't resist the order. His body responded to the mental call to move as a machine sitting still for years would upon being used again for the first time, rigidly and slowly. "Open your eyes Third Child," Asuka said as she saw his eyes still closed. Getting on her knees, Asuka moved to a hovering position right beside the prone boy. As his eyes slowly opened and he was once again face to face with a woman apparently nude, Shinji's consciousness faded as he went to the safe place in his mind.

Smiling smugly at her minor victory, Asuka felt compelled to make her victory complete. "Do you like what you see Third Child, is it a fitting reward for you hard work?" The small lowering and ascending of Shinji's head was all the answer she got. Leaning closer to his face, her nose millimeters away from his. "Are you sure you don't want something else? What if I said you could kiss me, would you like that?" Again only a small nod was Shinji's response. Making as is she would actually do it, Asuka leaned in intending to pull back at the last second leaving Shinji to look at her questioningly, wantonly, and in her debt. 'Serve him right to try and act high and mighty on me, I'm in control here.'

Asuka had never expected Shinji's body to respond as it did, she didn't think him bold enough. Just as she was about to pull away, Shinji filled the gap and the two's lips contacted each other. In shock of his boldness, Asuka opened her mouth to protest when Shinji's tongue slid into her mouth and skillfully batted around in her mouth. 'Is he…how can he…' Asuka's eyes closed as she leaned deeper into the unexpected pleasantness of the kiss. 'He's good at this,' Asuka's shock filled mind told her while her sense of honor was temporarily disabled by the pleasure center of her brain.

But it didn't take long for her mind to right itself and she pulled back and backhanded the dazed boy. "How dare you kiss me like that you bastard? I was just kidding with you!" Huffing and mad, Asuka got to her feet and ran from the room, her mind overwhelmed by the event and the heat growing between her legs, 'I can't…not now…now him!' But Asuka's body had enjoyed the kiss a bit to much for her mind to refute how much she liked it, how she could use him to bring such pleasure.

Nursing his soar cheek, Shinji moved to his own room to cry himself silently to sleep. He'd again befouled somebody because of the taint inside him. 'Asuka may never forgive me for that…I can't believe what I did again!' But later that night Asuka came to him in his sleep, whether it was sleepwalking or her own desire to be close to him Shinji didn't know, and laid down by him. 'She even looks beautiful in her sleep,' Shinji thought as his heart ached for what he'd done, her lips were soft part of his mind reminded him before he heard her whisper the word 'mama' in her sleep and tears fell from her eyes. 'Did I do that?' Shinji thought as he moved to the other side of the room to sleep, he wouldn't trust himself to sleep by her.

The next day as Misato watched nervously as the operation started, she'd been kept away by Kaji needed to talk to her, and she couldn't resist. She had thought it work related but it wasn't, and he refused to take her back home until he had his say, she didn't listen, she had to try her best to never listen to him as she was sure he just wanted a quick fuck and be on his way. But her fears and worries were without merit as in the end, Asuka and Shinji had succeeded in vanquishing yet another angel.

X-End Chapter-X

I hope I didn't have Asuka to OOC, but I think if things went that way it would be how she'd respond! Well I hope you all enjoyed this chapter and give me some nice feedback. It always helps again. And Zen-Chan THANK YOU SO MUCH for all the support and ideas…if you don't know who Zen-Chan is his handle is actually zentrodie.

BYE PEOPLE!


	9. Chapter 9

Hello out there, I'm sure your kinda upset with how long its taken me to get updates on this story. I'm trying to find time to work on it, its fun in an odd sense, but I have a lot of other ideas in my mind and I've been thinking bout them too.

'Thoughts'

"Spoken"

X-X

A Past To Forget

Chapter – 9

How had things turned out this way, Misato thought as her naked back rubbed against the futon mattress. Sweat glistening on both of their bodies, Misato letting out low toned yet multiple moans in quick succession. She tried to speak but the pleasure from her partner was to much for her to act, each yelp in pleasure an aborted question or command. 'I've missed this so much,' Misato thought as he wrapped his hands around her ankles and slowly drew them further apart.

The dim light in her room giving her only the barest vision of her lover, she hoped she wasn't making to much noise, as she didn't want to be interrupted by anybody else in the apartment. 'Don't stop…don't stop,' was the mantra in her mind as she felt the pace quicken, nearing its end for him, and herself for that matter. Lunging forward, Misato wrapped her arms around his back, crushing her lips against his in a need to find another outlet for her overflow of sensation he did just fine.

'I'm going to…I'm…I'm about…' she tried to say but again only yelps and moans escaped her lips, she could feel her nails crawling against his back, drawing them up in down in an attempt to feel every inch of it at the same time. His hands placed on either side of her head to keep from falling down on her, his own mingled grunts and moans being drowned out by her louder voice. And in one moment, an electric shock of pure emotion and pleasure lanced Misato's mind clearing the fog as she cried out, "Oh God SHINJI!"

Shooting out of her bed, Misato's heart lurched in her heart, her head whipping around the empty room. 'What the fuck was that?' Misato's panicked mind assaulted her. A dream, was it really a dream this time? Her hands felt across the futon for wetness, a body, or anything to help calm her nerves. She found wetness, but it was her own, leaving her body as she dreamt. Long labored breaths left her body as she calmed down, knowing it was just a dream, a very vivid dream. She covered her eyes with her hand and felt for her alarm clock with the other. Clutching the bastard machine, Misato pulled it to her face, "shit, its only three."

Falling back into her bed, Misato let out a sigh. 'This isn't a good sign is it?' She decided that it was definitely not a good sign to have wet dreams about her ward who she knew all it would take was a word and he'd do it, and be scared further. Giving her face a small smack with her hands. 'I do not want to have sex with him, I don't. Its like Ritsuko said, dreams are dreams because we can't control them.' It was probably just one beer to many and that stupid romance movie of Asuka's, yeah, that was it, no real reason for it. Turning on her side, Misato did her best to ignore the burning feeling in her stomach as flashes of the dream entered her mind. 'It was just a dream damn it!'

X-X

"Alright, Asuka and Rei you can go back to school, Shinji can you come up here after you change?" Ritsuko said over the intercom as the early morning sync test came to a close. The pilots all acknowledged the order and engaged the exit protocol and began empting the test plugs. Looking over the results, Ritsuko nodded in satisfaction. "Well I guess you're idea to bring Asuka into the apartment must have been good. Either that or something else good has happened in Shinji's life." Finding Misato lost in thought, Ritsuko resisted the urge to joke. "Misato?"

"Huh, oh yeah, I told you didn't I?" Misato replied after noticing Ritsuko's concerned face. While she was watching the pilots' tests, her mind kept returning to why and how it was possible for her to have such an odd dream that night. 'I can't tell Ritsuko about this now, she would think more into it.' Walking to Ritsuko's station and viewing the results over the blonds shoulder, "Looks like Rei is even starting to make some improvements."

Having noticed that as well, and how Rei had been acting strangely around Shinji ever since the last angel two weeks ago, Ritsuko wondered if the two might have been correlated. 'Well that's why I've asked him up here, a little update on him to make sure he's on the right path,' Ritsuko thought as she sipped her coffee. "What do you think Maya?"

The tech just looked at her superior and shrugged, Maya had slowly started to dislike the two other women. 'They just don't care about anything but themselves,' Maya thought sadly about Misato and Ritsuko. She'd seen it in various ways around Nerv. Ritsuko seemed to jump at the chance to give the Commander good news, while Katsuragi acted all cruel and vindictive around Ryoji but Maya could tell that something was going on between them. 'Selfish women using others pain as means for self improvement.' Putting on her best fake smile, "Maybe he's finally gotten over things and Rei's been helping him?" Maya wondered if Misato would take the bait.

Maya wasn't surprised at Misato's response. "Maybe its Asuka's influence like I thought," her voice a mix of accusation and pride. 'What could Maya know about things, she just butted into this and is no better at understanding this than we are.' And Misato lived with the two teens; surely she'd be best to know if something was affecting one of them. Asuka seemed much happier around the apartment lately, the last two days especially Asuka seemed to dance on air around the apartment. Shinji seemed a little more withdrawn, but everybody has moods on occasion, right? Not seeing Maya's small frown, Misato pushed on, "I was sure Asuka would have a good effect on him."

Maya's rebuttal was cut short as Ritsuko's forced cough brought both women's attention to the opening door they had company. "Shinji-kun, first off this isn't a reprimand or anything so no need to be worried," Ritsuko's smile did little to assist the nervous boy however. The air about him was dower and lax, anticipating some grievous sin he had unknowingly committed. "We just want to ask you a few questions about how things have been lately for you. You're scores are up so if we can, we'd like you to continue whatever it is you've been doing."

Smiling broadly, Misato wrapped an arm around Shinji's neck and pulled him against her chest. "Yeah, Shinji-kun. You're doing great and we just want to make sure things keep going that way." The smell of LCL permeated Misato's senses as the smell emanated from Shinji's hair, which was now right under her nose. 'It fits him almost,' she thought sadly as the coppery smell continued to fill her mind with images of blood. "So spill Shinji have you and Asuka been getting along better than you've let us know?"

Shinji's body reacted normally, he blushed softly, yet his mind was clamoring for an excuse. These women were happy for him, proud of him, and were doing a lot to help him. How could he say that at times he was afraid of Asuka, times he was nervous to be around her, and lately she'd been asking him to do more questionable things. The other problem was he liked her too. She was just like Rei in her sense of self-reliance and strength. He found at times he didn't mind doing her chores, making her lunch, or helping her with her homework. When Asuka was happy or proud of him, her overflowing emotions would make him happy, brighten his day, and make him forget. Could he tell the others that she was doing this?

He couldn't, "She's just been nicer to me since we beat the angel so it's been nicer." Not a total lie, yet a half-truth. His increased happiness came from knowing that somebody actually cared about him, Rei, and although he wasn't happy with her for her affection. If it were real or not Shinji questioned. He drank up the idea that, soiled or not, somebody his age, and he respected so highly, could feel anything but pity for him.

Maya, not to allow Misato to have her way and being a hypocrite, pressed her side. "We see that Pilot Ayanami has also been improving greater than usual since the last angel as well. Something you wanted to add?" Maya's tone left the question hanging in the air. Misato glared at the impertinence of the lower rank tech. How dare she question my theory the glare seemed to say silently. The response was yet another blush, deeper this time, and another stammered reply that he had only spoken to her a little more.

Feeling the atmosphere growing colder as Maya and Misato glared at one another, Ritsuko sighed mentally. 'Children, I'm surrounded by children,' she thought rubbing her temples. Having prior knowledge of Misato's mental routine, Ritsuko knew better than to question her outright or even imply that you didn't agree. Misato was tenacious when she felt threatened. 'Maybe I should have brought Asuka in for questioning as well, she'd have given better answers and caused less…tension.' Noticing how Misato still had Shinji in a small embrace, "Shinji-kun, your dismissed. Sorry this took so long, if you hurry you should be back before lunch ends, ok?"

Seeing how time had raced onward as they bickered over who was more right, Maya saw a chance. "How about I take you back to school Shinji-kun? We can stop for a bite to eat on the way, you did promise me remember?" She'd get him to relax and get some real answers out of him, Maya reasoned. Asking him anything around Misato was surely a scripted reply for her benefit. It wasn't hard for Maya or Ritsuko to miss how Shinji idolized the Captain after this whole affair started. Shinji's face went slack, and Misato's hand unconsciously clenched grabbing at his shirt possessively. Eyeing Misato up, "it would insure he got both a good meal and got back to school."

Pulling her arm away from Shinji and pushing him towards the door, "I guess it's a good idea." A small laugh erupted from her lips, "finally you get a good meal you didn't have to make right?" Misato joked. Shinji thanked Misato and Ritsuko for their concern and again repeated how much better he was feeling, a very solid truth, and he and Maya left the room towards Maya's car. "That bitch," Misato finally said when Maya was out of range to hear her.

It was Ritsuko's turn to laugh, "Why because she had a good idea and it might help him? Lord knows what he eats when it's your turn to cook." Misato's scowl was also comical for Ritsuko. Relaxing back into her chair while Misato huffed and followed suit, Ritsuko pondered why Maya's request had agitated her friend so. "You don't think she'd do anything stupid do you?" she asked; better to just be open with it.

Misato gave the report another tentative glance then set it down, mostly unread. "No, its just I'm worried that I'm not doing the right thing here. None of us are therapists, which he should be seeing might I add, so we're just treading in the dark." Yeah Shinji seemed to be getting better, Asuka to for that matter was seemingly in a better mood. Misato wasn't ignorant of Asuka's past or the young German's fragile mental state at either. But where they doing the right thing for him, her, hell even Rei could stand for some mental assistance.

"We've been over this many times Misato. Yes he should get therapy, but we can't risk the blow back from this. After the angels are dead and gone I'll even foot the bill for it," Ritsuko admitted. Doing her fake review of the report as Misato had done, Ritsuko could feel a cold nub in her questioning if they'd live long enough for him to receive the help he truly needed. With a large breath, "So far they seem to be getting along so I think you did have the right idea. Putting him with people his own age might be the key to getting him back into a 'teenage' mode of thinking."

Rubbing her arms, Misato hoped Ritsuko was right, "I think I'll get something to eat at the galley, want anything?" Ritsuko shook her head 'no' and Misato stood and walked out. So many things could be done differently for better or worse. 'Why was I so upset with Ibuki for asking Shinji out for lunch? It was a kind gesture kid needs more of them. I just felt like she was taking a shot at me. This isn't about me, but why does it feel like she did it to irk me?' Misato would have continued down that way of thinking had Kaji not saw her and smiled his lady killer smile, wrap an arm around her waist and follow her all the way to the galley, they had things to talk about.

X-X

Getting to her desk right as Hikari called for lunch, Asuka pulled the lunch Shinji made for her out of her satchel with a content grin. When Misato had said Asuka had been happier, she hadn't been mistaken. Asuka was given something unexpectedly, something she didn't know she wanted, needed to have. That was power. Developing slowly from since her young childhood, Asuka had strove for acceptance, to be the best. From that need came the unconscious need for power over others. And now, through her timid flat mate, she had complete power, if used in carefully.

"Whatever you're eating Asuka give me some, you look like your about to explode," Hikari chided as she took her seat across from the beaming redhead. Pulling her own lunch out, Hikari smiled at her friend. She liked knowing her friends where happy, and if she could gage the young woman across from her, Hikari believed Asuka was sufficiently happy.

A quick frown and angry look appeared on Asuka's face as she wrapped her arms around the food, "no mine, get your own!" Then she smiled and Hikari and she started laughing full heartedly. Whipping away a stray tear that formed while she chuckled to hard, Asuka started to eat her food. "So what did I miss while I was proving again to be the best pilot?"

Separating the onions from the rice, the added to the overall taste but Hikari couldn't stand eating them Hikari recalled the boring morning. "Touji was sent to hold buckets for coming in late, Kensuke taped it of course. Mai and Koji announced their dating, another note was found in Ayanami's desk this morning too." Hikari pointed at the blue haired girl who was walking away from the trash bin where she placed the unopened and uncared for love letter.

"Honestly who'd send her love letters," Asuka said while shaking her head. The First Child had as much appeal as a clerical exam in Asuka's opinion. Something for the perverts to lust over and fantasize having human emotion while in fact they were just humping a breathing doll. 'I bet it's a pervert too. I bet she wouldn't even make a sound if they fucked her,' Asuka thought sickly. Turning away from the retreating First Child, Asuka turned to better news. "So Mai is finally going to throw away her sense of self and date that pig?"

While Hikari didn't talk to Mai as much as Asuka, the young brown haired girl was still a friend and was very happy her crush accepted her heart. 'Why can't Touji take a hint and ask me?' she wondered sadly and nearing the breaking point. "Asuka if you keep up that attitude you'll never have a boyfriend. But I don't want to get into this…again." Memories of the last time they shared this talk, resulting in her yelling how she 'didn't like Shinji' fresh in her mind.

Making a noncommittal sound, Asuka just averted her eyes. She could have told Hikari that if she wanted a boyfriend all she had to do was tell the lucky bastard. "I don't need one Hikari, I can get all I want without the hassle." Asuka slipped as her mental vision hadn't been to pleasant, clearly something she didn't want Hikari to know of.

Her face a quizzical mask, Hikari wondered what Asuka meant by her cryptic comment. "What's that mean, how can you get and how are you getting it?" A faint blush rose to the surface of her face at how the words sounded leaving her mouth. Putting the lid back on her lunch and sliding it into her bag, she waited for Asuka to reply.

"Just that if I wanted a boyfriend I just have to tell whoever I deem worthy and I'm sure they'd count their blessings," Asuka was quick to say as she too sealed her empty lunch box. The conversation dulled down to television shows, new books, and other pointless classroom gossip. Asuka wasn't even listening to her own voice, her mind was frazzled at her near admission of her latest and most cherished discovery. She tried to calm down, get her heart to stop thumping so hard, and to get ride of the itch growing in her stomach.

It only happened twice since the defeat of the seventh angel, but Asuka could still taste Shinji on her lips. A week to the day of their first kiss, Asuka wondered if it was just a fluke that the boy could kiss so well. When Misato left for her night shift, Asuka stole into Shinji's room as he prepared for bed. She was pissed at how meek and uncertain she sounded when she asked him to kiss her again, he blushed and asked why she wanted that. That pissed her off, here she was the most attractive woman he most likely would ever get to see, offering to kiss him, and what does he do; question her. She then didn't ask, she told him to kiss her. He did, and it was even better than the first time. 'The things he can do with his tongue, Asuka mused and blushed, Hikari luckily didn't notice.

The second time she had told him to kiss her, a thrill and a shiver always accompanied that thought. She 'told' him to do something and he did it, the power in that knowledge, the power she held over him. 'He wants to please me so much he'll do anything I tell him' her mind received that as. The second time had been two days ago, this time Misato had been in the bath while she walked up to him in the kitchen, making supper for them. 'I just looked him in the eyes, said pucker up, and…' how his hand slowly traced her breast and the aroused nipple was something she hadn't counted on, nearly slapped him afterward for being perverted, but it felt to good at the time.

Each time afterward, he'd looked sad, likely upset she made him stop, and she left with no word of thanks, love, or even care. She did though, an odd sort of caring starting to develop in her heart for the boy, which was part of the driving force in her demands for a little shared intimacy. The first kiss was a joke gone wrong, the second a test to see if she could truly ask him anything, the third was out of need for comfort. She'd received a letter from her father and well her family was a touchy subject for her and Shinji had been easily able to chase away the bad feelings. 'I'm sure he likes it anyway so why am I justifying things?'

Across the room from the dazed Asuka and gossiping Hikari, Touji and Kensuke ate store bought meals and joked around. With no Shinji to tease, Touji had to pick on Kensuke, something he hadn't done in awhile. "So who do you think Ayanami's secret admirer is Ken?" Touji's voice hinted at knowledge not spoken of. Touji's question in Kensuke's ears was more 'Why are you trying Ken, she doesn't like you she likes somebody else.'

'Only because she doesn't know me…doesn't give me a chance,' Kensuke responded mentally to the words Touji hadn't spoken, honestly didn't think. Picking at an offensive snot in his nose, Kensuke rolled his eyes. "How should I know that man, maybe somebody from another class, nobodies seen anything," something Kensuke went to great lengths to insure. He'd not be found out before he was ready, and she was as well. 'Why doesn't she read them?' He mentally cursed. All the effort he'd been putting into getting her letters unnoticed, he'd stopped trying at her apartment, as he'd have no idea if she ever saw the envelope amid the mess.

Biting into his sandwich, Touji caught an odd gleam in Kensuke's eyes. Thinking it just lover's remorse, Rei had shot him down really hard so why not think her a bitch. Bites of bread and meat falling from his mouth as he spoke, his breath a rancid combination of ranch dressing and salami, "Think its Shinji?" It could have been, both boys saw how the two reacted to one another, and if it were Shinji Touji doubted it'd be long till they got together.

To that Kensuke laughed, "Shinji, I think he's hitting on the devil over there. She's been acting happier lately and never know…" Kensuke trailed off as the idea caught on in Touji's head. Tossing his empty containers into the trashcan, Kensuke could hope he was right. 'She'd be wasted on somebody like Shinji, somebody who doesn't know what he has and milks his status to gain favor,' Kensuke crushed the can of soda in his hand.

"Hit the arcade with me today?" Touji asked changing the topic as he righted his desk for the return of class. They used to go to the arcade together a lot, but lately Kensuke had been either to busy, or had something else planned and it bothered Touji to a degree. They had been friends for a long time and to be blown off so much was getting on his nerves.

Giving his camera a long glance, Kensuke appeared to be weighting his options. "Maybe a little later, hour or two after? Have to run errands for my dad first." The new digital cassette tape in his pocket said otherwise, but Touji would make a scene out of it had he known the truth. Having not been totally dismissed, Touji patted Kensuke on the back and agreed to meet him later. Nobody noticed how Shinji made it to school that day, Asuka was too occupied with her internal thoughts, Rei noticed but whom would she tell it to that would care, and the others simply thought it Nerv business.

X-X

"So how have you been Katsuragi?" Kaji said as smoothly as he could as he sat hunched over the table, resting his chin on her palm. His eyes stayed locked onto Misato's and he enjoyed the view. Where he loved the woman or not, Kaji didn't know, but she was a warm body and a pleasant conversation when such things mattered. And with a job like his where death was always a possibility it was nice to have a person around you could have fun with. 'Never know when it'd be the last time,' he thought darkly.

Not having much of an appetite surviving the walk from the test facilities to the galley due to Kaji's 'company,' Misato rolled her eyes. "I've been better if you must know," she answered truthfully. Her own insecurities added to the relationship questions Kaji brought with him habitually left her mood very low. 'First I have a wet dream last night and now I have a walking hard on trying to stick his toe…' Slamming her chopsticks on the table, Misato stood up and glared at Kaji, his look of innocence still on his face. "You pig! Look I said you could come with me while I ate, I didn't say you could feel me up!"

Holding his hands up in mock defeat, "Sorry Katsuragi, It's just been so long and I thought we could try again." The smile on Kaji's face was unreadable, and that was what drove Misato crazy. She could never tell when he was serious, joking, or just looking for an excuse. Pulling himself back into a proper-seated position, it was the only way to get Misato to sit back down. "I take it that things at the Katsuragi, Ikari, Souryu residence aren't as you liked mom?"

Huffing loudly and folding her arms across her chest, a sign of closing off and protection, Misato couldn't meet his gaze. "Its complicated there. But it's not bad, far from it in fact." Oh how she wanted to believe that, though the doubts and uncertainties ringing in her mind could have told a different story. A story that would make the grown man across from her sick possibly. Shall she tell him the story how her male ward was the fuck toy of a sick woman, her female ward went from being a bitch to being overly polite, or how about how the last non-solo sexual act she had involved said male ward? None of those stories seemed appropriate.

Kaji's smile still never lost its luster when he answered Misato's internal debate for her. "So I take it your dealings with sexual assault on a minor is going well? I was surprised to learn that little tidbit you might know." His tone was the same had he told Misato he bought a new pair of shoes, a trivial matter.

'How did he know, how long has he known it, has he told anybody else?' Misato's pale face looked outward blankly. She was still trying to find the right time to tell Asuka bout it, worried that she'd overreact, call him a pervert, or say he wanted it to happen. Destroying all the progress they made. When the power to speak, something usually overlooked, returned to her Misato asked in a harsh whisper. "How did you find out about that?"

"Well after your little blow up on the 'Over the Rainbow' I got to thinking of why you'd be so upset, well after a little detective work." Kaji let Misato fill in the rest for herself. Spy work was Kaji's game and it wasn't too hard to follow the life story of a fourteen-year-old boy that didn't get along with others. "My only question was how you found out about it in the first place, I mean it took you a few months until you found out if the calls you make to him are any indication." Kaji was proud of that, he'd gauged Misato's discovery of Shinji's past by the sudden influx of calls to him that occurred.

'You'd really like to know that wouldn't you,' Misato thought sickly and nearly gagged on the emotional feedback that memory had tied to it. "Don't cheapen this Kaji, were trying to help him despite the limited things we can do for him ok?" Her tone was borderline threatening, her facial expression was. By now both of them were leaning far over the table, their faces inches apart, the whispering was too hard to hear otherwise.

Taking the incentive Kaji stole a quick kiss from Misato, leaving her stunned and visually upset. "I'd never think of it. The kid seems all right to me. It's a shame that that woman is being released on bail," Kaji said as he leaned back into his seat. In fact, Kaji did respect the young Ikari. So far only three people in human history had the entirety of the human race's survival on their shoulders. 'Kids doing a great job even though of his shitty old man and the problems of his past.'

She didn't know what stunned her more, the kiss or the tag that went with it. "What do you mean she's being released on bail, she was screwing children for God's sake! People are jailed for years for doing that!" Misato was yelling now, luckily she left out names so she appeared to only be passionate for a cause, though it did merit her a few odd stares. 'That woman should be locked away forever! Be a prison bitch or something, turn about fair play.'

Nervous and slightly embarrassed by the outburst Misato had given and the eyes upon him for it, Kaji shushed the enraged Misato. "Its only an allegation Katsuragi! She 'attempted' to seduce a student, and unless she 'did' the cops can't hold her for long." Now had Shinji's existence been brought to the courts attention the woman would have been jailed. But all the evidence presented in the case was that 'she tried' and hadn't succeeded.

Pushing herself away from the table quickly, Misato rushed to the nearest garbage can and proceeded to fill it with her stomachs contents. 'All those years of abuse and she gets away with it while he's left scared for life? How is that fair God? How can you let that happen?' Her legs weak, Misato left the stunned Kaji at the table and walked to her car and drove home. She was in no state of mind to do anything; the severe cruelty of the situation had robbed her of feelings at the time.

Walking into the empty apartment, Misato heard Asuka's call made shortly before lunch ended that she was going to go out with Hikari and spend the night at her place. 'Sure do whatever you want Asuka, it always is whatever you want anyway,' Misato erased the message and wrote one of her own to Shinji. She planned to get very drunk and go to sleep, so no worries about making supper for her and Asuka.

Misato hadn't needed to write such a note as Shinji didn't return that day, nor did Maya return to work after lunch.

X-X

Author notes

Well another chapter down, sorry if it leaves on a sort of cliff hanger, I hate those! But the next segment will take some time and if I rush it, it won't be as good, hope you understand.

I'm trying to keep Asuka in character, so try not to be to upset if she seems a bit to forward. A reply to a reviewer is this though…if you read the manga, I stole the towel joke Asuka played on Shinji directly from it so such a joke IS in character for her.

Well I'm through with making excuses for my work. Hope you enjoyed it and I hope read more of it when I release it. Oh and watch Mahoraba: Heartfull days. It's a very good show.

Well later people and thank you Zen-chan for pre-reading!


	10. Chapter 10

Hello everybody!

Yes I've been bad and haven't updated this story in a good little bit of time. But I hope you found the time to read my new DearS story that I started. And before you yell 'don't start new stories finish this one!' know that I can't just write one story. Part of how it takes so long between updates is I have a lot of ideas. Either way, hope you enjoy this latest offering

FYI updated version with improved grammar…I think

'Thoughts'

"Spoken"

X-X

A Past to Forget

Chapter 10

It wasn't the gentle light of the sun, the chime of her alarm clock, or even the call of nature that woke Misato. It was a grinding and splitting pain in her forehead. The side affects of drinking a sum of alcohol far surpassing her usual amount that caused it. Clutching at the sides of her head, futilely trying to dull the pain that was akin to an ice pick in her brain, Misato sat up in her futon. Still dress in the previous days work attire, knee length black slacks and red collared shirt, she saw her door hadn't been closed and that opening was what allowed the small amount of sunlight to splash into her room. 'Odd, usually Shinji-kun shuts the door when I leave it open at night,' Misato mused as she reached for the bottle of aspirin she kept for special occasions.

Not feeling like changing into casual cloths just yet, Misato got to her feat and headed to the kitchen on groggy and shaky legs. Being human, and that meant being a creature of habit; Misato had several expectations as she walked towards her destination. Sure it was Sunday and that meant not only did she have the day off but also so did Shinji and Asuka, otherwise the German wouldn't have slept at her friends home, but Misato knew Shinji would be up already. 'Cooking me a good breakfast, so eager to please,' she didn't know if she should be happy or sad at that. Doubts and worries as to why he felt so inclined to work around the house were always on her mind as of late. 'Do you think I expect it of you? That I'll be mad if you don't cook and clean?'

Would she have been mad at him, she didn't think she would be. Pulling her fingers through her frazzled and knotted hair, Misato let out a loud yawn and scratched her stomach. A small grin formed on her face, 'I'll give him a little scare this morning,' Misato thought jokingly as she hunched over and jumped into the kitchen right behind the stove and shouted, "YAH!" The sound of her attempt to startle the cooking Ikari echoed in the empty kitchen. 'He's not in here? But he's always up by this time and usually about ready to put food on our plates.'

Something didn't sit right with this situation in Misato's mind. Checking the digital clock on the microwave to insure she hadn't woken to early or to late, Misato's stomach began to clench. "Shinji-kun?" she called out loudly in the kitchen, sure that he'd hear her and respond quickly. Greeted by only more silence, the bottom of her stomach dropped. 'I didn't do something to him in my sleep did I?' As much as it frightened her to think it was possible, a tiny part of her mind chided her about just how good he was. 'STOP THAT! I don't want to…he's to young and suffered to much!' She yelled at herself, trying to stop any part of her from seeing Shinji as anything but a pilot and friend.

The silence was deafening, why wasn't he answering her. "Shinji-kun, you stop playing now, if you're here you say something." Her voice was a mixture of fear and anger. Looking around the kitchen frantically, Misato felt her heart start to lurch in her chest. 'Was he home at all yesterday…I didn't check.' Running through the apartment and accidentally kicking Pen-Pen while the penguin made his way to his empty food dish, Misato stumbled and braced herself against the wall with her hand. Her free hand timidly reached for Shinji's door. "Shinji-kun?" she again asked as she drew the door open and stepped inside. Empty, it was empty and by the look of the bed it hadn't been slept in.

Walking further into Shinji's room and checking for more evidence that it had been empty for an extended period, Misato checked his hanging clothing, she found his backpack in the same place he usually threw it, everything looked like it'd been sitting for at least a day. 'He didn't come home yesterday after school…' A multitude of scenarios started to play through her mind. The spectrum was running more towards horrific and less toward peaceful. Yes he could have went to a friends house like Asuka had, but Misato doubted Shinji would do that. 'With how he his, I don't think he'd ever impose on somebody else's home.' No Misato's real thoughts were, 'what if that bitch found him again? What if right now she's doing things to him?'

For a moment all Misato could do was stare blankly at the mostly empty room, her partially realized it appeared he might leave at a moments notice. A tiny fury started to brew in Misato's mind. She wasn't going to panic, had to stay focused or who knew what might happen. Smacking her face hard to break her own self induced paralysis, Misato ran from the boy's room to the phone in the living room. She had to call Nerv and get section-2 off their ass and to inform Ritsuko. Hitting the speed dial, Misato tapped her foot impatiently listening to the phone ring, pick up, and the scrambler kick in to insure a secure line.

A tired and haggard voice spoke, "Whatever it is Misato can't it wait. It's been a long night and I want to go home." Ritsuko's entire body ached from the long night of supervising the night crew. And the call from Gendo's office around three a.m. for what was only a smidgen away from debauchery. How Ritsuko started to have feelings for the man she didn't know, but she couldn't refuse him. Love wasn't what Gendo wanted from her, he wanted an outlet for his sexual impulses, and his more violent ones as well. He'd hit her hard during this last session and Ritsuko really wanted to go home and sleep it off. 'But no, I bet Misato's going to ask me to come over and help her with reports again.'

"Shinji's missing, his bed hasn't been slept in," the upset woman hadn't bothered with a hello or a question about why her friend was upset. The phone clutched tightly against her ear, Misato walked slowly, almost gracefully to her room. She listened as Ritsuko gasped over the line; she knew her friend understood the ramifications. Opening her underwear drawer, Misato reached deeply into the cotton, silk, and lacy confines to find something hard and cold. Pulling her sidearm from its hiding place, Misato was bound and determined to find Shinji. If anybody had done something to him she'd distribute justice as served. Misato drew back the chamber of her weapon and slid a clip into it then set it into the holster strapped it to her side. "I'll make the bitch pay."

"What did you say Misato?" Ritsuko asked having heard a mumble over the line. Fatigue and pain caused her to quickly lose focus. She didn't need more troubles right now, but what could she do. Shinji was essential to the survival of the human race, and if he was missing who knew what to expect. 'Damn why can't Maya be here to help with this, never around when I need her anymore,' Ritsuko thought. Had her sleep deprived brain been not so troubled she'd have realized that Maya was the last person to actually see Shinji. "I'll get section two to start looking for him, you on your way in?"

The hangover forgotten, Misato was surprised at how calm she felt. "Yeah, I'll be right in. And I want that bitch Kamazaki brought in too." Misato was sure that if Ritsuko didn't know before she did that Mizuho was released that Kaji would have told her. 'I'm sure that bitch has something to do with this, she sure as hell is the cause of it.'

Rubbing her throbbing temple with her free hand, Ritsuko didn't understand what Misato was driving at. Bring in Mizuho Kamazaki, why? But she didn't want to question Misato on it either. Questions only would add to her pain, the length of her shift, and upset Misato further. "I'll have a detachment keep an eye out for her. See you when you…" she didn't get the chance to finish as the line was dead. Setting the phone back on the receiver, Ritsuko sighed heavily. 'When will this day end?' Her bruised bicep thundered as she pulled it back to her body, the bite mark was sure to leave a scar, but she could lie to herself that it wasn't intentional, deceiving herself was quickly becoming easier.

X-X

Just as Misato was pulling out of her parking space and racing down the streets of Tokyo-3 another household was having a more peaceful morning. Sliding the eggs and bacon onto the plate Hikari grumbled under her breath. 'Why can't Asuka eat traditional Japanese food for breakfast?' Whenever Asuka stayed over and forced Hikari to cook, it was never something cheap. 'Bacon is so expensive and dad will be so mad if he finds it missing!' But it was easier to accept an upset father than a ranting Asuka, Hikari believed. Setting the sizzling plates of food on the table, Hikari called out. "Asuka, Nozomi foods ready!" At least her older sister wasn't there that morning. The eldest Hokari girl had a touch part time job.

Wobbling into the dining room with her hair mussed, Asuka mumbled something that sounded like a thank you before taking her customary seat at the Hokari table. How Hikari managed to be so chipper in the morning, Asuka couldn't fathom. Especially after staying up late with her playing video games. Nozomi playfully slapped Asuka on the back before taking her own seat across the table. "So what did you make us today sis?" Nozomi chirped happily, unlike her sister, she liked the taste of more western foods. Straightening out her unruly light blue pajamas, they were riding high, Nozomi sniffed the air above the plate like a dog. "Oh Bacon! Did you use that package of dad's?"

"Sssh! He might hear you!" Hikari whispered harshly. That and Asuka might have heard that the food stock had been somewhat pilfered to appease the German's distinguished sense of taste. Sliding into her chair and sipping her orange juice, Hikari looked over at the haggard Asuka. 'Guess Asuka still isn't much of a morning person, wonder how Shinji-kun handles her?' that thought made her smile a trifle. She could almost picture the bashful young man running around the apartment with a pink apron and a smile, how little she knew of the real living environment of the boy. "How is it Asuka, not to crispy is it?" Hikari knew Asuka's standards were high, and even friends weren't exempt from meeting them.

Unhurriedly eating the meal provided for her at potential personal risk for her friend, Asuka wasn't overly impressed by it. It was good yes, but she had to admit she usually ate better. "Its not bad, but Shinji's is actually better, only thing he does right" it was odd but Asuka couldn't deny it, even though she wanted to desperately. Drinking the coffee she had insisted Hikari make for her, Asuka's eyes finally opened fully instead of the half closed manner they had been earlier. Seeing a shocked look on Hikari's face and an angry look on Nozomi's, Asuka set her cup down. "What?"

Placing her chopsticks on the table, Hikari's look of surprise slowly faded to a small smile. "Well its just the first time you ever said anything nice about Shinji-kun," Hikari explained. Several more moments passed and silence prevailed in the room. Nozomi's anger remained on her face as the trio started to eat again.

The silence remained until Nozomi couldn't stand Hikari's lack of responding anymore. "Hikari how can you just sit there while she talks that way about your boyfriend!" the younger child yelled as she pointed an accusing finger at Asuka. The German's reaction was to swallow her unchewed food quickly and start coughing, while Hikari's face paled. "Its bad enough she gets to live with him, but she's always bad mouthing him, stand up for him!" Nozomi said again through the commotion at the table. It was the young girl's view that the movie fiasco had actually been staged it went to smoothly to be unplanned. And even if they weren't going out, Nozomi could hope her sister would wise up and move past that idiot Touji in favor of the other boy.

Asuka's reaction to the false information was of a great surprise to the second Hokari child, she was mad. Hikari had seen Asuka angry before, but the look of hatred that blossomed on her friend's face in a mere instant was unheard of. Slamming her own utensils on the table, Asuka stood up with enough force to knock her chair over. "What the hell was that Hikari? You're dating that perverted bastard!" It wasn't possible no it couldn't be true. How could he, the boy she allowed to kiss her, be interested in somebody else?

Putting her hands up in defense, Hikari felt afraid of her Asuka at that moment. "Nozomi where do you get off saying things like that! Asuka you know I don't like Shinji-kun that way," she tried to keep her voice soft and peaceful, lull the dragon back to sleep. Asuka's eyes narrowed accusingly, not readily believing yet wanting to. Quickly looking over at Nozomi who now showed fear as well, "Apologize to Asuka, Nozomi." What for Hikari didn't know, but something had to be said.

The gaze of Hikari's friend falling on her for the comment, Hikari's demand she apologize, or just plain childish stubbornness caused the child to speak again. "But you are, you even saw a movie with him. Don't let her bitch at him anymore!" The words while directed at Hikari were yelled in Asuka's face.

Her superiority was challenged. Asuka was just starting to learn to appreciate and enjoy her new toy, Shinji's affection, and wasn't going to lose it. 'He likes me not her, he kisses me because he likes me, he touches me because I ask him and he likes me, it's all because he likes ME and not HER!' He had to like her it was just how it was supposed to be. He'd do what she told him because he liked her and that gave her power over him, a power she wasn't considering losing. Turning back to Hikari, "So is this true? You're actually seeing that pervert and lied to me about it?"

Suddenly feeling very cold, Hikari couldn't believe how quickly the day went from peaceful to this. Glaring daggers at her younger sister for causing even more trouble Hikari tried her best to recall the event in question. When she could remember what truly happened she offered the event in detail for Asuka's inspection. "I was taking Nozomi to see a movie and he was there, that's all. Nozomi wanted to see the same scary movie he did, you know I hate scary movies Asuka. That's all. I don't like Shinji-kun, not at all. I want to date Touji!" She was near tears at this point. Hikari hated confrontation, and the hateful glare in Asuka's eyes had her scared so much. 'What does she have against Shinji-kun that makes her so mad!'

Asuka believed Hikari's story, not because she trusted the girl, but because she wanted the security in knowing he was hers. And she could still do with him what she wanted. 'I don't want to loose that power…if he was seeing Hikari that would mean he was toying with ME…and that can't happen.' A grim realization occurred to her, she'd have to tell they young Ikari about this. He wasn't allowed see other girls like that anymore; they might use his own perverse nature as a tool of getting him. 'He's not that good a guy, but those whores don't care about that, they'd fuck him just for the social status boost.' Sitting back down at the table, Nozomi had run off during Hikari's loud debasement of Shinji, Asuka smiled weakly. "I'm sorry about that, I trust you Hikari. Its just I don't want to see you hurt by him."

Both girls knew it was a lie, a very weak lie, but neither mentioned it again. Hikari would learn to not talk about the shy boy she wished could have been her friend, but she wouldn't go against Asuka to do it. She'd have to let her hopes of friendship die or Asuka would likely hate her for the rest of her life. It was a painful but easy decision to make. Asuka, through her fake smile, had started thinking about others that might try and take what was hers away. Why was Shinji hers, because he liked her maybe even loved her. His feelings gave her the power over him that she yearned for, and wouldn't do without. She'd have to be more careful with him. Nozomi had provided her a real eye opener. 'Maybe I'll give him a little something extra next time, it'll keep him in line,' how far she was willing to go wasn't known, but her thighs started to rub against each other softly and with greater eagerness at the thought.

X-X

Three hours of Section-2's incompetence and still no sign of Shinji, Misato and a very tired Ritsuko realized something vital that they had overlooked in their flurry of actions. Maya had been the last to see him, Maya hadn't shown up for work that day, and Maya wasn't answering her phone. Not stopping to listen to anything Ritsuko had to say in Maya's defense, Misato went straight to her car and was now standing outside of a fairly expensive looking apartment complex. 'A single bedroom wouldn't cost that much here I bet, that bitch! Just what the hell is she thinking!' Misato's mind was a red haze of anger.

She had been worried about Shinji the whole day, and it might have all been Maya's fault. 'What did she do it for? Just to piss me off I bet, to show she can mess with me?' Several of the other residents peeked out of their doors, as Misato not so much as knocked on Maya's door but pounded on it. "Open up in there damn it!" A few seconds of silence later, Misato started pounding on the door again. Finally she heard shuffling feet and the lock on the door unlatch. At that slight hitch sound, Misato depressed the handle and flung the door open. Finding a wide-eyed Maya pressed against the wall, fear etched in her eyes, Misato stepped over the threshold. "Just what the FUCK have you been doing?"

Panicked, Maya pressed herself harder against the wall, "Katsuragi-san what are you talking about, why are you here?" Taking a moment to look down the hall at her bedroom where she hoped her guest was still sleeping, Maya tried to will herself to move but her legs were ridged and uncooperative.

Misato's legs weren't however, and soon the young tech was pressed firmly against the wall, Misato's forearm under her chin and against her neck. "You have two minutes to tell me where Shinji is and what you did to him." Leaning forward and applying a more pressure against the fragile neck of Maya, Misato gave the young woman a show of who was in charge.

'What the hell is she thinking?' Maya tried desperately to think but the adrenaline was pumping and fight or flight took over. Turning quickly and pushing off of the wall, Maya shoved her shoulder against Misato's chest, sending the Captain staggering back a few steps and struggling to maintain balance. "Katsuragi, Shinji-kun is sleeping right now so if you'd keep your voice down please!" Maya's tone was a harsh whisper, and had she been thinking about what she had just said would have expected Misato's next move.

Upon hearing where Maya had kept Shinji, Misato's mind, fueled by her fears and worries, supplied in the rest. "You slut!" Misato yelled before slamming the back of her hand across Maya's face. "Is this your idea of helping him? Dragging him away from everybody under a false pretense so you can see just how good a fuck he is?" Sweat started pouring down Misato's face as the anger, fear, and aggression started to finally come out. Misato pulled her hand back for another strike while Maya slumped to the ground, her face ashen white.

Tears streaming out of her eyes, Maya could only gape at the towering form of Misato. "Is that what you think I did?" it sounded so impossible to the young woman that anybody would suspect it of her. Maya had Shinji's best interests in heart. "Maybe that's what YOU'RE planning but not me," Maya said between sobs. Fear, humiliation, and pain were her rewards for trying to help Shinji to stand up for himself.

Pulling the cowering woman back to her feat, Misato held Maya by her collar, examining the woman's face for any sign of falsehood. "Then what were you doing with him that kept him and yourself so secreted away?" Her tone was flat, not emotionless but flat, a machine voice. Pressing the woman again against the wall, this time to keep Maya from falling back down.

Sniffing and wanting to clean the running snot from her nose away but was afraid Misato would interpret it as a sign of aggression, Maya shivered uncontrollably. "A…a traffic accident kept us from getting to the restaurant before his lunch period ended…so I thought why not let him have some time away from school." It was the honest truth but Misato wasn't in a very believing mood. Pulling Maya away from the wall and then shoving her back again, the tech's head bounced roughly off the wall. Maya's vision began to swim and warble from the blow.

"So that's it huh, this is all just so he didn't have to go to school? That was one long lunch wasn't it?" Misato's breath reeked of beer and the last meal she'd eaten. In her mind she knew she was being unfair, unduly harsh on Maya but she had be so afraid that she couldn't help it. "What else, and don't you think for a moment I won't ask him to confirm this."

Nodding dumbly to Misato, Maya saw the fury in the woman's eyes; she'd not lie in any form to her. "After the meal he asked to go back to school…I said that since he was so late why not skip. I took him to a movie, thanked him for all his hard work." Maya had been so proud of herself, and of Shinji for the events there. He had opened up to her somewhat. They talked about how things were in his life, how he was handling things, and to Maya's surprise he started asking her questions about her past and her current life. She was shocked at how much in common they had, how much she liked talking and being around him.

"Then what," it wasn't a question it was an order for Maya to continue. Misato was building evidence in her case against the woman. Maya had affronted Misato, and the Captain didn't see Maya's actions as a duty of good will for Shinji, no this was blowback for Misato's pressing the belief that Asuka had been a good influence on him while Maya had not agreed. "After the movie he fall asleep in your car and you just said 'hey why not let him stay at my place and not tell anybody?'"

"NO!" Maya yelled, no longer able to keep her fear at bay. She feared what Misato might do to her in her excited state. The slap still stung but what else would Misato do if she decided Maya had done something unforgivable? What if Misato didn't believe her? "I wanted him to stand up to you! He idolizes you so much! Nothing you do is ever wrong, I didn't want him to trade one sex crazed woman for another!" The slap echoed in the apartment's small hallway. Maya's head bounded to the side but didn't feel the pain her body was to full of fear to notice.

Misato's hand ached from the pain of the blow. "So I'm a sex crazed bitch huh? What makes you so much better? What gives you the right to say what's good for him and what's not? I don't see a psychology degree with your name on it Ibuki-kun." Maya had no right to tell Misato she was doing what was right for Shinji. They were all in the same boat, and it had no captain, it was only sailing in the dark on good intentions. Misato knew she wasn't the best person in the world, and she knew Shinji looked up to her in some fashion, but that wasn't a bad thing was it?

Slumping against Misato, Maya's tears came out harder. "He cried you know…you didn't have to hear what he said after he got here. I wanted to help him…to make him happy but he said…he said. He didn't want to upset you. He started crying because he was afraid you'd be mad at him and force him out! He cried so hard that he passed out! What did you do to get such respect from him! You, from all Akagi and Ryoji-san say were nothing but a drunken whore in college and no better now!" Falling to her knees Maya didn't care if Misato struck her again, it didn't matter. Misato wasn't fit to care for herself let along a child recovering from such abuse, yet nobody would listen to Maya about it because she was 'just the dumb bitch that wanted to tag along.'

Misato's gaze never left Maya's crumpled body, but a sound to her left caught her attention, it was the sound of a door closing. "I…I'm…I'm so sorry Maya-san, Misato-san!" Shinji said softly as he rushed passed them and out into the hallway. Misato turned to run after him but Maya arms latched onto her leg preventing movement.

"Bitch let go of me! He heard all of this, he was running now because of it!" Misato hollered while she tried to pull her leg out of Maya's grasp but the young woman hung on for dear life. To Maya ever moment Shinji was away from Misato as a moment he had to heal. Maya didn't think it would take long before Misato had Shinji doing all the things Mizuho had him do. 'Katsuragi is no better than that woman, she doesn't see him as a person but rather a tool!' By the time Misato pulled her leg free and reached the street, Shinji was no were to be seen.

X-X

His entire body felt numb. Shinji couldn't believe his incompetence. 'I've upset Misato-san, and got Maya-san in trouble. Why did I let that happen!' He wanted to cry but had no tears left. Walking in a daze down streets he didn't see, passing people that he didn't acknowledge, Shinji started to hear a familiar droning sound. It was the sound of construction. Coming to a stop he looked around for familiar landmarks, and found one very familiar one. "I'm at Ayanami's," he said softly as he viewed the dilapidated building. Somehow in his confusion and sadness Shinji unintentionally sought out comfort, and was now outside Rei's home.

He considered turning around right then and going back to Misato's, but stopped when he wondered if Misato would have him back. He entered the apartment and started walking up the rickety stairs, the dirt and dust on handrail sticking to his hand and cloths. 'Why am I here?' Shinji thought, again wanting to turn and leave but walked forward regardless. As he knocked on the door, he noticed the mail was still stacking up outside the albino's door. More silence meet him after he knocked, about to turn and leave believing Rei either gone or ignoring him, the door jerked with a loud creak and out from the crack in the door were a pair of red eyes. "Ikari-kun?"

"Um…hi Ayanami-san, I'm not bothering you am I?" Shinji's voice was just as he felt inside, unsure and tentative. He couldn't believe he had the courage to knock on the door let alone talk to her. Rei seemed to contemplate something serious for a few moments, moments Shinji expected her to fill with words along the lines of 'leave,' or 'I'm busy.' However Rei's response was to step further into her apartment and open the door fully.

As Shinji bowed to her slightly and walked into her apartment, Rei considered Commander Ikari's words to her. 'I should have sent him away, but I could not. I feel warm with the knowledge he came to me.' Watching as Shinji took his shoes off, she led him into her apartment. She heard him let out a hiss as he came into view of her living quarters. "Is something the matter Ikari-kun?"

He couldn't complain about Rei's lack in cleanliness, so Shinji just waved it off. "No, I just hope I'm not interrupting anything is all." He also couldn't tell her about the events with Maya or Misato, it wouldn't be acceptable in the slightest. Standing dumbly in what he remembered was Rei's bedroom Shinji watched how casually Rei sat on the dirty mattress. "How…how are you feeling today by the way?" A small blush fell onto his cheeks.

Tilting her head slightly as she pondered not only his words but also his reaction, Rei replied. "You have not interrupted anything, and as I have no chairs in this room, if you wish to sit you may sit here." Rei patted the spot on her bed next to her. A small plume of dust bellowed outward from the impact. For a reason Rei couldn't comprehend her face felt warmer and her stomach hitched at her simple statement. 'Why would my offering him to sit next to me cause this feeling, it is most pleasant.'

Hesitating for a moment, Shinji chastised himself for even being there and defiling Rei's purity with his taint. However in the end he nervously sat next to the impassive girl, his need for want and affection overrode his natural inclination to run. His breath came out quick and shallow, oh how nervous he felt just sitting next to her after what she had said before. "Are you sure you don't mind?" Whether he was asking about the close contact or him even being there, Shinji himself didn't know.

Her eyes never left Shinji, something about his actions seemed almost funny to her. She didn't know it, but Rei was feeling giddy at that moment. Her appreciation of Shinji had escalated to genuine feelings of liking the boy. He was polite to her, something nobody save the Commander was. He said words of praise about her, something not even the Commander did. Just sitting next to him, Rei could feel her heart rate increasing and she liked that feeling. "I am positive Ikari-kun."

And there they sat for several moments in silence. Shinji soaking up Rei's cool detachment from the world and calming his nerves and fear. Yes he would likely be punished my Misato, but he could hope she forgave him and didn't turn him out. Rei simply reveled in the new feelings and emotions being around Shinji caused. So much she didn't understand, so much she craved to know about. Her drive for understanding and knowledge broke the peaceful silence. "Ikari-kun, does your presence here indicate we are friends?" she had never had true friends before so she didn't know what friends did.

Turning his head quickly to meet Rei's eyes, Shinji couldn't believe what he was hearing. Had it been anybody else, Shinji would have thought the words a joke. But Rei, Shinji had to admit, wasn't always so keen on topics like friendship or love. In a broken yet happy voice, "I'd like to think so Ayanami-san, I really would." Friends with somebody so much better than him, friends with a girl he'd gladly give his life for to protect, for that friendship Shinji nearly burst.

A low blush spread across Rei's face again. "I would enjoy that I believe." Rei slowly started under no direct control of herself, to lean towards Shinji. "I believe that I enjoy your presence in my life Ikari-kun." Her words filled with a subtle warmth. Looking at each other for several more quite minutes the pair could neither more or speak. Rei was amazed at how hard it was to admit such things; she'd never had problems with her actions before, yet with Shinji it was so hard. Shinji was just in shock; this day was nothing but a great shock after another great shock. Though this shock was positive in response to the great negative one of earlier.

'I think…I think I like her,' Shinji hated himself to admit, to finally accept. It would never work out that way for him, it shouldn't. He wasn't worthy of her yet here they sat, eye to eye on her bed. Looking at her soft ruby red lips, such a stark contrast to her skin, he felt so inclined to lean in, steal a kiss from them. 'But that would sully her, she doesn't like me, she doesn't know any better.' But oh how inviting they were, and her eyes almost appeared to be calculating if she could do the same to him.

And she was, Rei knew little of male-female relations, and from what she gathered physicality was a large part of it. Thinking about Shinji on occasion resulted in tingling in her stomach and an ache in her womanhood she didn't understand or comprehend, much like she was feeling to a small degree right now. 'Is this longing I am feeling?' She thought to herself as she continued to look at Shinji. Opting to test her theory, Rei leaned in suddenly and pressed her lips against the boy across from her. For a few seconds Rei felt nothing but ridged lips against hers, yet slowly that changed. Pressure was applied back against her lips and it was electric. When she felt something moist riding along the outside of her lips, the surprise caused them to open them and she nearly gagged at the intrusion of Shinji's tongue in her mouth.

Her eyes opened wide in shock yet she kept her place, she noticed Shinji's eyes were closed she did the same. It felt nicer, more relaxing that way. Her body again acting against her will, wrapped her arms softly around his back, she felt him do the same. It was so deliriously new and overwhelming to her. 'I must stop this or I believe I shall faint.' Pushing herself away from Shinji softly, she found a reluctance to do so, but she was able to. Finding Shinji's eyes still shut when she opened hers, "That was most pleasant Ikari-kun."

'I just…I just kissed Rei,' Shinji was still amazed at how soft her lips were, and how it didn't feel bad. It felt like the last kiss he had with Asuka, it was soft yet a caring could be felt within. He didn't feel cheapened by it, nor did he feel he cheapened the other. "I should…should be going Ayanami-san, I'll see you at school tomorrow." Shinji gushed as he a feeling of revulsion waved over him at how easily he accepted things. Rushing out of the apartment before Rei could have said a word edgewise, Shinji was already down the stairs and out of the building.

'I wasn't supposed to enjoy that! I wasn't supposed to do that!' He ranted on himself. Mizuho's words of debasement echoed in his head. He was soiled and used, not fit for the good graces of others. He was an annoyance that had to pay his way or be cast aside. And here he was running his fingers over his lips that had just kissed a girl of their own volition. 'I'll need to apologize to her,' but it felt so nice his mind replied.

It didn't matter much, his increased happiness wasn't to last long. Upon returning home, Misato still gone, Asuka was there to meet him. She asked him where he had been, and when he said Rei's she smacked him. "You're mine Baka. Don't you know that?" Asuka's angry frown turned into a smile. "I think I need to punish you a little. I know you like me and not her so I'll forgive you afterward." Shinji didn't know what to say, he did like her in many ways. Shinji had just finished kissing and massaging Asuka moments before Misato returned.

X-X

Author notes.

Sorry if the Shinji/Rei scene was a bit overdone, and I will go into more details about Shinji and Asuka in the next chapter so no worries their. Hope you enjoyed this chapter and continue to read my stuff. Yeah a lot happened in it, but after the cliffhanger in the last chapter you should have expected a large dose of action. As for Shinji/Rei don't think to deeply yet, haven't thought about pairings in this thing.

And serious thanks go to Zen-chan for prereading and ideas…though I don't know if I like not having more tension between some of the characters.

Laters!


	11. Chapter 11

Hi again people. Yeah I know, what's taking so long for updates, life. I'm trying to keep motivation up and creativity moving along. And I'm going to do something today that I don't really approve of. That is respond to some reviews. Two in fact.

FinalMax: In response to you I say this, you're one chapter to quick with that review, I've been planning to address a lot of the issues you brought up in this chapter. And yes I've had a lot of increased 'drama' but not without some valid reasoning behind it. Hope you continue to read and like my changes.

Anonymous Does Not Forgive: This is called fanfiction for a reason. If you're going to stick to cannon pairings then the only stories you should read are Gendo/Ritsuko or maybe Gendo/Rei (he always appeared in my eyes as a child molester) And I don't remember writing Misato holding her gun to Maya's head…and I wrote the chapter so I don't know where you're seeing it. Maybe I was misleading with the whole Misato looking for her gun, but never in the whole Maya/Misato scene does it appear. As for Maya being a flaming lesbian…I've watched Evangelion a lot and it is does have reason to think that she ISN'T a lesbian. Women in Japan tend to make idol figures of strong willed women as the culture is so heavily male dominated.

There I feel better, and I hope you all continue to enjoy this story…If not, I'm sorry but I can't please everybody.

X-X

A Past To Forget

Chapter 11

She couldn't get one day of peace it seemed. Ritsuko paced in her office, Maya's formal request for the removal of one Shinji Ikari from Misato's care lie on her desk. Ritsuko wasn't shocked to see it, was in fact expecting it after Section-2 recounted the reports that the Captain had nearly broken the young tech's nose. With so many different paths open to her, why had Misato taken the most offside and brash? "She just can't stop and think or check up on anything that's why," her voice soft and it died within inches of her mouth.

She'd called Misato that morning and all but ordered her to come in early and fill in any missing gaps in the story. Makoto's post-it note on her door that morning had eased her mind about Maya's guilt, but only served to add to Misato's. Maya had reported in about having Shinji in her care that night, but Makoto forgot to log it into the system. And as Section-2 wasn't likely to search the homes of middle to high-ranking employees first for missing personnel they hadn't checked Maya's. She tried to recall where she had been when Maya called the night before. She saw harsh hands squeezing her nipples so hard it drew blood, a man's grunt of pleasure, and her own in pain. Gendo had been fucking her while Maya called.

The door shutting with excessive force drew her attention away from the pain still in her body. Not strong enough to be considered a slam, but hard enough to rattle the few pictures she had and make her cat statues shake. "What is it that you have to call me in on my day of Ritsuko. I get what, one a week and you call me in on it?" Misato asked in an exasperated tone. The previous day's events still vexed her, and she was grateful that Maya hadn't been at her post. Stupid little child playing in an adults' game. She had let personal feelings and opinions cloud her judgment. Misato didn't know that what she felt about Maya was exactly what she was doing.

Handing Misato the signed and, had she not intercepted it, ready for processing document, Ritsuko's face set the mood. Serious and problematic. "Stow it Misato. You fucking dropped the ball yesterday. Maya's is requesting you be relieved of caring for Shinji." Misato opened her mouth to speak out her rebuttal, a mix of fear and raw rage on her face but Ritsuko cut her off. "Let me finish before you say how 'its her fault.' It wasn't Misato, Maya actually didn't do anything wrong."

Thumbing through the document, citing Misato as being violent, unreasonable, and unfit to care for a special needs child, the woman's stomach chilled and her legs began to shake. "What do you mean she didn't do anything wrong. She abducted him, refused calls, and put us all in jeopardy if an angel attacked. She should be fired for that!" Sure maybe Misato had been out of line when she hit the woman, but she was so angry, so afraid at thinking Shinji was in the grips of that other woman, Kamazaki, again. She hadn't been proud of her assault on the smaller girl, but her anger needed and outlet, and as Maya had caused it she was the likely target. "I'm sorry for what I did, but she deserves worse."

Taking a seat at her desk, Ritsuko did something she only did on the really bad days, or days when Gendo was even rougher than he was that night. Pulling the bottom left drawer open, she produced a bottle of imported bourbon and two glasses, in case Misato wanted some. Pouring a shot, Ritsuko inhaled the fiery liquid, almost immediately she felt the affects. "Listen and listen good Misato. Maya called in yesterday that she had Shinji with her. Makoto was busy with calibrating the launch platforms and forgot to log it into the system. And it was Maya's day off so why would she answer the phone? Hell if I didn't have your cel-phone would you be here right now?"

Looking dumbly at Ritsuko, Misato was waiting for the doctor to say it was a joke. It didn't make sense, Ritsuko said she had been working the night shift so how couldn't she have been on the bridge too when the call occurred. "But what about you? You said it yourself that you were here all night, why didn't you know about this until now?" This wasn't about Shinji now it was about herself. It was about clearing her name and being right again. Yes Misato loved Shinji, but the sheer oddness of the events just didn't fit with her.

Tears threatened Ritsuko's eyes. The stinging burn of the alcohol in her throat and the memories that came unabashed as Misato ranted. She needed a lie, a cover story quickly or Misato would learn the truth, and Ritsuko would never live with the shame. "I was in a meeting with the commander. Afterwards I had to attend to my own work and don't feel like I need to second check everybody." Throwing back another shot of bourbon, Ritsuko prayed Misato believed her.

She didn't. "I saw the commander leaving before my shift ended, why would he come back when he could just call you?" Her voice held an undeniable accusation to it. Ritsuko was keeping something from her, she could tell. Did Ritsuko not want Shinji to live with her anymore and concocted some elaborate scheme to get him removed, nah that was just to paranoid to be real. But what if? Finding Ritsuko staring watery eyed at her, Misato remembered the blond's low tolerance to alcohol. "Look Ritsuko, just say what's happening here. Are you going to side with Maya to get Shinji-kun removed from my care or what?"

Relief spread so quickly through Ritsuko's body she felt her aching nipples harden and her heart felt like it would break through her chest. Misato had been mislead, either by her own fears or simply didn't care any further about the fact Gendo came back for just one thing. Shaking her head, "No Misato I'm not going to," a smile fell on Misato's face but it wasn't there for long as Ritsuko continued. "Not for the moment anyway. Shinji-kun has taken to you as his primary care giver, and to remove that could be disastrous. But if you act like you did at Maya's I'll have no choice but to see that he gets moved someplace else. Someplace that isn't a Nerv household, but that would mean somebody other than us and the pilots would need to be informed."

At the mention of 'pilots' Misato's face tightened. She hadn't told Asuka yet as Ritsuko had instructed. Her wide-eyed expression caught the doctor's attention, and had a very sobering effect on her. "Misato, please tell me that I'm being a fool here in thinking you haven't told Asuka yet about Shinji's past?" They had been over this time and time again since Rei had questioned into the boy's past. All the pilots had the right to know about potentially important issues in the lives of the other pilots. Rei was the exception as to know about Rei would not be beneficial to anybody.

It was Misato's turn to squirm under misdeeds. "I wanted to, really I did but things are so nice at the apartment." Ritsuko tossed back another shot. "Shinji and Asuka are getting along so well, to tell her about his past might ruin that, you know how Asuka overreacts to things." Misato eyes the empty glass next to Ritsuko's, oh how she wanted a drink right now. Ritsuko's gaze forced Misato to continue. "And I mean we told Rei because she asked about it, Asuka hasn't! I mean should we tell Shinji about her past? Asuka's past isn't a rosy and beautiful thing either! Why not let them tell each other when they feel comfortable with it?"

The growing hostility Ritsuko had started to die at the mentioning of Asuka's history. They weren't chomping at the bit to tell Shinji about that were they? Had no intention of it in fact. So was Misato so wrong in not wanting to upset the waters by tossing stones into the lake that was the Katsuragi apartment? Asuka surely would take it badly, maybe even so bad as to want to leave. How would that affect things, very badly. Opting not to think about it further there was not easy answer to it anyway. "Get out Misato, go home. We'll deal with this later. But I still think we might have to tell Asuka eventually." But how bad could it be for Asuka not to know, it couldn't hurt that badly could it, Shinji hadn't shown any problems on the battlefield so far.

The cold sweat that Misato felt trickling down her cheek was gone, smiling softly at her friend, Misato stood and walked out of the office and back towards her home. One disaster averted she hoped. As she got to her car nerves still on edge, Shigeru was just walking into Ritsuko's office with a weak pattern blue detection in a volcano several miles outside of the city.

X-X

"So anything happen to you this weekend man?" Touji asked as he tossed his satchel at his desk. The early morning students had all been seated for a long while, meaning Shinji had been waiting for his friends to arrive, Touji was the first. Pulling a chair over next to Shinji's desk, Touji couldn't tell if the boy was happy, sad, or just plain confused.

And Shinji was all three. Happy to bask in the feeling of acceptance from Rei, happy that Asuka had in her own odd way shown affection for him, sad that the affection was physical and missing real emotional context, sad because of the look he saw on Misato's face at breakfast a look of fear and anger, and confusion for what happened at Maya's. He had such a fun time talking to the young tech. They really did have a lot in common, but to go behind Misato's back, to betray her in a sense, surely that was why Misato had been cross with him that morning.

Shaking off the sudden want to talk about his feelings, "Nothing much happened. Nerv stuff mostly." It was an easy escape route, just mentioning Nerv was usually enough to get people to stop asking questions. Plus with Rei absent, Shinji didn't have to worry about her claiming something to the otherwise. "Where's Kensuke?"

The smile on Touji's face turned to something else, something darker. "Don't know, stupid bastard ditched me yesterday. We were supposed to hit the arcade and see a movie but I get this call right. He was really mad, yelling something about how he couldn't believe it and how it wasn't fair. Then he just hung up." Try as he might to mask his concern for his missing friend, Touji failed. Felt even betrayed to an extent that his best friend wouldn't confide in him and leave him in the dust.

"You can ask him now I guess," Shinji said with a small grin as Kensuke walked into the room and eyed them up. Had Touji not stood up and blocked Shinji's vision, he would have seen the look of unabashed anger and jealousy on new arrivals face. Kensuke's weekend hadn't gone anywhere near as well as he would have liked. He intended to get a few more pictures of Rei then meet up with Touji that was before he saw Shinji's arrival at the dilapidated building. Why would Rei let HIM in and not anybody else, Kensuke thought? What made Shinji so damn special as to get to visit her for over an hour? Oh and the look, that insipid dopey grin on his face when he left. Shinji was just using Rei, he had to be, maybe even had something he was blackmailing her with. Nothing else made sense.

Waving at Kensuke, who was quick to mask his feelings, "Hey man, pull up a seat and start explaining man. Had me worried and that's not supposed to happen." Pulling the geek into an affectionate headlock, Touji proceeded to administer noogies until Kensuke let out a series of forced laughs. Once freed the boy fixed his uneven glasses and took a seat by Touji. "So spill, what happened?"

Knowing Touji couldn't possibly understand the depth and purity of his feelings for Rei, Kensuke had to lie. Especially with his rival sitting right next to him. "Somebody broke my spare camera the other day and ran off. I had to spend the rest of the day hunting him down to get him to pay me for it." He saw the look of acceptance on both boys' faces. They bought it based on his seeming obsession with his camera. "So Shin-man," Kensuke was proud of how he could keep a straight face, "what did you do this weekend, I thought I saw you walking towards Ayanami's house while I hunted down my pray."

Blushing softly at being spotted, Shinji scratched his nose and looked away. Touji slapped the desk playfully. "You dog! I knew you had a thing for the ice-queen of Tokyo-3! What were ya up to, getting yourself some?" Touji's loud proclamations reverberated in the classroom, catching everybody's attention, especially that of Hikari Hokari and Asuka Langley Souryu.

His cheeks felt as if they were aflame. Shinji couldn't do anything but rub his hands over one another and think of some excuse. Work related, no. Drop off school work, no they'd know that was a lie. Maybe he just had to bite the bullet. "Well I had a…disagreement with Misato-san and just found my way there I guess." He lied, and even used Misato in the farce. Both boys appeared to be weighing the possibility. Touji was likely to believe it because who wouldn't be upset if they had a fight with Misato, that radiant and beauteous woman that filled his dreams and dirtied his sheets. Kensuke didn't think it possible in the slightest, not with how happy he seemed after he left. "So its not like that, really it isn't," Shinji finished weakly and almost begging them to move on with another topic.

"It's cool man, I mean if ya like her its ok with us right Ken? Nobody else seems to think much of her anyway. Killer body but her personality…whatever floats your boat man," Touji shrugged his shoulder. Yeah if given the chance he'd sleep with her, but he wouldn't date her. And if it kept Shinji and Hikari away from each other, more power to them.

Kensuke snorted in disgust, for both Touji's comments and Shinji's audacity. "Whatever, just whatever," was all he said. He would have his chance to play his cards soon enough and then Rei would be his, as she was meant to be. The conversation did change to the Miss Tokyo-3 pageant that had aired over the weekend and other minor things. Across the room however, Asuka felt time to do something about Hikari. Sure the girl said she didn't want to date her Shinji, but she could be lying. So what better way to test Hikari's resolve than to make good on the Touji claim.

Letting the jock's words about Shinji and Rei slip into the back of her mind, something to tend to later, Asuka acted. Hikari had just finished talking about day after Asuka left when Asuka smiled. "So Hikari, why don't you ask Touji out? You said you want to date him right, what's keeping you from it?" Hikari's eyes widened in surprise and a rosy hint graced her complexion.

"What, what makes you bring that up Asuka?" excitement and bashfulness playing at Hikari's throat. Which suddenly felt very dry and scratchy. Asuka's eyes were hard and unmoving. She wanted an answer and wasn't going to simply let Hikari off. "I mean…I don't know if he likes me that way, and isn't the guy supposed to make the first move?" Hikari's view of romantic endeavors was very antiquated. The man made the first move, the woman either accepted or rejected him, never the other way around. Finding the desk very comforting to look at, anything was better than the gaze of her friend, one that looked very predatory at the moment.

So easy to read, so easy to manipulate, even more power was at Asuka's command now. It was easy to make people do what you wanted if you knew how they reacted to stimuli. Last night as she'd taken off her bra and tossed it at Shinji, she knew yet another way to get him to move. Naked flesh seemed an easy way to get him into action, almost instantly he'd cupped them and Asuka smiled. And it was just so good! And using that knowledge, Asuka goaded Hikari. "Bullshit Hikari, this is the 21st century! Take what you want, if you want it. I'd never stand to let a man hold anything over me, why should you. I bet that idiot is do much a coward to ask you anyway." And Asuka was right about that.

Stealing a look over at Touji, she saw him patting the young Ikari on the back. Why had his saying Shinji was with Ayanami caused her to feel bad, she liked him right? Uneasiness and a queasy feeling in her stomach kept her body tense. "I don't know Asuka, I'm not as bold as you are, and I don't think I can." She wanted to, she thought. She'd had a crush on Touji for two years now, but something kept her from acting on it. "What if he says no, we wouldn't be able to be friends anymore."

From what Asuka saw they weren't friends as it was. Hikari was the class representative and he was a big perverted idiot. But if she had to sacrifice Hikari's chastity to keep what was hers, so be it. "If you want I can act as mediator for you. I could tell him to meet you someplace, hell I could even tell him you like him."

At that Hikari did look back into Asuka's eyes. "You'd do that for me, really?" What Hikari lacked was confidence in herself. Her older sister was a naturally beautiful girl, far surpassing what Hikari thought she had in herself. No, Hikari was the plain yet strict girl that held only a minor power in the world. "Don't kid about stuff like this Asuka."

"Why would I kid about it, if you want to date that spore, I'll help you however I can," Asuka's smile was genuine. She liked Hikari she really did, and didn't want anything to come between them, namely Shinji. Shinji was hers, he loved her and she loved the idea of that. She didn't love Shinji back exactly, at least not yet but the inkling was there. But she loved the power he gave her, instilled in her was what she cherished more than anything. She needed it and would have it. It was a drug, a very powerful and addictive one that had her fully in its sway. "I'll do whatever I can Hikari, anything."

The class representative smiled thankfully at Asuka, never doubting her intentions. Her eyes seemed to sparkle at the thought of finally making some progress in life. Asuka was a good friend, and if keeping her friendship meant not talking to Shinji yet getting Touji as a boyfriend in the process, well she'd have to accept it. Standing up, Hikari went to start class, the energy in her body seemed to quell as she looked at the class, namely Touji and behind him Shinji. The sad look was still there, on Shinji's face, but tamed a bit. 'Is this the right thing?' she thought as she gave the order.

X-X

Looking over his crossed hands at his tool, Gendo fought back the urge to simply kill the girl right there. She had betrayed him, failed to meet his every demand as she was created to. "Rei, you know why I called you here today do you not?" His voice betrayed anything of what he felt inside.

Called as she was about to head for school, Rei stood before her creator in her school clothing. She had no idea as to why she'd been summoned. No test was to be performed, no secrets to be told that only she and doctor Akagi were to know. A sense of dread, almost unknown to her, settled over her body. Wanting to be anywhere but before this man, Rei nodded. "I am unsure as to why I was called sir."

"You were ordered to avoid any unnecessary contact with the Third Child. Section-2 spotted him outside your apartment where he stayed for a marked amount of time. Why did you allow him access to your home?" It wasn't completely impossible that his son had forced his way in before he left. This incarnation of Rei had been very loyal to him so far so Gendo was tempted to at least listen to her response before acting. He needed Rei loyal to him and only him, using his son's abuse was just a scapegoat to forbid her to see him if the issue as to why was ever asked.

The foreboding increased in Rei's chest. Her lungs seemed incapable of drawing in the air needed to live she felt light headed and uncertain. A sense of self-preservation that usually lied dormant in her kicked in. She was afraid for her life at that moment. "Sir, the Third Child came to my apartment in a seemingly emotional state. It was my belief that an event occurred that left him unstable. I allowed him access on the basis his life had been endangered and his stay was to keep him in one place long enough for any necessary actions to be held before his recall," she lied.

Unknown to Rei her apartment was under constant video surveillance. Gendo needed to be insured that nobody was trying to get to her while he was unable to stop it. If she came in contact with Seele she would have to be disposed of, yet here the video feed served to show the man that his own son had become the thing he feared. A potential weakness in his control over Rei. "You disappoint me Rei, come here."

Gendo noticed the nearly unperceivable tell on Rei's face. Her eyes widened and her lips drew thin. Unwavering she abided his call but the fear was there. Walking around his desk Rei stood directly before the man. Heart pounding, legs weak, she felt the need to pee horribly right then. "Yes sir?" The man answered with his fist in her stomach. Doubling over in pain, Rei found her chin caught in the man's extended hand.

Squeezing his thumb and forefinger painfully against Rei's chin, "You were ordered not to see him and you have then lied about it to me." Adding more pressure into his fingers Gendo heard a whimper of pain escape Rei's lips as she tried to meet his gaze. "Why would you make me doubt you Rei, you know you can be replaced. You are a shell, worthless to everybody but me." Letting his grip go lax the man pulled his hand back only to thrust it forward in a quick yet affective shove into the girl's chest sending her to the floor.

Rei's jaw hurt as well as her neck from he hold, now thanks to the punch and throw to the ground was dry heaving in an attempt to force air back in her lungs. "I apologize Sir, it will never happen again." Each word burned her sore throat as she scrambled to form the words. On her hands and knees she tried to stand only to find Gendo's hands on her shoulders keeping her down.

His lips drew into a thin yet snide smile. "I expect that this will be the end of this sort of disobedience. Fail me again and you will be replaced." Turning away from her, Gendo was already weighing the pros and cons of killing her outright. She truly was replaceable, but the scenario had to be followed as closely as possible. He needed a way to break her spirit even more, turn his son's eyes away from her. Pull her closer to himself while keeping her in line. What had Akagi said about his own son, how he idolized Captain Katsuragi so much. Well maybe he too could play that card with Rei, but only if she showed further signs of betrayal. "Get out, now."

Crawling the first half of the room away from the man, fearful of what would happen if she didn't immediately obey him, Rei found the power to stand just as she reached the door. With one long lingering gaze back at the man she had held in such high esteem for so long, Rei saw a man that would kill her. Kill her if she betrayed him again. Kill her if she sought the comfort, joy, and even love of the only person that had offered it to her. Opening the door and stepping through it, Rei, for the first time in her life, had no idea as to what to do.

X-X

"Misato-san I'm home," Shinji called out as he kicked off his sneakers. He'd come home alone as Asuka claimed she and Hikari had business to do. "What would you like for supper?" He had to act fast to placate the woman. She was upset with him for going against her, and he feared the consequences. Walking into the living room and still not hearing any response, Shinji gave a momentary thought that maybe Misato had left or been called into work.

Wrapping her arms around Shinji's waste from behind, Misato hugged the boy. She wasn't surprised that he went ridged for a few moments before he noticed the strands of purple hair in his vision. It hadn't sunk until long after she'd come home, had time to think about all of what Ritsuko had told her, and the implications it might have. Telling Asuka, attacking Maya, hell even taking her gun with her in case she saw Kamazaki, she had been riding an endorphin high while talking to Ritsuko, but after it wore off she was able to think about it all in a clear mind. Just how much damage had she inflicted in her rage. "I'm sorry Shinji-kun, sorry about what happened yesterday."

Misato's grip lessened enough for Shinji to turn around yet still be held, she wasn't willing to let go of him yet. "Misato-san, I'm…I'm the one that's sorry. I shouldn't have let Maya talk me into skipping school, or offering to make me supper. I should have went to school then come home like you wanted, I'm sorry, please…forgive me?" His eyes wet with tears cascading down his face as shame and regret pulled on him. "I'll do anything for you to forgive me please?"

Knowing he did nothing wrong save seek comfort, Misato was stunned. She had done wrong, acted on emotion and a half assumption, yet here was Shinji begging for forgiveness. "You don't have to do anything Shinji, nothing at all. Just hug me ok?" It was wrong of her to seek comfort from the one she was to comfort but she couldn't help it. Fear of losing him and remorse for her own stupidity. But what was he to her…a brother, a son, her dream the previous night forced the idea of a lover into her mind, try as she might to swash that feeling it remained just to mock her.

Timidly Shinji's arms wrapped around Misato, his anchor. At first he barely touched her back, then as he saw the soft gaze of Misato, her lips a soft supporting smile his pulled fiercely at her, hugging her as hard as he could. Afraid she would push him away the next moment. Misato couldn't be sure but she almost thought he was saying 'thank you' over and over again but the words were muffled in her shirt. "Ssh, ssh, Its ok Shinji. I've talked to Ritsuko about this and although Maya might push things, you're still going to live here with me."

Tilting his head upward, Shinji couldn't stop his heart from thumping in unison with Misato's. She was afraid he'd leave? Didn't want him to leave? Asuka had been wrong by saying Misato was thinking of kicking him out. It was all to good to be true. Seeing the look of near ecstasy on Shinji's face, Misato started to finally take stock of their current situation. His body pressed firmly against hers, his movements against her body started to take affect. 'He'll think of it as a present, a welcome home gift,' she reasoned as she leaned downward and kissed him chastely on the lips.

They stood that way for several moments, Shinji fought to keep control of himself while Misato sated her own budding lust. It'd been awhile and Kaji's presence had always acted as one big aphrodisiac for her, but she couldn't do that to Shinji. Pushing him away softly. "All is forgiven Shinji." He nodded and they broke their hold. Shinji blushing and smiling ran off to the kitchen to start the evening meal, he'd decided on beer battered shrimp and curry, Misato's two favorites.

Standing alone in the living room, Misato was ashamed of herself. She'd kissed him, a boy forced to act as a man. But it had felt good, oddly right to give him that sort of physical expression. She'd always been more physical in her show of affection. But could she stop herself, was Maya right that she was a danger to him as well. "Shinji-kun I have to make a run real quick. I'll be back in…say two hours?" He called back that it would be fine. Shaking her head in disgust for her own needs, Misato called Kaji. He was happy to hear from her, yet an hour later as Kaji pulled out of her and fell into the bed to dazed to think, Misato couldn't get Shinji out of her mind, and it frightened her.

X-X

Author notes

Ok…well there you have it. Some things covered while others left open. I don't think I've added 'unnecessary' drama. But then again would I know it if it was there? Hope you enjoyed this chapter and continue to read and support me.

Later people and thank you Zen-chan for prereading again.


	12. Chapter 12

Yeah I know, late with the update again. Why is it taking you so long to get chapters out? Why does the story suck now? Well I hope it's not the last one. In response to other such questions however I say, sorry but I have a lot of ideas and want to play with them too.

I'll try to keep on a normal schedule with my works, and I hope you continue to like them.

'Thoughts'

"Spoken"

X-X

A Past To Forget

Chapter 12

The buzz about the classroom was neigh deafening, everybody was talking about the class trip to Okinawa. Girls chatted about what swimsuit to bring, what guy to invite to there hotel room, and how much fun it was going to be. The boys were talking about which girl they wanted to see in a swimsuit, who was brining the booze, and a few hushed lies about past conquests to spur the other boys on to make their own memories. Kensuke however wasn't listening too much of it, he was envisioning his angel clad in a white two piece bathing suit. He would free Rei from Shinji and then the two of them would head off to his room and he'd see how well her skin matched the suit. "That'd be great," he said hushed.

"What would be great Ken?" Touji asked as he took his seat next to his friend. Having started dating Hikari two weeks previously, Touji had a lot more worries on his mind regarding the trip. He didn't know what was expected of him, was he supposed to pay for things, just hang out with her, and were they going to make good on all the hushed rumors of late night room raiding sessions? "You've been out of it lately man, you ok?"

"Hey Shinji," Kensuke said briefly as the third stooge took his customary seat next to them. "And getting pictures of all those girls will be great that's all Touji. I got a great new underwater filter for my camera and well can't wait to try it out." Which was true but Kensuke only had eyes for one, and she was staring blankly out the window after casting Shinji one small lingering glance. "What about you Shin-man, you excited about the trip?"

Wrapping his thick arm around Shinji's neck, Touji gave the prone boy a few playful squeezes. "Of course Shin-man's excited, he'll get to see his lovely 'Rei-chan' in a bathing suit, and likely take it off of her too. Isn't that right?" Touji finished his pep talk by administering a few light taps to Shinji's head. Kensuke's eyes narrowed momentarily at Touji's brashness and uncouth comments.

Blushing lightly and trying to free himself from Touji's grip, Shinji fought to keep his smile from fading. He hadn't spoken to Rei since the small kiss at her apartment. While his thoughts on that were mixed, part wanted to think she was busy while the unwanted thought that she had regretted the kiss or didn't think about him positively anymore. "No, that isn't right! Ayanami-san is a friend and actually…" Shinji's trailing off caught Kensuke's attention, had he just said friend?

"Actually what Shinji, you and her not going at it like Touji nearly wrote on the men's room wall?" Kensuke asked as a lump formed in his throat. If Shinji didn't see Rei as a potential girlfriend, if he had actually been mistake about Shinji and Rei's relationship then nothing bad needed be done. He could stay Shinji's friend and still have his Rei at his side, it was almost to much to hope for.

Dashing Kensuke's hopes and destroying what little grip on reality the boy had, Shinji's blush didn't fade as he spoke. "I don't think we'll be allowed to go, piloting and all. As for Rei and I, she hasn't been speaking to me lately." Shinji's shoulders sank at speaking the truth. Being a pilot meant he had to be in close proximity to Nerv at all times so things like trips were likely forbidden.

His eyes now on his girlfriend, Touji was taken aback. "Dude that sucks on both counts. Well look on the bright side man, if neither of you can go on the trip you'll have her all to yourself here! Just apologize or something and you can have your own 'trip to paradise' while we're gone." Patting Shinji's back lightly, Touji did feel bad for the inability to go with them on the trip, but it couldn't be helped. Setting his eyes back on Hikari, Touji's mind went back to where it had been Hikari's body. He was still amazed at how embarrassing it had been buying the condoms, but he didn't want a kid yet, and surely Hikari would be willing to use them.

The carefully laid plans, his mental illusions, and all his hopes destroyed in a few moments, Kensuke was filled with a painful rage. His body shook at the audacity of Touji for saying such things. Moving his gaze from the crestfallen Shinji to the glazed look on Touji's face and ending on Rei again, Kensuke didn't know what to think. "Yeah, sucks you can't go. Really wanted you to go." The hollow words weren't meant for Shinji's ears yet the two boys didn't know that. Kensuke felt the cold reality of the world crashing in on him, he knew what he had to do. He'd have to take what he wanted by force, she'd forgive him after he was done, but he just had to think of how to do it.

From her point of view, Hikari thought Asuka was losing it. She just watched the girl make a frantic phone call to a mystery man about being attacked only to learn it was a ruse to get the man to take her shopping. "Asuka some time you're too much. If you want somebody to go shopping with you why not ask Shinji-kun?" With all the odd comments Asuka made about the boy, Hikari was sure the German felt something for the boy.

Asuka's expression was of bewilderment, "Why would I ask HIM to do anything with me, he's just around for my amusement, not a great man like Kaji!" Yes, Shinji was a tool for her pleasure and to follow her orders. She loved the way she had him wrapped around her finger, and the things she could get him to do to her, but that was it. She loved Kaji, and Kaji was going to love her too. "Anyway, you were saying something about that idiot you're dating."

Being brought back to the current debate, her concerns about Touji, Hikari's body clearly displayed her unease. In the short time they'd been dating, Hikari counted their make out sessions in the teens already. She was afraid to say she didn't want to kiss him because she was afraid he'd leave her. But the desperation in those kisses, the lusty gaze, and the lingering touches had her fearing that Touji wanted more. "Asuka, I…about Touji…he just seems so eager you know?"

"What do you expect from a pervert? I'm surprised he hasn't tried taking you during lunch or something. I warned you didn't I?" Asuka's wrinkled nose and narrowed eyes locked Hikari into her seat, powerless to contest Asuka's comments. The German had said Touji was only interested in her for her body, but Hikari didn't want to believe it. She had hoped for a mutual expressing of feelings, not the one-sided receiving of his sex drive.

Lowering her head, Hikari was nearly defeated by the knowledge that the Touji in her mind wasn't the Touji in reality. "You did, but I just wanted to think he wasn't that bad. He's so kind at times but when we're alone I can't shake the feeling that he only wants to be with me to…you know." Hikari's shame spread across her face as she thought about it. She wasn't ready for sex yet Touji clearly wanted it and she might give it to him if he pressed, she wasn't as strong as people gave her credit for.

Shrugging and waving off Hikari's adolescent fear of sexuality, Asuka grunted. "Men are pigs Hikari, plain and simple. They'd do nothing but fuck all day and night if given the chance too. You just have to learn how to use that to your advantage." Hikari's face shot up and looked horrified at the words coming from Asuka's mouth. Was Asuka being mature about things or just saying that to get a rise out of her. Using sex to get Touji to do what she wanted seemed dirty, wrong.

But something also didn't seem to mesh with Asuka's opinion on men. "Is Shinji-kun like that then? He doesn't seem to be," the freckled girl asked more to herself than to Asuka. While her thoughts of Shinji had diminished greatly since she started dating Touji, Hikari couldn't lie to herself about occasionally wondering what kissing Shinji would be like. Would he be rough and forceful like Touji, she doubted it and pictured light chase kisses full of expression.

"Him! HIM!" Asuka's voice raised several octaves. From her knowledge Shinji was better than Touji but in a way worse. Shinji would do whatever Asuka told him because of his love for her, he never asked, never complained about what she had him do, told him to do. "He might not look it, but I bet he's just as bad. That's why no girls talk to him, they know better than to let the shy boy try and have his way with them." But Asuka knew better, they didn't move because of her. What she told them that he didn't do. Her lies about his perversion to keep them away from what was hers.

Tilting her head slightly, Hikari didn't know how to take Asuka's words, she knew the German embellished a lot about Shinji's acts. But didn't know how much was lies and how much was truth. She did know one thing though, "I don't know about the other girls, but Ayanami seems to think something about him, she stares at him enough." Asuka's good mood crashed instantly at the mention of the albino. She had forgotten about Rei and what the freak might have planned for her Shinji. Shinji's punishment for thinking about other girls had been a real treat for her. It was when Asuka first allowed the boy to touch her womanhood, through her panties of course, but he was so good at it. The memory itself caused Asuka to moisten slightly, yes she'd have to remind him again about not talking to other women. She'd just have to tell the freak after the trip to stay away, or she'd break her.

X-X

Stifling a yawn, Misato leaned against the console where Ritsuko stared intently. Her mind plagued with doubt and regret. How many times had she been to Kaji's after that one night of frustration? She hadn't anticipated Kaji looking any further into the sexual encounter than face value, but he had. Now she didn't know what was going on between the two of them. She'd get calls from him on days he was going to be home, she'd go over, they sometimes wouldn't even talk just hit the bed then she'd leave. Hell half the time he didn't even let her use the shower first. Did he love her? She wanted to think he did but doubted it secretly; she was just another conquest for him.

Pushing her feelings of self disgust down, Misato sipped her coffee, "So anymore news on your phantom blue pattern from the volcano?" Until given an order to attack or defend, Misato didn't really care one way or another, but it at least gave her something to talk about. Something other than her sex life, Maya, or her feelings regarding a certain male pilot. "Or did the Magi just have a hic-up," she added to chide her friend.

Shaking her head lightly in irritation, Ritsuko growled at Misato. "Could you please go bother somebody else Misato? Filling out these inventory request forms is painful enough without you blathering in my ears none-stop." Slamming her fingers against the keyboard, Ritsuko cast a baleful glare at her friend. Time hadn't been kind to the doctor as it had been for Misato. Her lover wasn't interested in her joy, just her body, and Ritsuko doubted Gendo even saw 'her' when they did make love. Plus it didn't take a genius to know Misato and Kaji had gotten back together, hell Ritsuko was almost sure she could smell the sex pouring off of Misato as she stood there.

"Do you really think an angel is hiding in a freaking volcano though? How could something live in an environment like that?" Misato asked incredulously. Pushing herself away from the console Misato started reading the form Ritsuko was filling out. Odd equipment that screamed out danger to Misato's mind. "You're not thinking of actually dropping an Eva into that thing are you?"

Rubbing her sore eyes with the back of her hand, Ritsuko gave up trying to drive Misato away. "If the inspection crew finds something there than yes if not no. The fact is we don't know what the angels are; maybe they can survive in a place like that. Why all the concern anyway" she finished. She knew the reason, Shinji. Misato was developing somewhat of an unhealthy attachment to the boy, and that worried Ritsuko. Shinji, along with Asuka, could die during any of the sorties, how would Misato handle that? True having something to care for was good, for both Misato and Shinji, but to take it to far would be more trouble than it was worth.

Feigning disinterest Misato replied, "Dropping multi-billion dollar machines into volcanic magma seems rather risky that's all." The pilot inside said machine being her primary concern, but Ritsuko wouldn't understand that, the pilots were just tools to her Misato learned. "How soon will you know about this?"

"As soon as I get these forms filled out and send the crew there, so if you'll go bother somebody else and let me get back to work now." The doctor turned her chair away from her friend and started typing again. Misato was steadily becoming an annoyance in her life. First Misato adopted a mother persona for the Third Child, then she had to go and assault Maya, and now she was spending nearly as much time in Kaji's bed as she was at work. "So if you don't have anything else to bug me with, maybe you could get back to filling out all those repair notices that you have piling up."

"Touchy touchy, its no wonder you don't have a boyfriend Rits-chan," Misato smirked as a vein appeared on Ritsuko's forehead. Laughing to herself as she walked away from the thought sulking doctor, in truth Ritsuko was thankful that Misato didn't know the truth, Misato headed to her small office only to be stopped outside her door. "Lt. Ibuki, what can I do for you?" her voice distinctly pained and full of forced cheer.

Her face still riddled with healing bruises, Maya looked as happy as her body felt healthy. "I know you had Akagi pull my request out of circulation." The Tech said in a plain and flat voice. Standing leaning against Misato's door, Maya was going to have her say to the drunken floozy. "Are you so set on ruining Shinji's life that you won't even let people look into how you're abusing him?"

The good mood she had been trying to nurture died horrendously. "Maya it's not like that. Shinji sees me as his primary care giver, he's depending upon me and to pull him away from my apartment could have drastic consequences." That knowledge added a small bastion of happiness to the purple haired woman. She was doing this for him Shinji's best interest was always in mind. Right? "Look, I apologized for overreacting like I did, it was a stressful few days and I jumped off the handle."

"What about the drastic consequences of your actions? You claim to have his interests in mind but from the rumors the only thing you're doing now is spending time with Ryouji-san." Her yell caught a few eyes of wandering workers and the bruise on her face heated up and pained her. Taking a step back, Misato's face was pale and wide eyed, she'd thought she had been a little more discrete than that, that nobody aside Ritsuko knew about Kaji yet. Sensing her opponent weakened Maya continued. "Just how are you looking out for him when you're doing that? Why not let somebody that actually cares about his as a person and not some chess piece help him!"

Her scowl was quick to form, Maya was trying to find fault with her and use anything to get her point across, but Misato wouldn't have it. "And what that person is you because of your years of social work, you're many degrees in child psychology, or maybe you just want to have a boyfriend, or maybe if the rumors about you are true you'd rather have Asuka move in with you too?" It was Maya's turn to pale and back away, words tried to leave her throat but it was locked inflexible.

Misato's scowl turned into a feral animalistic grin, "So is it true Maya, did you have a thing for are resident doctor? A proud member of the rainbow brigade? Maybe you wanted Shinji to move in with you so you could play the happy family with the good doctor. But would you be the man or would she, maybe you'd ask Shinji to help." It was a cheap shot fueled by the men's rumors and bathroom wall graffiti with no basis in reality. Hell Misato doubted Maya was a lesbian but she didn't want to put up with the woman right now, let alone let Maya press her using Kaji.

Maya's eyes misted over as more and threw herself down the hall running away from Misato defeated. Why had those damn men started a those damned rumors. She didn't love Ritsuko back then, she disliked her completely now, but months ago she had such idol worship of that woman. Strong, independent, and intelligent all the things Maya wished she was. Now however Maya knew the truth, Ritsuko was a sniveling, backstabbing, glory monger that used people for her own ends. But it hurt to have misconception thrown in her face, the eyes of the other women were fearful of her. Afraid she was checking them out, while the men just made lewd comments about trying to win her back to the right side. But Shinji wasn't like that with her, didn't know the rumors or believe them, and she liked that, liked him. That was why she hated knowing Misato was going to hurt that boy. "Well I'm not done yet, I'll help him get away from her."

X-X

"What the hell do you mean I can't go on the trip!" Asuka yelled as she crossed her arms against her chest. The whole week she spent planning her time on this trip, the shopping trip with Kaji that was ruined after he got a mysterious phone call all ruined because Misato wouldn't let her go. "Give me one damn good reason for this."

Cracking her beer open, Misato took a look at Shinji's back as he skillfully avoided the conversation by cooking. "Angels for one. How do we know that their won't be an attack while you're off swimming in Okinawa?" Misato had expected some slack from Asuka about the inability to leave Tokyo-3 but not to this degree. "The commander would never allow our only three pilots to head off for a holiday while leaving the city undefended."

"Fuck the commander, this is my life here! I'm not some slave of Nerv and should be allowed to do what I want!" Asuka huffed. Pounding the flats of her hand against the table and trying to bore a hole in Misato's head with her eyes. "You can't expect me to sit on my ass here while my friends go out and have fun, right Shinji?" She knew he'd back her, he would do whatever she wanted and she wanted to go on this trip.

Pulling a diskette out of her pocket, Misato slid it across the table. "I don't know about Shinji, but you could stand to work on your Kanji skills while your friends are out having fun." Noticing the cooks ridged back and slightly trembling hands, Misato opted to save the boy from added punishment from Asuka. "And Shinji knows that being part of Nerv means making sacrifices, something I'm sure you are truly aware of."

Spinning her head so fast her neck popped and flared in pain, Asuka marched over to the boy that loved her unquestioningly. "Is that right Shinji, do you agree with Misato that Nerv should be able to make us do whatever they want?" Misato wasn't sure but she could have sworn Asuka's voice was borderline sultry. Was she trying to seduce Shinji into agreeing with her? Misato hid her smile behind her beer can, more proof she was right to bring Asuka into their home. "You agree with me that we should be allowed to go right?"

Asuka's hand trailing down his spine filled his stomach with ice. He had to say something or she'd be upset with him, but to agree with Asuka would be to stand against Misato. He didn't want either upset with him, wanted both happy. "I'd like to go with them to Okinawa but being here with no school for a week won't be bad either." He fumbled with his spoon as he stirred the meal. He could feel Asuka's hand tense up against him, she wasn't happy.

Misato didn't help things as she continued. "See Asuka, Shinji has a good point. You two could have fun around town or something while you catch up on your school work." Draining the last of her can, Misato wanted to laugh as Asuka whirled around on her again. It was so fun to tease them about being a couple, the clearly were. "So be a good girl and study, maybe our little Shin-chan here can give you a few private lessons." As the words left her lips, Misato regretted them. Not a good subject to joke about with Shinji.

"You can stop acting so smug bitch, I still don't know why we're listening to you. I mean what kind of guardian is never around to watch her wards anyway." Asuka took one last look at Shinji as he filled the plates with stir-fry, angered at his not jumping to her side immediately smacked the back of his head lightly. "What have you been doing anyway, or should I say who have you been doing?"

Her beer buzz fading like morning mist, "watch it young lady. I'm working to keep you fed and alive so you respect me." Misato knew of Asuka's crush on her current lover and didn't want to see how the girl would respond to the news of her nightly visits. "Just because you're mad doesn't mean you have the right to judge me."

Pointing to the small closet where they stored their dirty cloths. "Judge you, I don't have too I have evidence." Misato set her can down and looked to Shinji as he set the plate in front of her, how would he take it, her sleeping with Kaji again. "Cat got your tongue Katsuragi-san," Misato could feel the disgust leaving Asuka's mouth. "Well let me tell you what I have. Last time I did laundry I saw your panties weren't that dry and unless you've taken to wearing silk boxers you're lover gave you a present, slut."

Hissing through clenched teeth, Misato cursed mentally, 'how could I have forgotten to give those back to him!' The plates of food going uneaten, both teens were looking at Misato waiting for her reply. Should she tell the truth or lie. Asuka would be crushed to know the truth, but what would Shinji think of her if he thought she was sleeping with men at random. Would he look down at her, worry that she might try to have him, or would he be phased at all. Well she had to tell Asuka eventually so… "They're Kaji's. We got back together."

Staring blankly at Misato, Asuka was dumbstruck. Her jaw hung ajar as she tried to refute the woman, wanted to call her a liar but it explained Kaji's sudden disappearance. "You…you lie," she mumbled as tears started spilling out of eyes. Misato stole Kaji away from him by fucking him. Misato stole what should have been hers. Swinging her arms across the table Asuka sent the plates crashing to the ground spilling Shinji's work across the floor. "I fucking hate you!" she cried as she ran to her room slamming the door behind her.

Listening to Asuka's anguished sobs from behind the thin door, Misato gave Shinji an apologetic look. "Guess she didn't take that to well. How about we order some take out ok, no use having you cook again?" Shinji smiled sadly at Misato and started cleaning up the mess saying it was ok for her to pick what they ate. Something else struck Misato as she watched Shinji cleaning, Asuka had taking the news so hard and Shinji hardly looked perturbed by that meaning he wasn't upset with her. So either Shinji trusted Asuka completely, Misato doubted that, or they weren't seeing each other yet. Another worry popped in Misato's mind. "Shinji, what do you think about Kaji and I being together again?"

Emptying the food mixed with broken dishes into the trash, Shinji shrugged. "If you're happy than I'm happy for you," was all he said on the matter. Was she happy with Kaji, Misato wanted to think she was. But the lack of emotional love or attachment, the odd feelings she wanted to rid herself of about Shinji, and the seeming train wreck her current relationship was heading towards made her doubt. Was she really happy with Kaji or just using him to escape thinking about things she was afraid of? She didn't know and Shinji had said his fill having lapsed into silence, Asuka's crying the only sound in the apartment.

Had Misato not drunk herself into oblivion that night she might have heard Asuka's door opening around midnight. Still emotionally distraught Asuka sought the only thing as of late that gave her peace of mind, Shinji. She climbed into his bed and wrapped his arms around her, letting her believed love from him fill her and warm her. She didn't say a word to him, just took from him, and Shinji knew better than to comment on how frail Asuka seemed. She would have smacked him if he had, but it was these moments that made Shinji genuinely care about the fiery woman. Knowing Shinji was hers to use as she saw fit she had no problem leaving him before he woke to go back to her room, no words of thanks offered or even thought.

X-X

His plans of going to a movie crumbled when Misato called that morning after he woke telling him to get Asuka up and bring her to Nerv. Two hours later and no Misato in sight, Shinji sat watching Rei swim waiting for Asuka to show up. Watching Rei's lye form make her laps, Shinji was mystified by her beauty, her elegance of movement. Wished he could move in a similar fashion but was cursed with male awkwardness that puberty forced on him. With nothing to do but watch her and wait, Shinji wondered why she stopped talking to him. For a moment, a brief shining moment, he had hope. Hope that things could get better, that he could find love, and that somebody would love him. But here he sat, at a distance watching what he thought he could never have.

Unknown to Shinji was that Rei knew he was watching her and was just and perturbed. She wanted to talk to him, her heart was beating so fast regardless of her swimming. With each lap she'd stop and steal a glance of him as he sat, her face heated as she remembered that kiss she shared with him. It was something she never experienced, never knew. Love, even if it was in its early stages. 'But the commander doesn't wish for me to speak to him, but I want to.' Could she deny his wants, the man that gave her life only to hold it over her.

Then Asuka arrived, and from her point of view, Rei could have sworn she saw Shinji's countenance drop. Rei scowled at that, she didn't know why but she wanted Shinji happy. Pulling her body out of the water, she felt her face flush as she noticed Shinji taking sneaking looks at her while Asuka headed to the pool herself. Until now she'd never cared if people saw her, clothed or otherwise, but now having Shinji look at her with only her bathing suit on she felt, uneasy but happy. She saw him tense up as she walked over to him. "Shinji," she said softly planning on leaving but stopped as he called out to her.

"Are you mad at me?" Shinji asked turning away from Rei's retreating body. He could hear nothing over the blood thumping between his ears and his ragged breaths. Rei's feet sounded like raw meat hitting a board as she walked back to Shinji dripping wet, her towel wrapped around her neck.

Standing to Shinji's side, Rei felt compelled to answer, "Why would you think such?" The actions between men and woman, friends, were so odd to Rei that she didn't grasp why Shinji had thought such. "Have I done something that leads you to believe you've angered me?"

Shuffling his feat Shinji tried to speak, sputtering and stopping a few times he took a deep breath. Why was talking to Rei so hard for him, he didn't have that much of a problem with Asuka, but then again talking to Asuka was more like being talked at and knowing when to reply. His palms sweaty he made and unmade his fist, "Well you haven't been talking to me lately. And since the last time we did talk I…kissed you I thought maybe you were upset." There that wasn't so hard, why did he feel light headed.

Her hands falling to her side, Rei just tilted her head slightly. Was her absence what gave Shinji that feeling of doubt, she too had felt uneasy not being able to speak to him as she wished but it was an order. But there was no order stating she couldn't converse with him at work was there? Taking a seat by his side she noticed his body tremble lightly, nervous tension likely. "I have had…issues with the commander as of late and been unable to do as I would wish, you have not angered me." Rei pondered why she hadn't just told the truth, that the commander forbad her from seeking out his company.

Letting out a sigh Shinji relaxed lightly into his chair, "Sorry for worrying, it's just with…well you know my past and all. I thought you were upset with me kissing you." Shinji had no doubt that Rei knew about Mizuho, she had asked him about his past so long ago and Misato did confirm she had asked. "I wouldn't think less of you if you did I'm not a clean person."

Allowing herself to act on impulse, something she accepted she only did around Shinji, Rei put her hand over his. "I was not angered by your kiss, in reality I enjoyed it and had hoped for another, and I do not find you unpleasant because of the events of your past." His hand was warm and pleasant, odd how different it was from the few times she had touched the commander's hand. Furrowing her brow Rei stood up as the swell of emotions and feelings started to confuse her. "I apologize but I must go for now, I shall see you at the meeting later." Standing up Rei headed off towards the ladies changing room, her mind a battlefield of conflicting thoughts. She didn't understand what she was feeling, why she was feeling it, or what she should do.

She hadn't lied to Shinji, she thought back to the pressing of her lips to his at her apartment and had to will herself not to smile. It was so new and strange that it was also frightening. Listening to the commander's order to stay away from Shinji had its perks she had to admit. She wouldn't have to deal with the new feelings at all, but she would miss the positive influence he offered to her. "I wish to know this feeling more," she said as she opened her locker.

"Listen here First," Asuka's voice was shrill and loud. She had come to the surface just in time to watch Rei put her hand on Shinji's, say something to him that made him blush, and then leave. Rei needed to be informed of a few things. "I don't know what you're planning to do with that idiot Third child but I think you should stop it."

Pulling out her plug suit, Rei discarded her swimming suit without much care for Asuka's sudden disgust. "Why should I alter my habits regarding Ikari-kun?" Rei's eye twitched questioningly. Knowing Asuka's past as she did Shinji's, Rei knew a great deal more about Asuka's personality habits.

"Because I live with him, that little pervert is just trying to find a way to get to you and have sex with you." Asuka hoped that the bluff she used at school would also work with Rei, it was easier to lie about things to keep her toy and less of a risk. "He'd fuck you and leave you for the next piece of tail that came his way."

Pushing the button on her wrist the suit pumped out all unnecessary air and formed to her body, Rei gave Asuka her undivided attention, not believing her for a minute, knowing the truth of Shinji's past. "Has he done so to you then, is that why you are telling me this?"

"N-no but I've seen him try it a number of times, I live with him so I know." Asuka's embarrassment was sign enough for Rei that she was lying. Putting aside the farce of pleasantness, Asuka just walked over to Rei. "Look First, I don't care what you do as long as you leave that pathetic pervert alone, I'm just looking out for you own benefit. I'd hate for something bad to happen to you." Tossing her hair back over her shoulder, Asuka hoped Rei understood her ultimatum. If Rei didn't she'd just have to repeat it to her, with added force.

The allusive First Child watched Asuka head back to the pool area. Rei wasn't intimidated by the vague threats the girl made. She'd do what she wanted to, and if that meant going against the commander's orders… Rei clenched her fist and looked thoughtfully at it. "I wish to understand my connection to Ikari-kun more, so I will."

Back in the pool area, Asuka was seated on Shinji's lap reminding him to whom his affections belonged, how he was supposed to obey, and he did. He kissed her and held her as she told him to. Two hours later when Misato informed them of the next angel battle, Asuka nearly laughed at Rei when Misato denied her request to accompany the assault team. And thinking back on that mission while Misato sat on a rock showing Asuka the scar on her chest, she knew Shinji loved her unquestioningly because of his rescue of her. She didn't even have to tell him, he just did it.

Licking her lips and smelling the sulfurous air, her reward for killing the latest angel, Asuka knew she had all she wanted. Hikari was Touji's toy now, Rei wouldn't be an issue as Shinji knew his place, and while Kaji was temporarily gone Asuka had a good replacement. Shinji's night had been very hectic as Asuka again had him finger her, only this time not through her panties, after she left he cried himself to sleep. Feeling dirtier than ever because part of him liked bringing the girl joy, but part of him knew she didn't care for him that way, just like Mizuho.

Mizuho who had while Shinji saved Asuka's life been brought into Section-2's custody as she entered Tokyo-3.

X-X

Author Notes

I know a lot happened this chapter and a lot of it actually WASN'T bad. See their can be hope if people try. I'm trying to not over play Asuka's new dependency on control, hope I'm not, and I'm not trying to instantly infuse Rei with emotions. Hate stories where Rei goes from lifeless to bubbly.

Well hope you enjoyed this chapter and say some nice things about it, but if you don't like it please keep the criticism to constructive and not just 'Man this story sucks now' that doesn't help me to see where I'm making my mistakes.

Thanks again to Zen-chan for pre-reading, make sure to read his stuff too!

Later!


	13. Chapter 13

I guess Saying I'm sorry for the lateness of this update is expected isn't it? Well I am sorry it took so long, but such is life and things like this happen. On a side note, I've gotten a few FFnet instant messages asking me about 'why' I wrote this story. Well the short answer is this, it's about love. Did I just say this dark piece of fiction is about love? Yes I did, to often people get the notion that all love is good and clean. Sadly such is not the case and I wanted to experiment with different types of love, such as obsession, one sided, purely physical, and softer types such as friendship and genuine care. To often things get confused or watered down. Love is great, but it can also be a very destructive force.

Well enough of my rambles.

'Thoughts'

"Spoken"

X-X

A Past to Forget

Chapter – 13

"Why do we have to have a sync test today? Hikari comes back for Okinawa today and I wanted to see what I missed!" Asuka yelled over her comm. link at Misato and Ritsuko. Since the 'incident' as it was now know between her and Misato, Maya was absent at the testing when the Captain was present.

Rolling her eyes, Ritsuko had to fight the urge to scream back at the child. The test was mandatory as Asuka knew, so why was she being such a pest about it, and for that matter it was nearly over. "You know you have to re-test after every battle to insure no negative affects were sustained, you most of all Asuka because of the modifications to Unit-02."

Firing off another rebuttal, Asuka continued her debate with Ritsuko as Shinji overcome with concern started talking to Misato. "You look upset, is…is something wrong?" the waver in his voice coming from his fear that he'd again slighted the woman he came to revere as a savior. Had he and Asuka been heard last night? Did Misato know? He hoped not, as much as he wanted it to end, to be freed of the shame he didn't want Asuka to be punished for it either. Through all the abuse and one sidedness of the affair, Shinji could feel something for the German and that stayed his hand.

She knew what was the problem, and it was sitting in a holding cell not three stories away from where she stood. Mizuho was waiting for an interrogation as to why she came to Tokyo-3 and why she was found with a picture of Shinji on her person. "Nothing you need to be concerned about Shinji," Misato hoped the warble in her voice was all in her mind. "But just so you know, I'll not be going home with you and Asuka today. Have some business to take care of before I go home." She tried to keep her smile from appearing to fake, somehow Shinji could usually detect the fake ones she thought.

Giving Misato a slight nod, Shinji's lips curled lightly into a smile, "I'll cook later did you know when you'll be home?" Misato's heart was in her stomach Shinji realized. By cooking and cleaning for her she'd be nice to him, well nicer. She was often nice to him now, and much to his slowly healing mind never asked of him to do what Asuka had done.

She'd be home after she found out why the bitch did what she did to Shinji, Misato knew. Though she couldn't well tell Shinji that, he couldn't know that Mizuho was so close. Even Misato understood enough of abuse to realize showing somebody the source of their pain wasn't a good thing. "I don't know Shinji it could take some time," part of Misato hoped Mizuho refused to talk, and then she'd have to use more persuasive measures to get her to talk. "You can order out though if you want, call it a reward for your rescue of our…fair damsel."

That comment brought a smile to both Misato and Shinji's face, as the 'fair damsel' was cursing at the resident doctor about being held against her will. "If you don't mind I guess I could. But…" Shinji trialed off, unsure of how to finish. He wanted to do something for Misato, something to show his continued gratitude, and maybe get some attention from her. While now he knew where she was going at night, Kaji's, and he didn't find fault with it, he did feel partially abandoned by her.

Misato's questioning glance at Shinji wasn't answered as Ritsuko snapped. "Fine you're done! Get out and for the love of all things just stop yelling!" She wanted a cigarette so badly and maybe a shot of Brandy. Anything to dull the pain that wracked her body. Her stomach was bruising a nice shade of dark purple from Gendo's love tap. With Maya indisposed during half of the tests now, Ritsuko was left with more work and it wasn't adding to her mood. Flushing the plugs free of LCL and ejecting them so the pilots could exit, the faux blond turned to Misato. Rubbing her nose in the space between her eyes, the headache already large, "Kids are going to be the death of us you know. Or I'll be the death of Asuka."

Chuckling at such a large violation in doctrine, Misato walked over to Ritsuko from her own console, "Commander wouldn't like to hear you talking like that. But I guess as long as you didn't threaten Rei it wouldn't be an issue." Even Misato could see the slight favoritism the man held for the First Child. And with a man as withdrawn as Gendo Ikari, any sign of affection was a marked occasion. "Speaking of Rei, did you notice anything odd about her during the test today?"

In Ritsuko's mind, anything involving Rei was odd. Sighing heavily Ritsuko shook her head, "No Misato I didn't I was watching the results of the test. Much like you should have been doing. So why don't you tell me what you've noticed." She stopped and held up her hand before Misato could retort, the look on Misato's face told much anyway she was angry. "Sorry, sorry. Just been under a lot of stress lately, I didn't mean to snap. What did you see Misato?" Ritsuko's voice was oddly accommodating.

Letting the brash comment slide with Ritsuko's apology, Misato was torn at her observation. "She seemed to spend most of the test watching Shinji. She was quiet as ever, I swear you could shoot her and she wouldn't say a word, but she was just watching him." If Rei had in fact started to like the shy boy, and Misato knew that Rei had knowledge of his past, she would be a step further than Asuka. Asuka would likely avoid Shinji if she knew the truth about him, Misato believed. Was it her feud with Maya that made her hope that it was all in her mind that Rei was watching him, or was it something else? Did she just want Asuka and Shinji to be together for convenience sake?

Fighting to keep the bile down, Ritsuko nearly lost her battle of wills with herself. Rei being comprised of DNA salvaged from Yui Ikari, it would be a very sordid affair if the two teens started a relationship. "You'd have to ask her Misato, and I know you have something more important to do today than bother teenagers about crushes and hormones. We both had to pull some strings to get you this meeting with…you know who so I suggest you hurry."

With a nod, Misato took in a deep breath, the sterile air of the GeoFront doing nothing to calm her nerves, but it helped her focus. Setting her best expressionless mask on, Misato gave the pilots on last glance they were conversing as they walked to the changing rooms, and turned on her heels and walked out of the room. All this pain, confusion, and bitterness had a root, and she was going to see it face to face.

X-X

Fastening the last button of his shirt, Shinji sighed heavily. Misato didn't even say goodbye to him when he walked off, Asuka seemed preoccupied with something, and Rei well he didn't know what to think of Rei at the moment. She had made several indications that she'd like to talk with him more, but he could never approach her about it. She was too far above him for him to be the initiator. "Things are getting better, they are, THEY ARE!" Though his voice ached at the last harsh whisper he hardly spoke the words. He had to believe things were getting better, wanted more than anything to believe it, but he just couldn't.

As he approached the door he came to a quick halt as Asuka ran past him down the hall, stopping when she realized who she had saw. "Saw Kaji heading down the hall. I'm going to confirm that Misato was lying about them being together." With her plans covered she had no doubt Shinji would be the dutiful lover and know to go home without her. As she started running down the hall again she let out one last, "And make something tasty for supper, no bland Japanese dishes."

She'd never love him, hell she'd never really like him Shinji knew, but it was easy to lie to oneself about such things. As much as it hurt to accept she was the only emotional stimulus he'd been receiving after Misato headed back into Kaji's bed after the Maya incident. Maya had kept away from Shinji, to his belief, and he had no qualms with her for it. "Nobody wants to feel pain, and I guess I just brought it to her."

"Brought pain to whom Ikari-kun? A soft voice wafted into Shinji's ears and caused a shiver of ice to trail down his spine. He'd been heard, he'd forced more of his unpleasantness onto others, and the voice he'd heard was unmistakably Rei's. Clad in her school uniform sans bow, it was the weekend and Rei never could tie the bow well, she walked the short distance to Shinji's side. "Has something occurred between you and Soryu-kun?" Just saying the name made Rei's eyes harden slightly, something about the Second Child irritated Rei, and the confrontation in the locker room wasn't forgotten.

Waving his hands frantically, Shinji tried to think of a cover for his comment. "No, I've just been thinking that's all. That I've been…a burden to Misato-san since I moved in. She seems capable enough and with me living with her with my s-situation, it would have been better for her if I lived elsewhere." The feeling of shame was so thick Shinji could taste its better flavor on his tongue. He'd just lied to Rei using Misato as the subject.

Undeterred by her orders to avoid the pilot of Unit-01, Rei sensed reluctance in Shinji and wanted to learn of it. She wanted him happy, but didn't know why. Wanted the haunted look in his eyes to be gone, and most of all wanted him away from Asuka. It was just a dark and cold feeling, an icy river at night flowing through her veins when she thought of the two of them together. Unable to comprehend the emotions she was feeling, inexperienced in their use, Rei furrowed her brow. "Ikari-kun, it was my belief that you are the reason her apartment is cleaned and she eats a more nutritious diet."

His mouth agape, Shinji blushed and looked at the wall, away from Rei. "How did you know that I cooked and cleaned for her?" Had she been watching? That sounded preposterous, had somebody been talking about them? He'd hate for Misato to be the source of rumors on his part.

"Ibuki-san has said such in my presence, but I am uncertain as to why she would say such with distain. Such skills are used when appropriate I myself have no need for them and have not developed them…" Rei's thoughts to the cleanliness of her apartment and the Spartan meals she ate was again reminded of Shinji's better traits. While not often, she had been allowed to eat of his offerings and had reveled in the flavor.

In a sudden bout of hormones and confidence, Shinji blurted out. "I could help you…show you if you'd like. It wouldn't be any trouble for me since well Asuka and Misato-san won't be around today." His face felt as if it were ablaze, but he was also proud. He was trying! Trying to move on and offer to assist Rei in something he knew she needed help in. After seeing her apartment he was appalled by its state.

Conflict marred Rei's often tranquil mind. Duty and respect to the commander conflicting with her budding emotions and desires. Her heart ached at the chance to spend time alone with Shinji, but her mind couldn't comprehend why. Cursing her own ineptitude for expressing herself, Rei's eyes dropped low. "I will think about this. It was a…pleasure speaking to you." Giving Shinji a slight nod and to his great joy a small and brief smile, Rei was again walking down the corridor to the exit. Her heart beating fast and her breathing so shallow she was light headed. The only thing keeping her from turning back and asking him then and there to follow her home was another new emotion for her to feel, fear.

She feared what she was thinking. While it was easy to plan for a betrayal, to take what she wanted or at least try for it, to actually do so was hard. Her hands shook uncontrollably as she exited Nerv. Rei wanted to understand the nature of how Shinji could affect her with just his presence, his touch electric on her skin, his lips soft, softer than she would have suspected a man's to be, but was it worth possible death? Recalling one line in a book she had once read on tactics, a quote at the head of a chapter 'Life and Death are constant it's what we do in between that makes us what we are.'

Her hand unconsciously went to her cell phone and clutched it tightly. Feeling the cool plastic gradually warm under her fist she relaxed. She'd call him soon, but she was going to do something first. Knowing the general tenants of hygiene, Rei was going to clean a little first before calling Shinji over. Again the small smile fell on her features, maybe they could kiss again, and the warm feeling between her legs ached again as she walked.

X-X

Left to his own devices, and slightly giddy from his success talking with Rei, Shinji opted to walk home. It wasn't more than a three mile walk and allowed him to walk through one of the large and better known parks of Tokyo-3. Surrounded by well manicured emerald green grass and a light population of trees and flowers he took a deep breath. The smell was fragrant yet marred by the air pollution emanating from the cars. Letting the soothing atmosphere work its magic on his frazzled mind, Shinji strolled down one of the cement walkways.

Pushing the darker aspects of his life down into the confines of his mind as he had done many times before, Asuka's abuses and Misato's abandonment didn't seem so bad. Misato couldn't be expected to give up everything for him he understood, so it was ok for her to be gone most of the time. Asuka was more like himself that she knew, he suspected, yet her cover wasn't to hide from stress but rather conquer it, make it hers as she had done to him. With his usual self debasement sent in, Shinji knew that he was getting what he deserved. Dirty things for dirty people. His thoughts of Rei however were interrupted as a piercing sob distracted him.

Not wanting to be an eavesdropper Shinji was tempted to ignore the anguished cry emanating from behind a series of bushes. As he neared them the voice started to sound familiar. Pushing past the foliage Shinji identified the source. "Hikari-san, what are you doing here, are you alright?" A stupid question he knew, but he didn't know what else to say. Moving slowly closer to her, Hikari looked ready to flee at a moments notice.

Eyes very pink and tear stained, hair in shambles, and her clothing matted green from the grass stains Hikari was near panic. Somebody had the audacity to intrude on her retreat from humanity, from him. Bundling herself in tightly, her legs aching from the strain she was putting on them as she prepared to rush her visitor, Hikari saw that it wasn't Touji. "S-S-Shinji-kun, is that you?"

Wanting to comfort the girl, but unsure how, Shinji slowly approached the crying girl. "Yeah it's me Hikari. What's wrong, what happened?" He was unprepared for what happened. Hikari's legs uncoiled and she flung herself at Shinji. Wrapping her arms around his waist and burying her face in this chest she started sobbing again. He could feel the tears through his shirt, doing what he could Shinji rubbed her back slowly and patted her head. "It's ok, it'll be alright," he whispered to her unsure if what he was saying was possible or not.

For twenty minutes they sat like that, Shinji trying to comfort her and Hikari only holding him until her crying stopped and then she remained quiet. Slowly, and with great reluctance, Hikari pulled her arms back and moved away from Shinji. Rubbing her eyes with the back of her hands she smiled ruefully. "I'm sorry I look awful right now don't I?" her voice broken and strained.

"Hikari-san, w-what happened? Can you talk about it?" Shinji tried again as he witnessed Hikari's attempts to clean and straighten herself. If what Shinji remembered from the class trip itinerary was correct, Hikari would have just gotten back to the city that morning. "Did something happen on the trip?" he ventured.

Her eyes widened, big glassy pools devoid of expression or even life. Tears started to slowly form again at the edges. "I-he…I thought I was ready…wanted to make him happy but…I was afraid he'd leave me if I didn't!" Breaking into another fit of tears, Shinji was a little relieved when she did, anything beat looking into the doll's eyes she had before.

Over the course of the next hour Hikari related what happened on the trip. Touji and she had sex. Not once or twice but a large number of times all at his wanting. Her own visions and thoughts as to what sex was had been shattered in the mindless pumping and pain that Touji presented her with. To make matters worse on the last excursion before the trip ended she was almost sure she heard him say 'Misato' as he climaxed inside her. She headed to the park after she broke up with Touji, he seemed indifferent almost ready to see her go. "I guess I was just a conquest for him, he didn't really love me like I did him. Maybe he thought he did or maybe he just…just like Asuka said wanted me for my body!"

After listening to Hikari's dialogue, Shinji felt terrible for her. The steeled gaze on her face as she recounted how forceful Touji had been scared him as well. It was a look he'd only seen once and it was on Asuka's face whenever somebody questioned her, it was a look of madness. "Well, as long as you know that now you don't have to put up with it anymore. You can move on and find somebody that does love you, right?" Shinji said awkwardly and with uncertainty.

Slowly taking Shinji's hand in hers, Hikari nodded. "Y-yeah. You're right Shinji-kun. It just hurts. Hurts to know he wasn't what I envisioned. Things can't go back to how they were between us now." Sparing her watch a glance, "Oh no! I have to be home soon…my sisters are going to know something happened." Her eyes clouded again, "I'll have to tell them too, Nozomi will be happy, she never liked Touji. Thanks for being her for me Shinji, I nearly ran when you found me and now I'm glad I didn't…helps to get it off my chest." Leaning in Hikari gave Shinji a chaste kiss on the cheek, "thanks for being there."

Blushing softly, Shinji offered to walk Hikari home worried about her wellbeing, but she stressed she could use a little more time alone before confronting her sisters and walked off. Rubbing his cheek where Hikari had kissed him, Shinji hoped she'd be alright. She deserved better than to be in a one sided relationship built on sex and not love. His good mood ruined, Shinji headed home with his hands in his pockets.

X-X

When she walked into the room she was expecting to see a monster. A person to horrid and putrid that just by looking at her one would know she was a child molester. Misato was wrong. Mizuho looked like just another Japanese woman. She wasn't unattractive but plainer than anything. Her hair was jet black and was just longer than shoulder length. The woman's choice in dress was the only thing that stood out, she was clad in a traditional kimono, white with blue edges. The eyes however were sunken and sad. "So you are Kamazaki Mizuho," Misato said levelly.

"Yes I am…well I was. My last name is now Hotori, you see I've just had a divorce," Mizuho said. Looking across the empty table at the woman as she'd been moved to an interrogation cell, Misato was almost sure the voice was a happy one. Running her fingers slowly down the edge of the kimono, Mizuho could feel Misato's gaze on her. "Could you tell me why you're group is holding me?"

Misato's grin was near feral as she sent the guard out of the room, this was a private matter and would be handled like one. Taking the commandeered photo out of her pocket, Misato slide it to the forty-three year old ex-teacher. "Does this bring back any memories? This boy lived with you and your ex-husband for some time." It was tempting to grab the woman's fingers as she reached for the photo and snap them. Just being in the room with this woman was making Misato see red. "Shinji Ikari," Misato said flatly.

A small smile, a widening of her eyes, and even a pleasant sigh left the woman's lips as she traced Shinji's jaw line on the photo. "Yes I remember him, such a lovely boy he was. But I fail to see how this relates to me, he was taken from our care some time ago." Mizuho was starting to paste together what was happening, but she wasn't going to just give this woman what she wanted, no that happened to much when she was married.

"Its his time with you and why you're in Tokyo-3 that has brought you into this room with me. You're a smart woman I'm sure you know what I want to hear from you. So let's cut the horseshit and you just come clean ok?" Misato's tone was slowly increasing in volume. Taking the seat across from Mizuho, Misato just couldn't picture this timid and demure looking woman of doing anything to harm Shinji.

"Are you married Miss?" Mizuho asked ignoring Misato's question. "I was, it was arranged by my parents and his." Setting Shinji's picture back on the table, Mizuho gave it another long stare. "I thought that even though it was arranged I could grow to love him, Kei. He was handsome and smart, seemed to care about me, and he provided for me. Well that didn't last long. Two weeks after we were married I find that girls panties in the laundry."

Slapping her palms on the metal table, the echo reverberating loudly in the small confines of the room, Misato glared at the woman. "Look I'm not really interested in what an ass you husband turned out to be, I want to know why you did what you did to him! Why you're here now, and if you're looking for him so you can get your fill again bitch I'll see to it that nobody knows what happened to your body." Mizuho coward back into her chair at the sound and verbal abuse.

Her hands going back to the picture and running the edges of the photo, Mizuho continued as best she could. "I'll get to that. He knew that I knew you see, but didn't care. I was raised to be the perfect wife, the Japanese Nadesico. Follow orders, never question, smile on my face while he fucked that whore of his! It hurt to know that no matter how much he took me he'd just go to her and get more. Then…then when he, Shinji, was brought into my care it was a sign that I've angered the gods. Kei said he'd never allow me to bear a child but then he took in Shinji. I swear it was just to spite me." Mizuho went to slide the photo back into her kimono but Misato quickly intercepted and reclaimed it.

Her hand clenched at the pain of having Misato rip the tiny artifact from it, Mizuho gazed longingly at it inside Misato's grip. "Well not taking it well I ignored him for almost a year, and you know what he did? He started to learn to cook and clean to please me, to make me talk to him. He'd follow me around asking question after question and then started mimicking me. Then…then I told him what to do and he did it! Can you believe how I felt at that? Something actually listening to me, doing what I told them. It never happened in my life before!" Mizuho's voice was near euphoric.

A wrenching sensation settled in Misato's stomach, she could relate to Mizuho, and worse she could see how things progressed from there. "That still doesn't explain why you took things so far…scared him as you did," Misato's voice had lost the harsh edge and was dripping into a quite warble.

Nodding slowly, Mizuho tapped her chin with her index finger. "Yes you are right. That came after Kei stopped all relations with me. He had his whore to fuck and fuck her he did, I wasn't even considered anymore. Then I saw Shinji so eager to please me, to be accepted, so I did. He was timid and fearful at first but that feeling of power I had over him was so electric that I couldn't stop, wouldn't stop!" Misato could see the look on Mizuho's eyes that added 'don't want to stop' but she didn't comment. "Of course I had to keep that power so I told him what I did. I love him and didn't want to lose him, and if what I think about you is right, you're the one that took him from me."

Misato went to speak but found her body had refused to respond, it was locked in place by the passive voiced ex-wife. "I bet the only reason you know about what happened between us is that you've used him to." A smile blossomed on Mizuho's face, under other conditions it would have been considered beautiful. "So eager to please isn't he, despite his reluctance he took to my lessons so well, I bet you enjo…"

She wasn't even aware that she'd slapped Mizuho until she saw the red welt on the woman's face as she lay on the ground. "Shut up! He's a person damn it! Not some damn toy for you to play with and abuse because your family sold you to the wrong person!" Misato flexed her aching fist as she towered over Mizuho. "Get out of this town now, and if I catch you looking for him again I'…"

It was Misato's turn to get cut off as Mizuho straightened her kimono and stood, "You can do nothing. He isn't a toy right so he has every right to do what he wishes, include see me if he so wishes." Walking to the door, Mizuho's hair in disarray, "I'd like to leave now so unless you're going to charge me with anything, and let me add double jeopardy holds, do so now or let me go." Misato signaled the guard to open the door, Mizuho bowed to Misato and headed with an armed guard out of the building.

On her way out to the street Mizuho crossed the path of a red headed child about Shinji's age. Their eyes meet for a moment, just a moment, then the both looked away. Asuka wondered why such a plain woman was being escorted around Nerv, Mizuho thought why was such a young child walking around such a place. Neither knew just how similar they were, nor would they ever. But something passed between them in that look, something that Asuka didn't quiet understand, but she felt a kindred for the woman in that instant, Mizuho felt it too.

X-X

Knocking on Rei's door, Shinji felt every fiber of his being tense. She had called him and asked him over! Cleaning up the apartment and settling down to watch some television, Shinji hadn't thought she would have. "Ayanami-san, I'm coming in ok?" he said after opening the door and stepping in. Normally Shinji wouldn't have considered just walking into a persons home, but his prior knowledge of Rei and her mannerisms told him if he didn't, he'd be standing outside all day.

Taking off he shoes at the door he walked into the less dirty than normal, the bloody bandages were in a bag by the door, Shinji found Rei sitting on her bed. "Ikari-kun, I trust you had no trouble on your way over?" Was that a hint of unease in her voice or was he just hearing things?

"It was an uneventful trip over, thanks for asking though," Shinji said as he neared her. Uncertain as to if she wanted him to sit on the bed next to her or if they were to get right to the heart of the reason she called. "Did…did you want to start cooking now or…did you want to wait?" Talking to her was so hard, she didn't give any tells as to if she was happy, sad, mad, or even expectant.

She answered Shinji's question by sliding over to the edge of her bed giving Shinji ample seating. "I thought we might converse before you instructed me on the proper manner of cooking." Why wasn't she looking at him? She wanted to, but the mere thought of it sent her heart racing. She felt the tired springs of her mattress give as Shinji sat next to her at a comfortable distance, she slide over to compensate. "Are you…well?" Rei tried matching what and how she heard people speak but found it hard and confusing.

Rubbing the back of his head, Shinji nodded. "Things are…good. How about you Ayanami, we haven't had a lot of time to talk lately are things good?" He tried to stay upset at himself for lying to Rei, but was he lying? It was hazy, part of him enjoyed the new life he was given, but he wished for more, or in some cases less. Less physical abuse and more emotional support.

"I have sensed you withholding information in regards to the Second Child, S-Shinji," Rei liked how it felt to say his name but was nervous as to if she should. "Is something happening between the two of you that you wish to remain secret?"

Numbness started to settle in over Shinji's body, she could never know what he did with Asuka. He didn't want anybody to know, he was weak and to let others know about how he couldn't rid himself of such things would change things. "No, she's just…you know Asuka. Loud and quiet at the same time. I don't know her to well and at times I know her better than anybody else does. Confusing isn't it?" He asked her genuinely.

Wrinkling her nose momentarily and frowning, Rei didn't like how casually Shinji referred to Asuka. He didn't say her name like that, why should Asuka get special treatment with how harshly she treated him in public. "Why is it that you use her first name yet refuse to use mine?" Rei's internal debate stumbled over to reality as she couldn't keep her body in check.

Glad that the topic had switched, Shinji turned to face Rei for the first time since sitting down. "I didn't want to disrespect you Rei-san," Shinji found saying her name pleasing just as she did his. "With Asuka it's expected, western culture and all, but with you I didn't want you to take offense."

Her face and voice not betraying her nervousness, Rei set her palm to Shinji's cheek. "I would take no offense Shinji. I would enjoy it." She saw him paralyzed by her hold regardless of how light it was, it was intoxicating the warmth from his cheek. Leaning in slowly she could see expectation and fear mixed on his face. "I believe I like you a great deal Shinji," the words spoken for her by a body more accepting of emotion and feeling than a mind. Leaning the rest of the way in she found the electricity of his lips greater than his warm cheek. As his hands fell to her shoulders and he held her gently Rei knew she wanted more of this. Acceptance and love. It was confusing to her but she wanted more of it, and if Shinji was willing she'd like to learn if it was real love or just an illusion.

They never got around to cooking, just gentle kisses, soft caresses, and conversation. Getting to know one another beyond of what they knew already. When Shinji finally got home to cook for his family he was feeling better than he had in a long time. Things weren't destined to stay dark forever, the sun could foreseeable break through the clouds on the day that was his life. Misato commented on his mood when she got home, pleased to see him happy. Asuka said nothing, suspicion written all over her face as she ate and excused herself. But for that moment, however brief it had been at Rei's, Shinji started to seriously consider life was worth living, if only to see if it might get better.

X-X

Notes

Yeah this chapter is on the lighter side for the most part, just so you know its not ALL going to be dark. Just have to work through things to get to it all. As for Rei, I hope she's not coming off OOC, but I'm trying to keep the inexperience with emotion in there.

Hope you liked it and thanks Zen-chan for prereading….though your not doing that great of job


	14. Chapter 14

Hey everybody been a little while hasn't it? Well them are the breaks, I don't like it either. Anyway I'm back with the next chapter of this little happy story, hope you like it.

_Thoughts_

"Spoken"

X-X

A Past to Forget

Chapter – 14

Walking into the bustling classroom, suffering from the after effects of the class trip, Shinji was awash of gossip and general grumbling from students who didn't wish to have the vacation end. The clusters of students could easily be overheard talking about the numerous 'great things' he had missed as he protected not only the city but the whole of humanity. While the normal child would have been upset to have missed such an event, Shinji was still overwhelmed with the afterglow of his evening with Rei. "Hi guys how was Okinawa?" he asked as he sat next to Kensuke and Touji.

Puffing out his chest, Touji scratched his nose proudly, "Great man, it was perfect!" Letting a large breath, Touji deflated a trifle. Wrapping his fingers onto Shinji's shoulder, the jock pulled the timid boy in close. "I became a man. Hikari and I did it," the pride in his voice was unmistakable as he believed he was the first of the three to 'taste adulthood.'

Kensuke pushed his glasses up his nose slightly, "Don't I know it man, you were making enough noise and doing it enough." Though he tried to sound irritated by Touji's bragging, Kensuke's smile proved told the truth. "What about you, how did you waste your time in our fair city?"

"Don't switch the subject yet Ken, why don't you tell Shinji about your little fling with that native girl. You know the one with the short black hair and lisp." Touji gave his friend a few quick jabs in the side with his elbow. Kensuke's eyes widened and he sat up taller, Touji taking Kensuke's reaction as apprehension pulled Kensuke into a headlock. "Seems his royal geekiness is shy. Shin-man, out friend Kensuke was found making out with one of the natives."

Chuckling, Shinji shook his head as he watched Kensuke fighting for freedom. "Well it seems you both had fun, glad to hear it." He was happy that Touji was busy with Kensuke or the jock would have seen the small scowl on his face. Flashes of the sobbing Hikari resurging in his mind, and the other half of the story that Touji wasn't telling. The bitter reality of the one sidedness of the failed relationship between the two of them had damped Shinji's opinion of Touji to a degree. Opting to not ruin the mood just yet, "So Kensuke are you going to see this girl?"

Punching Touji in the stomach just hard enough to make the boy release him, Kensuke took a deep breath. Shaking his head no, Kensuke glared at Touji. "He was exaggerating; we were just talking is all. We didn't make out or even kiss, Touji was just suffering from the after affects of one of the _many_ times he kicked me out of our room." He spat the last few words out making Touji shrink back.

With some of his fire taken out of him, Touji turned back to Shinji. "So you melt the ice queen then, I know something must have happened or you wouldn't be looking as happy as you are," he finished smirking and looking at Rei's empty desk. While he didn't care if Shinji really had a thing for the girl or any other girl at the moment, Touji hoped whoever Shinji ended up with made him happy.

Blushing faintly, the memory of Rei's lips against his, soft and moist, Shinji looked down at his desk. "I-I helped Rei with her cooking a little yesterday. She's never really tried to learn before and I thought I could help her." Lying wasn't something that he felt comfortable with, but Shinji wasn't ready for his possible relationship to be common knowledge. _Asuka would have to punish me again_.

Seeing the blush, the stuttered speech, and even the look on his insipid face brought a torrid image in Kensuke's mind. He knew Shinji was lying, that more had happened between him and Rei than the boy was letting on. _He's taking her away from me. Further and further away._ But no matter, his time in Okinawa gave him time to plan, to prepare. Trying his best to keep the farce of friendship, long dead and buried in his mind, Kensuke brought up the one subject guaranteed to ruin the conversation, "So where's your girlfriend Touji?"

X-X

Conflicting emotions battled in Ritsuko's mind. She was upset at Misato for blowing the interrogation, but she found it hilarious that the rough and ready Captain had been beaten so soundly by an ex-housewife. "Misato do I have to remind you that you work for Nerv and we could have simply had her disappear? It's happened before to others for less than this." While it wasn't a Nerv standard to kill those who posed a problem to them, it was an option that was exercised.

Huddled over her computer console, her head being cradled by her hands hiding her face, Misato shuddered. She hadn't left Nerv since the botched meeting with Mizuho. "I wasn't expecting it to go that way. I had her where I wanted her and just…" Misato sat up sharply and fixed Ritsuko in place with her gaze. "She was so normal. I thought she'd be a monster not some unfortunately woman." Misato's red rimmed eyes spoke of her fatigue and exhaustion.

Knowing Misato for as long as she did, Ritsuko knew now that what Misato said was going to be the closest to the truth as she could get. From past experience, Ritsuko knew that only when tired or drunk would Misato be honest not only to herself but others. What she saw was frightening, Ritsuko saw understanding in the eyes of her friend. "Misato…you don't feel sorry for her do you? That woman is a child molester and the child she scared is essential for the survival of humanity!"

How could she not feel sorry for the woman on some level? Sure she'd beat the timid teacher until the woman was nothing but broken bones and blood, but something else was there. What she had said, _The only reason I know of her is because…_ She'd tasted the fruit that Mizuho had tended to and grown. Hiding her eyes again behind her fingers, Misato's body ached for a drink and a trip to Kaji's bed. "I don't know Ritsuko…I mean her life her story were so…I could see how…fuck this is confusing."

Warning signs were now clear in Ritsuko's opinion. Misato was thinking dangerous things. For the first time that she could remember she was glad Kaji's libido was as active as it was, it kept Misato from thinking to much about this. _I'll have to ask Shinji about this, if Misato ever did try I'm sure he'd not deny her. Hell he'd not deny her anything._ And for a moment that thought made Ritsuko jealous. "Go home Misato, you look like hell." Misato nodded and wordlessly got to her feet and started for her office door. "And you better thank Shinji for that meal I'm sure he has ready for you," Ritsuko's smile was bittersweet.

As Misato thanked her for the time off and left Ritsuko alone in the office, the doctor sat heavily in the small leather chair thinking. The only real information gained from Misato's blatant failure in talking to Mizuho was bad. For one Mizuho now knew Shinji was in the city and had relations with Nerv, two Misato was oddly sympathetic to the woman, and three number two scared the hell out of her. Misato was Shinji's anchor and if she in a moment of doubt or hesitation did something with him it would mean the end of everything. Misato wouldn't be allowed to care for him anymore and the separation could case a relapse in the boy's recovery.

Ritsuko looked at the 'no smoking' sign on the door and laughed as she pulled a cigarette out of her pack. Slipping the thin tube into her mouth and lighting the end, Ritsuko didn't care about breaking that rule. "Fuck was right." One thing was left unasked, something Misato hadn't know of but Ritsuko was reluctant to admit. The interrogation had been taped, and so far only she had viewed it, but what she heard made her worry all the more. "How did Misato learn about this…really?" Ritsuko remembered the talk about a dream Misato had about Shinji, but was it really a dream?

Shuddering at the thought that was brewing in her mind, Ritsuko lit up another cigarette as the first was reduced to ash. _Don't think that way, it couldn't have happened, it's not possible._ But why did it seem to fit so well, to be right?

X-X

"I told you didn't I Hikari, I said when you started dating him that he just wanted to have sex with you," Asuka said with crossed arms. Looking across the small patch of grass between the two of them and under the tree where they sat eating lunch, Asuka saw shame on Hikari's face. While Asuka would never say it, she believed Hikari go what she deserved for having idealistic notions about a pig. "So did you get a pregnancy test yet?"

Hikari's eyes went wide into saucers as she whipped her head away from her meal and towards Asuka's face. "P-p-pregnancy test, we only…it was just a few times without protection…why should I get a test?" Why was talking to Asuka about this so hard, the German was supposed to be supportive and caring, a friend. But where Shinji had shown compassion and help, her real friend only ridiculed her and belittled her.

Taking a large bite into the sandwich she ordered Shinji to make, she was tired of traditional Japanese boxed lunches, Asuka's gaze was level and cold. "Only takes one time Hikari, you should know that. Hell I'd be downing morning after pills like candy if I were you. You think if you are pregnant that he'll help you with it, he's already dumped you and moved on!" Really, what did Hikari expect from a perverted teenager. This was why Asuka hated kids her own age, to stupid to see the big picture.

Her own meal going uneaten, Hikari shoulders slumped over. Asuka had a point, it only took one time to get pregnant and they had done it more than once without protection. Her hopes and dreams of a future, a career, and a family didn't include a child at fifteen. "But I'd be too embarrassed to go buy pills Asuka, I can't do this. I can't even talk to him anymore." She had hoped that the experience would have hardened her, but if anything she was weaker now than before.

"Get over it then, you have few choices Hikari. You can hope you're not caring his bastard inside you as we speak, suck it up and go buy pills, or wait until you lose your figure and get it sucked out of you," Asuka's curt reply fell harshly in Hikari's ears. She didn't like being cruel to Hikari, she was a friend, but friendship only counted for so much. She'd warned her about Touji's intent, tried to help her see past her narrow world view, and listened to her prattle on, but she was done with that now. "Hikari you made your choice now you have to live with it." Standing up, Asuka threw her lunch away into the nearest trash bin and walked back to class, something was irritating her about the looks being passed between her toy and the doll.

Sitting cross-legged, Hikari leaned back against the tree, a warm breeze caressed her cheek blowing her hair, now no longer in pig-tails, about randomly. Her childhood had ended, taken from her by a boy who wanted to be a man but didn't know how. Kodama had been disappointed in her and was currently not speaking to her while Nozomi was more sympathetic. Thinking of the whole mess caused her eyes to sting, she could feel the urge to cry again building inside her, and she fought it for all she was worth. She'd cried enough over this, she had to be strong. Stroking her stomach lightly she wondered if she was pregnant, it was possible. _What do I do if I am?_

"Hikari, are you ok?" a definite male voice asked shaking her out of her daze. She opened her eyes unsure of when she had actually closed them or had drifted off to sleep. "You never came back to class after lunch. We were worried about you." Hikari could see the worry on Shinji's face, but doubted anybody else had even thought of her.

Propping herself up higher against the tree, an ache in her side forming from the poor choice in sleeping areas, Hikari winced as she smiled. "Fine, just stress I guess. I must have fallen asleep without realizing it." She fought a yawn and lost, rubbing her eyes to hopefully adjust her focus, she saw Shinji still looking concerned, "Did I miss anything?" She'd deal with the disciplinary results of her tardiness later.

"Asuka and Touji got in a fight and got sent to the principle's office. I think they're still there. Other than that just more talk about life before second impact," Shinji shrugged at the end. Knowing the truth of second impact lessened his attentiveness to the lessons. "I'm sure you know what those two were fighting about so I won't go into details," he offered his hand to the seated girl.

Accepting the help, Hikari pulled herself up and dusted herself off, "Thanks Shinji-kun. Thanks for a lot of things," she said softly. The two looked at each other as an awkward silence feel into place. Both had wanted to say something, Shinji to ask how she was feeling, Hikari to ask for help but neither could speak.

An unexpected third joined the two and broke the silence for them, "S-Shinji you were going to assist me in cleaning my apartment today, correct?" Rei asked with an uncharacteristic shyness in her voice. She had watched the two converse and felt a tightening in her chest when she watched Shinji help Hikari to her feet, she didn't know it was jealousy she just knew she didn't like it.

On hearing Rei speak, Hikari took an unconscious step away from Shinji, to not give the wrong impression. "Ayanami how are you doing today, and did I hear you correctly is Shinji going to help you with something?" an unmistakable tinge of regret in her voice. It was to be expected that Shinji would be with somebody. He was caring, polite, and attractive. So Hikari hadn't been to hurt to see the near possessive look on Rei's face as the blue haired girl stepped closer to the boy.

Rubbing the back of his neck nervously, Shinji smiled, "I said I'd help Rei to clean up her apartment. She's not had any real practice at it so I thought I'd help her." The air between the girls was heavy. Rei had just started to learn to appreciate the emotions that Shinji created in her and she wasn't ready to be freed of them, Hikari seeking compassion and sympathy to move past her pain. Both girls were pushing the other to make the next move.

Not willing to take a chance yet at losing her sole source of happiness in the bleak world she lived, Rei stepped forward. Sliding her hand in the slim space between Shinji arm and chest she wrapped her arm around his. "That is correct, Shinji and I must be leaving to attend such matters. Class representative Hokari it was…" Rei stopped and looked into Shinji's face. "Pleasant speaking with you, good day." With that she started walking, Shinji's arm in tow, leading the boy off of school grounds and towards her apartment. Her reward for her attempt at normal social interaction was a smile from Shinji which sparked a fire in her stomach.

Hikari stood watching the two walk off and sighed. _I guess I had my chance before but wasted it because of Touji._ Craning her head back and popping her neck back into place she let out a rueful laugh. "Never know what you have till its gone I guess." She'd seen the loneliness in his eyes long ago at the movie theatre where Nozomi took her liking to him. But she wanted Touji, the Touji in her mind anyway, and now that she had him she knew the error of her choices. Hoping for something that doesn't exist when one could get something that already exists is foolish. She stood watching the horizon the pair had disappeared over for twenty minute before saying, "Take care of him or I'll steal him from you."

"Already looking for the next notch on your belt girl?" Asuka asked happy to surprise her friend. And from the sudden jump and yelp from Hikari, Asuka was plenty sure she'd surprised the girl. Lacing her fingers together, Asuka stretched her arms above her head, "So what did you do that kept you from coming back to class?"

Relaxing as she caught her breath, Hikari shrugged her shoulders. "I fell asleep right here, thanks for checking on me Asuka." The words were harsh and her eyes narrowed angrily. Asuka was supposed to be her friend right? But lately the girl hadn't been acting the part very well.

"Look I'm sorry about that and how I've been lately just you have to admit I did warn you about Touji. And about the whole pregnancy thing I just wanted you to accept reality that it could be true," Asuka extended her hand warmly. "Friends again?"

Taking Asuka's hand in hers, again reminded of the strength the German had as she squeezed, Hikari smiled. "Friends." With one big shake the two let go and turned for the school gates. "Did you want to do something today, hear about the 'good' parts of the class trip?"

Giving Hikari a sidelong glance, "Will you tell me who you plan on stealing if I go with you?" She needed a place to sleep tonight and Hikari just offered, whether she knew it or not. After hearing Kaji all but admit to sleeping with Misato the other day, Asuka wasn't really wanting to stay in the same building as the whore. _Only until I can show him how a real woman is_.

_She is a good person when she wants to be_. Hikari grinned, believing Asuka was truly trying to be her friend. "You'll have to wait and see I guess." Seeing how Asuka treated Shinji though, Hikari was reluctant to even hint at liking him even a little. As Hikari saw it Asuka either liked Shinji herself or hated the boy completely. Either way she didn't want to get into another argument over a boy with her. "Now let's go hit the shopping arcade."

Hikari would tell her if she knew what was good for her. Asuka had to be sure that what was hers stayed hers. She didn't know if she was being paranoid but she remembered clearly the hazy eyes Hikari had when she spoke of some movie even with Shinji. _She can't steal him though as he loves me._ And she'd use that love to get more pleasure and power. When she was done with him and Kaji was hers, well then Hikari could have him then, she'd have no need for him. But best to be sure first, Hikari was a friend after all. "Now you're talking, let's go."

X-X

"So she's chosen to betray me," Gendo said in a matter of fact voice one might use when commenting on the weather. Sitting at his desk, fingers crossed, he didn't seem to be shocked by the section 2 report of Shinji just being spotted walking into Rei's apartment laden with cleaning supplies. "We've given her to much room for free thought, I believe we either reel her in or replace her. Opinion?"

While Kozo wondered if what he said mattered, he formulated his view as best he could. Clearing his throat, "I think we should allow this to continue." Gendo's eyebrow raising was the only sign the man heard him. Continuing, "If we allow the two of them to from a bond we could use that to our benefit. The Third Child," Kozo knew better than to say 'your son', "could be kept in the city and insure cooperation by using Rei as bait. Rei would be more stable and it could keep her score from dropping. Anyway we already know that from the Dead Sea scrolls 'one must fall' to defeat the 15th, if its to be Rei anyway what difference does it make?"

His smile was hidden by his hands Gendo had anticipated this move from this sub-commander. Kozo had grown old and to soft for what must be done. "Tools that don't work in the manner they were intended aren't needed and should be disposed of. But there are ways to force a tool to work even against nature. The problem with Rei now is she is finding a reason to live, a want to live. That might cause problems for us when she needs to die. We must break that will, make her wish for death."

"But she's only a child, how can you say such things about a child?" Kozo was appalled by the lack of care in Gendo's voice. All could see the favoritism he had for Rei, he himself saw the glint in the man's eye on occasion when Gendo thought nobody was looking. Kozo knew that Gendo would mistake Rei for Yui at rare times. That frightened him, how easy he could see what happened to Gendo's son happen to Rei. Gendo taking her to his office or even visiting the girl's apartment and taking that wish for life with his hands. _If he ordered her to she'd do it to._

Waving his hand in a dismissing gesture, Gendo cared little for Kozo's concerns. "If she wants an Ikari it can be arranged into my schedule. As for her childhood, I have no time for it." Picking up a report from Seele, he thumbed through it, "Seems those old fools might have found the lance we'll need to leave soon to reclaim it. Until then we'll see how this plays out. Maybe the Third is so inept in life that we won't need to worry any further."

"Sir," Kozo said as he turned and left Gendo's office for his own. The ease at which the man had suggested raping a teenage that idolized him was sickening. It wasn't needed, had no purpose and that's what scared the older man the most. It was like Gendo wanted to just to do it. _To have Yui again in some twisted way._ But what would his wife say if she knew of this, would she forgive or hate? As long as he had his way though, that child would get to live and live however she wanted, the problem was how long would he be allowed to protect her.

X-X

Sneaking into the apartment, Shinji felt a mixture of joy and shame. The cleaning turning into another small petting session with Rei the initiator again, but it felt good, clean. Rei was a little more intense this time, rubbing the length of his arm with her palms as if trying to feel the whole of his arm at once, her kisses were far from experienced but the attempt was all Shinji cared for. It felt nice, but part of Shinji wondered how long it would last. The shame, well that was obvious to him, he was betraying Misato by staying out past curfew and not making her supper.

"I'm home," he call out weakly assuming that Misato would be sleeping off a hard days work. Sliding his shoes next to hers, Shinji hummed a little song to himself as he walked to the kitchen thinking that maybe a midnight snack would make things up between Misato and him. _Her lips were so soft…_Shinji's mind trailed in cycles the events at Rei's. The cleaning demonstration, her eyes locked on his afterward, and her leading him back to her bed. The sitting quietly for awhile, then holding hands, and the rest.

It was what he wanted, he hoped, a relationship not one sided, not sex based, but emotional. Flipping the light switch on Shinji came to a sudden halt. Laying strewn upon the table was a snoring Misato. A larger number of cans were laying around her body as she scratched her exposed midriff in her sleep. Suppressing the laugh that was fighting for freedom, Shinji shook his guardian's shoulder. "Misato-san, Misato-san you should sleep in your room and not here."

What Shinji had mistaken was Misato's intentions for that hands destination. Her hand had been stopped by the itch on her chest where it was the one between her legs she was wanting scratched. Her alcohol induced dreams screamed out for release of pent up emotions and feelings. Fears of what Mizuho said, of her growing fondness of her ward, and her knowledge of him all collided at once. While she sat at home drowning her fears with cheap booze she'd realized a few things. Kaji didn't love her, she didn't love Kaji, and all they shared was his bed.

Opening her eyes slowly, her vision blurred from drink and fatigue, Misato saw a blurry body and heard an echoed version of Shinji's voice. "Oh Shin-chan you're a naughty boy a-a-aren't ya. Coming in all late. Mommy Misato's going to have to punish such a naughty boy." Misato's slurred voice bathed Shinji's face in a drunken stench.

Misato's grip latched onto Shinji's shoulders and he froze unable to move. His eyes began to water as he saw an all too familiar look in her eyes, hunger. "Misato-san, I'm sorry for being late…I was visiting Rei." He couldn't lie to her, owed her to much, and if she wanted this, wanted him to appease her he would.

Licking her lips, Misato moved off the table, still fully convinced she was dreaming or too drunk to try and think of it as reality. "Oh-ho visiting Rei were you…is my lil Shin-chan cheating on me?" Her fingers bit deeper into Shinji's shoulders, would have drawn blood if not for his shirt. Stumbling on her feet she fell forward and pressed him against the wall absorbing much of the impact for her. "Did you have a good time, inexperienced as she is…bet you had to teach her how."

"M-Misato-san you're drunk, maybe you should lie down?" Shinji blushing tried to pry her hands off of him. She was talking so frankly about Rei and him it was scary. And the truth of how it had been at first, Shinji teaching Rei a little on how to kiss so they didn't just mash lips together painfully. "How about I turn down your futon for you?" Fear was wracking his body, he trembled and shook wanting Misato to agree with him.

Misato released her left hand and placed its index finger to Shinji's lips. "No, No Shin-chan. You see…see…I love ya. Ran to fuck Kaji to keep me from fucking you…don't know…when…why…how it happened but…I want you now…fuck Kaji…" Misato's eyes closed as she wobbled on her feat and pressed herself fully against Shinji to steady herself. She felt his manhood react to her presence against him, and while it was involuntary it sealed there fate. The heat against her thigh caused her eyes to open from the near slumber state she was in. "My-my what do we have here?"

Cursing his body for reacting as it was trained to, Shinji tried again to convince his drunken guardian to sleep. "Come on Misato-san, how about we talk about this in the morning…ok?" But didn't she just say she loved him? But she was drunk she didn't mean what she said, couldn't mean it. He was just a soiled and dirty boy.

A slow forming grin spread on Misato's face. "How about we…" sinking to her knees as the room started spinning Misato felt a momentary lurch in her stomach as her body fought to keep from retching on Shinji's pants. Part of her mind started to clear up from the abuse she'd ran it through but it was too late. She'd already unfastened his belt and had his jeans in her hand. Shinji's mind fogged over as years of training took over. Internally Misato's last bastion of conscious screamed at her to stop, but her unbidden feelings for the man before her were unshackled again by her other crutch, alcohol.

All during the night of love making, if one would call it that, Misato stressed again in a drunken soothing voice that she loved Shinji, cooed it into his ear as she straddled him. She believed it, and only when stripped of her forebrain could she see it, accept it, stop hiding from it.

However when she woke the next morning, his naked body still pressed against hers, with him still inside her, she wasn't as sure of herself. Looking at her body, his, covered in a mixture of fluids she noticed the red tint of blood, his. Claw marks from her nails riddled his body. "Oh God what did I do…what did I do to him!"

Mizuho's words and face flashed before her as she cradled Shinji's sleeping body to her chest trying to sooth him of whatever nightmares he was having. _I bet the only reason you know about what happened between us is that you've used him to. _Silent tears streaked her cheeks as she knew things couldn't go back to what they had been before. She'd soiled that, him, with her drunken stupidity. She'd have to make it up to him or she'd never be able to live with herself or him anymore. Looking down at him as his nightmare seemed to pass and his body relaxed, she kissed his forehead, "I do love you, but its not something that's a good thing."

X-X

Author notes

Well…what can I say even if she does love him its not socially acceptable now is it? She knows it too. But things can be done in different ways I guess. And as I am writing this and I haven't cemented my idea for an ending it might not end poorly for them. I hope I conveyed that Misato didn't just fuck him to do it, but that she genuinely cared for him and couldn't accept it on a higher level, that only when drunk could she see herself for what she was. A woman who fell in love with her ward after seeing all the pain he'd endured and wanting to help.

Hope I didn't offend anybody and I hope you liked this chapter. Later!

Oh and thanks again Zen-chan for pre-reading even if you kept saying to take the last scene out.


	15. Chapter 15

Again I guess saying sorry for the long update times isn't going to help much is it. Well I am and I'll try to get better with them. Hope you're still liking the story and continue to read it.

_Thoughts_

"Spoken"

X-X

A Past To Forget

Chapter – 15

The first thing Shinji felt as consciousness returned to him was a stinging pain along his back and a cool breeze over his naked body. He shivered against it and drew his legs to his chest and wrapped his arms around them, the warmth of the body that had been by his all night gone. _It happened again…But she said she loved me…_He wanted to believe her, but Mizuho had said the same thing to him many times before too. Looking around Misato's empty room, Shinji saw his clothing and snaked them into one of his hands before pulling them on over his head and legs. "M-Misato-san?" he called out wondering where his idol turned master had gone.

He received no answer, but something assailed his senses. The smell wasn't just the musky odor of sex, he could smell food as well. Then the sizzling sound of frying grease, somebody was cooking. Getting up on shaky feet, the thing red lines of pain on his back flaring as he did, Shinji headed to the kitchen. "Misato-san?" He asked again as he saw the woman standing at the stove. Her body went ridged and her back straight, a piece of ply board given human form.

She had heard him from the bedroom, heard him even better the few feet behind her, but she couldn't face him. _What do I say? What can I say to him?_ Forgiveness wasn't possible for her. Sure if she asked him he'd say he forgave her instantly, but could she forgive herself? In a drunken moment of lust or stupidity she'd taken him, scared him not only mentally but physically as well. Setting the spatula down, she took a deep breath that caught in her throat. "I hope I'm not burning it…I thought I'd try to make breakfast for us…to apologize."

The silence in the room seemed alive, it was mocking them both. Shinji just watched Misato's back as she looked down at the frying pan. After a few aborted attempts to walk over to her he finally forced his body to react as he wished. Moving to her side, Shinji fought back the sudden urge to smile as Misato's hand wavered over the pan, afraid of the rogue globes of grease that leapt up the pan to burn her skin. "I'll finish it Misato-san…you have your beer," he said in a low accepting tone. It wasn't something new for Shinji, being used as he had been.

At hearing him, Misato's hands slapped the counter and stove hard. Her head fell down so her chin rested on her chest and her hair obscured her vision. "It's not right Shinji! Don't let me off this easy!" She didn't know why she was yelling at him, it wasn't his fault but she couldn't help it. Backing away from Misato, Shinji started to become afraid, afraid he failed her again. "I…raped you! How can you…just accept it and then," she slapped the counter again, the pan tipping over and thankfully falling back on stove and not on her. "How can you forgive me so easily!"

Seeing the grease pooling at the lip of the stove and snaking its way towards his distraught guardian's hands, Shinji moved quickly. Pulling her away from the offending liquid, despite his fear she'd lash out at him as Mizuho did on the rare occasions she was in a similar state. "Because you provide for me, care for me, and…its"

"IT'S NOT EXPECTED OF YOU!" Misato yelled preempting Shinji's response. Finally looking up at him she saw the scared animal before her that was Shinji. So ready to run away from her but standing his ground to not disappoint her. _Maya was right._ She realized then. She was a sex crazed whore that just ended up making things worse. Taking a step closer to Shinji, her peripheral vision saw the mess on the stove and a sick part of her wondered how long it would take until Shinji moved to clean it, she saw him take a step back. A quick lunge and she had him enveloped in a hug, more taking than giving. "Its wasn't, its not, it should never have been expected of you don't you see that!"

Panic seared him, he didn't know what was going to happen now. Misato was screaming at him as he crushed him in her hug and cried on him. He felt horrible knowing that he'd caused such pain for her, that he failed to calm her while she made her drunken advances on him. "I'm sorry Misato-san, I tried to stop you but you were drunk, it's ok…we can…forget this happened right?"

Shifting her hands from around his waist to his shoulders, Misato pushed Shinji away from her yet held him firm. "No we can't Shinji. I did this to you…now you and me are going to face it. I'm so sorry I did it and I don't deserve the right to try to make amends for it!"

"But…you love me right and we forgive those we love?" hope was so enriched in his voice, pleading with her to say it was true. It was all he wanted in life, all he was denied.

Hazy memories flooded Misato's mind as she stared deeply into the begging blue eyes of the man before her. Visions of her telling him the truth, that she loved him. That she was screwing Kaji to keep him safe from her. Then she recalled the cries of passion as she crushed his manhood underneath her, calling out his name and how much she loved him in alcohol soaked breath. Sniffing loudly, "Yes I do," she accepted it. "I love you Shinji, but I shouldn't not the way I do, it's not right. You should be with Asuka or Rei or anybody but me!"

Yes he loved Rei, the previous days petting session, all the time he'd spent with her, and how he viewed her, it was evident to him that he loved Rei, but was undeserving of her affection. Asuka, well Asuka was a strained love. He knew she didn't care for him, but was unable to refute her, hoped she'd actually start to care for him. Misato however…she was unto a God for him. She brought him away from a life of being sullied daily by Mizuho, to say he loved Misato was akin to saying the sun was a little warm. He adored the woman with all he was. In a weak voice, a voice he hated as it reminded him of his failings, "But I love you Misato-san, more than I can ever hope to express."

Looking dumbly at him, Misato didn't know how to respond. She suspected it sure, his actions to please her were all evidence to the point. But such sincerity after she defiled him, used him, was unfathomable. Unable to speak she just pulled him into another embrace, lighter than the last. Stroking the back of his head as she held him, she felt him wince as her hand touched his back. _Pleasure and pain is all I'll bring him, pleasure and pain. _For a long time she just held him and prayed she'd have the strength for what had to come next.

X-X

Looking at the video feed, Ritsuko could sense the hostility from the two pilots present for the test. The call from Misato twenty minutes prior to the scheduled start time claiming Shinji was feeling sick and wasn't going to be there held a dull pleasant feeling to it. It meant Maya would be helping her during the sync test and not Misato, Maya who was more capable to perform the task and not just talk. "How's are the bruises healing?" she asked the woman beside here.

Keying in the sequence to lower the plug depth, Maya almost seemed to not hear the question. Glancing at Ritsuko from the corner of her eye, Maya felt a flare of her old appreciation for the doctor heat up. "Mostly gone now, just the few on the back of my head still hurt a bit at times, makes sleeping hard."

Nodding, Ritsuko let the silence envelop her, so rare anymore as the conflicts between her and Misato, and now the frigid air Maya was perpetuating wasn't good for the nerves. "What do you think are their problems, Asuka seems ready to snap," Ritsuko asked again to try and spark a little dialogue.

_Want to know so you can rat them out to the commander?_ Maya sneered and rolled her eyes, the flare now a smoldering ash. She didn't care anymore about Ritsuko, and soon she'd enact her plan and the slut would be removed of her care duties. "Maybe they had a fight over something," Maya offered.

"I'd say that was obvious, my question was what do you think it was about," Ritsuko said. Viewing the wide array of readings over countless concerns, Ritsuko thought she heard disgust in the tech's voice, a far cry from the tone it used to have.

"Maybe it's over Shinji. Its not hard to think that maybe they both like him and with how Asuka is its easy to see how she'd be angry to have him choose Rei over her," Maya said offhandedly.

Biting on the end of her pen to quell the urge to smoke, and the darker impulse to smack Maya for her childishness, Ritsuko could takes the plastic cap. "Yes that could be it, or maybe it's the other way around, or hell maybe a third girl or even boy did it." She was growing so tired of this power struggle between Maya and Misato. Both taking every opportunity to stress their side to her, trying to win her over. _I could care less about who that boy cares for as long as it ends this damn feud._ Hell she didn't care if it was Rei at this point, even if she held genetic remnant of his mother, anything to shut the adult children up.

Swiveling her chair to face the doctor, Maya's eyes narrowed to thin slits. "Don't take that attitude with me, you asked my opinion on this matter and now you're yelling at me for voicing it? Or what you just wanted me to agree with the captain?"

"I wasn't yelling at you Maya! It's just this situation getting me so aggravated anymore. Its no longer about the children it's about who is right and who is wrong. You say you want what's best for him, them, but all you do is argue with Misato about who he should be with. Have you thought that maybe its best for him to not be with anybody? Hell this isn't even helping anything anymore," Ritsuko said and threw her hands up in frustration.

Gathering her papers, Maya stood up and started for the door, hearing Ritsuko call out her name, Maya stopped and turned. "I'm leaving Doctor Akagi, I'm sorry I don't have anything for you to report to the commander about to score your little brownie points. As for the captain and the children's situation…I have more than enough to end it all and I will soon. Good bye." Spinning fast enough to give herself a small bought of disorientation, Maya quickly left the room fully intent on ending the arguments with both of her superiors.

Her teeth clenched the pen's cap hard at Maya's words, they bounced around in her head like a diseased ping-pong ball. The pen snapped in her hand spilling ink over her hands and dribbling down her lips and chin. _That bitch!_ Was all she thought as she turned back to her consol to view the tests results. Asuka was down while Rei had climbed by a large percentage. _Great even more shit, maybe we should just let the angels kill us all._ The pain in her forehead grew as she turned the audio feed back on, "Tests is over, Asuka can you come up here after you get out, we have to talk about your scores." The whining started instantly and Ritsuko urge to let the invaders kill them all grew.

X-X

Entering the women's changing room, Rei couldn't help but feel some disappointment. She had been hoping to see Shinji, to talk to him more, to feel the warmth again that he created in her. But Ritsuko had crushed that hope when Asuka asked 'where that little pervert' is. Recalling Asuka's harsh words sparked another sensation in Rei, but this heat wasn't pleasant not at all. It burned in her cheeks and forced her hands to clench tightly, raw anger.

_Last evening was even more pleasurable than the previous encounters._ The albino thought with a growing blush. Thinking back to the simple chores he help her to do, guided her in, the conversation light but supportive. Things she never heard from other people that made her head light and her throat contract making speech hard. And lastly the physical intimacy they shared. It was so new, so strange, and so intoxicating. Rei had never thought such a simple act as kissing could cause so much pleasure as it did. His skin was electric against hers and she wanted more of it if he wished.

Then it struck her, that annoying itch in her stomach. She didn't know what it was but it was so frustrating when it washed over her. It always came when she started thinking of Shinji and she soft yet pleasing caresses. _I'd believe it to be an illness if it didn't only occur after thinking of my time with Shinji._ Trying to force the feeling to subside she started to remove the LCL covered plugsuit. A shower always seemed to help make the feeling go away, cold water often better than warm she learned.

_Perhaps I should inquire into the nature of this with him or maybe Captain Katsuragi._ She felt her cheeks burn when the idea of talking to Shinji about the feeling, somehow it didn't feel right. Throwing the suit into the designated area for cleaning she headed to the showers, turning the water on hot to clean before she addressed the irritation she made a fatal mistake she endeavored to avoid. During her cleaning her hand strayed low and as it was oft to do against her will during the few times she battled with her unknown foe, desire, and her finger collided with her maidenhood.

White hot bliss rocked her body as she found her hand unable to move away. She stood stock still as the water cascaded down her body, her hand unmoving at the ridge of a petal. _This is different_, she thought it was different then the feeling she had with Shinji, good but lacking. _If he were to do this though…_her finger slid inside further. Slowly like a child trying to pull a coin out of a small jar, Rei's finger snaked in and out of herself.

The deeper it went the clearer the image of Shinji doing so in her mind became. She saw him kneeling by her bed as she sat on it, legs spread wide as he worked. The image intensified as she brushed against her bud, not knowing what it was actually for until that moment and her knees buckled. Low moans started to reverberate in her chest, wishing for an escape from the fleshy confines but being held captive. A second finger was added as sensation overtook her higher brain functions and hormones took over. _I…I want that…this is very nice…but for him…for me…_The idea was so alien to let him touch her this way that it drove her onward. "S-S-hinji-chan," she uttered weakly as she reluctantly pulled her fingers away from herself oddly more frustrated but at the same time eased.

"You fucking perverted bitch," Asuka gasped from her place at the entrance to the shower stalls. Rei's hazy mind realized that Asuka must have seen her masturbating, if she remembered the word correctly, and yet didn't feel shame in it. "Just what the fuck are you doing beating off in the shower and…did you say that bastard's name?" Asuka's knuckles were as white as Rei's skin as she clenched her fist tighter. Was he doing things to her too while she was off finding out Kaji was being seduced by Misato?

With extreme difficulty, Rei was able to get back to her feet though they felt like warmed rubber. "Pilot Soryu I apologize for my actions, they were not planned," Rei said recalling from her reading that some people are offended by the sexual natures of others. She'd started reading about the psychological affects of procreation after she'd learned of Shinji's past. "I will leave now," the annoying itch in her stomach had left during her fevered vision.

"No so fast, answer my other question Wondergirl, did you say that bastards name as you soiled my shower?" Asuka changed her stance to block the entrance to the shower. Smelling a familiar stench emanating from Rei, the trickle of liquid on alabaster thighs proof positive, Asuka was going to have her answer.

Following Asuka's gaze up and down her body, Rei had an odd sensation of defenselessness in her naked state. "I do not see how what I say has any relevance to you, I would like to leave now and would like you to move."

"So you can go and get another one off while thinking about MY Shinji, sorry bitch but I don't think so. I told you before that he's just after you to get a quicky. I wanted to do something good for you even though you have that tight ass, better than everybody, bitch attitude of yours. But what do I see, you up to your knuckle like a bitch in heat panting out his name?" Asuka advanced slowly towards Rei, shivering in anticipation as the blue haired girl backed away. _He loves me, not her, loves me! _She repeated in her mind to justify her actions. She wasn't going to lose the oh so delicious power she had on him to the current favorite.

Watching the vacant look on her adversaries face, Rei knew better than to aggravate her further. The positive thoughts taking a side step as her rational mind saw the need for evasive action, Rei planned. "He is his own person and not as you say him to be to me or the others at school. The lies I hear you say about him. Why do you debase him so only to claim ownership of him," Rei didn't care for the answer; it was only a stalling technique anyway. Maneuvering so Asuka would be in the large puddle of water left by her shower.

"He IS mine Wondergirl. I don't care what you think otherwise that boy IS my property. If you want proof just ask him." She stalked closer to her prey, looking for the best opening to inflict pain on something attempting to steal her prized possession. "I say what I do because those other floozies are just like you, trying to take him from me, take what I want away." He enveloped her with joy, power, love, affection, and all for nothing. It was a blessing in her otherwise cursed life of needing to be superior. She could be weak in his presence and still be superior to him.

Slowing her movement just a moment, Rei let Asuka get into range. Just as she anticipated, Asuka lunged inward and using the slippery tiles deftly avoided the grasp. Thanks to the plugsuits traction, Asuka was unable to turn in reaction to Rei's sudden movements and she went crashing to the floor. Standing over the angry German, Rei noticed how Asuka was holding the wrist she used to break her fall. "I disagree with you Pilot Soryu. Shinji is not property and you're attempts to keep me away from him so you may partake in whatever you have planned will not work. Good day." In a hurried yet passive pace, Rei headed out of the shower, dressed and fled.

Asuka's face, marred with a fierce snarl, let her go. She needed to calm down, catch her breath. _Let her fantasize about him while I have the real thing._ She rationalized as she took her own shower. Shinji was hers, and no doll would take him from her. By the time she dressed she was sporting a small content smile. She envisioned kissing the boy right in front of the blue haired freak that would put her in her place. Maybe even let her walk in on them while she let Shinji show his love for her. _Because I know he loves me and I think that I…no._ She couldn't lie and say she loved him, but she was powerfully fond of him, and that was enough for her.

X-X

After the shakiness of the morning, the day proceeded with an air of unease and strained pleasantness. Misato gave Shinji permission to skip the scheduled sync test and to stay home from school, she didn't think it wise for him to go. Aside from her asking him if he was ok with that, he was of course as it was her idea, she lapsed into a silence that was near unbreakable. Sure Shinji would ask the occasional question that she'd answer as fast as possible and back to the stillness.

She was planning on asking Ritsuko to take him in, she knew now that she couldn't be trusted with him. Yes as hard as it was for her to admit, and only after the drunken debauchery did she accept it, she loved Shinji as a man and not a son. And it was that love which meant he had to go, she'd take him again if he stayed. _He says he loves me, and I don't doubt he does, but it's not right._ He saw her as an idol, a savior that she knew she wasn't. But how to break it to him? "What did you say?" she asked as Shinji's drawn face peered at her from the kitchen, his stronghold for the day.

"I said that we're out of stock, so I'm going to the grocery store to get some more, did you need anything else?" It sickened Misato to see how easy he recovered from what she did. The fact he had lived with such things for years made her even more disgusted with herself, and how easy she felt that she was getting away with it.

"No I don't need anything but I can give you a ride if you want Shinji," she prayed he wouldn't take her up on the offer, she needed more time alone to think. Why was it hurting her so much to think of him gone, knew he had to leave and leave fast. Her prayers were answered when he gave her that sad smile of his that cried out how miserable his life was and said he was fine walking. She waved him good-bye and when the door shut she let her guise of strength collapse.

Sliding off of the couch, her cut-offs riding high as she did and pinching her butt slightly, she rocked back and forth. To her knees and back to the couch repeatedly. The televisions droning sounds passing through her ears unheard, unknown. _Now look at what you did you stupid whore. You find love but with a boy that has to be an adult. On top of that he's been molested for how many years of his short life? He adores me…nearly worships me and here I sat soaking it up. Letting him cook, clean, and pamper me like a damned queen when I should have been stopping him. Now I realize that I care for him more than I should and I fuck him, just like she did. Now I have to crush him and send him away so I don't do it again. _

But how would he take that? Being abandoned again just like his father did to him. What about his feelings too, didn't he say he loved her, couldn't they try something? _NO! Don't think that, don't even humor it! If I did that I might as well just kill him now and spare him the need to commit suicide after I fuck his mind over._ She'd be strong, tell him she cared about him and was having him more for his own benefit, and he'd agree he was stronger than she, anybody, gave him credit. So now she had to be strong too.

"Have one to many and finally seeing things?" Asuka asked as she cracked open a can of soda. Seeing Misato crouched on the ground and rocking back and forth was a strange sight, but Asuka wasn't in a very forgiving mood right now. _Maybe Kaji finally dumped her royal drunk highness._

Snapped out of her thoughts by the new addition, Misato craned her neck so fast she heard a snap and a flash of pain temporarily blinded her. "Asuka, when did you get here?" she asked.

Walking in front of her and jumping on the couch, Asuka liberated the remote from the armrest behind Misato's head. "Bout five minutes ago, not that you care anyway. I was surprised to see you here, not crawling into Kaji's bed again?" Misato felt a quick jab of Asuka's toe strike the back of her head, a small price for the offense Misato thought.

"I'm not seeing Kaji anymore," Misato replied lamely as she slide out of reach of Asuka's foot. "I don't know why I was seeing him again anyway. How…how did the tests go?" she didn't want to talk about her failed romance as it lead to where her heart truly dwelt.

Snorting into her can, Asuka could clearly see Kaji kicking Misato out of his apartment and welcoming her in the drunkard's stead. _I knew he didn't care for her_.With a little bounce in her voice at the news, Asuka had no problem answering. "It went easy, especially since that little sissy wasn't there to screw things up, where is the Third Child anyway I have a few questions for him"

Pulling her legs close to her chest, Misato rested her chin on her knees. "He went for some groceries just before you got home, surprised you didn't run into him. And what sort of questions Asuka, he's not in the best of moods for questions today." The small quivering fear started to eat at her again, being discovered, shamed, and ridiculed for what she did to him. The problem was part of her wanted that. _I hate being the good girl._

"You're not going to believe this," Asuka set her can down as she readied to embellish her encounter with Rei. What she had to ask Shinji was why Rei was doing it, however any chance to smear the competitions reputation needed to be taken. "I found Wondergirl fingering herself in the showers after the tests. She was moaning and crying out for that pervert. Girl needs therapy or something if she wants to have him touching her."

It sounded to strange to be real, Ayanami seemed to be devoid of any emotion let alone lust and longing. Misato's eyebrow arched in confusion, "Ayanami Rei…you saw her doing that?"

"Think she had her whole hand wedged up there the little tramp, lord only knows what she'd have done if Shinji was there. Bet that pervert would have jumped her," she said as she looked back at the television not trusting her face not to convey the lie she said to Misato. Asuka knew Shinji wouldn't jump Rei, he would touch her and only when she said it was ok.

"I don't know Asuka, she seems to…neutered at time to do something like that," Misato replied. Though a few conversations she'd had with the young girl did add credence to Asuka's comments. Rei had a soft spot for Shinji, and hadn't Shinji said something last night about coming back from Rei's? _Why do I fucking feel jealous about this? _

"She was and if you don't believe me I don't care. Why should I care what the woman Kaji rejected thinks?" Asuka said while flipping the channels. She was hoping for a challenge in confronting Misato about Kaji, but from what it looked like Misato was already beaten. _Oh well that just means Kaji will be mine sooner._ Misato could cry herself or have whatever breakdown she wanted now as long as Kaji wasn't going to try and rush to the rescue. "God you stink go shower or something," Asuka after taking a whiff of Misato's stench. "Smells like you were doing what that freak was doing, thinking about Kaji one last time?"

Sniffing the air like a dog, Misato could smell it too. She'd not showered yet so she still had smell of semen and her own juices on her body. _Fitting how when he doesn't mention it to me I don't clean up…God I'm pathetic. _Standing up mutely Misato heeded Asuka's advice and walked to the bathroom. Her pride wounded, she didn't even realize how Asuka had been commenting about her or the statements about Rei really. She was to self absorbed to hear anything she didn't want to.

X-X

Walking down to the shopping arcade Shinji had the odd suspicion that he was being followed. An over zealous Section-2 agent was that he thought it was likely to be paid it little mind, he had enough to worry about on his mind anyway. Entering the same store he ran into Hikari those few months ago, Shinji began adding items into a hand basket. _What happens now? Will she start asking me to please her more often like Asuka does? I know I can't face Re…Ayanami anymore. Whether she thinks I'm dirty or not I know the truth and I can't put it on her._

Shinji's suspicious that he was being followed were correct, however the source wasn't Section-2. After Misato's call, the agents had been rescinded to focus on other tasks, and Misato hadn't called to tell them he was leaving like she was supposed to. Mizuho peeked around a corner at the boy and her hand went to her heart to quell the beating by thought alone. _My lovely lovely Shin-chan, how I've missed you my pet._ How Mizuho had found him was a simple matter of waiting.

She'd visited the only school in the town and asked about, not for Shinji but for that woman, that Misato Katsuragi. Knowing Shinji was living with her, and that with her body, that disgusting beauty that she had, that the men, no men was wrong, they were boys, would know where she was. She got lucky when a boy in a track suit told her where Misato lived. Then she just waited for him to show up and when he did she followed cautiously. Knowing he had to have some type of surveillance on him she hoped she could avoid it. She also hoped she too didn't have anybody watching her.

In a stroke of luck, either good or bad depending on who viewed it, the agents that were watching Mizuho had been recalled. A stranger had been found breaking into Ayanami Rei's apartment and they had to deal with it before the First Child returned home. Mizuho was able to act free from that act of obsession. "Shinji," she called out softly to him as she walked up behind him, covering his eyes with her long fingers.

The basket fell to the ground with a resounding crash as Shinji's body was paralyzed with fear. "M-M-Mizuho-san?" The voice was to familiar to not be hers, but what was she doing in Tokyo-3, in this store, and with him.

Lowing her hands to his stomach, Mizuho pulled him I close to her, letting her hair cascade down around him. The few other shoppers that saw it walked away disgusted with the overt display of affection. "I knew you're remember me my little Shin-chan. You know the voice of the only one that truly loves you." She inhaled his smell and pulled him closer to herself.

Oh how he wanted to break that hold, to run away from her and never see her again, but he couldn't. To long had he been trained to follow her commands, her will was his to follow despite all he was told to the otherwise. A vile siren call to which no cure existed. "What are you…doing here?"

Sliding her hands down, she took his right in her left and started to walk. When his body remained locked in place she turned back to him. Her face calm, eyes passive, but her voice was laced with poison. "Are you refusing me my little Shin-chan. The woman that tended to you when you had no other. That gave you food and shelter and love? A putrid whelp with no mother and a bastard father, you're going against my words my little Shin-chan?" She gave his arm a little tug and he started walking, "That's my pet. You know who loves you. I don't like saying those things to you but it's true. That woman, Katsuragi, doesn't love you like I do."

Shinji just nodded as she pulled him out of the store and into the street. Walking up behind them, Hikari noticed the familiar form of Shinji but not the strange woman holding his hands. She called out to him, but received no answer. _Maybe it's a relative or something._ Whatever it was she wouldn't know about it now, she'd ask him tomorrow at school. She was to press for time to get the replacement bacon for what Asuka ate.

A block ahead, Mizuho rubbed her thumb over the patch of skin between Shinji's thumb and forefinger. "That's right my little Shin-chan its time we talked about you leaving me alone like that. But I won't let you go now." Like a small child, Shinji just nodded and let her lead him as she had done before to places unknown.

In a different section of the city, Section-2 finally apprehended a boy with identification of one Aida Kensuke. Rei saw him being dragged out of her apartment as she returned home from her tests. The men asked if she knew him, expected him, giving Kensuke one last look, Rei turned back to the agent, "I have no connection to this boy, do what you will with him." Raging out loud against the injustice of it all, the 'fuckers' from keeping him from Rei, Kensuke was knocked out with a blackjack and loaded into a van to be taken to Nerv for questions.

X-X

Author Notes

So that's what happens to Kensuke. I doubt Nerv has enough agents in section-2 to handle to major security risks and we all know that Gendo favored Rei so…I actually do think it would have been possible for this to happen. Things are moving quickly and towards a conclusion. Happiness is subjective as I see it and I think this is all very possible considering. Hope you enjoyed the chapter and continue to support it all

And Zen-chan I still say the shower scene shows a type of connection between Shinji and Rei and was needed so :P


	16. Chapter 16

Standard Disclaimer

Well trying to keep up on my writing and this story too…plus after how I ended last chapter even I wanted to read the next chapter . Hope you're still enjoying it and continue to read it until it's done.

_Thoughts_

"Spoken

X-X

A Past To Forget

Chapter 16

Touji was early for school for the first time he could remember. Even though he sat at his desk as normal, clad in the same clothing, and hair styled the same way something just felt different. _Kensuke's not coming to school anymore._ He'd gotten the call from Kensuke's father late the previous night. "Man I never thought he was stalking her…" he whispered to himself.

After Kensuke was apprehended by Section-2 agents the men raided the Aida home to follow up on their belief. Stuffed in a multitude of boxes and cases were dozens if not hundreds of photos of the First Child and DVD's of film mostly taken at school and some from outside the girls apartment. Nerv wasn't taking this security risk lightly and Kensuke hadn't even been heard from since he was allowed one call to his father.

Knowing his buddy was going to be incarcerated sat like a lead balloon in Touji's stomach. _We're just kids man…how can they lock him up because he took some pictures. _Denying that Kensuke could have been more of a threat was easy for Touji, knowing Kensuke as he did. _Maybe I can get Shinji to say something, do something for him._

"What are you doing here so early?" an annoyed voice called out from the doorway. Hikari had no intention of spending more time with Touji then she had to after their falling out and seeing him at school was included.

His head turning as if it were on bad ball bearings, Touji's head shook as he looked at his old girlfriend. "Kensuke's gone. Arrested," he said automatically. No hello, no attempt to patch things up, just straight and to the point. "Nerv guys pulled him out of Ayanami's apartment."

Putting aside her hostility, Hikari's compassionate nature took over as she rushed over to the depressed boy. "What do you mean he's been arrested? Why was he at Ayanami's place I thought he hated her? He didn't…hurt her did he?" Questions spilled out of her mouth as concern for both the be-speckled boy and the odd girl assailed her.

"Did I fucking stutter!" Touji yelled. Grabbing the closest thing he could, a book, he flung it at the wall with a satisfying thump. His eyes narrowed in pent up anger and confusion turned back to see Hikari. Eyes wide and fearful, her hand was slowly creeping up to cover her mouth to prevent any whimpers from escaping. Touji's rage dissipated. "I…sorry Hikari I didn't mean to yell. Just this whole thing is hard to believe. Ken's dad called last night after they took him away. Found a lot of pictures of Ayanami. They think he was obsessed or something. They got him after he broke into Ayanami's apartment before she got there."

Unsure if she felt more relief or sadness, Hikari didn't respond visually. Like Touji, a small part of her died, more innocence taken from her and throwing her even quicker into adulthood. "Will they…let him out?" she eventually asked. Touji just shook his head slowly, he didn't know, doubted it. Rei was one of the three most imported people on Earth at the moment so how could a threat to her wellbeing be let go?

"So how are you doing? I know we don't talk much after the trip and we split up." Touji hoped to fill the still air with something at least pleasing. He didn't now what happened to himself before the and during the trip. Letting his anxiety and impatience to taste the fruit of adulthood, of manhood, he didn't see how he was abusing his friend, ex-friend. _I was an ass and now she's gone._ True he could have tried to make amends but just looking at her long flowing hair, more beautiful now than it was in braids, was a reminder of what he took from her. "For what it's worth Hikari, I'm sorry."

The tiny fire of hostility that Hikari tended regarding Touji was stoked by his words. "Well I don't accept Touji. I'm not doing well, not at all. My sisters aren't talking to me right now and I've realized that life isn't as pretty as I hoped it was. And do you know what I had to buy yesterday Touji, do you?" He couldn't have known but Hikari didn't care. She regaled in the downcast look on his usually chipper face. "I had to buy a pregnancy test."

Pregnancy. That word hit Touji physically and logged itself in his throat painfully. "P-pregnant?" He didn't want to be a father, not yet! He had too much he wanted to do, to experience, he wanted a life not to support one so soon. "A-are you?" his voice was more timid than Hikari had ever heard.

"No I'm not, thankfully. I'm not ready to be a mother and if I was pregnant I'm sure my father would have kicked me out of the house," Hikari said sadly. Her father was a traditionalist in his views and at her tear streaked confession to him said nothing to her, walked out of the room, and now didn't acknowledge her existence. _All because I made stupid mistakes and tried to make YOU happy._ Hikari stood up and headed to the front of the classroom. "So no Touji, I'm far from good."

With nothing to say to her, Touji resumed looking at his desk and brooding. Had he even considered what hardships Hikari had endured after the trip, no he was to self absorbed with his own conquest to notice or even care. He'd let his loins ruin a good friendship and almost the life of the girl he'd at one time thought he loved. _How did everything get so fucked up so fast?_ Whether he was thinking about Kensuke, Hikari, or both even he didn't know.

X-X

Trying to rub the sleep out of her eyes, Misato groaned inwardly. _When it rains it pours._ She hadn't had the chance to talk to Shinji again as after her bath it was straight to the bottle then her futon to sleep. She knew she was just running from the consequences of her actions and responsibilities. Then a call at five in the morning ordering her to come in to assess a security breech was the icing on the cake. "So what is the reason you had to call me in Makoto?"

Following just a hair behind the woman, the tech handed her a file. "Section-2 apprehended an intruder to Pilot Ayanami's apartment just prior to her getting there." Despite his air of seriousness, Makoto was giddy to just spend time with Misato without Kaji all but humping her leg like a dog. "We've called in Pilot Ayanami for some questions and the boy is being held in the brig. Who would you like to see first?"

A small stick grew in her forehead at reading the name on the file. _One of Shinji's friends, just great. _For a moment Misato wondered if all the trouble in Shinji's life was a form of divine punishment for his work, even Asuka and Rei could be seen as having more then their fair share of problems. "I'll talk to Rei first, why make her suffer more than she has to, maybe she'll even be able to get back in time before lunch."

With a brief salute, Makoto hustled off to inform the guards stationed to watch the detainee that Misato would see him later. It brought a slight grin to Misato's face to see the eagerness in her subordinate, she was never dumb to his feelings she simply didn't reciprocate them. _Well might as well get this started then maybe I can go home and get some sleep._ She opened the door to the small white interrogation cell that Rei had chosen to wait for her dress down. "Morning Rei, it seems that you had a bit of excitement last night."

"Negative, by the time of my arrival the apprehension had already taken place. I am just here to give you my accounting of events," Rei stated as pointedly as possible. Sitting in the sterile room with its bright florescent lighting, Rei seemed even more the doll Misato kept hearing Asuka refer to her as. "If you are ready I'd like to begin."

Twirling her finger around in the air, Misato gave Rei a nod. "Go head, it's likely the same as in your report. I'm surprised you came in to talk about this, let alone requested to tell it to me." Misato tried to keep the anger out of her voice but failed.

Lowering her head to conceal her embarrassment, Rei continued, "I have other issues I'd like to discuss with you afterward. Several concerns I have that I would sooner address than not." Fidgeting lightly, Rei rubbed her hands together in her lap. Seeing Misato give her 'go ahead' signal again, Rei went into her report. It was as the report stated, she'd only arrived as Kensuke was pulled out of her building kicking and screaming at the injustice of things.

Writing a few notes down on her file, Misato had a few questions now for the boy, Kensuke, when it came time to talk to him. About to stand and dismiss Rei, Misato remembered the reason she'd been called was actually something else. "So what were these concerns of yours Rei that you wanted to talk to me about?" A memory of what Asuka claimed she'd seen the other day popped into her mind. _Please don't let it be that oh God PLEASE don't let her want to talk to me about…_

"Lately I've noticed several problems with my body when certain events unfold." Rei could have sworn she saw Misato's body collapse in her chair. "Captain?"

Shaking her head, Misato knew she wasn't going to get off the hook. "It's nothing continue with what you need to."

"Whenever I think about Ik-Shinji and the time we spend together I occasionally develop an intense burning in my stomach. I was concerned it was an ailment but it is not a painful feeling just an annoyance. Usually a cold shower helps to damper its affect but yesterday I…" Rei was about to go into further detail but Misato raised her hand.

Cutting the girl off before she'd have to hear the details of Rei's self gratification, Misato started to talk. "I've heard from Asuka about what you found out yesterday, so you don't have to continue. First off Rei what you've felt is natural, all people get that itch on occasion." Rei nodded at the word 'itch' as it did fit the sensation well. "Basically what that feeling is telling you is that part of you feelings for somebody, Shinji I'm guessing. While it's ok for you to do that just be a little more discrete ok? And…don't let Shinji see that until you're both ready for the next step. You know what his past was like Rei and it wouldn't be good to move to fast. Does that make sense?"

Whether Rei understood it or not, Misato was done talking about it. The idea of Shinji seeing somebody masturbate was what brought all his problems into focus. Misato didn't want to see what happened to her happen to Rei because of an unlocked door. Her eyes focused on Misato's, Rei nodded but hesitantly. "Was their anything else you wanted to ask me?" Internally Misato was pleading that the conversation was over. _I'm not paid to give the facts of life to kids damn it. _

"There was one more issue that has been bothering me," Rei noticed Misato gripping the table edge tightly. Being well versed in recognizing body language, Rei knew to hurry as the Captain's temperament was flaring. "The Second Child has made several comments that I found disturbing."

_What doesn't Asuka do to disturb people?_ Misato counted on her mental check list that Asuka was known for drastic emotional shifts, lusting after a grown man, a severe ego problem at times, and being controlling. "What did she say, and remember she's not had an easy time with her past either."

Clearing her throat, Rei launched into her concerns. "Her behavior concerning Shinji is perplexing. She lies about his actions to the other students, often exaggerating his behavior. And yesterday we had an altercation in which she claimed she owned him, that he was her property. She then stated he would confirm this statement. Spending the time with him as I have, I've noticed he becomes agitated or nervous when she is concerned." Rei's brow furrowed at recollecting the smugness of Asuka's comments. _I do not wish to lose this connection I have with him._

In the back of her mind, a dark spot came into existence, and it feed on the worries and half suspicions in Misato's mind. "I'll look into it when I see her at home tonight. Sound fair?" Rei nodded, gathered her belongings, and after a brief salute left Misato to her thoughts. Thoughts now turned inward, the old worries about telling Asuka about Shinji's past suddenly giving more worry. Seeing how Asuka treated him, how he reacted to all the times Asuka preened over Kaji, and to hear she spoke of him as a possession? _It can't be that bad…it just can't be!_ But that dark spot was growing. "Maybe I should talk to him about it first."

X-X

His hands wove small circles into the naked flesh of Mizuho's back. Drawing water up from the tube and using it to clean off the mess. Shinji's eyes were vacant as Mizuho prattled on before him. "We just have to stay here for a little while my pet. Those nasty people are going to look for you to take you away from me again. And you don't want that do you my lil Shin-chan?" Mizuho turned her head to face him, her long hair done up in a quick bun to keep it dry.

Cupping a small pool of water in his hands, Shinji let it flow onto Mizuho's shoulder as he moved to clean there. "No I wouldn't Mizuho-san," his mechanical voice said. A giggle escaped her lips as she stole a soft kiss from his lips. Yes all was as it should be. She had her loving Shinji to tend to and have tend her. She'd get all the love she wanted from her ex-husband from the boy he brought in to spite her.

The apartment she had holed up in was of moderate size, and with the money she had saved while teaching she could afford to hide long enough for whatever search parties that Nerv group had would stop looking. "We'll be together again forever my pet. Just you and me." How lovely that sounded in her ears. It had been a mistake to try to get another boy to fill his place; she'd paid for that with her few months in prison. Time spent thinking of this, this closeness. _All my life all I wanted was a loving husband and a happy family. _

As he had done countless times before, Shinji withdrew into himself. Finding a happy place within his mind to shelter himself from the abuse he was experiencing. Sure Mizuho was happy now, but that was only because of the domineering sexual abuse she'd just inflicted on him. The cycle was simple orders, sex, and this. This being having Shinji tend to her, be nice, be supporting, be forgiving, be loving. All the things he wanted for himself he gave or she'd remind him how much he owed her.

So as his body cleaned and coddled Mizuho's in the lukewarm water, his mind was far away. He wasn't in a bath, no he was in a small room with a wood paneled floor seated behind his cello. Eyes closed he played pieces he loved and that soothed him. It was so deliciously simple that it made him want to cry with how happy he was to be there, and not with Mizuho, or Asuka, or Misato when they either knowingly or not forced him there.

_STOP THIS!_

"No," he said to the other him that had started to intrude on his getaways. He hated the other him, the one that tried to take him back. "I like it here."

Walking up to the cellist, the other Shinji although similar in appearance had a different air about him. While the cellist was docile and hunched over, oozing depression, the other was confident with a glint of anger in his eyes. _Stop letting her do this to you, to us! We know now that she lied to us all along about needed to serve her so why do so now!_

The bow glided swiftly across the strings as the cellist continued, "She's right though. She loves us like the others don't. I want to be loved. If she'll give it to me for what I have to do then I will. It's easier that way." Why fight for something if you could get it for free, why accept the pain of trying when it was easier to submit.

_Disgusting! How can you just let her use you? _The other Shinji said as he stepped closer to the cellist. Each step sending echoes to distort the music. _We just let people use us when we don't have to! She said it was to pay our way, well now we pilot Eva! We're saving the planet, isn't that deserving enough to not have to suffer this?_

The cellist opened his eyes briefly in shock, he'd not thought of that. However brief they were opened, his eyes shut again. "I don't care. All I have to do to be accepted is please her. I'm already soiled so why not just keep doing it and take the good that comes with it?"

Spineless, weak, cowardly, and worthless were all that the other Shinji saw in the cellist. _We could find these things in others without the pain! Rei likes us, Misato says she loves us, and Asuka could grow to care. _ How could the cellist not see the possibilities that existed that were so evident?

"Misato has used me as Mizuho did, Asuka sees me only as a toy to ready herself for who she really cares for, and Ayanami is beyond me better than me," the cellist said as if he was reciting the weather. He was too afraid to try and change things, he was to weak.

_BULLSHIT! _The other Shinji roared. He'd make the cellist understand he could, they could, stand up for themselves even if he had to beat it into him. _Misato has problems too, we're not the center of the universe! Asuka too, you've seen how weak she is at times, she's like us just she uses other means to cope. Not hiding away like you are. And even if Rei is better than us, she cares for us! We care for her! We care for them all so why let the one that doesn't hurt us like this!_

The bow screeched as the cellist made a mistake. The words the other said made sense but it meant change, change meant pain, and he hated pain! Dropping the bow and pushing the cello away from his body, the cellist covered his ears. "SHUT UP! SHUT UP! I don't want to hear this! If it's true than everything that's happened to me was for nothing, it had no purpose other than to hurt. How could God let this happen to me for no damn reason!"

The other Shinji walked across the silent room to his counterpart and hugged it. _It's because life isn't fair. We can try though. Try to find the happiness we want so badly. But it's not here. Not this room. _

"Will it hurt? The cellist asked as he timidly opened his eyes and looked at himself.

_It will, but after the pain is the reward, now…go back. Go back and leave her. She has no power over us anymore!_ The other Shinji said as he started to fade. The cellist was left alone in the room of his own crafting, the prison he created to save himself. Blinking hard, Shinji opened his eyes to find himself back in the bathtub, Mizuho standing outside it with an expectant look on her face, it was time for him to dry her.

"Come now my lil Shin-chan, get out and dry me off and then we can go have some dinner," her eyes caring, adoring. She loved her pet so much and wouldn't let him go again. Seeing him looking up at her, something was different. Something was bad. "Shin-chan, now!"

_I have to do it now I have to do it now!_ He cried inside that now was the time to finally say 'no' to her. To end the cycle of abuse and finally be free of her. Mizuho's hand wrapped itself around his arm and pulled him up. Such tenderness and care giving to not hurt him as she did. _I could stay…no…yes…I deserve this. NO I DON'T! _Both sides argued inside him to act. Go or stay he had to choose now.

X-X

"Yeah I can't believe it either I mean, Wondergirl a pervert," Asuka laughed as she leaned back against her chair. She had just told Hikari the embellished accounts of her startling find the day before.

Having expected Rei to have had feelings for Shinji, Hikari wasn't as shocked as she let on. "I guess she's more normal than we gave her credit," she said offhandedly and shrugged. "Anyway, why the store lunch, Shinji not make lunch? Where is he anyway?" With Rei and Shinji gone, nobody had anybody to ask about Kensuke, Asuka was shocked to hear about it when Touji announced it so she was out as an info source.

"That pervert, he went out for groceries yesterday and never came back. Probibly went to a skin flick and passed out in the theatre after," Asuka said between bites of the bland sandwich. What angered her was that she wanted to see him that night but was denied, had to confirm that Rei meant nothing to him.

Thinking similarly, Hikari thought aloud, "Maybe he heard about Kensuke before we did and went to comfort Ayanami?" But that didn't explain the strange woman she saw with him, "No couldn't be he was with that lady. Asuka do you know if Shinji has any family visiting?"

Tossing her wrappers away, Asuka raised an eyebrow at Hikari's sudden question. "Only family I know he has is that bastard commander of ours, why do you ask?" Asuka simply opted to not accept Hikari's other statement. _He wouldn't run to her, he's mine._

A little head shake, Hikari tried to dismiss the odd feeling she had. "Its nothing, I just saw him leaving the grocery store yesterday with some older woman. I thought it was a family member or something. He was holding her hand and I've never really seen Ikari-kun as a touchy-feely type of person." Looking around the room, Hikari saw the downtrodden Touji picking at his food alone. Both his friends gone.

"That bastard!" Asuka yelled as she reached for her cellphone. She had spent the night alone when she rather have him there for her and here he is off with some old woman? Dialing Misato's number, Asuka put a hand up to silence Hikari. "Misato, did you hear what that bastard was off doing last night after you passed out?" Hikari could hear a little of what the other end said but couldn't understand it. "Seems our great Third child was off running around with an older woman."

Hikari clearly heard the loud 'what did you say' from Asuka's phone. "Yeah, Hikari said she saw him walking with some lady at the grocery store, damn pervert must have hired a prostitute." Asuka's hand nearly crushed the phone, was she not good enough for the bastard? _When I see him next I'm going to have a special punishment for my wayward Shinji, I've been to lax on him it seems and I won't lose what I have with him!_ "Here she wants to talk to you," she said and handed the class representative the phone.

"Hi this is Hikari Hokari, how can I help you?" Hikari asked nervous at how sudden the mood shifted. The voice on the other end sounded so strange for the face Hikari associated with it. The normally happy woman sounded terrified, asked to describe the woman. Thinking a few moments to recall what she did about the woman Hikari replied. "She was fairly normal looking. Long black hair, fairly trim looking, I only saw her back. Oh yeah the odd thing was she was in a kimono."

The line went dead. "That's odd she hung up, is something odd about that woman?" Hikari asked as Asuka too seemed lost in thought. _Strange, Asuka looks concerned._

"Sounds like that lady I saw at Nerv awhile back. Didn't know why she was there, still don't. Maybe she is a relative or something?" Asuka said more to herself than Hikari. A small sense of ease started to creep in, but the seeds had been planted in her mind, and Asuka had started to cultivate the manner of Shinji's punishment.

X-X

Misato's hands shook uncontrollably as they put the phone back down on its base. Mizuho, that girl described Mizuho! If it was her, and by now Misato had very little doubt that it was, what was she doing to Shinji right now? Why hadn't Section-2 been on her, so many questions with no answers? Walking to the refrigerator, Misato opened it and eyed the bottle of whisky she hid in the back. _One shot for the nerves?_

Unscrewing the cap, Misato brought the bottle to her lips and stalled. Looking at the bottle she saw her reflection distorted by the shape and color of the bottle. She drew it to her lips again only to stop again. _Shinji somehow got picked up by Mizuho and I'm debating on drinking right now?_ Screwing the top back on the bottle, Misato reached for her cell phone. Somebody was going to catch hell for this. Calling Nerv, she got Shigeru. "Shigeru, what's the status of the Third child…" she prayed her voice betrayed none of the apprehension she felt.

A few moments of half heard typing later he came back, "According to Section-2's last few reports he's listed as being at your apartment. Isn't he still there, you never called in that he was leaving. And with the incident at the First Child's apartment Section-2 has been following up with all that business." Hearing a large crash over the other end of the phone, Shigeru added, "Captain is everything ok?"

The kitchen table now laid on its side as Misato flung it in anger. "No it's not ok, get all available agents out and into the streets looking for Shinji. He's been seen with a high threat and needs to be recovered. Orders are shoot the threat on sight." Misato shut her phone off before Shigeru could respond. _What have I done now?_

Her fist pounded the wall as she punched it as hard as she could. The drywall cracked and splintered sending out snippets of white chalky smoke. Some guardian she was, while drowning her sorrows in booze, she'd neglected her duties. _I should have killed that damn kid…Mizuho too!_ Had Kensuke not chosen that night to make good on his plans Section-2 wouldn't have been called away to Rei's apartment. Shinji would have had his standard guard and Mizuho as well. But no! Timing was a bitch and now the shit had hit the fan.

_Should I go looking too?_ She asked herself, knowing she'd fair no better than the agents out already looking. Her body was chilled at the thought of what Shinji was experiencing right now. What she drove him to. _I didn't want this! I didn't want to fall in love with him, drive him away, don't want him to leave! _Falling heavily on the couch, Misato's legs lashed out and kicked a lamp over. In her eyes the world was just getting crueler and crueler with each passing day.

She'd have to talk to Asuka about what Rei said, confess to Ritsuko, and lastly the hardest part was to force Shinji into either her or hell even Maya's care. _Anybody would be better than me._ By now she'd been crying for a good while and her body just stopped, fallen asleep on the couch.

Her eyes shot open as soon as her phone rang two hours later. The gruff voice on the other end had to be one of the insipid agents that always seemed to be gone when they're needed the most. "Captain Katsuragi we found the Third Child."

"Where is he, how is he, can I see him?" Misato babbled out, a stream of words flowing from her lips.

"He was found at a police station. They say he was found running out of an apartment building naked and covered with blood. Until we validated his identity they believed he was a vagrant, we're having him moved back to Nerv." The agent was perplexed at how any of these things could have happened. They were going to get severely punished for this altercation but it wasn't their fault! They were understaffed and had no budget. "Captain?"

"I'm coming in, have him ready to see me." Misato already had her jacket on and the door closing behind her. Seeing Asuka walking down the hall towards her, Misato flipped her phone closed and narrowed her eyebrows. "You're coming with me, we have a lot to talk about and I have to go to Nerv, now!" Asuka jumped a bit at the order, and for once she didn't argue, something in Misato's eyes said there would be no refusal.

X-X

Author Notes

Not much to say, this is mostly a fallout chapter. And yes that ending does mean Shinji stood up for himself but the degree of his actions won't be learned until next chapter. And we see Asuka's place is going to be exposed more. Hope you enjoyed this and look forward for the next chap!

Thanks again Zen-chan for not complaining about reading this for me.


	17. Chapter 17

Standard Disclaimer

Hi people, been a little busy with work and getting ready for more schooling. Hope you're ready for the next installment of this oh so happy little story. Not much else to say so…enjoy

"Spoken"

_Thoughts _

X-X

A Past to Forget

Chapter 17

"I'm home," Hikari called out as she tossed her bag on the chair by the door. She didn't expect a response, not that the house was empty just that nobody was talking to her. It hurt to have them ignore her, but then again she couldn't blame them either. Sliding her shoes off she headed to the kitchen to start making supper, it was a slow attempt to regain favor with her family. With her mother's death giving birth to Nozomi, the Hokari family had been until recently a close nit self support unit. As she stepped into the moderately sized kitchen Hikari noticed her older sister sitting at the table. "Hi Kodama."

With a half eaten apple in her hand, the elder Hokari sister was tempted to not respond. Her long brown pigtail spilling over her shoulder, fingers playing with the end of it as she often did when nervous or angry, Kodama just looked at her sister in silence. _I've been mad at her long enough, and it's not like I have room to judge her._ Kodama wasn't innocent in the ways of the flesh either it was just such a shock to hear her younger sister had sex already. "Hi Hikari, how you feeling?"

Kodama smiled as Hikari jumped slightly as she pulled a pot out from under the sink. She hadn't expected a reply at all, expected a long silent glare then for Kodama to walk away. Filling the pot with hot water, Hikari's eyes and voice grew distant, "I'm good…things at school are a little complicated right now."

"I'd imagine, that pig didn't spread rumors about you did he?" Kodama spat out, she never liked Touji. The few times she'd seen the boy and Hikari's reaction to him she was against Hikari's relationship with him. "Boys like to say cruel things about girls that leave them. Things like 'she's loose' or 'she's easy' is that what's happening?" Kodama spoke from experience. The boy that de-flowered her, her second boyfriend, had done something similar, but luckily for her she had a good enough reputation to beat it.

A small shake of her head, Hikari started chopping potatoes and carrots. "He hasn't said anything like that, he's to concerned for his other friend right now." The knife was a blur on the chopping board, a testament to her cooking skills. Honestly Hikari hadn't thought about how her image would have been affected by her choice. Turning quickly she saw a questioning gaze on her sister's face. "Kensuke Aida, you remember him?"

"The boy with the glasses and the military fetish?" Kodama asked as she continued to run her fingers though her pigtail. Her school uniform, identical to Hikari's save for the larger top to accommodate her fuller figure, shifted as she leaned over. "What about him?"

Sliding the chopped vegetables into the pot and turning the burner on, Hikari turned around and leaned against the counter. Why was it so comforting talking about such a morbid thing? Hikari couldn't tell why she was so happy but she was! "He was arrested last night, people from Nerv caught him breaking into one of the pilots apartment."

"You have odd tastes in friends Hikari, so that Aida boy had a fixation on that blue haired girl then? What was her name," Kodama closed her eyes to concentrate, "Ayanami!"

Taking a seat next to her sister, Hikari hoped she wasn't going to fast and would end the dialogue, "How did you know that?" Her face was ready to explode with apprehension, it just pleaded _Keep talking to me, don't abandon me!_

Leaning back in her chair, giving Hikari a view of the body that always sent pangs of jealousy through her before, Kodama laughed. "It's not like you haven't talked about these friends of yours before kid. That Asuka girl lives with that boy Nozomi's been having a crush on so it couldn't have been her, so the only other person is that Ayanami girl." As a matter of deductive logic.

Laughing at the sheer ease of the flow of facts, Hikari was amazed at how simple it truly was. Her laugh caught in her throat as something else caught her attention, "Wait Nozomi has a crush on Shinji-kun she'd only met him the one time he ran into us at the movies?" Her smile was the first genuine one she'd had in weeks.

Kodama noticed the change in her sister's body language and felt a pang of regret for ignoring her sister all this time. Anger and a feeling of betrayal had fueled her boycott on communication, but now seeing the joy on her younger sister's face made Kodama think of how much damage it had done. "Well maybe it's not a crush but something is there, she just keeps on saying 'He wouldn't have done that to Hikari' and 'Shinji would have not hurt her like that bastard did.'"

Both sisters started to giggle at the image of their littlest sister swearing and being her normal off self. Hikari swiveled in her seat to look at the pot, still not boiling yet, and turned back. "She did take a liking to him, but that's in the past now."

"The past is gone Hikari, dead and buried below the surface in our minds. Don't dig it up any more than you have to. Learn from it. Maybe you should make Nozomi happy and try something with his boy. If half the things she said about him are true I doubt he'd judge you," Kodama said offhandedly. Likely it was to early for Hikari to start dating again, it would still be good for her to have a prospect, to stop dwelling on the pain of the past.

"I don't know. I don't think I'm ready yet for that," Hikari's gaze fell to the table. Coldness had settled in her heart after the break up with Touji. It felt as if her heart had shattered, never to mend. But with time it didn't feel quite so bad anymore, and Shinji had helped with that, but she didn't think such a pairing was possible. "Maybe later when I'm not so…so…" her voice just trailed off, she didn't know how to finish.

Getting out of her chair, Kodama circled behind her sister and set her hands comfortingly on Hikari's shoulders. "For what it's worth Hikari, I'm sorry I ignored you. I wasn't ready for my sister to be a woman I guess. Sorry I hurt you." Kodama was right in her suspicion as Hikari's head dipped and she heard the sniffling coming from her sister, and in an instant Hikari's hand latched onto hers and squeezed. "I'm sorry kid, but we can be friends again from now…and I like your hair better this way anyway."

Now openly crying, Hikari spun around and buried her face in her sister's stomach, arms wrapped around the woman. Kodama soothing her troubled sister's mind and let her cry. She'd be the big sister and be there for her family.

X-X

Asuka was jogging behind Misato in a state of confusion, "What the hell is going on? Why are we running back to Nerv?" From the instant Misato demanded the girl follow her to Nerv the pair had lapsed into silence. Try as she might, Asuka got no news from Misato and was left with only the fragments if data she had gleamed from the phone call, Hikari's description of the woman with Shinji, and her own memory. Coming to a stop Asuka yelled, "Damn it either tell me what's going on or I'm going home!"

Her body a ball of excess nervous energy, Misato swirled around to face Asuka and nearly lost her footing. Bracing herself against the wall, Misato level Asuka with a hard gaze. The cold feeling she had felt after Rei had spoke to her wasn't forgotten, but right now more pressing matters demanded her attention than Asuka's ego. "Something happened to Shinji. That woman, Mizuho, might have done something to him. The police found him covered in blood."

Eyes widening a trifle, Asuka gasped in shock. If it was concern for Shinji's wellbeing or just the idea that she might lose the one thing that gave her solace in life wasn't known. "How the hell is that possible, the great third child has an army of section-2 agents swarming over him?"

Turning back towards the medical wing, Misato started walking again but at a slower pace. "Normally that's true but do you remember something else that happened the other day, think hard Asuka." Her tone curt, but Misato didn't care. Like it or not she loved that boy and something horrible had just happened to him.

Her eyes going unfocused, Asuka thought about what could have affected the normal routine of the section-2 agents. "All that happened was…Kensuke! That freaks obsession with the first, is that what happened?" The pieces fit, but Misato was no longer at her side to answer the question. Seeing the edge of Misato's flight jacket swirl around a corner, a red flag as it were, Asuka hustled after to catch up.

Rounding the corner, Asuka spotted Misato standing outside the doors to an examination room. "Misato, are you telling me that because of the First, something happened to that idiot?" Having a low opinion of Rei already, it was easy to place blame.

Misato's heart throbbed hard in her chest, ringing in her ears so loud she feared she'd faint. Behind the thin metal door was Shinji and Misato didn't know what to expect. Her palm laid flat against the door, its cool touch held a sense of reality that kept her from falling to deeply into her own mind and worries. Asuka restated herself, "Is this all the First's fault then?"

"If I had to blame anybody I'd say it was that Aida boy's fault Asuka. His act pulled all available Section-2 to Ayanami's apartment to assess the threat level. During that time Shinji was abducted by Mizuho. Aside from that we don't know what happened as nobody has talked to Shinji yet." Misato could see the questions forming in Asuka's mind by the contortion of the German's brow. "I'll tell you more after I talk to Shinji, or if you want you could track down Ayanami and ask here, she knows and if she isn't here already once she hears about Shinji she'll likely be on her way."

Misato's words lanced directly into one of Asuka's fears, Rei having something over her in relation to her toy, and she didn't like it at all. Squeezing her fingers into painful fists, Asuka stomped her foot, "No you tell me now what's going on? What does that pervert know about my Shinji that I haven't been told?"

Her mouth opened and closed several times with no sound leaving it. Words crushed in her mind as she thought of how to proceed. Tell Asuka the full truth, lie to her, delay the conversation longer, or try to pass her off to somebody else to tell? Stealing a look at the door then back to Asuka, Misato chose the coward's choice. "I said I'd tell you later or to ask Ayanami and I meant it." Moving quickly, Misato stole into the room and locked the door before Asuka could react. _I'm a fucking coward! I should have told her a million times by now but here I am leaning against the door she's pounding on and avoiding it. And she did say 'my Shinji' too so something is going on that I haven't seen. _

"I take it you brought Asuka with you?" Ritsuko asked from at Shinji's bedside. Leaning over the prone boy, pen light in hand, the doctor looked disapproving of Misato's actions. Maya, sitting on Shinji's other side, held the boys motionless hand and looked lividly at the woman.

Walking across the small room, Asuka's shouts diminishing as she walked away, Misato tried to see any wounds on Shinji through the bed sheet. "How is he?" the weakness in her voice all too apparent.

Unconsciously squeezing Shinji's hand harder, Maya's eyes hardened. "How is he? HOW IS HE?" she screamed causing Misato to stop her slow progression. Getting out of her seat, Maya threw back the thin white sheet before Ritsuko could stop her or even react. Wearing only his boxers, Shinji was covered in bruises and cuts, and his manhood was one large purple blotch. "Does this answer your question Captain Katsuragi!" Maya's face was contorted in rage.

Covering her mouth to keep the bile from escaping, Misato turned away. "Oh God…" She expected the worst but this was far more than she had believed possible. _What did she do to you?_ Looking at the floor at Shinji's bed, Misato never saw Maya's approach, Ritsuko was still to unnerved to react. Taking a fistful of Misato's hair, Maya dragged the woman to Shinji's bedside and forced her to look at the boy's damaged body.

"Where were you when this happened? LOOK AT HIM! This is YOUR fault!" Maya gave Misato's head one last shove towards Shinji's body before she released her hold on the woman. "If you weren't so petty in your need to be superior you'd have prevented this! Been there for him! Now look at him!" Unable to stand being near the woman, Maya walked to the door, unlocked it, and opened it. Turning back one last time she said, "You disgust me," and walked out and slammed the door.

For five minutes neither woman said anything, Misato crumpled to her knees and just looked wide eyed at the work of art that was Shinji's damaged body. Ritsuko pulled the sheet back up to his waist and continued to examine the extent of his injuries. "Do you agree with her?" Misato asked in a hollow voice. "Do you think Maya was right?"

Writing a few last notes on her pad, Ritsuko slid the pen back into her pocket. "I don't know Misato. I question where you were when Shinji first went missing or why it took so long for you to report it in, but I don't think you'd have had any forewarning about Mizuho's abduction of him. And yes we know it was here now," Ritsuko added as Misato's head shot up at the mentioning of the woman's name.

"How…how do you know it really was her? Did she do this?" Misato's body trembled with regret. Had she just killed the bitch and dumped the body in an incinerator none of this would have happened. "Do we have her, is she here too?" a blood lust growing in Misato's mind wanted nothing other than to inflict similar wounds on the neglected housewife.

Drawing up the last of the sheet, Shinji's body shifted irritably at having his wounds brushed up against, Ritsuko sat down in Maya's old chair. "She's at the general hospital right now under armed guard. After Shinji was picked up at the apartment building the police searched it and found her. Seems they had a big fight, Shinji taking the brunt of it, but seems she was knocked out." Turning to the battered boy, Ritsuko ran her fingers though his hair until she reached a place where it was matted to his head with blood. "He broke two of her ribs, gave her a long gash down her leg, and from the wounds on her neck tried to strangle her. It's likely he stopped after she passed out and ran."

"Did she…" Misato wanted to ask the full question but the question proved too difficult to ask. With the amount of time Shinji was with the woman, Misato doubted Mizuho hadn't sexually assaulted him, but she could hope. "Can you tell that with him like this?"

Putting a cigarette in her mouth but not lighting it, found the butt was soothing enough, Ritsuko shook her head slowly. "First off he's not in a coma or anything; I gave him a powerful sedative to cope with the pain. Second it we found enough evidence to prove that yes he had sex within the last few days. Aside from the bruises and cuts, he has a fractured left forearm but otherwise fine…physically." As for mentally, nobody could tell at this point how much damage was done.

"Nobody should have to suffer as much as he has, Ritsuko I don't think I'm suited to care for him anymore. You or Maya would be better to care for him," Misato finished by slumping further down, her arms hanging limply at her side. _I have to tell her that I'm more responsible than she knows…that I forced myself on him too. _Her head rolled to the side, as if her neck was full of ball bearings. "I'm not suited."

Biting down on the filter, Ritsuko wanted to scream. Too much was happening for Misato to get weak now. "He's going to need you more than ever Misato. After what just happened moving him would do more harm than good. I know nobody wanted this to happen but don't flake out on me now, I need you…he needs you to be there."

Tell her, tell her now! Tell her that you're just as bad as the woman that did this! Misato's conscious warred against her feelings for the boy, she loved him and didn't really want him to leave, but to tell the truth there would be no alternative but to see him go. "I…Shinji…Ritsuko…I-I-I love him," Misato hung her head in shame at her confession, her mind called her a coward and a disgusting pedophile.

Jaw opened slack, the cigarette tumbling from her lips, Ritsuko hoped Misato meant love in a maternal way, but knew it wasn't the case. "Misato please tell me…tell me you don't mean it 'that' way." How much more complicated would things become if her fears rang true?

Her hands slide between her thighs and flat against the floor, Misato couldn't look up anymore. She just nodded her head quickly, "I…took him. Right before Mizuho found him…I drove him out of the apartment, got drunk…oh God Ritsuko I caused all of this because I didn't want to face the fact I fucking love him and could control myself!" Despite the shame and disgust she felt for her admission, she also felt better, cleaner.

Ritsuko felt chilled at Misato's words, disgust mixed with pity and a smidgen of jealousy. Not because she too felt something for the boy, but that Misato was in love, while her love life was much attuned to Shinji's. It was all at the wants of others and often very painful. Unsure what to do or even feel at Misato's statement, Ritsuko just patted Misato's shoulder and kept her mouth shut knowing changes were inevitable now.

X-X

Walking around Nerv in circles, Asuka waited for what Misato told her would happen, Rei's appearance. Moving from the entrance, to the galley, the change rooms, and finally the bridge Asuka was about to give up and head back to Shinji's room to demand answers when a familiar mop of blue hair came into view. "Wondergirl get over here," she demanded not asked.

Had Rei felt any fear in Asuka's statement she didn't show it, looked as aloof as ever. Ignoring the German's wants, Rei continued walking towards her destination, the examination rooms. "I told you to stop freak, don't make this any harder than it has to be," Asuka said again.

Turning an annoyed eye to Asuka, Rei stopped momentarily. "I have business to attend to, if you have issues with me I suggest you seek me out later." Though covered well, Rei was a nervous wreck, feared dangerously for Shinji's safety. She believed she failed in her vow to defend him, and now possibly lost the sole joy her sad life had been given. A confrontation with Asuka was undoubted, but Rei didn't want it now. But the hand on her shoulder, nails biting into skin drawing blood, she knew she'd not be able to postpone it.

"You've got answers for me and I'm going to get them from you now, you can go run to see my Shinji after you've told me all I wanted to know. Then he can reject you or whatever you had planned." Asuka said hotly as she held fast to Rei's shoulder, not even hinting at a possible escape.

Scanning the hallway for any interlopers, Rei didn't like having an audience when she spoke. "What is it that you need to ask me that cannot wait," rocking her shoulder fiercely freed it from Asuka's grip. The red-heads words of ownership angered Rei again, sent flares of heat into her chest that she cared not for. _She owns nothing but she wishes too._

"Who is this Mizuho person and what does she have to do with Shinji?" Asuka asked as she set her palm to her waist and shifted her weight. Following the information she knew, Asuka guessed that whoever this Mizuho was she had something to do with Shinji. "And before you say anything let me just say Misato told me to ask you so you can save anything about 'I don't have the right to ask.'"

Tilting her head slightly to the side, Rei felt an odd sense of joy in knowing of Asuka's ignorance. _She didn't know of Shinji's past, I have something with him that she doesn't. _Clearing her throat Rei beckoned Asuka to follow her into a more secluded area. With a huff Asuka reluctantly followed the Albino into an unused section of hallway. "I had thought you knew of their connection already. I would have thought either Shinji or Captain Katsuragi would have told you of their past already."

Waving her hands out violently, Asuka bobbled her head angrily as she spoke, "Well they didn't so spill it already." Knowing Misato was keeping secrets was expected, but her toy had been keeping things from her? That was unexpected and unwanted, and it was going to be corrected. "And wipe that smug look off your face bitch, just because you know something I don't doesn't mean anything."

Startled, Rei hadn't known she had been smiling at all. Forcing her body to comply to the normal stoic pose it oft wore, Rei still felt giddy, her heart beating quick in her chest as ease wore in. "Since the age of three when Commander Ikari relinquished guardianship of Shinji to the Kamazaki family, he lived with her."

Snorting Asuka's arms entwined against her belly, "Relinquished guardianship like hell, the bastard abandoned him." Why was she so angry at that? She was the only one that had the right to punish him when he was bad, he loved her so she had to be strict with him, it was a showing of her own appreciation for him, her own affection was the whip she used to keep her lover in line. _If he had any problems he'd have said it, since he didn't its proof the loves me._

Ignoring Asuka's outburst Rei continued, though had Asuka known the girl better would have picked up the subtle sadness in the words. "At an unknown point in his stay with the family Mizuho Kamazaki began to use him for menial labor such as cleaning and cooking. At one point after that she began using him as a sexual outlet." Rei's eyes started to sting, the words having an odd effect on her she couldn't understand fully. "He was subjected to her whim as her husband had taken a lover outside of wedlock. Until the Commander sent for him he was abused in that nature and conditioned to believe if he did not pleasure her and obey he would be abandoned again."

"That's a goddamn lie! You're just saying that because you're jealous!" Asuka yelled unable to believe Rei's words. Saw it as a way of stealing the shared intimacy that Shinji and she shared, to dirty it, soil it, and her. With her degree in psychology Asuka knew that if such a thing were true, Shinji's actions were conditioned and not of love as she knew they were! _She must have found out about us and is trying to steal him from me!_

Spinning on her heels, her job done, Rei was going to see Shinji now. "I have nothing to be jealous about concerning you. Though with Shinji's condition I would refrain from using such possessive terms with him, such as calling him yours, it might cause him problems." Rei started walking again only to find Asuka's hand on her shoulder again, and it was trembling.

"You know that we've been intimate, that he loves me and you want to ruin that! Telling me these lies to make me seem abusive to him because I let him love me and touch me while I don't really love him back…well fuck you!" Her fingers clenched tighter and tighter, reveling in the whimper of pain she earned from Rei. "Fuck you bitch, he's mine…he IS MINE!" She couldn't lose him now! She could be herself with him, let his kind nature and gentle caresses ease her troubled mind.

Rei's body chilled as if her stomach was filled with ice. _They have been intimate, what if it was at her behest, she could be…_ Her eyebrows leveled into a straight line as she covered Asuka's hand with her own and pulled it off. Swirling around again, Rei used her momentum to deliver a powerful smack to Asuka's cheek. "He is not yours, and never shall be. If you don't believe me you may seek confirmation from Dr. Akagi or Captain Katsuragi. Likely though the didn't tell you as they doubted you could cope with it."

Her head craning to the left form the blow, Asuka stood in shock. _She's lying, jealous that's all. Perverted bitch just wants him for herself._ Looking at her retreating body, Asuka's body trembled with fury. "To hell with her, he is mine and I won't let her get him." Rubbing her sore cheek, Asuka stalked after the girl to give her a piece of her mind, and the back of her hand.

X-X

As his eyes opened, Shinji's body even though full of pain killers, was a tapestry of agony. Movement of any kind was instantly regretted as white hot pain lanced his body. "Was I hit by a truck?" he asked himself as he tried his best not to move.

"It looks like you were Shinji-kun," Misato said with a bitter sweet smile on her face. She'd been watching him ever since Ritsuko left two hours ago with Asuka and Rei in tow to allow the boy some sleep. Both girls were agitated with one another and Asuka seemed livid and ready to pound the smaller girl into the linoleum. "How you feeling?" she asked and instantly regretted it.

The drugs in his system playing with his vision, Shinji watched several large globs of color moving around. "It hurts to breath," he finally said in a quiet voice. Moving his eyes but careful not to move his head Shinji saw Misato's sad face. "You ok?"

Chuckling at the selfless character of her ward, Misato nodded, "I'm fine, just worried about you is all. You gave me a nasty scare there Shinji-kun, can you tell me what happened?" Sure he just woke up, but Misato had to know! Countless scenarios raced through her mind each getting more depraved, more disturbing.

Closing his eyes to fight back the tears of pain that wanted to be liberated with every aching move, Shinji sighed heavily. "I told her no. For the first time in my life I told her no Misato-san." The purple haired woman was not mistaken when she thought she heard pride in his voice.

The smile on her face eased into a real one, not forced, as she let that sink in. "Then what happened Shinji, if you're ready to talk about it I'd like to hear it." She took his hand in hers, but was careful not to move it. "And not just because I'm your superior either, I want to know Shinji."

Opening his eyes again, Misato got a good look at the deep red of them, not from pain or tears but from irritation and likely a burst blood vessel. "I told her no, then she said that I had been away from her to long, grown spoiled and needed to be reminded of my place in the world." Coughing hoarsely, Shinji spit a little which Misato wiped off. "She grabbed my arm and pulled me out of the bath and onto the floor."

Misato tried to picture the scene in her mind and found it disgustingly easy to do. After a session of perverse lovemaking they moved from the bedroom to the bath, where Shinji likely cleaned and pampered the woman. Then something in Shinji snaps then, "What happened after that Shinji, and remember you can stop if it gets to hard ok?" Her candied words helped to distract herself from what she knew she had to do, _I either have to confess to him and myself or tell him he'll be living with Maya._

"It gets hazy after that, whenever Mizuho thought I had been to defiant or needed to be reminded she often would hit me. But this time I felt lines of pain on my back," Misato remembered Ritsuko's physical of Shinji, and the long cuts on his back would now be known as nail rakes. "Before I could turn over she started to throw things at me, brushes and bottles of things." Misato made checks on her tally box, bruises about the legs and back check. "When I did turn over she um…she started to stomp on my…" Shinji's voice went out on him as shame rushed in and he couldn't say that Mizuho ground his penis and scrotum with her foot against the ground.

Checking that box off her list, Misato squeezed Shinji's hand supportively, "I know Shinji, go on if you can." What disgusted Misato the most was how candid Shinji seemed about the whole thing, and how by the book she was going. She didn't have to have him tell her how he got hurt, but for the record she had to know. For the record…

"About that time I kind of blanked out, next thing I remembered was Ritsuko shining a light into my eye and I was here…I don't remember anything after that. I didn't…didn't hurt Mizuho did I?" Misato wanted to scream at the care and concern in Shinji's voice. Through everything that woman subjected him to he still worried about her.

"Nothing to bad, you knocked her out and ran out into the street where the police apprehended you," that smile on his face, of relief, again made Misato furious at how conditioned he was, but the fact he said no, fought his way to freedom was a sign that he had in fact changed. "Now you get some rest Shinji," she leaned over and kissed an unblemished spot on his forehead and whispered softly in his ear, "and know that I love you Shinji, I love you."

Rushing from the room as Shinji called out for her to stop, unable to face him after such an unprofessional and unhealthy announcement, Misato ran full bodied into Gendo Ikari who watched the woman pick himself off the ground with no support. "Sir…are you here to see Shinji?" She asked praying her voice didn't give away her sense of shame.

"No, I have other more important matters to attend to then tend to a child with a skinned knee, that is your job if I recall," he said before walking past the woman and down the hall, not even passing a glance at the door which held his battered and abused son.

What Misato felt for that man was nothing but raw pity, as she dusted herself off and headed to her car. She called Maya and told her to tend to Shinji as she was going home, Maya called her an 'unsupportive bitch' and Misato didn't defend herself, she just hung up. To drained to care about what the tech thought of her, she was ashamed of her love for the boy but couldn't deny it any longer to herself. When she got home, Asuka was already in her room sleeping, Misato counted her blessings and went to bed herself.

The next day both of them were surprised when the power went out, the next angel had just attacked.

X-X

Author notes

Not much to say other than hope you liked it and leave feedback and sorry for the delay in release.

Later peeps

Mercaba


	18. Chapter 18

Standard Disclaimer

Hey peeps been a little while since I updated this story so felt the drive to come back to it. Takes a certain mindset to write it thanks to its more depressing nature, but I hope you can accept that.

_Thoughts_

"Spoken"

X-X

A Past to Forget

Chapter 18

Pacing back in forth in the small confines of her room, the pale green paint reflecting the dim light in odd directions, Mizuho sulked. It had been a week since the sudden power outage and her abduction from the hospital room and still nobody said anything to her, just left her in silence. Sitting heavily on the small cot provided to her and picking up the only means of entertainment, an old porno magazine left by a previous inmate, Mizuho sighed. "This is total filth, how can people really do this to one another?" she mused as she flipped through the pages with distaste.

The sound of a key in lock drew her attention away from the smut in her hands to the windowless door that stole her freedom from her. She was going to get a chance to finally ask why she was being held and where. _It must be those NERV people that corrupted my dear pet. Trying to scare me away from him again or maybe it's that woman wanting him all for herself. _Mizuho's nose wrinkled as she remembered here brief talk with Misato and what she learned they had in common. "Hello there…are you going to let me go?" she asked figure opening her cell door.

Stepping into the room, Mizuho took a step back from the man, was a man she had only seen once. Clad in a black suit adorned with only one triangle of gold on the collars tip, the man adjusted his glasses as he shut the door behind him. "It has been a long time Mizuho," Gendo said in a cold emotionless voice.

"You…you're Shin-chan's father aren't you, Kei's friend," Mizuho said as she remembered where she had seen the man. Only one time after Shinji had been taken into her care had she heard from the man, it was after Shinji had been suspected of stealing a bicycle, he came shared a word with her husband and left never to be seen again. "Are you here to let me go?"

For a moment Gendo thought he was about to laugh though his face displayed no hint of emotion. "No, I'm here to clean up a mess that the committee requested be dealt with," his voice echoed in the small room. Reaching into his jacket, Gendo pulled out one of the few things he had faith in anymore, his gun. Pointing it at Mizuho's head Gendo felt the rush of adrenaline flow through him as he saw the woman's eyes widen and her face pale.

Back peddling to her cot, Mizuho fell onto it as her legs bumped it hard. "What are you doing? You can't do this to me I did nothing wrong!" she yelled loudly tears streaming down her face. How could these people do this! Threaten her, lock her up, and steal her beloved pet from her. "You can't do this…" her voice barked out in a harsh whisper.

Gendo's answer was to pull the trigger. The sound was deafening in the small room, Mizuho stared blankly at Gendo, her forehead adorned with a nickel sized red hole, it looked like a lipstick stain. The back of her skull now a gaping hole and the green wall decorated with skull fragments and pieces of brain running down the wall in globs like jelly. The woman's last thought was of her pet, her beloved pet and how she hoped they'd be reunited in heaven. Slumping over to the side her eyes still wide open would remain that way until forced shut.

Walking back out of the room, Gendo turned to the guard posted to keep watch over the woman. "Have that taken care of," he gave the briefest nod towards the cell and left down the long halls of the detention center at the Geo-Front. Seeing his vice commander waiting for him at the end of the hall, Gendo smirked slightly. "Tell the committee that the security threat has been dealt with, there is no worry about the media getting wind of anything she has done."

Kozo watched as Gendo passed him and headed to a waiting elevator, it pained him to know that Gendo killed Mizuho just for the committee's request not because of what she did to his son. _Yui I think you kept that man sane, now that you're gone I can only hope you'll forgive him for what he's doing in your name._ Kozo had seen the photos of the Third Child, heard in depth the results of Gendo's negligence, and hoped that something could be done.

The cell door opened again and Kozo watched two security guards carrying a non-descript black bag that contained the dead child molester. He didn't know if he felt relief or regret that she had died such a swift death. _Thankfully that boy is made of sterner stuff and hasn't cracked yet._

X-X

Her clipboard held lightly in her arms, Ritsuko was finding Shinji's actions almost comical in a morbid sense. "Now Shinji I'm your doctor so you can trust me ok? Its not like I'm making you undress because I want to make you uncomfortable, I have to see how your healing." Her smile was thin but genuine as she watched the young man squirm on the table, top off but slacks still on. _He is nothing like his father, but I guess that's a good thing._

A rosy blush crossing his cheeks, Shinji couldn't keep his eyes focused on Ritsuko. He had other reasons for wanting to keep his pants on, something he didn't want the doctor to know or to see but he knew it was hopeless. "Ok…if I have too." He drawled out. Slowly unzipping his slacks he kicked them off but left his boxers on. He'd wait as long as he could before ruining the jovial mood the doctor had.

"Better Shinji, now could you stand for me and let me see your back?" Ritsuko asked as soothingly as she could. The bruises were healing nicely as was his arm, but all the action fighting the angel with such a bizarre plan she was worried he would have suffered more internal injuries. Running her hand softly over the glaring red lines on the boy's back she asked, "Do they still hurt Shinji? Does anything still hurt?"

Twitching at the sudden brush of cold, Ritsuko's hands were always cold Shinji thought, he shook his head. "It only hurts if I lay on it or put to much weight on something, its not nearly as bad as before though." He gasped as Ritsuko's hand trailed down his thigh, ashamed of how his body reacted.

Acting purely professionally, Ritsuko was probing Shinji's body for hidden injuries, "So how has things been at the apartment…Misato still making you do all the chores along with Asuka?" Ritsuko didn't know what to think of Misato right now, hadn't really spoken to her since she confessed to having sex with Shinji and driving him out creating this whole fiasco. Shinji's reaction startled the doctor.

His body going ridged, stiff as steel, Shinji's heart leapt in his chest painfully. Squinting his eyes Shinji tried to recover himself, "I haven't really seen Misato much lately. She said she has a lot of work to do so it's usually her leaving when I get up for school. I make her lunches but I don't know if she's eating them." His mantra began in his head as he felt the doctor pull her hands away from him, _don't ask about Asuka, don't ask about Asuka. _

Her mind not really on the fiery German, Ritsuko was furious with the Captain. _I told her he was going to need her support! She's abandoning him without saying anything. She has to tell him she was wrong about what she did and then…then I think it we need to move him._ It would be a hard stroke but if Misato had done it once she could do it again and unless Shinji actually wanted it, actually loved the purple haired captain it would just be the cycle of abuse starting over again. "Turn around Shinji," she said taking a few steps back herself.

Swiveling around on the ball of his heel, Shinji was tempted to let his fear go, that he'd gotten away with his little act of secrecy. "Are we done here now Akagi-san? I could make the second half of classes if I leave now." His hands already reaching for his clothing.

"You know I have to check your privates Shinji-kun so you can stop trying to rush out of here," again her face betrayed her normal mask of indifference with a slight smile. How he could be so innocent after being used as he had been baffled the bottle blond. "Its just to make sure you're healing like you should be, not any other reason. Trust me ok Shinji?" she put a supportive hand on his shoulder and smiled.

Biting back the growing irritation in his eyes, Shinji nodded solemnly and actually made Akagi believe he was bashful not reluctant. "O…ok, just I think its…" he couldn't think of anything else to say and slowly pulled his boxers down, letting them slip down and pool around his ankles.

Gasping loudly as she saw the state of Shinji's injuries, Ritsuko just looked between the boy's face and the still bruised and slightly moist looking phallus. _It looks like it hasn't healed at all…almost looks worse. But the only way that could happen is if he was still having…oh god. _Ritsuko's mind clicked and came to the first solution and most likely in her mind, "Shinji-kun, have Misato and you been having sex? Has she been pushing herself on you to do that?" But he sounded so sincere when he said she wasn't around.

Waving his hands quickly then letting them fall again covering his bruised and battered manhood, Shinji was quick to reply. "No! Misato only did that the one time," he was sure that Misato would have said that much to her friend, "I didn't lie when I said I haven't seen her much…maybe I'm just uh…healing in other areas first and will heal there last?"

Kneeling down and using her thumb and forefinger lifted the damaged tissue, Ritsuko's hopes that Shinji's mental recovery had made vast improvements vaporized as she listened. "Shinji-kun, the body doesn't work that way and we both know that, so you can stop hiding it. Who has done this to you Shinji, if you don't tell me I'll have to inform the commander and things will get very complicated." Slowly removing her fingers to not cause added damage, Ritsuko sighed, "so can you tell me, please?"

"Its not Asuka's fault though Akagi-san, she…I make her happy, I like making her happy," his words a unique mix of shame and contentment. He liked Asuka, sure she was cruel to him but at times she was kind. That kindness stayed his mouth and hand and let her abuse him. In his mind it was a form of love, a love he was accustomed to and while he would want more of an emotional support he'd take what he could. A dehydrated man doesn't pass up on even the most diseased water. _And regardless of what Rei says I'm not good enough for her._

Ritsuko's head hung low as another unneeded complication presented itself. _So Asuka's been having sex with Shinji, didn't see that coming from how she treats him. _It was almost common knowledge among the NERV staff that Asuka had a grudge against Shinji, but that must have just been a cover. "How long has this been going on Shinji, how long have you and Asuka been a couple?"

"Its not like that Akagi-san…" Shinji had no illusions of a pairing with the red-head, he knew his place in her heart. Over the next thirty minutes Shinji detailed the slow but progressively similar situation that he and Asuka were in, much like his and Mizuho's. He was there to tend to her, make her happy, sooth her when she was troubled and pleasure her when she was happy. He'd take what good he could from that. Ritsuko groaned mentally and knew now more than ever that the boy had to be moved from the Katsuragi household.

When Shinji got to the events post his abduction, Ritsuko was appalled by the change in the college graduated Second Child. With Misato gone and not able to finish what Rei started by informing Asuka about his past, the German took it as a lie from her rival and opted to claim her toy fully. Each night she'd straddle the boy as he lay in his bed and claim how much he loved her and that it was her present to him to allow him the honor of copulating with her.

"She just doesn't know how to interact with people well…she hides behind her mask of supremacy where she's really just wanting to be held I think…" Shinji finished with as he buttoned his shirt. "Don't be upset with her Akagi-san, she…she isn't doing anything wrong…I'm used to it." He substituted his words however, knowing it would anger the woman, _its what I deserve. I get to be with people who care and all I have to do is lie there._

Putting a cigarette in her mouth, Ritsuko bit down heavily on the filter. "Go home Shinji, take the day off of school and here," she handed him a small plastic container. "It's a balm to put on your…bruises and should help heal them. Just take it easy and let it heal ok?" He nodded and smiled, believing Asuka's secret was safe just like he kept Mizuho's secret safe. When he shut the door, Ritsuko immediately picked up the phone, "Hello Maya…I don't know how to ask you this but…"

X-X

Pacing the hallways of NERV in a semi-daze, Ayanami Rei wasn't sure what she was doing or why. Ever since the last angel she hadn't been able a moment to converse with either Shinji or Misato and the former left an odd pang in her chest. She wanted to speak with him more, have him confirm or deny Asuka's decree of relations, and she wanted to speak with Captain Katsuragi in the case that Asuka had forced herself on the boy. _If she has done something to Ikari-kun…_Rei's fists clenched tightly almost breaking the skin.

Just missing Shinji as he took a different corridor as she had, Rei never realized how close she had been to having one of her few desires in life met. Right now she had checked the security files that Misato had just checked into the brig and Rei had every intention of meeting the woman as she left the cluster of tiny cells. _She should have knowledge of the events that Soryu claims._

The guards paid the girl no mind as the carried out their duties, the bustling crew of would be world saviors toiled on their own tasks with their own problems as the enigmatic First Child weaved through their numbers and stood in the reception area outside the detention block. Rei stood against the wall and focused on the sole entry/exit point as if Misato would escape her if she lost focus.

Twenty minutes worth of intensive staring paid off when the light on the card reader switched from the neigh constant red to green and Rei heard the door latch open. Walking out of it was a tired and worn looking Misato Katsuragi. Hearing a few muttered words but unable to decipher them, Rei made her approach. "Captain Katsuragi I request a moment of your time," she ended with a brief bow.

Not bothering to hide her irritation, Misato kept walking past the child. _What is it this time, she have her first period, touch herself and realize she liked it, or maybe she's here to ask for Shinji's hand in marriage. Girl just comes to me when I don't want to talk to her._ Looking for the first available elevator, hearing Rei's soft footfalls behind her, Misato hoped the girl would take the hint.

"Captain Katsuragi this is an important issue I request to discus with you do you have the time?" Rei asked again a little more urgency in her voice. Having her own impressions of the Captain from her on-duty and off-duty activity and the rumors she heard, Rei was tempted to increase her efforts.

Covering her eyes with her right hand, fingers on her temples, Misato laughed ruefully. "Fine Rei what do you have to tell me?" She hit the button to call for the elevator and tapped her foot out of habit. "As you can see though I am in a bit of a hurry so if you could make it quick I'd be much obliged." She had again failed in finding Mizuho, the guards saying her paperwork wasn't filled out correctly.

Misato couldn't bear to face Shinji now, not after seeing what damage her feelings had caused, her weakness for the flesh had wrought. She spent all her time either in her office drowning her sorrows and worries in cheap booze or hunting for the bitch that hurt the man she loved. How delicious the thought of wrapping her fingers around the cunt's neck and squeezing, but not enough to kill just to cause panic and fear. Death would be meted out slowly and with much pain. Misato couldn't stand to know that Mizuho was alive after hurting Shinji as she had, and how he forgave her and worried about her. Love makes one do stupid things, telling Shinji she loved him was a stupid mistake because Misato doubted such a love could be successful not with her being the woman she was. She would take him again and again to sate her lusts, but if he didn't really love her and was just doing what he thought was expected she'd be no better than Mizuho.

Taking a cue from the sub commander, Rei snapped her fingers in front of Misato's eyes to bring her attention back to reality. "Captain, I was saying that this matter is more private in nature and we should wait. Did you hear that?" Rei knew she didn't but she had enough sense to not shame higher rank officials.

Nodding quickly, a one-two head bob, Misato was brought out of her mental fog of wanting revenge and hiding from reality. "We can talk once we get in the elevator then, that ok with you?" Seeing Rei nod, Misato turned back to the steel doors as they parted revealing an unexpected occupant.

"Commander Ikari," Rei said with what passed for respect, the man turned his eyes from both women and gave a brief nod before walking past them and towards places unknown. Following his form, Rei couldn't help but feel the lack of respect for him. Withered away in the knowledge she gained from the son. _He cares not for me like I thought. I am merely a tool for his use to his own end._

"Get in Rei before the door closes," Misato called this time breaking Rei from some hidden place in the mind.

Bustling into the confines of the elevator, Rei's face was a little flush with embarrassment. "I apologize for my lapse in attention captain." The rosy hint to her checks a stark contrast to the stoic expression on her face.

Shaking her head quickly in a dismissive manner, Misato didn't give it much thought. Most of the staff knew something weird was going on between the commander and the First Child but played it off as a case of favoritism. "What did you have to speak to me about now Rei, you said it was important."

Clearing her throat so there would be no chance at misinterpretation, Rei found it harder to speak than she had thought it would be. When she planned her dialogue in her mind before it was simple and easy, a child could say it, but now her tongue was lethargic. "The Second Child…"

Finding Rei's stumbling mildly amusing but mostly irritating Misato tapped her watch to signify that there was something of a time issue. "What about Asuka, Rei?" Memories of the German's possessive words forgotten in the haze of bloodlust and booze.

"While Ikari-kun was hospitalized we spoke," Rei found that the more she spoke the easier it got, weights lifted off her chest. "She said that she and Ikari-kun had engaged in sexual relations, she then claimed that he was 'hers'," Rei's voice Misato thought she misheard it, contained a subtle rage, jealousy that Rei didn't know she was capable of. "She said that he loved her and she let him touch her while she didn't care for him…she said that I lied to her about his past to soil their relationship."

She didn't know what to be more shocked about Rei's sudden flare in emotion or the news that created it. Misato felt her fingers twitching for an imaginary bottle of liquor to wipe this knowledge from her mind. "Are you sure she said it like that Rei, you have to be sure. We can't accuse Asuka of sleeping with Shinji if it was a hunch, or if its just you being jealous if Asuka and Shinji are really seeing each other." But as she said it Misato just couldn't picture her two wards being together like a normal couple. Asuka was often to mean to him, to ready to latch on to Kaji, and the look on Shinji's face when Asuka said how great her ex-lover was didn't show a hint of pain. _God if this is happening then how blind have I been! They sleep right next to me but I've not been around because I'm ashamed of myself but…oh god how fucked up did I make all of this!_

Looking down at her hands, Rei was ashamed of herself. _I am jealous it seems. I fear that they are together and I will be left alone again. I don't want to go back to being alone. With Ikari-kun I have another, one that I enjoy being with who I enjoy the sparse touch of his skin against mine. _But she knew she hadn't misheard her fellow female pilot, she was sure of that. "No Captain, I am certain that she claimed they have been 'intimate' as she put it, and she made several claims of ownership. My feelings on this matter have not clouded my recollection."

"This isn't happening!" Misato moaned as she pressed her head against the wall of the elevator, "This just can't be happening." While she wanted to doubt Rei's words, she found it a bit to easy to accept. With Asuka's nature, domineering would be simple step. But without knowing how Shinji's past had crafted him Asuka would assume that it was his true affection for her. Continue to press upward and onward Asuka would still see her increased orders as more signs of love and devotion and that would equate to Asuka not knowing that she was harming him, taking from somebody that had nothing really to give and draining him dry.

The elevator chimed and the door opened, Shigeru and Motoko stepping onto it to join the to women. "Is something wrong Captain?" Motoko asked seeing the object of his crush looking so upset.

Looking at Rei, Misato spoke, "I'll talk to her about it at home just to make sure we don't act to rashly, and no Motoko I'm far from alright right now, very far from it." Her body ached in the absence of her addiction. Her heart aching with the knowledge of how much hurt she inflicted onto the one she found she loved, and regret for her inability to grow and change.

As the door changed Misato caught another glimpse of emotion on the shy girl's face and a dark spot in her mind formed. _And she does have feelings for him too. Rei wants something out of this or she wouldn't care so I guess Maya was right again about Rei liking Shinji…well to bad! He's mine!_ Her eyes grew wide as the last thought racked her mind. Misato didn't want Rei to like Shinji, it would be a good fit. Her and him together left no place for Misato, like it should be but she couldn't have. _I'm sick…I don't want her to like him because then I might lose him…I hate that I love him but I don't want anybody else to either._ Hanging her head in shame, Misato didn't speak another word despite countless attempts made from Motoko to strike up a conversation.

X-X

Her wristwatch just hit eleven o'clock when Misato finally slid her key into the lock at her apartment. She had wanted to drive straight home and confront the two children about what Rei had mentioned but the craving for a drink hit her hard and she stopped at a bar first. With no shortage of men trying to liquor her up enough to dive between her legs, Misato had a good number of drinks before finally leaving a bunch of angry rejected men. _He'd never think of trying to get me drunk and fuck me…no I do that myself to him…I'm to good for him._

"I'm home you guys, you still awake?" Misato called out having worked off the most of her buzz with worrying on her drive home. Slipping off her shoes she saw the kitchen light on and headed there expecting a meal prepared for her. "What did you make for me today?"

"He made you some nice sashimi but I got hungry so I ate it, leftovers from yesterday in the fridge," Asuka pointed her chopsticks towards the refrigerator. "Oh and you got a call from Doctor Akagi about two hours ago."

Pulling out the food that was left, after sneering at Asuka who was finishing the meal meant for her, Misato noticed and odd air about the girl. "You have a good day at school or something you seem happier than usual." Smooth her mind ridiculed her, get her happy then question her about fucking her fellow pilot, good plan.

Having just washed herself off from another of her impromptu lovemaking sessions with her toy, Asuka was in a good mood. After the first time she let Shinji make love to her which caused her a great deal of pain, it had soon become something else. She cried during most of them, her weakness put on display for him as he kissed away her tears and never once uttered a word. Bliss in sensation and her superiority never questioned, weakness seen only by the one that would never be stronger than her. Asuka was beyond happy.

"Yeah it's been a good couple of days, not that you've been here much drunk. I mean I can smell it on you from here, what happen you run out of money and come home sober?" Asuka crooned as she set her utensils on the empty plate. It was almost expected now to see or at least smell the stench of alcohol on the Captain of NERV tactical, and it made Asuka sick.

Her lips up to a can of beer, Misato couldn't refute what she had become. "Been a bad time for me Asuka, I'm going to try and cut back a lot. Just with Shinji being assaulted by that woman, the angel, and Rei…" Misato slipped the last one, not ready to start that part of the conversation winced as her own words echoed in her head.

It was instantaneous, like turning on a light switch, Asuka's sunny disposition soiled and darkened. "So what did that pervert say to you? Same shit she tried feeding me to try and steal my Shinji? I swear that girl is pathetic. Almost wish that freak Kensuke would have gotten to her." The hate was so evident in Asuka's voice that it filled her mouth with a sour taste.

_So they did talk to each other about Mizuho, that's one question I had gone._ Misato had doubted Rei a little after she began to see the blue haired child as a woman in love. "Asuka about what Rei said about Mizuho, what did she say?"

On edge already, anything that had to deal with Rei caused it, Asuka crossed her arms tightly. "She said that the woman was in charge of raising him and molested him for years. Its disgusting what that freak will say to try and ruin what I have going on. When I saw that Mizuho woman at NERV she looked so plain and passive, no way could she do what the First said." It had to be a lie, Shinji loved her! He wasn't conditioned to act that way, she wasn't abusing her toy she was rewarding it. Rewarding him for his duty in washing away her pain and making her feel strong.

Sipping the beer to delay what was to come, Misato placed her bets on how Asuka would react. She could press the Mizuho issue now or check on the other route, _what DOES Asuka have going on that Rei would want to break into?_ "Speaking of Shinji, Asuka what DO you have going on? I see you two usually at each others throats but are you just acting? You two seeing each other?"

"Surprised you even remember we're here sometimes," Asuka said in a mock shocked voice. "As for Shinji, I have uses for him is all. He can be really handy to have around at times. I'm just letting him think we're a couple until Kaji realizes what's best for him and comes to me." Asuka's eyes got a far off look as she envisioned her lovely Kaji coming to her side, taking her into his arms, and heading to her room to do to her what Shinji did so expertly. "He loves me you know, Shinji."

The queer detachment in Asuka's voice, hollow yet almost giddy, unnerved Misato. _No he doesn't, even I can see that he doesn't. _Letting the empty can fall to the table, landing on its side and rolling half way across the table, Misato built her confidence for the final bit of dialogue she needed to say. "Asuka, about what Rei said about Mizuho. She wasn't lying about that. She even confessed it to me after we questioned her. She was arrested and held for a few months for trying to seduce another minor at a school where Shinji used to go."

Asuka's cheek twitched slightly but the thin smile never left her face. "So that's how it is, is it?" Her fingers wrapped lightly round the lip of the empty plate, in one brief move she lifted it and slammed the ceramic dish back down on the table hard. It shattered into dozens of pieces which scattered to the four winds. "She fucking convinced you to help her didn't she? She going to have the commander promote you or something? I bet that's it isn't it. You go along with her little story to make me look bad for having sex with him, make me look like the villain because I'm 'abusing him like she did' so she can come in and take what's mine from me. Well fuck you and fuck that bitch. Shinji's mine and I'm not sharing him with anybody until I'm done with him!"

Rushing past the stunned woman, Asuka shut and locked her room and fell into her bed. _I knew the drunkard couldn't be trusted! Just using people to get into whatever position she wants. She can't take him from me, not while I need him still. They can't ruin what we have…they can't break the love he has for me and my fondness of him._

Examining Asuka's destructive force on display on the table, Misato sat solemnly. "So everything Rei said was true…how long have I failed to see this? How much did my want to keep my happy little family together go towards creating this mess?" She didn't know but if she was a betting woman she would have bet the farm on 'a lot.' To tired to think of what to do to rectify the situation or even how deep it went, Misato just reached for the phone to listen to Ritsuko's message.

"How much worse can it get anyway?" she laughed with no real humor in it. She keyed her password into the phone and listened to the twenty second message from her friend."

"Misato, I know this is going to be hard for you to accept but when I examined Shinji today I found some of his injuries aren't healing. The damage to his genital area isn't healing at all. From what I could get from him, he's sleeping with Asuka but I don't know if its platonic or not. I don't think it is though, and I have to tell you that I made the request to Maya to put Shinji into her custody. If Asuka has started to see Shinji as something other than a friend we have to separate them…and add to the equation your…um…feelings for him I think its best we move Shinji out instead of Asuka. I'm sorry."

Throwing the phone at the wall, the small plastic device bounced off unharmed and landed on the ground. Crumpling to her knees, Misato was relieved and sickened at the same time. _At least he can get better this way…away from the sick bitch that caused so much trouble…but I don't want him gone._

"Misato-san are you alright?" Shinji asked as he walked into the room to find her crumpled on the ground. Hating seeing his savior in such a state, he quickly moved to her side. "Misato-san?"

His worried face, his soft blue eyes, and that concern mixed in with his words, Misato couldn't help herself. Taking him into her arms and hugging him tightly, Misato cried against him. "I'm sorry for everything I did to you Shinji…can you ever forgive me?" she croaked out.

Unsure as to what she was asking forgiveness for, Shinji stroked her back and ran his fingers through her hair. "Of course I do Misato…of course I do." They stayed in each others arms until Misato fell asleep their followed soon after by Shinji who kissed her cheek softly before succumbing to sleeps embrace.

X-X

Author Notes

Well the fallout is finally hitting the fan. The evidence is mounting and change is coming. Hope you liked this chapter and see how I'm trying to make the characters evolve and change. Some for the better some for the worse, the human dynamic so to speak. I don't want to go to dark nor to soft and make light of the seriousness of the events I incorporated.

Well its up to you to deside I guess and I hope you leave me some feedback and I'll try to get working on the next chapter soon. Emails, instant messages, and reviews are always welcome and if you have ideas/requests/suggestions I'm all for it.

Later Peeps!

And Thanks Zen-chan for the assistance and for the help with the Rei scene.


	19. Chapter 19

Yo Peeps! Standard disclaimer

Been busy with finals and the Holiday's so that's why I haven't updated in a little while, sorry about that. Expect an increased turn around time with chapters though cause I'm trying to cut back my WoW time and write more.

Hope ya had a happy holiday season and I hope you enjoy this chapter

_Thoughts_

"Spoken"

X-X

Yawning into his desk, Shinji dreaded the start of the new day of class. The last two days had been hectic for him and it started bad the moment Asuka saw Misato holding him in her sleep. The German started shrieking and kicking at the sleeping woman and calling her things like 'whore' and 'cunt' all the while. Shinji's spine chilled at the memory of the glare he received from Asuka at the kitchen table after he got ready for school. It got worse that night when he had to tell Asuka he couldn't make love to her because of the balm he was using. For his consideration Asuka slapped him hard and demanded he pleasure her with his tongue, he did. Luckily for Asuka, Misato had been called into Nerv to address a security issue.

Watching the students filter in, Asuka talking to some of the other girls in the class and Touji still not present, he felt bored. _I wonder what made Misato all upset the other day. She never did explain it to me._ He tried to think of what could have created such an explosion in her but couldn't.

"Shinji-kun good morning," Rei's passive voice broke Shinji of his blank stare at the door. She had entered while he was looking over at Asuka, a fact Rei didn't miss. Sitting at the chair to his side and using him as a shield to block Asuka's chances of seeing her, Rei couldn't explain the pins and needles feeling in her chest but liked it. "How are you today?"

Smiling softly at the girl who he could tell was trying her best to work on her social skills, Shinji again checked over at Asuka. Finding the back of Asuka's head, she was now looking away from them, he relaxed. Both could almost sense the desire to not have Asuka notice them talking. "I'm doing a lot better the wounds are all almost healed. How have…how have you been?"

Giving the boy a quick once over herself to calm her own worries, Rei's chest relaxed from its hidden tension. "I am glad to hear that. At present I am suffering from no maladies." Her fingers bumbling over themselves, Rei tried to make her mind focus. She had wanted this chance to talk to Shinji for so long and had so many questions it was hard to pick the right ones to ask in her limited time. A conversation between Ritsuko and Maya from the previous day popped to the forefront. "So I believe that today is the day of your move is that not correct?"

"Move? What move?" Shinji asked as his eyes widened in shock. He hadn't heard anything about Misato moving. _Maybe that's why she was sorry, she didn't want us to move._ That didn't seem right but with no other knowledge it fit.

Tilting her head slightly to better see her rival, still looking away from them, Rei noticed Suzuhara's entrance and mentally cursed. Time was almost up. "I over heard Dr. Akagi speaking with Lt. Ibuki about you being changed into her care. Were you not aware of this?" It was Misato's duty to inform Shinji of this so Rei did think it possible Misato was under a little higher review on Ritsuko's request.

His hands felt cold and clammy as they fell to his side. Several silent aborted questions tried to leave his lips but he couldn't get them to work. _She's abandoning me? Did I do something bad? Wasn't I good enough for her?_ His savior was being taken away from him but why? "I…no…I didn't know…why?" His eyes started to sting and his heart hammered in his chest painfully.

Rei saw Touji rounding the aisle and his eyebrows raise at seeing her so close to Shinji, but Shinji's reaction to the news prevented her from leaving as she wished. _Perhaps this is the reason he hadn't been told._ Trying to think of the best way to address Shinji's change from happy to near crying, Rei reached out for his hand and took it into her own. "It is not your fault if that is what you believe. From what I heard they believe it is in your best interest to live with Ibuki."

As nice as Rei's hand felt, Shinji didn't want her to hold his right then but made no move to free it. "My best interest?" his voice was weak but Rei heard just fine. "Did I do something wrong…something to bother her?" His thumb unconsciously started to trail circles against Rei's palm sending odd spasms of pleasure in the girl.

_His hand is so warm and what he is doing feels very agreeable._ She thought lost in his moistened eyes but uncertain what to do. Her limited social knowledge was again a hindrance. Letting him continue to work on her palm, "I do not believe that is the case." She did hear that Asuka was a factor in the move but didn't know the details fully.

"Hey Ice Queen what you doing with my buddy?" Touji bellowed with a joyous voice. From his angle it appeared that the two were getting pretty comfy with one another. Rei just a foot or so away from Shinji, kneeling in front of him, the two of them holding hands, and he was almost certain Rei had a blush firmly planted on her face, but he couldn't see Shinji's face. "You two making out or something?"

From location on the far side of the room, talking to her gaggle of girlfriends, Asuka heard everything Touji said. "What the fuck did you say?" Asuka roared as she turned to see Rei hiding behind her toy. _Turn my back for a second and that bitch goes in for the steal!_ Rushing over to the pair, Asuka grabbed Shinji's shoulder and pulled him away from Rei. Seeing the hurt filled expression on his face Asuka assumed it was Rei that caused it. "What did you say to him bitch?"

Talking steps back, Touji cursed under his breath. _Shit I just ruined it for her didn't I?_ He hated Asuka almost as much as she hated him, but feared his only remaining buddy had a thing for her. Seeing him with Ayanami had been a welcome sight but that meeting was destroyed. Mouthing a silent "Sorry" to Shinji, he turned around and walked to some of his fellow track acquaintances.

"All I said was a question about the date of his move, he was not aware of it," Rei said standing up tall and smoothing out the wrinkles in her skirt. "I will take my leave now." She turned and walked to her desk quickly, the feeling of failure and a slow eating depression started to take hold of her. From over her shoulder she heard Asuka berating Shinji for talking to her, it hurt. _But with him away from her…maybe I can see him alone._ A giddy feeling washed over her then, and a warmth spread into her stomach as she hoped they could hold hands like that again.

X-X

The school day was a haze for Shinji after the shock finally hit. Asuka huffed at him for talking to Rei and blatantly called her a liar about him moving but after lunch she vanished after a phone call. Shinji didn't care, didn't even notice she was gone. His mind just went in circles trying to identify something he did that spurned Misato enough to throw him out. Touji instant messaged his computer towards the end of the day apologizing for interrupting the morning conversation with Rei still under the impression that the aborted talk was what affected Shinji so.

As Hikari addressed the class and let them leave, after telling Rei that she had to clean up the classroom with her, Shinji shambled out into the perpetual summer sun. What he saw just outside of the school grounds didn't surprise him as much as he wanted it too. "Hello Maya are you here to take me home?" He tried to smile but it looked just as hallow as he felt.

Scratching her cheek, Maya's own smile was half hearted at seeing the boy in such a dower state. "I guess Rei let the cat out of the bag huh? We…I wanted to break it to you slowly but I guess she must have over heard us talking after all." Ritsuko and Maya had suspected Rei heard of the plan but didn't expect the girl to act on it. Both knew Misato wouldn't say a word, and with the added surveillance on the woman they knew that all Misato had been doing over the last two days was work and drink. "We already moved your stuff to my apartment so we're good to go."

Following Maya to her small compact car, a light cream colored, he pulled the door open with only a little resistance and got in. He jumped a little when Maya slammed her door shut, "It sticks a little sometimes so I have to slam it, sorry." She chuckled a little hoping to coax him into one but was met with silence. "So how was school?" she tried again but still the boy wouldn't bite.

The pair rode a good three miles in silence before Shinji finally spoke. "Maya-san, what did I do wrong?" He tried to keep his voice level and without emotion but it bled over. His feelings of betrayal and abandonment prevailed over his attempts at dignity. It had to his fault that this was happening. He was the dirty one, the impure one, and it was he that wasn't strong enough to tell people no.

Biting her tongue for a moment, Maya's mind flared dark thoughts of Misato. Poisonous and hurtful thoughts about how the bitch caused even more pain for the child. Putting her hand on his shoulder but careful to watch the road, Maya gave him a little squeeze. "You didn't do anything wrong Shinji. This was a decision that had to be made it's for your own and even her good." Misato had bungled things so badly that it would take ages to fix the problems she caused, if they could be fixed.

"But who will cook for her and clean the apartment…what about Asuka?" Shinji feared what her wrath would be for leaving her. She made it clear she expected him to be there for her when she wanted him, but if he was living with Maya what would Asuka do? "I had to have done something to make her ask for his."

Pulling into her usual parking spot, Maya turned the car off and turned to face Shinji. She had a whole plan of attack for this day but that was ruined now because of Ayanami's little chat. It was going to be a movie, then dinner, and finally after she had him relaxed and in a good mood take him back to her apartment and fill him in on the change. Now it was a total mess. "Shinji-kun, I'm going to be honest with you and I want you to hold questions until I'm done ok? Can you do that for me?" She lifted his chin with her finger and smiled into his sad looking eyes.

Nodding slowly, and swallowing the air hard, his mouth felt dry and lethargic. "I will." It was so hard to say that, he could tell by the hard look on Maya's face that he wasn't going to like what she was going to say. Was she going to make him do things to pay his way? He doubted it but now he was forced away from Misato it could happen. Mizuho was mild like Maya was when they were in public. "I'll be good."

Somehow that last comment he made chilled Maya's heart for a moment, but she shook it off. "Ok Shinji-kun, you're not going to like this but its time you heard the truth." Maya saw her neighbor looking into her car window and walk away looking disgusted. _Guess me sitting in a car with a fourteen year old must not look to good, well to bad for them. _Clearing her throat, Maya started. "Shinji, Misato is a very bad woman. She's selfish, greedy, and driven by hormones. What she did to you is almost as bad as what Mizuho did. The choice was made to move you wasn't her choice, Ritsuko made it using your mental and physical health as leverage to get past the red tape."

Shinji was about to talk in Misato's defense but Maya's hand squeezed a little tighter to remind him of his promise. He looked down for a moment, almost ready to turn Maya out and avoid the unpleasant truth but her other hand again forced him to look at her. "I'm sorry to have to tell you this but its true Shinji-kun. We were afraid that she'd force you again to make love to her. For somebody that has suffered as you have it's a fear that we have, that somebody will take advantage of you without even knowing it. Misato still cares for you Shinji-kun but we can't risk you being hurt. The same goes for Asuka."

"A-Asuka?" Shinji croaked out biting back his tears at the slander of his savior. He couldn't see Misato like that. She was pure, she was good, she was his protector. So what if she had him make her feel good on occasion? She even said she loved him. "What about Asuka?" he had hoped nobody save Ritsuko knew about that.

Cracking the window a little, her car was old enough to still have the old fashion hand cranked windows, Maya let a little fresh air into the increasingly stuffy car. "Ritsuko told me about what Asuka has been doing to you Shinji-kun. It's not right for her to use you like that either. You might feel like you're helping her by letting her do to you what she does, but in the long run its just going to hurt you and her. She has to know that she can't just use people for her own pleasure and you can't let people use you like that. So because we fear what Misato might do in during one of her drunken stupors and because Asuka's affections are running darkly Ritsuko asked me to take you in and I happily accepted Shinji-kun." She smiled at him warmly and was greeted with a small grin from the boy. "I think you'll like living here with me. Now lets get you inside and I can show you my cat. She'll love you."

Shinji felt Maya's grip relax and her fingers run though his hair playfully. His mind was overwhelmed by everything she said and part of it made sense but the bulk of it scared him. Asuka was using him he knew, but she could be hurt by her own actions? That was frightening to him, he didn't want her hurt because of him. Following behind Maya, Shinji just let himself be lead by her as she showed him around the somewhat smaller apartment than Misato's, but no doubt much cleaner. A small nudge against his leg introduced Shinji to Maya's pet ferret. _Maybe she is right…Misato didn't discard me like I thought and maybe it will help her. And nobody said I couldn't go visit right? Maybe this is a good thing._

X-X

Her head throbbed and she could have sworn her blood was flowing thinly like water in her temples, but Misato didn't care. She had watched the movers take Shinji's few meager possessions, she marveled at how little he actual owned and how she didn't really notice till now. Her office felt unnaturally cold even with the heat on, clutching at the sleeves of her flight jacket she just wanted the day to end. "But I'll just end up going home and seeing him gone so what's the point."

Walking into the small office, Ritsuko never expected Misato to look as haggard as she did. "The point is we're trying to salvage some part of that kid's life and you know it." Earning a baleful glare from her friend as she sat down, Ritsuko shrugged. She couldn't help how Misato felt about Shinji all she could do was hope that the woman got over it. "So I take it the move is finished?"

Sitting up straight in her chair, Misato ran her fingers through her hair in an attempt to make herself presentable. "Yeah they took his things. Two boxes of cloths, his cello, and S-Date player and that was it. I had to ask them to take the apron I got for him or he wouldn't even have that to remember his time with me by." It pained her to accept it but seeing how little Shinji had of his time at the apartment showed her something. She really was just taking from him and not giving him anything in return. "How is Maya taking her victory?"

Grunting in anger, Ritsuko slapped her palm on the desk making papers ruffle. "This isn't a game Misato, Maya didn't win anything. I'm sorry this is hurting you Misato but you have to realize you were doing more harm than good for him, and if Asuka really was using Shinji as a sexual outlet we couldn't let him stay." Even a child could see that Ritsuko thought, but then again she had to give Misato some leeway because she was seeing through the fog of emotions. "Why not give Kaji a call Misato? I mean you two were a couple before and maybe it will help you forget all about this."

"What I can't be with the one I love so go fuck the old boyfriend? Is that what you think I want Ritsuko? A dick to sit and spin on?" Leaning over the desk dangerously close to Ritsuko's ear Misato could smell the cheap shampoo the woman used last. Whispering softly, "What if I didn't see Shinji as just a walking hard-on and I loved him as a person?" An evil grin adorned her face and she gave the good doctor's earlobe a little lick causing Ritsuko to recline quickly in shock almost sending the chair toppling over.

Rubbing at her ear to get any saliva that stuck to it, Ritsuko's face was a mask of fear, shame, and disgust. "What the hell was that for Misato!?" Her fingers ran the interior of her ear still feeling phantom senses. "Look I was just offering it to you as an alternative you don't have to get all weird on me!" But what really had Ritsuko frazzled was that it actually turned her on a little. She always had a few stray thoughts about what being with a woman would be like and Misato was a fine specimen. _Get a hold of yourself! She's just trying to screw with my mind._

"To hell with your alternative Ritsuko, I'm not just going to run from this," she huffed taking her seat again. But what choice did she have? It wasn't like they were going to let her see Shinji in any capacity. If that were an option she wouldn't have one less resident at her home now. "And why did it have to be Kaji you brought up. Every woman he sees he's trying to hump their leg, or haven't you noticed him hitting on Maya lately?"

Trying to get her breath under control, Ritsuko didn't like that thought either. "Look I just said it because you two DID have a relationship and I bet he would more than likely like another shot with you. And yes I did see him trying to hit on Maya but that's not the issue here." Ritsuko's feelings for the timid little bridge tech were more complicated than she'd like to admit. She even had a few elicit dreams about the woman but thankfully never did anything about them. And lately her sojourns into the realms of the flesh were reduced to a quick few pumps, a hard slap, and Gendo's back as he left her to clean up.

Before Misato could comment on Ritsuko's little tirade her thought process was interrupted by the door opening and Kaji walking in. "So that's how you knew to check into Shinji's past Misato. Am I right? Did you sleep with the commander's son?" Kaji had every trick he had to find the answer to that question and it always turned up a dead end. As luck would have it for him one day he watched as Ritsuko headed off to talk to Misato and heard them talking a little about it. Biding his time he would follow the pair and listen, take notes, and wait. Now he heard enough.

"Kaji what the hell are you doing spying on my…our conversation?" Misato stormed as she could feel the enveloping chill working on her stomach. It was filled with ice and her legs quivered at seeing the unfriendly tone in Kaji's voice. "And just what are you thinking I did with Shinji."

Rubbing her now throbbing temples, Ritsuko could sense where this was headed, and didn't like the prospect in the slightest. Kaji was going to make their lives hell with knowing this. Sliding her chair to the wall, she was just going to watch this little conversation and see how deep Misato dug her own grave talking to Kaji and trying to cover her tracks. _This is just getting worse and worse isn't it?_

More than happy to take up the empty space that Ritsuko had been sitting Kaji walked right up to Misato's desk and looked down at her both physically and mentally. "I heard you two talking in here and heard that you 'love' the famous Third Child. Have to say I hope you were gentle with him after all he's been through. Kid's life has to suck something awful. He gets away from one pedophile only to end up living with another." What hurt the most was that he heard her say that she actually loved the boy, she was supposed to be his!

"I'm not a pedophile!" Misato yelled back hoping nobody was walking past her office. She had no real defense but it didn't sound right in her ears to be called such by Kaji or to be compared to Mizuho. "I'm not like her Kaji I'm not!"

Crossing his arms, Kaji shifted his weight from his right leg to his left. "Then what would you call yourself Misato? You openly admitted to loving a teenager and don't give me some line like 'since he's risking his life he's more adult than he seems.'" Personally Kaji had nothing against Shinji, really did like the boy in fact, but Misato was something special to him. "I won't buy that and you did the exact same thing that she did. You used him in a way that most people would say is like a pedophile."

Her knuckles popped as she clenched her fists tighter and tighter. Her vision started to swim and a red haze filtered her sight. She wasn't going to listen to this pig of a man talk to her like this. "Get out of my office Kaji, get the fuck out!"

"Or what Misato? You have to accept this and I don't care if you hate me for it but you have to accept it!" Kaji spoke in softer tones hoping to coax Misato back into an agreeable state. "I'm not saying this to piss you off but you're just in denial and throwing me out won't…"

Kaji barely dodged Misato's coffee cup as it flew past his head. "I said get out!" Now standing hunched over her desk, holding herself up with her knuckles her eyebrows hardened and flat. "Get out or so help me I'll rip that shit eating grin off your face permanently."

Putting his hands up in defeat, Kaji turned around and headed for the door. The broken remnants of the cup crunched under his feet with each step. Stepping out of the door he turned back and looked back sadly at the woman that was now gone from his life, "get help Misato. Don't let your wants ruin Shinji's life more than it already is." He shut the door before Misato's name plate could hit it.

X-X

Since it didn't take long to hang his few sets of clothing up in his new closet and his cello now took up its new home in his corner, Shinji found himself sitting on Maya's couch watching television. He tried to make dinner but Maya insisted that his first night be take out to help him settle in. It was a cheese pizza, he let her choose as she paid, that was a little to greasy for both their tastes but they spent a good time chatting and getting better aquatinted.

Shinji reaffirmed his pleasant thoughts about the mousy woman and come seven o'clock wished her a good shift and saw her out the door. The next hour was spent on the couch watching variety shows and Camo the ferret running around the floor. While cuter than Pen-Pen it just didn't seem as smart to Shinji. "It's so quiet here with just me," Camo squeaked at his feat to correct him.

The door buzzer caused him to jump a little as he hadn't expected any visitors, doubted anybody knew he moved saved Rei, Misato, and possible Asuka. "Maya expecting anybody?" he asked Camo as the ferret pushed a ball around the floor. Still a little unsure of the layout of his new home, Shinji took his time walking to the door. "Who is it?" he asked through the door as he peered though the eyehole.

"I have come to see how your move has progressed," Rei said a little unsure of herself standing on the outdoor walkway still clad in her school uniform. She had wanted to talk to Shinji more at school to ease his mind about her knowing about the move, but was prevented thanks to her need to abide by regulations. _I should not have come here, I do not know what I should do._

Opening the door and letting Rei step in, Shinji was again shocked at the oddity that was Ayanami Rei. He had never expected her to visit him so quickly after he moved, wasn't ready for it either. "Hi Ayanami, I didn't expect you to come over so late." He watched slip her shoes off next to his and walk deeper into the apartment seemingly looking at everything she could. "Something I can do for you?" what he didn't know but he had to ask. _I can't think like this about her…she's just too far above me to ever…she's just being nice._

Had anybody that knew Rei heard his thoughts they would have laughed themselves horse. Laughed at the idea of Rei being nice to somebody for no reason, and laugh at how much in denial Shinji was.

Hearing an off key note in his voice, Rei turned back to face him once she got into the living room. "Is this a bad time for you Shinji-kun, would it be best if I were to leave now?" If he did ask her to leave she'd not resist in the slightest. She was confused by her own actions, her body acting before her thoughts could catch up to it. When thinking about the shy pilot, Rei often found her thoughts moving in strange directions that she couldn't really fathom or explain.

Waving his hands quickly, Shinji grinned as he responded, "No, No it's just I'm surprised you'd come to visit me is all. Glad you did but just didn't expect it." No matter how much he tried to kill his fondness for the pale girl, Shinji could never squash them. Part of him wanted the normal life of the other teenagers. Problems that extended to how to afford to take the girl he liked out, not moving to avoid being molested by the woman he adored and be the sex toy to the girl he tried to comfort.

Nodding to his statement, Rei took the seat on the couch that looked the most unused and waited for Shinji to sit down as well. "I simple have a few questions that I'd like to ask you and I couldn't rest until I had." A sudden brush of fur against her legs resulted in a minute shriek as she pulled her legs up to her chest and looked down. "What was that?" she asked the giggling Shinji, "and what do you find humorous?" Her voice held a non-mistakable irritation.

"Maya's pet ferret was just playing around and I never thought you'd be frightened like that. I shouldn't laugh but its…it was just so cute and unexpected I couldn't help it. Sorry." Camo ran out further allowing the now blushing girl to see him before running off to chase a fly that had got in when Shinji opened the door. Fighting his own rosy hue from calling her cute, Shinji dry coughed a little, "So you said you had some q-questions for me?"

Placing her hands on top of one another and laid them on her lap, Rei found it impossible to keep her eyes focused on Shinji. "I wish to ask you about your relationship with Soryu. I have heard several statements but wished to know the full truth." Her chest felt aflame as the words left her mouth. Wanting to know clashed with wanting to keep it secret. Things could change for her if the answer was unsatisfactory.

His head hang low as the question sank in. He wouldn't lie to her or hide things, she deserved the full truth. _Maybe then she'll stop torturing me by coming to see me, she'll see me for the dirty creature I am. _"She had me sleep with her. It made her happy, gave her strength, and I think I was trying to help her see her weaknesses. It started off slow with just having me use my hands and tongue but after I saved her from the volcano she started having sex with me." Shinji looked over at Rei and saw her shoulders sag and her head dipping down much like his own.

"Do you care for her then?" her voice was soft and broken. A toy doll whose battery was almost dead. "If you do these things with her and she claims you are hers, does that mean you truly are hers Shinji?" She wanted to run from the room, part of her hurt so badly and she didn't know why. It wasn't physical but the pain was exquisite. _His words hurt in a way I can't explain._

Again he chuckled slowly, drawn out and raspy. "In a way I do. She's a friend and at times she's nice to me. But I know that to her I'll never be more than just a toy. Better and worse than with Mizuho. With Mizuho I think she loved me in a way but with Asuka she even tells me that the only reason she 'let me touch' her is to make her feel good. I wanted to stop but it made me feel good to make her feel good." Before he knew it tears were coming down his cheek, "Oh God I feel so dirty just saying it. I know she doesn't care about me…love me…but I couldn't tell her no. I just want somebody to love me so bad but I know I'm not worth of it!"

Rage. Rage built in Rei's chest like a boiler turned to full power. Her demure hands clenched painfully and her nails left crescent lines of blood contrasting her alabaster skin. But the anger wasn't directed at Shinji, but at the red headed German that had been a minor irritation to her at first and now filled her with hatred. "Shinji that is untrue," her voice came out in puffs as the barely restrained emotional dam was near bursting. "You are deserving of the affection you desire and I will prove that to you in time. As you have answered my questions I will leave you for today. But I believe I would like to visit again, if tomorrow is an option I will be back."

Bobbing his head up and down quick, Shinji just wanted Rei to leave so he could cry in solitude. He didn't want her to look down at him, see him in his true wretched state. "Ib you wanna com ova you can," he managed barely to get out as his nose was running and his body wracked with sadness.

She ran her hand down his back soothingly and pet his head, if asked why she couldn't have answered but it felt like the right thing to do. She had many things to do, and to ask about. She'd deal with Asuka first. No longer was she going to be nice and cower from the teenager, she'd deal with it now. As for her other problem, the feelings concerning Shinji, Rei had another person to see. _Class representative Hokari can answer these questions._

Shutting the door to Maya's apartment Rei walked home devising a plan to end her self loathing of the boy whose existence perplexed her and the bitch that hurt him. A rare smile settled on her lips as she realized she liked the idea of paying Asuka back for all the pain she'd caused and being raised partially by Gendo Ikari gave Rei ample tools to call on.

X-X

Author notes

Yup Shinji's moved and now pieces are falling into place for the grande finally which is quickly approaching. Not the next chapter but possibly in two if not three this story will conclude.

Hope I did a good job of conveying Rei as not being to forward and being more confused by her emotions than anything. My main problem is keeping Shinji on pace for recovery. It's a slow and tedious road to recovery and often if not careful relapses occur. Hope you enjoy this story though and bear with where I'm taking it.

Plus hope you got a lot of goodies this X-mas!

Later Peeps!

P.S. Thanks Zen-chan and you were right having a lemon of this chapter would be in poor form.


	20. Chapter 20

YO peeps this is a standard disclaimer

Yeah I know its been a few months since the last update, I can only apologize so much you know. Stupid WoW steals so much time…really think I need to quiet playing it or I'll never get anything I want to get done finished. Well enough of my whining I'm sure you're not here to read my problems.

X-X

A Past to Forget

Chapter - 20

How she became Shinji's therapist Ritsuko didn't know, or like, but she had resigned herself to her fate. Three days after his move into Maya's apartment, Ritsuko called the boy in before school for a quick physical. If Asuka was still using Shinji as a sexual and emotional outlet the move wouldn't have helped at all. But seeing the slightly smiling boy clad in his hospital gown Ritsuko doubted she'd be disappointed in her choice. _Though Misato may never forgive me for it._ Grabbing her clipboard Ritsuko sauntered over to the table where Shinji sat. "So how are things going for you Shinji-kun? You like your new surroundings?"

Nodding quickly and scratching his nose, Shinji tried his best to not look in Akagi's eyes. "Things are getting better I guess. Maya's place is a lot cleaner than Misato's so I don't have as many chores." Added to the fact that Maya actually helped out was another boon to his additional free time. "How…how are you Akagi-san?"

Her hand stopped mid-stride as she was reaching for the small bruise under Shinji's eye. Nobody had asked how she had been in ages, nobody cared. Her feelings and status often over looked by those around her. Misato wallowed in her misery, Maya's attitude as of late had soured, and her lover if Gendo could be called that didn't give a rats ass about her outside of her ability to use her tongue. "I'm fine Shinji-kun, been a few bad days but can't stay bad forever."

Feeling her eyes on his black eye, Shinji again attempted to hide it from her. "Did you want to talk about it? Maya says it helps to talk about the things that make me sad or upset and she's been right. And…Aya," he cut himself off not ready to let the hopes he hid from even himself be known. Ayanami's second visit was something that Shinji still believed was a dream.

As Rei promised she returned to visit Shinji the day following his move. Her actions were timid, much like a frightened rabbit, but belied an inner strength. They didn't do anything besides talk and watch one of Maya's comedy movies, but it felt calming to both of them. As much as Shinji wanted Rei to stop torturing him with her presence and the illusion of something more he didn't want her to leave either.

Gauging by the boy's sudden drop on vocal strength, Ritsuko could almost feeling him closing up and moving more inside. _Cooping mechanism I guess but what is he hiding from me?_ She pondered as she gingerly kneeled down and tilted his head to get a better look at the bruise; she noted his eyes were slightly moist as he looked at the ceiling. "So are you going to be a good boy and tell me what caused this Shinji or am I going to have to order you to tell me?"

Sighing lightly, not knowing his breath blowing across Ritsuko's face actually caused her to blush, Shinji felt his stomach clench. How would this be received when he said it? More moves, more regulations, more problems for everybody? "Asuka was upset at my moving. It didn't help that I forgot to make a lunch for her too so she hit me." What really hurt Shinji was the look on the girl's face when he told her that he forgot. It was one of sadness, of abandonment, and finally rage.

The pain between her temples that always came when she heard news that signified another shift into unpleasant territory, Ritsuko squinted hard to block it out. "She didn't do anything else to you Shinji? It was just the one thing?" Her eyes opened and she reluctantly looked down at Shinji's crotch. _Misato used to drag Kaji off to utility closets when she had the itch, God please tell me Asuka hasn't…_ The physical abuse was bad, but anybody who knew Asuka realized that at times she'd lash out physically.

Jumping a little at the accusation, Shinji actually met the doctor's eyes and saw something he'd never actually seen there before. Concern, for the first time he could remember he saw genuine concern in her eyes. "No Akagi-san she didn't make me touch her or anything. It was just the slap and she forgot she had a ring on is all." But the look on Asuka's face when he last saw her poised the question in his mind, how long till she does though? Asuka's eyes and body seemed to twitch and scream that she was wanting to bask in what Shinji could do to her, for her.

A grin fell over her face as Ritsuko stood up and stretched, thank God for small favors. "Well as long as she doesn't make a habit of hitting you I think its ok. We all know Asuka has a few issues with her anger levels." Hearing a muffled laugh from Shinji, Ritsuko was mystified by the changes a few days had caused. She hoped he wasn't just hiding it from everybody, his pain. For a moment she could see how Misato did it though, fell in love with the boy. Patting his shoulder, Ritsuko tried her best to be comforting, "Go to school Shinji, have a good day and I'll see all three of you in here later for testing."

Hopping off the examination table, Shinji reached behind himself and retied the cloth holding the smock together. "I'll try my best Akagi-san, you have a good day too ok?" He saw her wave her hand dismissively but look on her face was more appreciative, and he headed to the changing room. Putting his school cloths back on, Shinji sat heavily on one of the benches provided. Hunched over, Shinji's hand ran over one another as he felt a small tremor work its way through his body.

Things were getting better for him but at the same time worse. He was afraid now, afraid of Asuka and what she wanted from him and that he knew he wouldn't be able to resist, afraid of how Rei would react to his failure, and afraid of seeing Misato. He hadn't seen his savior in three days and he didn't know what he'd do or say when their paths crossed again. _Maya said such bad things about her but I can't believe it. Misato said she loves me and all she asked was a few things that I was to selfish to give her. Now I've caused her problems…hardships. _ He had failed Misato and he didn't know if he could ever ask forgiveness.

Slapping his face a few times to get some sensation back and to focus, he gathered his affects and left the changing room. He stopped at the command bridge to drop off Maya's lunch and headed off to school.

X-X

Rei watched her target as the early morning ritual before class played out. The first rule of engagement was always information retrieval. Sure Rei had access to Asuka's psychological profile and it helped there were things that observation told that weren't written in the pages. Rei watched as Asuka gossiped with the other girls, focusing more on Hikari than the others but all got a small portion of the German's time. She had to plan carefully in her attempt to gain some revenge not only for herself but for the boy she was quickly liking more and more.

The main problem Rei learned fast was that she couldn't apply most of her teacher's, Gendo Ikari, practices against Asuka. Gendo's favorite method was simply murder, and that was one thing Rei couldn't do. Not that she wasn't capable and not that she didn't want to kill or at least hurt Asuka. The reason was simpler than that. If Asuka died Rei would likely find her reward cut short by the next angel. Asuka had to live to pilot, but Rei intended to break the girl's spirit, to kill the drive to do anything other than pilot. In a sense turn Asuka into what she herself used to be.

So until she was ready to strike, quick and hard, she'd watch and plan. From what she had heard from Gendo and other sources at Nerv, the best way to break a person was to use their likes and loves against them. _But what does she like, what does she love?_ Rei didn't know so she watched and took notes.

Hikari seemed to be a good target, but Rei had uses for the class representative so that struck her out. Suzuhara could easily be goaded into an act against Soryu and it would keep her hands clean. Turning her head to the door, Rei's eyes brightened as a new student walked into her room. Getting to her feet and walked to meet Shinji, pins and needles in her stomach and her heart beating fast. It was a rush of exhilaration that the young woman was growing to like.

Catching sight of Rei walking to him, Shinji passed his gaze over to Asuka who still hadn't seen his entrance. "Hello Ayanami, how are you today?" he asked once the girl was in range to speak to her without Asuka hearing.

Taking his hand in hers, much to the few classmates that were idly paying attentions astonishment, Rei spun around so that she was on his side. "I am well. How did your examinations go with Akagi-san?" She was unsure if she overplayed her hand with her act of connection, but she liked the feeling regardless. _It is a matter of course that I show to her that her control is gone, that he is no longer her toy. _

Blushing lightly as Rei leaned closer to him, his fears of being touched oddly absent, Shinji walked rigidly towards his desk. "She said things are looking better. And asked how I like staying at Maya-san's." Looking over at Asuka's troop he saw Hikari's eyes widen and her hand pointing at them, it was only a matter of moments now. "Ayanami are you sure you want Asuka to see you do this?"

Deftly spinning in front of the perplexed boy, Rei didn't answer his question. She gently touched the purplish bruise under his eye, just enough to feel the rise in the skin and the heat it generated but not so hard as to cause him pain. "You don't deserve the abuse you receive."

"Whow Shin-man you player!" Touji bellowed as he watched the odd show before him. He'd watched Rei rush to Shinji's side in between glances at the bitch who was with his ex-girlfriend. "And Ayanami you be gentle with Shin-man when you go to break him in." With how close Rei was to Shinji, Touji would have been surprised if the pair didn't slip off to have a little private time.

The last straw was broken, a few said they even heard the snapping sound, as Touji's comment sank into Asuka's mind. Hikari had been trying to calm her, saying that Rei was just concerned for a fellow pilot, but she could no longer stay the beast. None-to-gently pushing Hikari out of her way, Asuka screamed, "Just what the fuck are you doing bitch?"

Trying to protect Rei the only way he knew how, Shinji slipped his hands out of her unrelenting hands and stood in Asuka's way. He'd offer himself as a sacrifice to try and calm Asuka. "I made your lunch just as you asked Asuka," he rattled off quickly as he reached into his satchel for it. "And Ayanami was just checking the bruise to make sure it was healing…nothing wrong with that right?"

Slapping the bento out of Shinji's hands, sending the carefully made food to the ground, Asuka's glare turned to Shinji. "Trying to hide her from me huh Ikari-kun? Hoping to get into her pants too? Am I not good enough for the great damn Shinji-sama! You leave me with that drunken whore so you can go off and fuck the damn doll and now you want me to look the other way?" Asuka said seething. She saw through Shinji's small attempt to turn the tide of the encounter and saw it as something she didn't want to believe.

She was losing her control of her pet, her toy. He was supposed to always be there for her, FOR HER and nobody else. When everybody was betraying her or using her to get ahead, he was supposed to be the one that was there. To touch her, to hold her, to love her when she needed strength or to have a moment of weakness. But Misato sided with the blue haired slut and got him moved out and away from her. Now it seems that the tramp got her claws into her toy in the small time he was away. Well she was going to reel him back in and when a pet disobeys you mustn't spare the rod.

The whole class was hushed and listening, had Asuka just said what they thought she did? Were Shinji and her really doing such things? "Well bastard what do you have to say? Just going to leave me like that huh? Drop me for the next piece that walks by?" Asuka said as she advanced on Shinji. She suppressed the shiver of joy she got watching him cower under her gaze. She could feel a budding sexual drive in seeing him submissive again, backing up and against a desk as she bore down on him. _See he is still mine! He's afraid that I'm upset with him, afraid that I'll spurn him._

Rei looked at Touji expecting the large male to step in and protect his friend, but much to her dismay she saw shock and disgust mixed with envy in the boy's face. _So he would have relations with Soryu if given the chance, despite his dislike for her personality, intriguing. _But now wasn't the time for that, moving in between the master and servant to quickly for anybody to counter, Rei stared directly into Asuka's rage filled eyes. "You will back down Soryu."

"Get out of my way slut, I have issues with my…" Asuka stalled, what was Shinji to her? He wasn't a lover in the classical sense because she loved Kaji, he was a tool but she couldn't say that because the class would take it the wrong way.

Pressing her advantage, Rei took a step close to Asuka who back peddled away, "He is your what? You claim you hate him but now you say things to the contrary." Her voice was even and calm, like she was talking about the news. Turning briefly, Rei saw the haunted look in Shinji's eyes and it fueled her engine. Asuka had it easy for to long, "You just want control to appease you shattered ego. Hoping to make your dead mother happy, give yourself value in her ghost's memory and using Shinji-kun as an escape from the lie your life is based on."

More steps back, Asuka's head shaking fiercely as Rei's barbs stung deeper and deeper. Asuka wasn't a defensive fighter she was offensive, so now being under assault left her confused. "That's a lie! I don't care about Mama! And Shinji loves me…he does! Not you! Never you! You can just lie to yourself because somebody was actually nice to you for once in your miserable life so you're trying to take him from me!" She couldn't stand the tremble in her voice! This bitch was the cause of her pain! She was taking what she wanted! Perverting it and making it seem worse than it really was.

"Mama," Rei mimicked as she tilted her head, "a term of affection, used by small children regarding their parent. If you didn't care about her why use such a moniker?" Rei could see the tears starting to form in Asuka's eyes. She was weakened by her own arrogance and not taking Rei as a serious opponent. "And I can not take something from you that you did not have, never truly had."

The whole class winced at that, they had never heard Rei speak so much let along verbally slam a person. How much of what the pilots were saying was true and how much a lie wasn't know but if half of what Asuka was implying the shit was going to hit the fan. Watching Asuka intently, Hikari nodded and whispered to the other girls. They weren't going to let a fight start, so they took flanking positions.

Her head dipped as she closed her eyes. Asuka took a deep breath in a last ditch effort to reclaim the momentum she had lost. The bitch was reveling in it. _Her fault…this is all her fault! Her fault! HER FAULT!_ "I'll tear you fucking head off," she said in an eerily placid voice as she launched herself at Rei. Never taking her eyes off of the red orbs, they made good targets, Asuka never saw the trio off girls on her left and right rush in and grab her arms and sides. Mere inches away from Rei's face, her hands in twisted claws, Asuka tried to rake out those damn read orbs that bewitched her toy.

"Get her out of her quickly, get her something to drink or something! Anything to calm her down!" Hikari barked quickly to the girls struggling to keep a hold on the wild animal in there arms. Bucking and jiving against them to get her freedom, Asuka fixed her gaze on Hikari silently asking for her best friend to side with her, to let her go and to get her justice. Mouthing sorry to her friend, Hikari couldn't watch as the girls drug Asuka out of the room, now silent in shock.

Nobody said anything until class started, Rei silently tended to Shinji in a corner, but to the few people that looked if it was Rei being comforted or Shinji they couldn't tell. The first battle, the battle of words was over, what waited them next was unknown to all.

X-X

Her clothing was dirty, her hair a mess, and her stomach was empty but Misato hardly noticed any of it. For the last three days she had hardly any cognitive memory of what she did or why she did it. Sliding from one bottle into the next and into her bed, Misato wallowed in her better memories. Walking onto the command bridge she did her best to straighten her close and look presentable, but it was a poor attempt at best. "Sorry I'm late everybody I forgot I had to get gas and there was a line at the station."

Shigeru and Mokoto glanced over at her before turning back to their work. Mokoto called out from over his shoulder, "Akagi-san was looking for you earlier Katsuragi-san." He tried to keep his tone pleasant but if what Kaji had told him was true he never really had a shot with the woman and now he wasn't sure he'd have taken it if he had the chance. _If she really did molest Ikari-kun she needs some serious help._

"Do you know where she is? She still on base?" Misato asked as she poured herself a cup of coffee. It was late in the afternoon yes but she had just woken up twenty minutes before hand anyway. Without Shinji there to wake her up, to cook for her, and to do her clothing she was lucky to have even showed up. _I didn't realize how much I depended on him, or how much I would miss him now that he's gone. _Drinking her coffee, black like her mood, Misato spied the one woman she hoped never to see again. "Maya isn't your shift over?"

Closing a folder detailing the offer for her new job, head of Nerv tactical, Maya winced at Misato's words. She had hoped to have left before Misato got there but when the Sub-Commander presented her with the option of taking on a share of Misato's work due to the drop in performance level, Maya was a little flabbergasted. "I was just leaving Katsuragi-san, though I am glad I stayed long enough to make sure you actually arrived today. What was it two days undocumented leave?"

The coffee mug suddenly weighed a ton in her hand, had she really missed days of work because of how miserable she felt? "I have my reasons and I don't think I have to have them cleared by you lieutenant." Misato couldn't help but notice the eyes of the command bridge were all on her and Maya now, thankfully the commander's box was empty.

"I guess you didn't get the memo, not being here and all, but I've been promoted to captain so in a sense we do answer to each other," Maya replied smartly as she gathered her belongings, trying her best to hide the bento box that Shinji had given her. It was a delicious meal but Maya knew that if Misato saw it there would be no end of trouble. Turning to her fellow workers she told them, "If you two need anything that Katsuragi-san can't provide just call me ok?"

Following every movement Maya made, Misato caught a whiff in the air as she passed, almost missed it but the faintest smell hit her. "Shinji made you stir-fried rice with beef and pork didn't he? My-my Captain Ibuki," she overstressed captain to make Maya jump. "Using Shinji as your own personal chef what would Ritsuko think of that?" Even as she spoke her mouth began to salivate just thinking about how good it must have tasted.

Just at the door when Misato spoke, Maya came to a stop and spun around. The gauntlet had been thrown and Maya would take it up. She had seen a marked improvement in Shinji's attitude in the short time he had been with her and felt confident in it. So she wasn't going to take shit from some delusional woman that couldn't see past her own hormones. "Well I did tell him that it wasn't fair for him to cook for me but he insisted. But he anted to thank me for taking him in." Maya stressed the right words to give the impression that Shinji 'wanted' to leave Misato's and that he hadn't in fact been forced.

Leaning back against Maya's vacant station, Misato was un-phased by the comment. "How can we trust you Maya? I mean you can be saying that to us but in reality it's much worse? You haven't exposed him to your lesbian lover yet have you? That might scar him and you with your infinite knowledge of psychology should know it's not wise to add undo stress to people in his condition." It was a blatant and hurtful comment but Misato could care less about Maya now even if she saw the woman stabbing a kitten.

"Katsuragi-san?" Mokoto said our loud as he heard her correctly. While his buddy just shock his head and continued to work, listening intently to the pair but not letting them know he was.

Her eyes turning briefly to the man that she knew up until recently would have died for her, Misato smirked. "Didn't you know Mokoto-chan that our dear new Captain is a lesbian? Think she's been hitting on the resident doctor too." Turning back to Maya, Misato let out a burst of hard laughter. "She denies it of course, but all that bathroom graffiti has to be based on some truth, am I right?"

About to denounce Misato's claim vehemently, Maya stopped herself as she saw what Misato was doing. _I thought she was just trying to hurt me but its something else and I almost fell for it! She wants me to yell back that 'I like men' or something then it gives her a doorway. _It was crafty and Maya had to give Misato credit for her skills. By having Maya yell out how much she liked men or that she wasn't a lesbian it would give doubt to her motives for taking Shinji in. Misato was desperate and would go to far lengths to get things back to how they were. Ritsuko told her about the little fact of Misato's feelings for Shinji, and for a moment Maya pitied Misato for them. "You can believe anything you want Katsuragi-san, nobody can think for you."

Scowling as Maya avoided her trap, Misato was about to launch another verbal barb when a gruff voice called out angrily behind her. "Katsuragi I think you have some explaining to do. You missed two days with no word and your first order of business when you return is to pick a fight with your soon to be co-tactical captain." Fuyutsuki had heard it all via hidden cameras and from mandatory reports from Ritsuko but he didn't want to believe it without seeing it first hand. Now that he had he was tempted to take more drastic measures.

"Vice-Commander Fuyutsuki," Misato gasped as she saw the aged man looking disapprovingly at her. "A-about my last few days," Misato started but was silenced by her superior.

Shaking his head and holding his hand up, Kozo wasn't going to hear any excuses. "Look at yourself, you're a mess. I don't know what caused this change in what was once a driven officer but I do not like it. Go home Katsuragi, take a few days to pull yourself together or I'll have to consider fully replacing you instead of just putting a second to go along with you. We can't have petty squabbles lead to the demise of the human race."

About to retort, to make some claim, Misato couldn't think of the words. Fuyutsuki didn't look like he'd buy anything she tried selling him anyway. Sighing heavily, Misato shambled out of the door that she just walked though, she heard the old bastard asking Maya if she wouldn't mind working a double shift to cover for Misato's absence. Walking back to her car, she pulled out her cell-phone and looked at it for a good five minutes before pushing the auto-dial.

X-X

It felt strange to be back at Misato's so soon after the move, but it also felt right. After finishing his homework and playing with Camo for about twenty minutes Shinji got two phone calls. One was from Maya saying she had to work a double shift and to order some food if he wanted, and the second was from Misato asking if he was free to come over and talk because she was a little lonely. He asked if Asuka was there to which Misato replied that the German left a note saying she was going to be staying at her friends house.

_Maya said all those things about Misato but I just can't believe them. I mean Misato saved me from all the things Mizuho made me do. She took me in and cared for me, me a worthless bastard. _But why was he feeling like leaving before he rang the button? Something about Misato's voice was off and it worried him. It was that worry that forced him to comply with her wishes. "I hope she's ok," he muttered as his hand reached for the call button.

Before Shinji's hand even got close to the tiny white circle Misato's door burst open and Shinji found himself in a strong hug. She'd been watching for him ever since she called. "Oh Shinji I missed you," she cooed as she swung him around in her arms. "Come in come in. You're not going to be to happy with Asuka and me though."

Fighting back his embarrassment as the older woman almost carried him into the apartment and shut the door, Shinji let his fears go. Misato wasn't going to do anything that Maya said she would. She cared for him, wanted the best for him, and he hated himself for doubting his savior. "Why would I be upset…" his voice died as he took stock of the room, "M-Misato-san haven't you or Asuka cleaned since I left?"

Leading the stunned boy to the couch and basically dropping him, Misato chuckled nervously. "Well I've been busy lately," she lied, "so I haven't had much of a chance and Asuka never cleans you know that." Asuka hadn't said a work to Misato that wasn't a curse word or a derogatory statement since Shinji left. "But I'm going to try to do some cleaning tomorrow." She opened her mouth to ask Shinji how life at Maya's was but her stomach started to gurgle and rumble.

"Would you like me to make you something to eat Misato-san?" Shinji asked with a bright grin. The atmosphere was so pleasant now between them, how could Maya have thought Misato was a woman of such ill repute? Already up on his feet and heading into the kitchen like the trained specimen he was, Shinji didn't even think about how flawlessly he sank back into the servant role.

Following quickly behind him, Misato didn't want him out of her sight. "We have most of what you left here since every time I cook it burns. We've been ordering out a lot." Again Misato's voice was a mix of shame and resentment. _I lost so much when she took you from me. But you're here now, back where you belong. But for how long? Eventually you're going to leave again._ She didn't want him to go but there was nothing she could do to make him stay.

The pair lapsed into general conversation as Shinji made a simple meal that Misato had so often taken for granted. She smiled as he talked about his new room and Maya's pet ferret. He boggled at Misato spoke of lies and half truths about what she had been doing, she couldn't let him know the truth that all she'd done was drink and feel depressed. Longed to see him and know he was happy. Making more than enough for the two of them, Shinji put the remains on a plate for Asuka and headed for the door. Misato's heart clenched as she saw it.

"Well I better be going back to Maya's of she'll get worried. I doubt she called but if I'm not back by the time she gets home she'll be upset." Shinji admitted as he reached for his shoes. He didn't mention that Rei said she would try to come over again to talk, he had actually requested it so they could talk about the violent exchange that Asuka and she had had. As he leaned over to grab his shoe he felt strong arms wrap around his waist. "M-Misato-san?"

Pressing herself against his back fully, Misato hugged him as the tears grew in her eyes. She didn't want him to go, not now, never again. His place should have been hers, not Maya's but she had to go and fuck things up. "I'm so sorry things happened this way Shinji."

Feeling water dripping down his cheek, Misato's tears splashing on his face, Shinji panicked a little. This was all to familiar to many of Mizuho's preludes and he felt himself slipping away, deeper into his mind, he fought to remain in control. "What do you mean M-Misato-san? You have nothing to be sorry for."

Releasing Shinji for a moment only to turn him around and hold his shoulders, Misato stared deeply into his eyes. "I'm sorry that I love you Shinji. I love you in a way that I shouldn't. I love you like a woman loves a man and it's not right." Pulling him into a deep kiss, her tongue stealing into his unprepared mouth, Misato reveled in the taste, felt her body ache for his touch, not just for sexual release but for the emotional bond. Opening her eyes she saw his closed. _I can take him now if I wanted…and I do want to. But what of his needs…his wants?_

In a flurry of action, Misato spun out of her hold, opened the door, and roughly threw Shinji out of it before slamming the door shut and locking it. Laying on the ground looking up Shinji could hear Misato's anguished sobs coming from through the door but she wouldn't respond to his calls or knocking. She felt retched for how badly she wanted him, how close she came again to stealing him for herself.

Stumbling to her room on hands and knees, Misato found her half empty bourbon bottle and proceeded to finish the job, then reach for her well used personal pleasure device and sent her mind into oblivion with thoughts of the boy she loved but couldn't allow herself.

X-X

Author notes

Get ready peeps this thing is at the top of the last set of curves before the ride is over.

Later!

And yeah Zen I have to agree Misato wouldn't take him there…she is trying to get better.


	21. Chapter 21

Standard Disclaimer

Yup I've done all I wanted with this story and its time to ring it in. Hope you enjoyed this story regardless of the darker subject matter. As I said before this story is about love, all the different types of love. Some of you might not like this ending but I wanted it this way.

Thanks for all the reviews and comments

X-X

A Past to Forget

Chapter -21

Standing on the sterile cold ground, looking down at the weathered marker that stood as the last reminder of the soul who it was named after, they couldn't help but think about how it all turned out fifteen years ago. "You deserved better than this," they said to the grave stone. Many years had passed since the body was laid to rest, those who watched prayed that in death rest was actually given but watched unknowingly.

Back during what was now know as the Angel War nobody expected the events that unfolded that lead to this path. Cold dead earth and a life lost forever. "You deserved much better," they said again as they laid down a bouquet of flowers and brushed away the remains of the last dried up remains.

Cleaning the marker, remembering the good times, the bad, and the last few moments they knew the dead a stray tear trickled down. "I'll see you again next year. I hope you're watching over us and happy." Standing tall, not once looking back at the sad reminder of times past, headed to the car that was waiting for them and headed home.

X-X

Sitting on her bed, Misato stared blankly out at her wall. Two months of avoiding Shinji, avoiding Asuka, and hell avoiding everything she could Misato was tired. So very tired of everything now. A note to her side was the nail in the coffin that was her career. "Guess Ritsuko finally got pressured into telling," she murmured as she slowly rotated her head to look at the short memo again.

It was the official memorandum signed by Gendo Ikari that stated she was demoted. Hell she wasn't even officially a part of Nerv now. Reading the first line aloud Misato felt her bowels loosen, "Due to the recently learned knowledge of your sexual abuse of Ikari Shinji the designated Third Child, you Katsuragi Misato have been demoted to private third rank. All privileges have been rescinded and you will be subject to continual surveillance until it is deemed unnecessary."

She laughed aloud at that. Misato knew the truth. She had been handed a death sentence, they just didn't know when they wanted to enforce it. She didn't blame Nerv for it either, she'd have ordered the same thing had she been in there shoes. A security risk needs to be dealt with as soon as possible. "Jokes on them though, they won't get the chance to kill me."

Looking down at her hands that were holding her service weapon so tight that her hands were white from the strain, Misato smiled. "I won't let them come up with some chump charge to spring on me." She knew what her crime was. She'd fallen in love with the wrong person, forced that love on him, took even more of his already tainted innocence. But she still loved him, that was never far from her mind.

He tried calling her after she nearly took him when she invited him over those two months ago. Shinji started off leaving daily messages on her phone, then weekly, and now it was sporadic. At Nerv she changed her shift to avoid seeing him, Maya was happy to oblige the change. "Bet she'll ask for the mission to be the one to put the bullet in my brain," Misato said to her gun. Up until Kaji had overheard Ritsuko and her talking, only the two women knew exactly how far Misato had taken things with Shinji. Now the whole organization knew.

"Fuck them, they couldn't possible understand how I feel for him," Misato growled as she turned the gun around and pointed it at her face. Shinji's face appeared in her mind, he was smiling, he was cooking, he was happy. It was all she wanted now, Shinji to be happy after what she did to him. Took him away from a pedophile, came to love him, then forced herself on him to steal the light and warmth he gave. A tear streaked down her cheek, "Guess this is goodbye my love."

Putting the pistol barrel in her mouth, teeth clenched on the cold metal, Misato closed her eyes. _I took him for granted. I let my jealousy of loosing him blind me to reality, to what he really wanted and needed in life. _Her finger itched towards the trigger. To her left was a picture she'd taken with Shinji after he first came to live with her, happier times, and a note saying Shinji was to be her sole beneficiary. _It's so little but it's the best I can do. _

Her finger tensed on the trigger, ready to pull it and send her brain across the wall exactly how Mizuho's life ended, not that Misato ever learned of it. _I've lost everything. My job, my love, and if I don't do it somebody else will take my life._ But something stayed her finger from giving her the sweet oblivion she wanted. Shinji's face continued to appear in her mind. Over and over again she saw him crying. Crying over her dead body, her casket, and she realized it. _This isn't what he'd want. It's just my selfishness again._

Slowly the barrel was pulled out of her mouth, her teeth rang from the odd feel of grinding metal. Her hands going limp, the gun swirling on the finger that almost ended her life, Misato opened her eyes. She'd not take the cowards way out, she'd live as long as she could and do what she could to make her the man she loved life a happy one. "I might not be able to share in his life like I want to but I can damn well make sure he's happy like I want him to be."

Setting the gun down on the memo that basically ended any real career she had at Nerv, and for any good career for that matter as nobody hired child molesters and she was no officially listed in the world databases as one. Misato stood up and took stock of her room, littered with empty bottles of booze and she wrinkled her nose. "No more drinking. I've wallowed in my misery for to long and made him suffer for it." Pulling out her phone, Misato called Shinji. He wasn't answering, not surprising as it was past midnight but left him a message regardless.

"Sorry for ignoring you Shin-chan, how about we meet for some lunch tomorrow at that new Italian bistro my treat?" her smile was genuine even if nobody saw it. She hoped he'd show. If not she'd bear with what she created in shunning him as she did, to protect him from her. Closing the phone, Misato kissed the plastic device lovingly and headed out to take a shower.

X-X

Walking in the sun arm in arm with the boy that caused such a flurry of new sensations in her, Rei was the happiest she ever remembered being. "Would you like to get something to eat Shinji-kun?" she asked looking at the myriad of shops and eateries that lined the shopping arcade.

A slight rumbling in his stomach caused Shinji to smile and blush, "I guess we better. I didn't know I was so hungry." Scratching the back of his head he hoped his embarrassment would pass soon. "Did you have anything in mind?" he gazed deeply into her eyes searching for truth in them. In the two months he'd lived with Maya many things had happened to the young Ikari, many good few bad.

Rei continued to visit again and again he wondered why she didn't leave him for somebody cleaner. Her visits started off with just them talking with the occasional movie thrown in. Maya noticed the visits and smiled knowingly to herself at young love and in the knowledge that she had been right about the two of them. Lately Rei had been more active, holding his hand, linking arms, and just last night the pair had a fairly tame petting session. Rei wasn't disgusted with him and he didn't feel that his touch violated her.

The change in living conditions had been a breath of fresh air for him as well. He no longer had to do all the chores, Maya always supporting him emotionally in a way like an older sister, and Camo was just the more adorable little thing he'd ever seen. The problems though were growing like storm clouds waiting to burst and ruin everything. The front of the storm was Asuka and the driving wind was Misato.

In his heart, Shinji loved Misato beyond anything that words could try to convey. She saved him, took him in, cared for him before anybody else did. He would die for that woman, his love for Misato was something that the spark he felt for Rei could never compare. But he couldn't keep trying to reach her only to be denied. Each aborted call was a needle in his chest, every shift he had where he knew she was there but wouldn't see him a slap to the face. He voiced this to Maya to a small degree and all Maya did was say that it was for the best. He didn't agree.

The other problem in Shinji's life was more apparent, more violent, and slowly edging towards destruction. Asuka wasn't taking Shinji's absence in a good way. And unknown to the boy, Asuka was under the constant assault arranged by Rei. She watched the two at school on the few times she did go. Her comm. screen always had his face on it when at Nerv. She had to have her toy back, her body ached for his healing touch. And every time she saw Rei touch him, talk to him, or even look at him Asuka's hatred grew.

Spotting a new restaurant across the way, its banner being the Italian flag fluttered wildly in the breeze, Rei licked her lips. "I would like to try there if that is acceptable to you," she said pointing at the _Bistro De Italiano. _One of the new joys in Rei's life that Shinji introduced her to was food beyond lettuce and bread. "I heard the sauces they use are all vegetable based so I should have no qualms."

As his phone had been stolen, he thought lost, Shinji had no expectations of finding Misato waiting for him inside. "Sure I haven't made any Italian dishes since I mo…" his voice lost its power and his head drooped. His cooking had changed a lot since he moved out as well. No longer was he expected to pull off culinary works outside of his expertise. While it was easier on him to not have to cook for Asuka's palette it did limit what he made.

Sensing his spirits darken, Rei used one of the tricks she learned from her new hobby of reading on relationships. Pulling his arm close to her body, brushing lightly against her chest, Rei filled her vision with his face. "Do not feel sad. Things happen as they do for a reason." His sad face was something Rei despised, wanted him happy, and the memories of that damnable apartment perpetuated his sadness. _But I've been enacting his revenge for him against Soryu. Soon she well know what I have endured for so long._

Trying his best to smile through his bitter memories, Shinji opened the door for the girl that many were suspecting was his girlfriend. "You're right. I bet things are going well for them," he lied. The last he saw of Asuka the German looked ready to jump him and drag him to an alley to have her way with him. Her hair was unkempt and flat and her face was pale and drawn. Walking inside after Rei thanked him, Shinji's body came to a complete stop. "Misato-san?"

Her head perked up off the table, she'd believed Shinji had chosen not to come, Misato's heart leapt in her chest. "Shin-chan you came!" She saw him walking towards her, noticed Rei behind him with a disproving look on her face but didn't care, and she smiled warmly at the boy. "I guess you brought company for our little dinner date."

"Date? What are you talking about Misato-san?" he asked unable to keep the smile off his face. Rei too noticed this and felt a pang of jealousy in her chest. But for what she knew of him, Rei knew that Misato would always hold some place in his heart even if she had done such things to him. Things that Rei wondered if they would ever to together, and at night fantasized about after she left him.

Her brow scrunching in confusion, nose wrinkled, Misato tilted her head, "You didn't get my message? I left it about midnight so I was sure you would have…" she trailed off. The memory of what she was about to do before she called him laced her with shame at her own cowardice.

Laughing a little as he pulled the only other chair out for Rei to sit in and reaching for another chair from a nearby table, Shinji sat down as well. "I lost my phone about a month ago, why I stopped calling you." He scratched his nose and took a tertiary glance at Rei hoping she wasn't upset at his admission. She looked as composed as usual though Shinji wasn't sure if that was a good thing or a bad thing.

Taking the hand Shinji hand on the table in hers, Misato gave it a squeeze and felt how warm it was. "That's a shame. Well we have a lot of catching up to do. And by the look on Ayanami-chan's face you two have some good news for me right?" Her smile never faulted regardless of the pain in her chest. She loved him and here he was with another girl, one his own age, one he COULD live a life with, and it hurt so much she wanted to break down. But not now, she'd make sure that Rei made Shinji happy and if the albino failed Misato would see that Shinji found somebody else. _I can make my amends to him this way._

Blushing at her comment, but Shinji and Rei shared a glance before the waiter came over and handed them menus.

X-X

Walking down the hall towards her old apartment as the diners made their orders, Asuka's eyes twitched with a certain detachment. She had not been back to Misato's apartment since she found that Shinji had been there and left a plate of food for her. In her eyes Misato had driven him away from her, chosen to side with the First Child in an attempt to take what was hers. Everybody was against her except him now. She knew it as a fact.

Hikari had chosen the Bitch over her after the war of words started. When Hikari had her pulled out of the room by the false friends she had it was the death knell for their friendship. She had lied to Misato that night as well, claiming to be staying at Hikari's when in reality she was setting up a residency on base. Fuck Hikari for her actions, and fuck Misato for being the drunken lush she was.

Pulling Shinji's phone out of her pocket, Asuka flipped it open and listened to Misato's last message again. "Wonder if she's regretting siding with her now, she lost her chef and maid." Asuka smirked, despite living on base now Asuka hadn't heard any of the latest news. She was to busy reacting to Rei's war against her. All things that Asuka had used to support herself were being taken away.

Her friends were given audio tapes of Asuka talking to other girls slamming them. They didn't talk to the German anymore. Hikari was stripped away from her because of allegiance. Some of the boys got anonymous photos of Asuka taken from the hidden cameras in the girls shower room at Nerv causing her to have to defend her dignity and pride. And this morning Asuka received Rei's latest package. Photos of Kaji wooing the many female employees of Nerv, and a DVD of him having sex with a number of them, crushing Asuka's dream of a chance with the man. His image was tarnished and destroyed.

Knocking on the door to the apartment, just to make sure she was gone, Asuka tapped her foot and envisioned Rei's face. "She did all of this too me, just to take what was mine. To save herself from the pathetic hole of a life she lives. Well lets just see how she reacts to this." She no longer had to speculate that it was Rei setting her up, the Albino sent a signed letter with the pictures and tapes of Kaji with a PS stating 'soon it will be Shinji-kun and I in such an embrace.'

Rei didn't fear Asuka any longer, having watched the German deteriorate and fall apart before her very eyes. Rei doubted that Asuka had the strength to do anything save slink away and hide. All the eyes that saw her now were either hateful or lustful, and left her no solace. Rei figured Asuka was either broken or close enough to it that she no longer needed fear her. She was wrong.

Opening the apartment door with her still working key, Asuka stepped into her hold home. "Place was always too small for my tastes anyway," she said to herself as she walked further in, not bothering to take her shoes off. She wasn't going to stay long anyway.

The stale air stung her senses, rancid food in the garbage, made her want to leave all the faster. Going into her room she rummaged through her cloths. Putting on her yellow sundress and kicking off her panties, Asuka's plan was simple. Find Shinji or Rei. If she found Rei beat her down so badly that even Nerv couldn't fix her. If it was Shinji, well her itch had grown so bad it was an earthquake ready to go off. She'd ravish him so long that he'd follow her anywhere. She'd have to hurt him a little after that, remind him of his place and punish him for his disobedience but he loved her so it was ok.

"Yes he loves me I see it in his eyes at school. She may make him act different in public but I know the truth. The truth." She smiled widely at her words. "Maybe some lavender perfume too," Misato had told her she was too young for it but to hell with Misato's words. Primping her hair in her mirror, Asuka turned and walked out of her room for what she expected was the last time and entered Misato's.

Sneering as the lingering scent of alcohol hung in the room like a cloud, Asuka headed right for Misato's dresser. "Always so prim and proper with the big shots and Nerv. Hell if they knew now depraved she was I bet they'd fire her." She didn't know how right she was. Splashing the sweet smelling water on her hands and rubbing it against her neck, Asuka noticed Misato's gun and several papers on her bed. "The hell is that?"

Dropping the bottle of perfume to the ground, spilling over onto some of Misato's discarded cloths, she walked to the futon and knelt down. "Picture of Shinji?" she questioned the first thing she saw. Picked up the gun and hefted it in her hand, "lighter than I thought it'd be." While she had firearms practice in her Eva the real thing was far lighter than she had believed it'd be. Finally she saw the memo addressed to Misato.

Reading it fast the first time, Asuka stopped part way through and started again this time much slower. As she ingested the last few words, Asuka's world turned red. Her vision was a haze of red and her mind shut down. "She…Misato fuc-…MY Shinji! This is all HER fault too! Both of them!" Grabbing Misato's gun and sliding it into her purse, Asuka stood up with a grime resolve and for a moment her conscious rebelled at her. Told her to think about what she was doing, what she was planning. Stopping at the door Asuka did contemplate it for just one moment.

Then the image of her toy being used by Misato with Rei watching from the side entered her mind and Asuka silenced her conscious and headed to where she knew the ones that needed to suffer were.

X-X

As the waiter took their plates away, Misato couldn't help but notice the happiness exuding from Shinji. _If I'd pulled that trigger he wouldn't be looking this happy would he?_ She really doubted it. Rei had even looked happier to her, and why not? She had a good man on her side, one that wouldn't treat her like a lesser creature but as an equal. "So things at Maya's are good then?"

Sipping his soda, Shinji didn't know how to respond. He really did like living at Maya's but how could he tell Misato that? She had been the first to take him in, and had done so much for him. If he said he liked living at Maya's wouldn't that be a form of betrayal? "I-um…"

"Don't worry Shinji I'm not going to be mad if you're happy. Tell me," Misato said again as she put her hand on his hoping to calm herself as well as him.

Rei watched everything silently. The whole meal she hadn't said a word, just observed the two talking. The jealous twinge in her died a lot as Misato spoke a lot in past tense about them, showed no sign of wanting to try it again or get Shinji to live with her again. But at the mentioning of Maya's apartment she could feel her heart clenching in her chest. _What if he does move back in with her?_

Pulling his eyes off Misato for the first time since after they finished eating, Shinji nodded softly. "Maya's been really nice to me. I like it there. It's different than being with you and Asuka though." He hoped Misato wouldn't take that the wrong way.

She didn't, but she knew that what he meant was partially what she feared. He wasn't being used as some living sex doll or a slave. Maya had been right all along and she just couldn't see past her own ego and later her heart to see the truth. "I'm glad to hear that Shinji, really I am. I want you happy. Both of you happy I guess," her eyes wondered over to Rei and smiled at her eliciting a blush from the girl.

"Thank you Katsuragi-san," Rei said in hushed tones. Knowing that the woman's fate was dire, Rei was unsure of how to really react. She knew that Misato had slept with Shinji and hated her for it. _But it appears that she has either come to her senses or has changed her outlook on things. _Holding Shinji's other hand, under the table where Misato couldn't see, she felt his hand tighten as they talked.

Twirling the wine in her glass around, a light wine that was hardly anything alcoholic at all, Misato nodded to her own internal logic. That what she was doing now was the best she could hope for. Love from afar, supporting and nurturing, and pray that he recovered from not only Mizuho's abuse but Asuka's and her own as well. "Well you two I guess I should be heading in to the base." She pushed her chair out and stood up. _If they don't kill me outright you two I'll see to it that you live happily. Shinji to make amends and to show you the feelings I wish to, Rei because you hold a spot in his heart I wish I could have filled._

Following Misato's queue the teenage pair stood as well and started following Misato out of the bistro. "Thanks for calling me Misato. I was worried that you were upset with me. I know that…things can't go back to how they were but I still want to talk to you. Know that you're alright," Shinji smile was bittersweet and his eyes were moist. He knew something had happened lately on base, mostly because of how Maya had reacted whenever he would mention Misato's name. "Stay in touch from now on ok?"

Rei put her hand on Shinji's shoulder, feeling his emotions in his words, "Yes Katsuragi-san, your presence is something important." Not to her but to Shinji and that was what mattered to her. Seeing Misato nod her head and turn away quickly, Rei wouldn't have doubted that her eyes were red now as well.

Stepping out into the perpetual summer air, the trio let the heat wash over them. Heading towards her car, it was Misato that spotted Asuka first. "Hey Asuka, what are you doing here?" she noticed that something was off with the girl's complexion.

Rounding out of the door behind Misato, both Shinji and Rei saw Asuka grinning at them all. "Asuka…how…are you?" Shinji asked as another pain struck his chest. He had wanted to talk to Asuka alone for some time. Rei had successfully acted as a deterrent from keeping them apart without his knowing it but it didn't quell his hope. His hope that they could be friends again, he'd no longer touch her in the way he had because he wanted her to get better. He loved her as a sister, as a friend, and it pained him to think his submissive nature had hurt her.

"Isn't this just to perfect," Asuka started, eyes going wide. In seeing all three of them together Asuka's greatest fear was unleashed and given wings. "I didn't think it was true. That the drunken bitch was also a cradle robber and that the doll was so manipulative but live and learn right."

Misato took a step forward, Asuka's voice was worrying her. Something was unhinged about it, "Asuka are you ok?"

"I'm better than ok bitch, I'm in fucking Heaven and its time for my just rewards!" Asuka yelled as to took several steps back in reaction to Misato. Reaching into her bag, Asuka felt the cold metal warm against her hand. _THEIR FAULT!_ Her mind screamed as she saw Misato and Rei lean in closer to Shinji. _Well he was my toy first so you two can fuck off!_

"Soryu I think that," Rei started to say but her eyes widened and her mouth opened in an voiceless gasp as Asuka let her purse drop to the ground revealing Misato's gun. Frozen in place Rei just took full scope of the situation. Misato was a few yards ahead of the two of them, Shinji and her. Asuka had a gun pointed skyward and her eyes unfocused and glazed.

The next five seconds happened so fast and so slow that each millisecond was seared into their minds. Misato watched as Asuka leveled her weapon and in the split second she saw who was targeted knew what she had to do. Asuka had Shinji square in her site, she aimed to kill him to keep him for herself, likely kill herself after. Pushing off her car, Misato knew she couldn't get to Asuka before she fired but she could get to Shinji.

The shot was fired, roaring in the small confines of the shopping arcade, Misato didn't even feel the pain. She looked down, Shinji lying on the ground where she threw him, her chest had a small red hole that was growing. Her body felt cold. The shot had pierced her back and then her left lung before fleeing her body and crushing into a wall. Falling and twisting due to the force of the impact Misato saw people rushing Asuka and pulling the gun from her hand.

Her vision started to fade, a long black tunnel leaded up to her world. She saw Shinji looking down at her, tears in his eyes. He was saying something but she couldn't hear him. She had wanted to caresses his cheek, tell him everything was ok, just like in the movies but her body had no energy left. She died wrapped in Shinji's arms, a smile on her face.

X-X

After Misato's death things happened in rapid pace. Asuka was confined in a cell in the Nerv brig right next to Kensuke where the doctors said she'd get treatment after the Angel's left. Hikari was selected to be her replacement.

Maya consoled the grieving Ikari with the steady assistance of Ayanami Rei. Shinji recovered but slowly, Rei's affection helping to wash away most of his pain, until Ritsuko destroyed what the two had.

Broken by Gendo's betrayal of her to SEELE, Ritsuko moved to have her revenge. She brought both Shinji and Rei to terminal dogma where Rei was informed that she was genetically Shinji's sister and proceeded to destroy all the remaining clones. After which Rei and Shinji avoided each other for several months, unable to look in the eye of their sibling with whom they had shared a bed once. Rei would later look back on her life and still claim her first time with Shinji was the most passionate and loving lovemaking session in her life.

It was Hikari that aided Shinji through that pain, Rei coming back later ready and able to play the role as a sister. Maya let her move in after Gendo's murder at the hands of Ritsuko Akagi.

The angels continued to attack but with the pied piper dead, Fuyutsuki was in control and had no intention of enacting the Human Instrumentality Project. The last angel never appeared, SEELE's lab destroyed by the data Kaji leaked to the world governments, mostly to avenge Misato's death and later disgrace.

Receiving large sums of money for their work and suffering from the Angel Wars, Shinji and Hikari Ikari had more than enough money to live happily off of. Shinji receiving therapy for his past, Hikari and Rei supporting him all the while Maya continued to offer them all the best she could.

But every year on the anniversary of her death, Shinji would go to Misato's grave and place her favorite flowers. Misato had been and remained the truest love of his life, Hikari as a lover and Rei as a sister were close but not the same. What he had for Misato went beyond man and woman, mother and child, it went beyond any concept that people who hadn't suffered like Shinji could understand.

Hikari had no problem naming their first daughter after the fallen captain. While he couldn't change it, Shinji's past was no longer driving his life. Misato's sacrifice had not been made in vain. He would cherish his life and his family, love them like he knew Misato loved him and as his mother had.

He would live with her memory in his heart until he died.

X-X

Author notes.

Its over. Hope you liked it. The end was a mixture of happy/sad hope you don't think it was a cope out.

Oh and I have a confession to all of you that stayed with me for this train wreck of a story.

Mercaba actually doesn't exist, this whole thing, start to finish was written by me Zentrodie.

I wanted to try a more adult story and didn't want people to read it as 'just another of Zentrodie's stories' I wanted fresh and unbiased reviews.

Sorry for the deception and I hope you enjoyed this journey into the darker parts of my mind.

Edit:

For those of you that are upset with the 'rushed' feeling of the ending know this. Where I have Misato die was actually where I wanted to end this story. To me the story was more about Shinji's interaction with Misato so to drag it out further after her death seemed to me to cheapen it. I could have continued one with a few more chapters but it wouldn't have the feel that I wanted. Things would have been to happy, to light hearted, and I felt that would lower how the emotions I wanted to convey. Sorry if you think I took the cheap way out with those last few paragraphs but know this, you're fortunate to get what I did put. I still think the epilogue was a little to light hearted and that Hikari came out of left field, but both of them suffered for misplaced love, both of them had some small feelings for one another, and she was there for him in a time when she herself needed somebody.

Again sorry if you feel cheated with this, but know its truly how I wanted it to end, I didn't rush it. Thank you for your time and for your support during this.

Ja Mata

Zentrodie (zentrodie-at-secondimpact-dot-com)


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